So California shared some advice with other states. It went something like this ...

[blm]

Last edited Tue Apr 7, 2020, 02:59 PM - Edit history (1)

—-HUMOR ALERT—-

*A RECAP OF THE LAST THREE WEEKS* Author Unknown

AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do?
CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state.
AMERICA: Wait... what? Why?
CALIFORNIA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, and it’s working.
OHIO: Whoa... whoa... let’s not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax.
CALIFORNIA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state.
TEXAS: But the president said that we only have 15 cases and soon it'll be zero.
CALIFORNIA: The president can’t count to fifteen. Nor even spell it. Shut down your state.
NEW JERSEY: Us too?
CALIFORNIA: Yes, you guys too. Just like when Christie shut down the bridge, but it’s your whole state.
FLORIDA: But what about all these kids here on spring break?? They spend a lot of money here!
CALIFORNIA: Those kids invented the tide pod challenge. Shut down your state.
LOUISIANA: But wait let’s have Mardi Gras first. It entertains people.
CALIFORNIA: It also kills them. Shut it down.
GEORGIA: Ok well how about we keep the state open for all of our mega churches? Maybe we can all pray really hard until the coronavirus just goes away!
CALIFORNIA: Which is working like a charm for mass shootings. Jesus told us to tell you to shut down your state.
OKLAHOMA: What about the tigers?
CALIFORNIA: What about a dentist. Shut it down.
WYOMING: Hold up, maybe we should go county by county like the president said.
CALIFORNIA: Stop acting like there are counties in Wyoming. There are no counties in Wyoming. Wyoming is a county. Shut it down.
PENNSYLVANIA: But big coal.
CALIFORNIA: But big death. Shut it.
WEST VIRGINIA: But we were the last state to get coronavirus!
CALIFORNIA: And don’t make us explain to you why that was. Shut it down.
NORTH CAROLINA: But the republican national convention is coming here!
CALIFORNIA: SHUT... ok fine do what you want.

[SheltieLover]

1. 🤣🤣🤣👍

Good one!

[TreasonousBastard]

2. Love it.

[Phoenix61]

3. Now that's funny! nt

[mwooldri]

4. Maybe that's the good news I'm looking for...

No Republican convention in North Carolina.

[blm]

6. ✔️

[erronis]

75. I'm reading it as "Let the (r)epuglicons come to NC and party like there's no hereafter."

Keep all non-(r)'s out of the convention building. Erect a WALL around the building. Supply plenty of booze, snacks, and t.p.

Get a bunch of those (r)'s cluster-fucking each other in an enclosed space. Lots of moist membranes in contact. Lots of vitriolic shouting and spitting.

Open up in 21 days and see what's still quivering inside.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

5. Excellent. Made me smile when I needed to. . . . nt

[barbtries]

7. thanks.

from NC.

[cwydro]

8. That's hilarious!

To be fair, my county in NC shut down a few weeks ago, and Gov Cooper shut the state down last Monday.

But I’m going to steal this and share it everywhere!

[blm]

18. I'm in N.C., too.

But, it’s the only way the joke part works.

😉

[cwydro]

20. I know, right?

God help Charlotte when the rodents come crawling in...Mecklenburg already has a rising Covid caseload - not good.

[jls4561]

9. Well done. I'm stealing this to send to friends.

[blm]

67. It was written a few weeks ago, so you may have

to explain that if they want to argue content. Heheheh

[superpatriotman]

10. Kick

[Haggis for Breakfast]

11. "The president can't count to 15."

You're killing me here, blm.

[Ferrets are Cool]

12. K and R for GREATNESS!!

[cornball 24]

13. BRILLIANT!

[Leith]

14. Brilliant!

All excellent lines.

[Control-Z]

15. This one made me laugh and feel some happy

for a change. It is most appreciated, blm!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

[OverBurn]

16. Brilliant

[SunSeeker]

17. LOL

[stage left]

19. Fucking South Carolina

is still not shut down. I've called and called and so have many others. The city of Greenville was going to shut it down until the AG, son of Joe"you lie" Wilson said some business might sue them.

This is the letter I sent to the Guv'nah aka Foghorn Leghorn. And I'm sending it every day until he shuts it down or we all die, whichever comes first.



Dear Governor McMaster,

The Governor of Florida has just today issued a Shelter in Place order for his state. The Governor of Georgia seems likely to do the same. I think it’s high time you issued such an order to protect the people of South Carolina. I have seen several of your press briefings in which you call upon the common sense of South Carolina's residents and ask them to stay home unless it's absolutely necessary to be out.

Well, sir, as a native of this state the same as me, you ought to know better. This state is filled with the biggest bunch of cantankerous rebels ever to light the fuse to a powder keg while perched upon it. A goodly number of them won't do what's best for them and everybody else until you make them. Some of them won't even do it then. James Petigru said it best: South Carolina is too small for a republic and too large for an insane asylum. He said this being slap worn out, sir, from arguing with a bunch of SC hotheads who thought going to war without hardly any factories and railroads against the industrial North was just a grand idea. He died, no doubt from exhaustion, two years later.

I’m not saying that my fellow Sand lappers won’t do the opposite of what’s best for them just out of pure cussedness, but…Wait, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Ladling out restrictions by the teaspoonful is not working. Lots of people are going around doing what they always do, regardless of what you tell them. They reckon you’re playing with them, sir. Time to show us all that you mean business and issue a Shelter in Place order and put some teeth in it. A bit dog won’t hunt. Or something like that.
Yours very truly,

Fifth-generation South Carolinian

[blm]

21. Great letter.

I’m married into a looooooooongtime SC family.

[stage left]

26. Thanks

I sent it to the paper today.

[cwydro]

22. Excellent letter!

[stage left]

27. Thanks.

[Marie Marie]

23. Excellent!

[stage left]

28. Thanks.

[ancianita]

40. Hell, yes. Send this to every SC paper you can. It's great.

[stage left]

95. Thanks

I've sent it to the Greenville News. No luck yet. I'm writing another tomorrow. Foghorn Leghorn issued a stay at home or work order today. You can't be lollygagging around less'n you ah rec-creating, don't you know, boy. That means you can visit your family, even if they aren't related to you. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Hell, you can have an entire bang-up "Family" reunion. Invite the whole damn city. You can go play golf, take your boat out, whatever gets you rec-creating. Procreating is probably ok,too, boy. And be suah you get to church on Sunday. I really have no respect for the Guv'nah. Even Nikki Hayley is smarter.

[BadgerMom]

24. If CV-19 hits LA's homeless population,

all of my home state’s exceptional work will be lost. I do worry, even though I’m certain the Dem leadership of California will perform well. I just hope we can avoid it.

[blm]

25. ((Cali))

[catchnrelease]

53. They are working on it

I heard part of a press conference yesterday I think it was, that the city and state are setting up fema trailers in places like the closed beach parking lots and similar, and using motel rooms for homeless. Sorry I can't give better details but I only caught part of it.

I did find this article from local CBS:

https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2020/03/18/coronavirus-covid-homeless-california-governor/

snip:
Calling the homeless population “the most vulnerable to the spread” of COVID-19, Newsom’s order will fund $100 million for shelters and emergency housing and the remaining $50 million to purchase more than 1,300 trailers from the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) and other vendors, and lease hotel and motel rooms.

Two hotel properties with nearly 400 rooms have already been leased in Northern California, while ten trailers were sent to South Los Angeles in February.

“California is deploying massive resources to get these vulnerable residents safely into shelter, removing regulatory barriers and securing trailers and hotels to provide immediate housing options for those most at risk,” said Newsom. “Helping these residents is critical to protecting public health, flattening the curve and slowing the spread of COVID-19.”

Hotel and motel rooms will be used “for homeless individuals who have tested positive for COVID-19 or are symptomatic, or otherwise at significant risk”, according to Newsom.

[captain queeg]

29. Very good. Thanks

[Cozmo]

30. Beautiful!

[Sloumeau]

31. blm, thanks for this posting. :) nt

[ZZenith]

32. Acerbic wit!

[SleeplessinSoCal]

33. If California continues to keep this at bay, you can bet conspiracy theories will abound...

.. that we somehow are the reason everyone else is dying. It's the way of the divided states of America in the age of #Clustertrump.

[Raine]

34. Exactly ... Thanks! nt

[ffr]

35. History will judge these Russian congressmen and governors harshly.

The writing is on the wall. If you want to live, you better vote for democrats.

[tblue37]

36. K&R. nt

[SKKY]

37. This is brilliant!!

[BComplex]

38. NO!!! The North Carolina Democratic Governor Roy Cooper was one of the first 3 to shut

down our state, and issue a stay at home order, except for critical businesses.

The republicans might have been upset that the order was in place, even though their convention was coming here, but the order was in place, nevertheless.

[blm]

39. I know. I'm in N.C., too.

That part is a joke.

[BComplex]

47. Oh. I guess I'm not in a joking mood these days.

Maybe I need to go watch some more of those puppy videos in the lounge.

[blm]

49. It's the GOP convention that was the hook

And, yeah, it is getting harder and harder to crack a smile these days.

[Raine]

44. I have a friend in NC and I know she's been locked down as

long as those of us in California.

[kag]

41. BIG K&R!!!!!

[The Magistrate]

42. Grim Smiles Are The Very Best Smiles, My Friend

[Brother Mythos]

43. Well done!

[relayerbob]

45. Right on the money

[Botany]

46. FYI Ohio had things shutting down long before California

n/t

[Ms. Toad]

84. +1000

So tired of my state being slammed just because of the political affiliation of the top adminstration in the state.

[Dem2theMax]

48. Sitting here in California, I just loved this!

Had no idea I would be laughing my head off by the end. But I was!

[blm]

66. I think it was written a few weeks ago.

[struggle4progress]

50. Most voters here in NC are democrats, and NC has a democratic governor

But gerrymandering in the wake of 2010 has screwed us for the last decade

My town issued a stay-at-home order effective 26 March

The governor published a stay-at-home order 27 March, effective 30 March

So far, we have about 30000 tested for the virus, about 2000 reported cases, about 200 hospitalized, and about 20 dead

[Ani Yun Wiya]

51. Damn

That's a good one...

[dawg day]

52. Brilliant!

Very funny but also painful.

[uponit7771]

54. K&R, "CALIFORNIA: But big death. Shut it."

[Rebl2]

55. You forgot

Missouri

[BlueMTexpat]

56. Thanks! It provided

a great chuckle!

[ProfessorGAC]

57. Liked It A Lot

The capper is priceless.

[ms liberty]

58. This is really funny except for NC. Pick a different state

Because our state is shut down.

Editing to add, okay now I see it's you, blm and you're one of us here...so I get it's a joke!

[blm]

65. It's really the GOP convention as the hook.

NC is really the bluest of the purple states, imo.

[Laelth]

59. Bravo! n/t

-Laelth

[Maeve]

60. Ohio started shutting things down fairly early (remember, we moved our primary)

Pick on Alabama instead

[Ms. Toad]

85. +1000 n/t

[Ohioboy]

61. Good one! Can't have good satire without the element of truth.

[lark]

62. Please please repugs, don't go to the tar state for your convention, honor science!

Yes, that was a nasty minded plea for them to act like their regular selves and disregard science and facts.

[colsohlibgal]

63. Still Laughing

That is priceless!

[wildman76]

64. Greatest thread of all time

That's exactly why we are in deep trouble ,great leaders rise to the the challenge and cowards blame others 🙏🗽

[AtheistCrusader]

68. Inject a "WASHINGTON: Seriously guys, shut down your state, it's working." in there.

[malaise]

69. Brilliant

Fucking brilliant

[wryter2000]

70. "Jesus told us to tell you..."

[DarleenMB]

71. I live in Wyoming

LOL that was GREAT (and true).

[blm]

73. I know. I laughed harder at that one, too. And they get

TWO senators.

[Delphinus]

72. Needed this

because all I can do is cry or rage right now. Thank you.

[Glaisne]

74. and...

NEW YORK: If you don't listen to California, you'll be like us in a few weeks.

[Newest Reality]

76. Great!

Bravo. You captured it well.

[Politicub]

77. LOL

California is doing a fantastic job. If only more states would have shut down we wouldn’t be where we are today.

Unfortunately, I live in Georgia and our governor is on the national news marveling at how he just learned that asymptomatic people can spread the virus.

[sandensea]

78. Mississippi: No damn Yankee's gonna tell us how to run the GREAT state of Mississippi!

California: Well, we and the 'damn Yankee' states pay for HALF the budget in your great state. Shut it down.

[blm]

79. Lol. Perfect.

[sandensea]

82. Thank you - and likewise!

Please feel free to add it to your very impressive list.

You've got their number alright.

[blm]

87. I didn't write it. It's anonymous from a few weeks ago.

[PatSeg]

80. Love it!

Thanks for sharing.


"Stop acting like there are counties in Wyoming. There are no counties in Wyoming. Wyoming is a county. Shut it down."

[hangaleft]

81. Yeah, a county with two Senators

[Ms. Toad]

83. That was NOT Ohio's response.

Pick on some other state that did not close down a major convention BEFORE we had our first case, did not declare a state of emergency within 24 hours of our first case, did not shut down higher education within 48 hours of our first case, and did not shut down schools within 5 days.

You get the picture. Ohio did NOT say, "Whoa... whoa... let’s not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax." So stop assuming that just because our top administration is red that we brainlessly followed the idiot in chief.

[blm]

86. This was written by someone a few weeks ago, as a joke.

To borrow from that fine, artistic, brilliant film STRIPES, “Lighten up, Francis.”

[Ms. Toad]

88. It's not funny. People in Ohio are really hurting - because we restricted our movements

in early March. (Probably before the idiotic meme was written.)

We have people struggliing to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads BECAUSE we took took steps to stay at home even before California (despite having virtually no cases). Suggesting that we didn't is offensive - even as a joke.

[blm]

89. Then this thread is not for you. It's for others who can appreciate

humor in even dark times.

I was born and raised in Ohio, lived in NYC and LA, and now live in N.C. which was also teased in this joke. Ohio shaped my sense of humor as it did Doug Kenney’s and many others. Sorry it missed you.

[Ms. Toad]

93. Unless you were alive in 1918, this is not an appropriate joke.

You must have missed the dozens of threads suggesting we should jsut leave people in red states to die, quarantine them, suggesting no one worthwhile lives in them, suggesting we're out partying while everyone else is sacrificing, etc.

It is not appropriate, even as a joke, to suggest that we're ignorant of what is going on and are not sacrificing.

[blm]

94. STRIPES

[gldstwmn]

90. The has a Bill Maher ring to it.

[blm]

91. I don't know where it came from, I just thought it was funny.

It was obviously written a few weeks ago, though.

[gldstwmn]

92. It is. I heard it in his voice doing

New Rules.

[Maru Kitteh]

96. I LOVE this. Thank you for the smile, they're rare and precious right now.

[blm]

97. That was my intention. Thank you for noticing.

😘

[lindysalsagal]

98. "He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state."