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Fri May 29, 2020, 04:35 PM

In all my 64 years,

I had 2 friends since birth. Since the day I was born they were in my life. We all lived on the same street in Torrance CA. One of my 2 lifelong friends died 3 years ago. The other one has just now decided to be active on fb.

We're having a fight.

How dare I criticize Trump, no one else has had to deal with what he has. Hillary is a bitch.

I'm just venting. I have had to work pretty hard even before this to maintain this friendship, but we love each other because we've known each other forever. We know each other's history like few others. We have been through some shit together. However, she's a die hard racist (who won't admit it) and for some reason I cannot fathom is apparently a fan of trump.

No worries though; she has never voted and swears she never will. I usually shut her up with that observation, but I may have to just delete her BS on fb. She lives in a different state and it's not unusual to go months without talking. it's just that when we do talk, it's like no time passed at all, because we have known each other forever. you know?

i don't want advice. i just wanted to share that my heart is breaking slightly right now.

53 replies, 2337 views

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Arrow 53 replies Author Time Post
Reply In all my 64 years, (Original post)
barbtries May 2020 OP
abqtommy May 2020 #1
barbtries May 2020 #3
NRaleighLiberal May 2020 #2
barbtries May 2020 #5
NRaleighLiberal May 2020 #7
barbtries May 2020 #8
NRaleighLiberal May 2020 #11
barbtries May 2020 #14
empedocles May 2020 #4
barbtries May 2020 #6
11 Bravo May 2020 #9
barbtries May 2020 #12
marlakay May 2020 #10
barbtries May 2020 #13
JudyM May 2020 #15
barbtries May 2020 #17
MLAA May 2020 #16
barbtries May 2020 #19
Skittles May 2020 #18
barbtries May 2020 #21
hunter May 2020 #20
barbtries May 2020 #22
MFM008 May 2020 #23
barbtries May 2020 #24
LakeArenal May 2020 #25
barbtries May 2020 #26
redstatebluegirl May 2020 #27
barbtries May 2020 #32
redstatebluegirl May 2020 #42
barbtries May 2020 #43
Meowmee May 2020 #28
barbtries May 2020 #33
Meowmee May 2020 #41
Steelrolled May 2020 #29
barbtries May 2020 #34
yonder May 2020 #30
barbtries May 2020 #36
rufus dog May 2020 #31
barbtries May 2020 #37
Demonaut May 2020 #35
barbtries May 2020 #38
Demonaut May 2020 #39
barbtries May 2020 #40
womanofthehills May 2020 #44
Kid Berwyn May 2020 #45
barbtries May 2020 #46
Kid Berwyn May 2020 #47
barbtries May 2020 #48
cilla4progress Jun 2020 #49
barbtries Jun 2020 #50
Maru Kitteh Jun 2020 #51
barbtries Jun 2020 #52
Maru Kitteh Jun 2020 #53

Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:38 PM

1. I've grieved over old friendships that have died out over time. But not too much. Life goes on

and there are new friends...

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Response to abqtommy (Reply #1)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:39 PM

3. I have cherished my old friends.

as I do all the keepers. I am indeed blessed to have more than a couple.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:38 PM

2. I find it is not possible to maintain friendships with trump supporters

because of values. Anyone who supports trump by definition must share trump's values. That is the deal breaker for me.

I feel for you. Tough stuff to process, for sure.

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Response to NRaleighLiberal (Reply #2)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:44 PM

5. thank you.

At least we can keep our distance until civility returns. If it doesn't well, I lived through losing my daughter, my parents, and other loved ones. That it would or could come down to trump is immensely hateful to me, plus it reminds me of hitler too much. But yeah I will get through. It is hard to fully express how thankful I am that my children are not right wing covidiots.

where does all this shit end?! I already don't talk to my brother and avoid my sister for these reasons. these are people i truly love. It seems like that should override everything else but it turns out that hate is just as strong I guess.

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Response to barbtries (Reply #5)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:48 PM

7. you're in my thoughts, my friend.

you must look us up if/you visit Hendersonville. Not sure where our 28 years in Raleigh went. Be safe and well.

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Response to NRaleighLiberal (Reply #7)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:49 PM

8. I definitely will.

Where is it? lol
I'm happy for you that you're doing so well and loving life out there!

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Response to barbtries (Reply #8)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:54 PM

11. 4 hours west of you in the mountains, just south of blue dot Asheville.

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Response to NRaleighLiberal (Reply #11)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:59 PM

14. okay!

so I have visited Asheville a couple times. Strangely enough never been to Charlotte yet.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:43 PM

4. My wife has a group of longtime friends, most republicon. A couple have flipped.

Few more may lean. 1 or 2 may be hardcore. They have an alumni reunion scheduled for the fall. Wife has some hope, more about the trend - than the friend.

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Response to empedocles (Reply #4)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:46 PM

6. yeah,

Last edited Fri May 29, 2020, 05:29 PM - Edit history (1)

it seems impossible that reasonable people even on the right have not been peeling away from the madman and his cabal all along through his presidency. From our short conversation on fb, I can assure you that my friend has no leg to stand on when it comes to trying to defend him. she can't. nobody can, though they lie and try.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:49 PM

9. I get it. You will doubtless receive a few "How can you be friends with her?" posts.

But life-long friendships don't work like that.
Keep your chin up, and I hope you can find peace with this.

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Response to 11 Bravo (Reply #9)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:56 PM

12. thank you for understanding.

I mean if we hadn't known each other for all of our lives...but we do. we lived right next door to each other from infancy to adulthood. we never lost touch for long.

i imagine we will talk or duo sometime soon and agree not to talk about this. and i will advise her that fb has a handy "hide this post" feature if she doesn't like something i posted. What triggered her today is on the front page of DU by the way.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:53 PM

10. So sorry you are going through this

I am still on FB because of family and private groups and in the past few months and I donít have a lot of FB friends I have had to do 30 day snooze so I donít see their posts. Saying dumb things about covid or one girl I used to work with got mad when Bernie quit, I see her again now and she is ok.

Maybe just keep snoozing until after the election.

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Response to marlakay (Reply #10)

Fri May 29, 2020, 04:57 PM

13. yeah.

if she posts something in my thread and it's over the line I'll just delete it. that should drive her apeshit. tee hee

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:12 PM

15. It's becoming way too tribal out there.

Some are joining the wrong one based on their own stuff or people they hang with... sorry your heart is one of the casualties..

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Response to JudyM (Reply #15)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:16 PM

17. thank you JudyM

she just responded to my observation of trump as the worst president ever "except Obama."

Where does that even come from?

I deleted it. I figure that will frustrate her more than anything else and hopefully she will no longer shit on my threads. and we can be friends and talk about our families and cooking and the weather in MO where she lives and NC where I live, and our long lives together.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:15 PM

16. My guess is she is a trumpet because she is a racist, the two travel together

Sorry to hear about the pain this friendship is causing you. I canít imagine being friends with a racist despite any other good qualities they may have. Time to consider saying goodbye.

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Response to MLAA (Reply #16)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:24 PM

19. thanks for the thought.

When I was 13 my father died. His brother and he had a falling out about 5 years before he suddenly dropped dead of a heart attack. My uncle came to his funeral and he cried all day long. Tears just going down his face the whole time. I swore that day at the age of 13 that I would never let some stupid shit come between my siblings and me.

Enter Fox News followed by Trump. My brother and I barely speak. I avoid my sister and when we talk we steer way clear of politics. We all still know we love each other.

It's pretty much the same with my friend. I've known her just as long as I've known my siblings and in many ways been closer to her. This is me, I cannot quit these people because they have to know I have loved and do love them. That doesn't mean I have to agree with them or mince words with them, hence the long silences. I cannot even seriously contemplate a permanent break. Maybe it's happening; maybe it already did. But in my heart and in my mind this is my brother, who I love, my sister, who I love, and my lifelong friend, who I love.

it doesn't mean I always like them, and certainly I deplore their beliefs.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:21 PM

18. this statement makes no sense

she's a die hard racist (who won't admit it) and for some reason I cannot fathom is apparently a fan of trump

you just answered your own question

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Response to Skittles (Reply #18)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:26 PM

21. yeah.

it has to boil down to that. i guess it's the won't admit it part - if you want to credibly deny your own racism, don't admit to being a trump fan.

but you are right of course.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:26 PM

20. They leave me. I don't leave them. The door is always open.


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Response to hunter (Reply #20)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:27 PM

22. aww, thank you.

most sensible response ever.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:32 PM

23. my best friend of 40 years

cant get it through her head why i cant run with her to get coffee or food or sitting at the park like we always used to do.
Even my doctor says closed car contact still isn't safe right now, I cant seem to get her to understand this.
shes taking it personally.
Friends fracture for all types of stupid reasons.

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Response to MFM008 (Reply #23)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:36 PM

24. that's a wow.

I don't feel safe at all. Being in a vulnerable population, hearing about how this virus has manifested in so many terrible ways. I'm scared of it. I can't believe your friend doesn't get that. Did you mention over 100,000 dead in the US already? As far as I'm concerned you're doing the right thing. She should at least respect your decision even if she has some sort of misplaced sense of invincibility.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 05:56 PM

25. Let it rest. Life long friends are a treasure

Try to resume a bit after November
Time does change things.

Friendships like marriages ebb and flow.

Youíre at an ebb. But sheís going to need you after Nov. let her rant at Dumps colossal loss. Just be you. Say how you feel. Donít wAlk on eggs. If you let them go and if they come back.... welcome them home. Or some such saying.

Good luck.

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Response to LakeArenal (Reply #25)

Fri May 29, 2020, 06:13 PM

26. thank you.

best thing i can do is let it go. I love DU. People get me here.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 06:34 PM

27. I am so sorry. I have had to say goodbye to a few friends since 2016.

Most of my friends from high school are trump lovers.

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Response to redstatebluegirl (Reply #27)

Fri May 29, 2020, 08:55 PM

32. i had to block the son of a very good longtime friend,

a man I've known since he was born. He wasn't brought up this way. I think it's hate radio that got him. his mother is baffled.

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Response to barbtries (Reply #32)

Sat May 30, 2020, 08:58 AM

42. One of my high school friends who was co valedictorian with me went to the dark side in 2015.

His parents, like your friends, are stumped. I talked to his mom on the phone last week, she asked if I would try and talk to him, I told her he was clearly brainwashed and I doubted it would do any good. I live around tons of those people here in Oklahoma. Fox news is a pox on our country. His mom said he listens to Limbaugh all the time, Lord help us. How can smart people become this way. His mom and dad are in their late 80's and it is killing them. They were both union stewards.

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Response to redstatebluegirl (Reply #42)

Sat May 30, 2020, 09:16 AM

43. that is so sad.

i do believe it's brainwashing. my brother has fox on 24/7. there's no talking to him.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 06:35 PM

28. So sorry

I have one friend I stopped communicating with for various reasons. Recently was contacted for help, which I did without too much contact, but I am debating should I go there again.

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Response to Meowmee (Reply #28)

Fri May 29, 2020, 08:59 PM

33. I've let friends go,

I can think of one especially who lied to me. I thought we would be friends for the rest of our lives, but I ended it then. She got in touch in 2018, I was working in Phoenix and she was living there, but I ended up passing on the offer to meet with her. It had been 20 years basically.

I never really thought of myself as an unforgiving person, but then she never apologized either. Another friend at the time said when I encounter something like that I simply omit them from my circle. It made so much sense. Of course that was a personal injury and not a difference in values and political beliefs. But Trump has made it all personal.

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Response to barbtries (Reply #33)

Sat May 30, 2020, 03:29 AM

41. It is always hard to know what to do

Sounds like you made the right choice in that case. I have so much to deal with with all my health issues that I donít have the energy for that stress anymore etc. I hope it works out, maybe just avoid confrontation if possible.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 06:40 PM

29. I'm so sorry how politics can get between people.

Some people can ignore it, others can't.

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Response to Steelrolled (Reply #29)

Fri May 29, 2020, 09:05 PM

34. I put the graphic on FB,

the pic of the moment: https://www.democraticunderground.com/1017584763

I do post these things on fb to raise consciousness, especially when it's something like this. just facts really. So I guess it could be argued that I started it. It's like the first time I have known her to post on fb. This was the one that triggered her.

eh. I deleted her last post that said President Obama was worse than Trump. I haven't deleted her as a friend. We have to agree to ignore it. She can hide my political posts or I can delete her bullshit responses. I hide posts all the time when offended by them. It certainly happens. In fact she got a like from the daughter of my only other lifelong friend, who died 3 years ago. I hide her crap all the time. Still she's a connection to one of my ever best friends.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 07:19 PM

30. Sometimes friendships fail for whatever reason.

Someone I've known for 58 years has always been a reactionary sort. We grew up a few houses from each other and have shared many experiences, both good and bad. I've lived in another state for many years but always made a point of knocking on that door when in town. The last time I saw this person, something had definitely changed. Someone or something had gotten to him and I could see it was pointless to hope for an intelligent conversation. That was about 5 years ago and I sensed then that I would not likely be looking him up again.

I can accept that loss knowing that things fade away and I'll not be changing his mind. Time and many years of history together seem to be a good reason to sustain a relationship but that effort may not be healthy for those involved.

Stay true to yourself and those closest to you. Look forward. Your next 64 years will bring new friendships along with the wisdom of your first 64 years.

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Response to yonder (Reply #30)

Fri May 29, 2020, 09:06 PM

36. you are a true optimist,

although to be honest i don't relish the thought of living for 128 years!

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 07:55 PM

31. So Torrance CA, born in the late 50s, 99% chance that her Daddy either worked for TRW or another

 

Defense Contractor, OR directly benefited from So Cal Defense Contractor spending. Basically the peace time dividend provided by FDR and Truman. So now, this ignorant piece of shit wants to shit on those behind her and blame them because they aren't provided the same leg up that her worthless fucking ignorant ass was provided. Tell her to fuck off, I will drive up the road 30 miles to tell her ignorant ass to fuck off.

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Response to rufus dog (Reply #31)

Fri May 29, 2020, 09:11 PM

37. mid-fifties (her, Nov1954, me Aug1955)

and you are quite right. Aerospace made them. I think it was Hughes. Her father just died last year. When her mother passes away she'll be set for life. Her parents still lived in the same house and had the same phone number when her father died. I love her but it's true, she wallows in ignorance and virulent racism that she won't acknowledge.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Fri May 29, 2020, 09:06 PM

35. don't be confrontational, even though you are exploding with the facts

next time you talk, focus on the past and your mindsets of that time, slowly ease her in to your reality but be prepared to lose some battles and try not to take it too personally but with an open mind, find out the root of her fears...because it is fear that guides her mind

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Response to Demonaut (Reply #35)

Fri May 29, 2020, 09:13 PM

38. that's what we usually do.

I usually end any political BS with you don't vote so you can't tell me shit. She is the only one that I can comfortably tell her hey you are full of shit, you're a terrible racist, you don't pay attention and you live in a bubble. But usually I just say how's the weather in MO?

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Response to barbtries (Reply #38)

Fri May 29, 2020, 09:15 PM

39. don't lose the friendship, this insane time will come to end

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Response to Demonaut (Reply #39)

Fri May 29, 2020, 09:34 PM

40. i wish i knew when.

sigh.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Sat May 30, 2020, 10:02 AM

44. I would just tell her you are going to unfriend her from Twitter

And agree not to talk politics on the phone. A Republican friend of mine thankfully just took herself off Twitter.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Sat May 30, 2020, 10:34 AM

45. Rhetoric

The art of persuasive speech.

https://web.cn.edu/kwheeler/resource_rhet.html

In short (this used to work before before Fox Noose):

A river of ignorance and misunderstanding divides us.

State we donít know everything, but we can work to understand one another.

Suggest we build a bridge of understanding to each other and meet there in the middle.

There, we can learn each otherís language, perspective, positions and (real) motivations.

Show why and how our side is the best side to be on and that it serves in her best interests.

She will want to come back to our side.

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Response to Kid Berwyn (Reply #45)

Sat May 30, 2020, 10:42 AM

46. you should meet my lifelong friend.

she was for one thing never on our side. she's never voted. she's not curious enough to learn honestly.
if she tried that on me it would be just as useless because i pay attention and am way better informed than she is.
better I think we stick to what's up with our families, what it's like getting old, reminiscing and celebrating the many years we've been friends.

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Response to barbtries (Reply #46)

Sat May 30, 2020, 06:15 PM

47. It would be an honor.

My wife is in a similar situation. She has lifelong friends ó and a lot of family in Texas ó who are on the other side. They talk about everything except politics. She sees their Facebook posts and cringes at the thought, ďWho is this person? And how could they write something so vile?Ē

Iíve tried straightening a few out, especially if they come over to dinner. Sometimes Iím outnumbered, but gosh darn they never argue facts. All they can support is a corrupt party, bankrupt ideology or sociopathic politician because that is all they know.

A favorite book on all this IMHO is ďZen and the Art of Motorcycle MaintenanceĒ by Robert M. Pirsig. Itís one of the great books from the 70s. Its focus on rhetoric, Quality and lifeís direction has helped me keep going forward. If you havenít read it, you might enjoy it.

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Response to Kid Berwyn (Reply #47)

Sat May 30, 2020, 08:13 PM

48. It was circulating when I was a little hippie

and I never did read it. The Feminine Mystique is out there sitting on my book pile too. I finally read 1984 last year (chilling). I'll check it out.

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Mon Jun 1, 2020, 10:35 PM

49. You aren't

alone.

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Response to cilla4progress (Reply #49)

Mon Jun 1, 2020, 10:41 PM

50. thank you cilla4progress

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Response to barbtries (Original post)

Mon Jun 1, 2020, 10:55 PM

51. It is what it is. All you can do is the best you can do. You never know when

the light you shine may finally lead someone to see.

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Response to Maru Kitteh (Reply #51)

Mon Jun 1, 2020, 11:37 PM

52. that's why i keep doing it.

though with some it kinda feels like i'm beating my head against a wall.

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Response to barbtries (Reply #52)

Mon Jun 1, 2020, 11:49 PM

53. I think that's why they call it

ďThe good fight ď

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