Well kids, I just got done clawing my eyes out.....
Whatwhatwhatwhat the everloving fuck was that? Cheese and rice!
Ya know, the wife needed a new ride and she dug the Kia Soul. This is a couple years back. So we go to a dealership and the salesman that greets us is J-Rock from The Trailer Park Boys. White, terrible haircut, thinks maybe he might be black. As if I give two shits. I mean really. Those that know me know I talk like it's roughly 1976 dig? Really. I'm just painting a picture. So we show up. I'm in bell bottoms, a black western shirt with roses, and I've got long hair. We jump in the car and he starts telling me what a huge fan of country music he is. Mrs. Glam and I kinda glance at each other and acknowledge non verbally that this motherfucker is completely out of shit. He then starts talking to me about how awesome "the country music sounds" in this car. To be honest and totally truthful, I do dig some country music. Johnny Cash, Willie, Buck Owens, a bunch of country rock......but I'm a rocker. And a blues man. Not someone that could find a country station on the radio if I tried. Which leads me to my point. He's now going to find his "favorite" country music station to show me how awesome it is. And he goes through station after station after station of not country music trying to patronize me. I had never seen such blatant, craven, obvious pandering in all my life. Until today.
Did you happen to catch Comrade Combover's photo-op at the church? Holy fuck man. Ho Lee Fuck. Someone thought it would be a good idea to put a bible in his hands. He instantly turned into the antichrist! No seriously! No fucking around! He was holding it like it was literally burning the flesh off his hands. I mean really dude! Here's a picture of the spine, here's me showing you the front, the back, the against the waist JC Penney fall wardrobe pose. Are we done? Good this thing is burning my hands. Get this fucker away from me!
Although, in his defense, it is a book. That could explain why he was so uncomfortable holding the fucking thing. He hasn't touched one since he used one at Wharton to hold up a broken table. 50 years is a long time between touching of the literature dig? But really man, there were a number of things that struck me about the craven brown nosing that I witnessed today.
One, he's the dumbest asshole to ever hold a position of authority in the entirety of the history of the United States. He's completely underwater in the polls. Completely. He could have used this crisis to his advantage.He could have announced that there was going to be sweeping changes to our police infrastructure and that he would be meeting with community leaders to map out a plan to move forward. I mean after all, MAGA loves them some black folks! (Know that I'm mentally putting my fists together and swinging my elbows side to side as I type) Had he done that and followed through? We'd be neck and neck going into November. Instead the fucking orange Kumquat fires rubber bullets, tear gas, and flashbangs into the crowd so he can make "a solemn walk" to the burned out church. So in other words, as President of The United States, he shits on the people's right to peaceably assemble to seek redress from the government so he can have a photo op.
And the photo op. Jesus fucking Christ dude. Thank god the mic was cutting out. I really couldn't sit through listening to "the protesters have no respect for this book. You can tell by the building behind me. The church behind me. Had I known it was within walking distance, I'd have visited. Many times. Many many many times. But Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer never told me it was here. But this book. This holy book..not many people know it's a holy book but it's true. Very holy. Bigly holy. Perhaps the holiest. I'm not sure but that's what people are saying. But it's a very holy book. Like swiss cheese holy...."
It's just like the pandemic. If I was him, and knew that my business and possible freedom was tied up in the upcoming election. And in his defense, he may not know. He may be completely unaware of the trouble he's facing. he's an imbecile after all. But if I was in his position?. Never breaking 50% approval? Had I been warned of a coming pandemic? Fuck. I'd have brought in the best doctors in the world and followed their advice to a a fucking T. And been a boss. And maybe sit at 10% unemployment. Not to mention the fact of saving countless lives and putting yourself and name into the history books for something other than being an imbecile.
Now obviously, I wouldn't need future history books or polls or threat of imprisonment to try to do the right thing. But even if i was an asshole, I could see which way the river runs right? Unfortunately we didn't elect a 48 year old, semi-intelligent pothead. We elected a barely sentient tree stump masquerading as a spoiled 10 year old bully in the body of an obese, balding, septuagenarian with the emotional maturity of a blastocyst. And so most importantly, ya gotta look tough. Gotta be the tough guy. Regardless of how many other nations, including our allies, are demonstrating about what a horror our police infrastructure is. Regardless of China trolling you about hiding in a bunker. Gotta look tough. Gotta put people down! Gotta absolutely cut my own throat for the next election. Regardless of how you might succeed in the upcoming electionif you just showed the empathy of a common house pet!. This man is an imbecile. Period.
I....okay. You got me. I got one thing from today. He's a fucking imbecile.
= new reply since forum marked as read
AWESOME rant! 👍👍👍
Those couple of years ago, did the salesman ever find a C/W station AND did you buy that car?
I've come to hate that blue suit, white shirt and red tie that you know who always wears almost as much as the one wearing it. How about tRump in a black western shirt with roses? Maybe some sequins too. Of course it would be several tent sizes larger than the one you wore that day.
What do you think? Could it work?
-Laelth
n tell by "swiss cheese holy". 
Excellent rant! 
Sorry you misinterpreted.
