Great Confederate Monuments - Jubilation T Cornpone

[ThoughtCriminal]

When we fought the Yankees and annihilation was near,
Who was there to lead the charge that took us safe to the rear?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Toot your own horn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear!

When we almost had 'em but the issue still was in doubt,
Who suggested the retreat that turned it into a rout?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Tattered and torn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he kept us hidin' out!

With our ammunition gone and faced with utter defeat,
Who was it that burned the crops and left us nothing to eat?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "September Morn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, the pants blown off his seat!
HURRAY!

When it seemed like our brave boys would keep on fighting for months,
Who took pity on them and ca-pit-u-lated at once?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Unshaven and shorn - pone.
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he weren't nobody's dunce!

Who went re-con-noiter-ing to flank the enemy's rear,
Circled through the piney woods, and disappeared for a year?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Treat 'em with scorn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, the missing mountaineer!

Who became so famous with a reputation so great,
That he ran for president and didn't carry a state?
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Old "Wouldn't be sworn - pone."
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he made the country wait!

Stonewall Jackson got his name by standing firm in the fray.
Who was known to all his men as good ol' "Paper Mache?"
Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;
Jubilation T. Cornpone, he really saved the day!

[NYETNYET]

1. WHAT'S GOOD FOR GENERAL BULLMOOSE

Is good for the U.S.A....

[ThoughtCriminal]

2. In the end, the monument DID save the day!

Dogpatch was going to be turned into an atomic bomb testing site. However, when the citizens of Dogpatch tried to move the statue of Jubilation T. Cornpone, they discovered a plaque bearing a declaration by Abraham Lincoln. Because Cornpone's military blunders helped the North to win the Civil War, Dogpatch is designated a national shrine and was not nuked.

Remember, the only Confederate flag that REALLY matters was the last one: A White Rectangle.

[3Hotdogs]

3. I was a movie house usher (age 16) when that played in Millburn, N.J.

That was one of my favorites.