The Stephen Miller/Donald Trump Speech on Race Relations: First Draft

[Celerity]

"We’re here for an important reason—to deal with the racial nightmare that Barack Obama brought to this country."

https://thebanter.substack.com/p/the-stephen-millerdonald-trump-speech




“Hello, and thank you for tuning in. That includes my friends at Black Entertainment Television. BET loves me. A few years back we were going to do a reality show with me and a black as my driver, but a bunch of racists killed it. How did that go for you? Now I’m on top and you guys come free with a basic cable package. Anyway, we’re here for an important reason—to deal with the racial nightmare that Barack Obama brought to this country. This is what happens when you stir folks up. I don’t like it. You don’t like it. Only I can fix it.

First, it is very important to note that I was not responsible for the slave ships that started coming to this country in the 17th century. That was all due to previous administrations. The blacks should never have been brought here in the first place. They had their own baseball league and their own nightclubs, and people were happy and they really should have left it like that. But now that it’s too late, let me say this. I, Donald J. Trump, am ordering a total and complete shutdown of blacks entering this country until we figure out what the hell is going on. This is something that obviously should have been done many years ago but no one had the guts to do it. And we’re going to have a wall. A beautiful wall. A wall between the United States and Africa, and Africa is going to pay for it. And we’re going to have a wall between the United States and Alabama. And we’re going to have the blacks build it because no one ever did more for black employment than I did.

Let me just say something here that never gets any attention in the liberal fake media. You look at all the women they say I raped or sexually assaulted or grabbed their whatever and you don’t see one black face. Not one. And you’d think maybe the New York Slimes or the Washington Compost or MSLSD would be nice and mention that even once. Maybe mention that this shows beyond the shadow of a doubt that I respect black women. But nothing. Dead silence. And if let’s say I had assaulted a few black females at the Miss Black America pageant or something because just like Sir Mix-a-Lot I like big butts, the same liberal fake media would never have admitted Donald Trump was for equal opportunity. You can’t win. Anyway, we’re going to do more than build a beautiful wall. You have to figure a few blacks are going to try to come into this country anyway. And some of them are going to bring their kids even though the kids should be in school but are playing hooky. That’s why there was so much black unemployment with Obama. The kids were all staying at home rioting.

From now on we’re going to separate black kids from their parents at the border. This is a win-win. First of all, maybe after this, black parents will think twice about trying to get into this country illegally. Also, maybe black kids will do better in white homes where there is less looting and more 5G. Finally, if black parents raise white kids for a while maybe the kids will get into better schools. Finally, let me say that no one was more upset to see what has been going on in this country the last few weeks. After the thing with George Floyd I binge-watched old Amos ‘n’ Andy reruns for three days and ate KFC in bed. Again, Barack Obama. It was a shame. There were very fine people on both sides. But you have to be smart. First they say, okay you got this virus so stay inside. Then they say, okay, they shouldn’t have killed this kid in Minneapolis so everybody go outside and protest. Inside, outside, which is it going to be? So I’m making a new law. During the pandemic the black people stay inside and the white people stay outside. This way no one gets sick and no one gets hurt. It’ll be better and safer for everybody. The blacks love me. The whites love me. They just shouldn’t love me together.”

snip


satire

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

1. Ummm, that's a whole lot more coherent than it will be when

Trump finally reads it and goes off on his many tangents.

[mr_lebowski]

3. OMG if you gave him a speech that already has that many tangents right in it

No way he'd ever get through it all. He'd keel over from exhaustion first.

[J_William_Ryan]

2. All good satire contains elements of the truth.

In this case an abundance of truth.