LOL! Looking forward to the GOP roll call:

[fleur-de-lisa]

Link to tweet

Kevin M. Kruse @KevinMKruse 9:17 PM · Aug 18, 2020

Looking forward to the GOP roll call:

ALABAMA: Roy Moore, legally standing a hundred feet outside a mall
ALASKA: Hunters lighting up caribou with AK-47s
ARIZONA: Joe Arpaio licking a taser
ARKANSAS: Tom Cotton smashing a bottle on a bar, daring the camera to fight
AMERICAN SAMOA: [delegates barred because Trump insists they're a Girl Scout cookie]
CALIFORNIA: Devin Nunes' cow
COLORADO: A can of room temperature Coors Light
CONNECTICUT: Lou Dobbs for some reason
DELAWARE: Biden's long-form birth certificate
DC: A canister of tear gas
FLORIDA: Ron DeSantis in a hazmat suit he somehow has on inside-out
GEORGIA: Brian Kemp holding a lit stick of dynamite
GUAM: [delegates barred because Trump hates Wrigley's]
HAWAII: A local official insisting it's actually part of America until the microphone is cut off
IDAHO: A tray of burnt French fries
ILLINOIS: Rod Blagojevich with an auctioneer's gavel
INDIANA: Bobby Knight, talking to an empty chair, screaming at empty chair, kicking the living shit out of empty chair
IOWA: A corn-dog cannon from the State Fair
KANSAS: Kris Kobach and his list of very real cases of voter fraud that he can't seem to find
KENTUCKY: Mitch McConn-BOOOOOOOO!
LOUISIANA: LSU Coach Ed Orgeron running through a tackling dummy with Joe Biden's face taped to it
MAINE: Susan Collins' slight disappointment
MARYLAND: The defense lawyer from "The Wire"
MASSACHUSETTS: Sully and White Pete outside a Dunkin, what the hell you lookin' at
MICHIGAN: A middle-aged Kid Rock, getting winded halfway through "Bawitdaba"
MINNESOTA: Michele Bachmann, that's right, America, Michele Bachmann!
MISSISSIPPI: A Confederate monument come to life
MISSOURI: The St. Louis gun couple
MONTANA: Greg Gianforte in a luchador mask
NEBRASKA: Ben Sasse, slowly edging out of the camera frame
NEVADA: [NSFW story recounted in Michael Cohen's book]
NEW HAMPSHIRE: [postponed due to bad weather]
NEW JERSEY: Chris Christie, directing traffic in Fort Lee
NEW MEXICO: Someone insisting that "the wall should have been to the south, please, sir, we're Americans, please"
NEW YORK: The hosts of "Fox & Friends," but Kilmeade has somehow caught his head in a blender
NORTH CAROLINA: The Duke Blue Devil mascot slapping the floor
NORTH DAKOTA: A guy dramatically coughing on the elderly Wal-Mart greeter who asked him to wear a mask
OHIO: Jim Jordan in an OSU wrestling singlet
OKLAHOMA: A pile of slurry next to a fracking device
OREGON: Cliven Bundy, barricaded in Malheur again for some reason
PENNSYLVANIA: Just a paper sign that says "Wharton"
PUERTO RICO: A fresh roll of Bounty paper towels
RHODE ISLAND: Calamari, again
SOUTH CAROLINA: Lindsey Graham debating Lindsey Graham about Trump's character
SOUTH DAKOTA: Kristi Noem, sandblasting Trump's face onto Mt. Rushmore
TENNESSEE: Marsha, Marsha, Marsha
TEXAS: Ted Cruz, attacking his own wife and father
UTAH: A battered piñata of Mitt Romney
VERMONT: A guy with a Bernie Sanders cutout screaming "socialism" over and over
VIRGINIA: A torchlight parade in Charlottesville
WASHINGTON: [stricken from the roll call after a long argument with the president about how he doesn't live there]
WEST VIRGINIA: A lump of beautiful, clean coal!
WISCONSIN: The ghost of Joe McCarthy, even though he too is a little skeeved out by all this
WYOMING: The guy Dick Cheney shot in the face, introduced by the gun that shot him

[SheltieLover]

1. How about

An 'Merican from Sturgis?

[CaptYossarian]

21. They called in sick.

You know, can't breathe.

[demmiblue]

2. Shite, this is funny!

AMERICAN SAMOA: [delegates barred because Trump insists they're a Girl Scout cookie]



Now on to read the rest!

[Alliepoo]

3. This is flippin' funny!!!

[FM123]

4. These are so great!

I was thinking that for FL, instead of DeSatan - it might be Matt Gaetz wearing a "Super Dad" T-shirt with his son Nestor sitting on his lap like Trump & Ivanka....

[Pacifist Patriot]

6. That would work too!

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. American Samoa. I'm dead!

[Leghorn21]

7. K&R!!

[Yavin4]

8. This one killed me

HAWAII: A local official insisting it's actually part of America until the microphone is cut off

[Tommy_Carcetti]

9. Brilliant. nt

[NoMoreRepugs]

10. Some really CLEVER people out there.

None on the other side though.

[Borchkins]

19. This was all Kevin Kruse.

I watched it unfold on Twitter last night. As a Wisconsinite, I was eagerly waiting to see what he had in store for us. Not disappointed.

[Borchkins]

20. This was all Kevin Kruse.

I watched it unfold on Twitter last night. As a Wisconsinite, I was eagerly waiting to see what he had in store for us. Not disappointed.

[fleur-de-lisa]

11. Kinda' surprised he didn't list the white supremacist David Duke for Louisiana.

Very on-brand for Dump.

[IrishEyes]

12. US Virgin Islands

Delegates barred because Trump thought they were all virgins and kept trying to grab them.

[fleur-de-lisa]

15. Perfect!

[Old Terp]

13. Need to add:

Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands (can't think of anything to reference)

[CaptYossarian]

22. Trump didn't know his wife had her own islands.

[AwakeAtLast]

28. Perfect!

[sarge43]

23. "Who?" should suffice. n/t

[Fritz Walter]

26. "The Professor and Marian(a). here on Gilligan's Isle."

Sorry if that plants an ear-worm for you.

[KS Toronado]

14. MAINE: Susan Collins' slight disappointment, should have been slight "concern"

[sarge43]

16. New Hampshire, in case the weather improves, which it won't.

The Old Man of the Mountain comes alive and falls off Cannon Mountain again

[Traildogbob]

17. Excellent

Made me smile. All you need for North Carolina is Meadows sitting on Donald’s Lap like Ivanka with that tiny hand cusping Meadows butt check. With that same Ivanka sensual stare into Don’s loving eyes.

[catbyte]

18. Guam

[Brainfodder]

24. In reality, 50+ cringe worthy moments expected?

[Mersky]

25. Pile of slurry next to a fracking device

Yup, that’d be Oklahoma.


Sharing. Will read through again later, cuz

[Leith]

27. Virginia's is my favorite

VIRGINIA: A torchlight parade in Charlottesville