Trump Prepares For Next Debate With Help Of Dexamethasone-Induced Hallucinations
WASHINGTON—In an effort to be as rehearsed as possible for the rescheduled rematch against Joe Biden, President Donald Trump was reportedly hard at work preparing for his next debate Thursday with the help of a team of Dexamethasone-induced hallucinations. “Biden is definitely going to hammer you for being so big and strong and smart, so be prepared to seize the spotlight,” said the floating head of Herman Caine, joining a phantasmagorian Kermit The Frog, Richard Nixon, and dozens of other faces flashing through the president’s brain to urge Trump to get on the offensive as soon as the debate stage stopped spinning and materialized from the darkness. “Remember, the vice president is going to try and distract you by bursting open into a thousand bats or becoming a giant and swallowing you whole, so be sure to have a pithy response on how to keep our cities safe. And whatever you do, try not to let the flesh melt off your body until you’re only a skeleton like you did during the last practice session, as this could be looked upon as a sign of weakness.” At press time, the debate prep had been halted after Trump became furious over conflicting advice from a snake-covered George Washington and himself as a two-year-old.
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