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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsTed Cruz Heroically Investigates Whether Mexico Stole Heat and Sun from Texas
CANCÚN (The Borowitz Report)Senator Ted Cruz made a top-secret trip on Wednesday to investigate whether Mexico illegally stole heat and sunshine from his home state of Texas.
Cruz said that he undertook the dangerous heat-finding mission because he cares deeply about the current suffering of his fellow-Texans.
The temperature in Cancún is an unacceptable fifty degrees warmer than in Houston, Cruz said. Its so warm here on the beach that Ive had to wear a swimsuit and periodically douse myself in the ocean. It is an absolute disgrace, and it will not stand.
I intend to stay here until I get to the bottom of how Mexico managed to steal all of this heat and sun from Texas, he said. I dont care how long it takes.
News of Cruzs trip caused members of Mexicos Senate to call for the building of a wall along the border with the United States, because, in the words of one lawmaker, Theyre not sending their best.
Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/ted-cruz-heroically-investigates-whether-mexico-stole-heat-and-sun-from-texas
Photograph by Tom Williams / Getty
dupagelib
(144 posts)If you consider all republicans cockroaches and you could only squish one, I always thought it would be Mitch. But now that he is out of power and in light of Cruz's dubious conduct, I am considering changing my decision. Which republican would you squish?
Rhiannon12866
(205,320 posts)But Ron Johnson has long been at or near the top of my list.
dem4decades
(11,288 posts)Many choices.
Rand Paul? Another deserving one.
moonscape
(4,673 posts)He said there was a thing that went around when he had to work with Cruz in 2000 or early 2000s...
Q. Why do people take an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?
A. Because it saves time.