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An open letter to the Republican warmongers criticizing Joe Biden's Afghanistan withdrawal
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2021/8/26/2048353/-An-open-letter-to-the-Republican-warmongers-criticizing-Joe-Biden-s-Afghanistan-withdrawalAn open letter to the Republican warmongers criticizing Joe Biden's Afghanistan withdrawal
Aldous J Pennyfarthing
Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)
Thursday August 26, 2021 · 6:58 PM EDT
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Dear Insufferable Pricks,
First of all, I love being lectured and talked down to by the same feral fuckwits who eagerly promoted both of Peewee Bush’s Big Adventures. Twenty years ago, my fellow liberal dupes and I screamed to the rafters to anyone who would listen that invading and occupying two largely hostile countries for God knows what real reason (WMD was a lie, and Osama bin Laden escaped at Tora Bora two fucking decades ago) was a terrible idea, and yet we bumblefucked our way around Iraq and Afghanistan for so fucking long, Rupert Murdoch’s droopy-ass balls were still just halfway to the ground when all this nonsense started.
We’ve been kicking the Afghanistan can down the road ever since, and someone—in this case Joe Biden—finally said enough is enough. Fuck you for second-guessing how he did it. If the serrated knife you plunged into our soft, seamy underbelly hurts coming out, that’s nothing compared to how it felt going in. Remember that, Liz Cheney? What about you, Lindsey Graham, you semi-flaccid Jiminy Cricket-looking war chub? You want to impeach Joe Biden—your ex-best friend—for dragging all you starfucking, Pentagon-fluffing war worshippers out of your toddler sandbox and into the harsh klieg lights of reality? Do your worst, you feckless, fifth-string Pep Boy.
And, hey, Fox News, you gently used vomit trough of bad faith, bad ideas, and painfully chafed assholes. I seem to recall you chirping nonstop 20-odd years ago about the wars we simply needed to wage to protect our homeland and our “honor.” Where are those clips now? In the Smithsonian next to a George W. Bush painting of his Scots terrier earnestly humping a series of increasingly churlish barn cats? Did Geraldo lock all that footage in Al Capone’s vault? I seriously want to know.
George W. Bush. Remember that guy? Oh, of course not. He was only your conquering hero for, what, seven and a half fucking years? Did something happen to make him fall out of favor? I can’t imagine. Good God, you people. Your takes have aged worse than Mitch McConnell’s glowering meatloaf of a face. Nevertheless, you persist.
Of course, now you’re all trying to pretend that the always-super-competent Donald Trump would have gotten us out of Afghanistan with no muss and no fuss. Yeah, that’s likely. Mr. Art of the Squeal couldn’t negotiate his way out of a wet sack of hamster farts. What was all that North Korea shit? Kim Jong-un wrangled concessions out of us in exchange for a pouch of magic beans, and then Trump—risibly—tried to pretend Kim had been brought to heel. Well, if he’s a trained puppy, he’s a puppy with lots of shiny new missiles and nukes. Another yuuuuuge fail for Bone Spurious the Yellow.
But hey, the guy whose pandemic response looked like Grimace hate-fucking Mayor McCheese on an escalator; who for four years told us his fantastic health care plan was just two weeks away; and who couldn’t get an infrastructure bill off the launchpad in spite of a widespread bipartisan consensus that we needed more and better infrastructure was going to snap his fingers and shit a workable plan out of his yawning asshole of a maw sometime before May—even though there’s no evidence he had any evacuation plan in place or had even bothered to work on one. Yup. If only Donald Trump had been president instead of Biden. Right? Right?!
And I’m supposed to believe that the guy who abandoned our Kurdish allies after one salty phone call from a fellow dictator was going to move heaven and earth to get our Afghan allies to safety? Uh huh. So why did he all but shut down visa processing for those same Afghans? Seems counterproductive somehow.
As for our fellow citizens in Afghanistan (including the soldiers who tragically died in a terrorist suicide bombing while we were evacuating tens of thousands of friendlies), what was Trump’s plan for getting them home after the Taliban—puffed up and encouraged by the ultimately toothless peace agreement he signed, the 5,000 ferocious Taliban fighters he released, the swift drawdown of troops he initiated, and his clueless, self-serving tweets about getting all our soldiers home by Christmas—basically handed Biden a ticking time bomb? Americans in Afghanistan were told on May 15 to get out of the country ASAP and were urgently told to do so on Aug. 7. We’re to believe Donald Trump would have donned his all-seeing Cerebro helmet and uncovered actionable intelligence suggesting we needed to get our people out far sooner? Try again, poseurs.
Oh, and are we supposed to just ignore the fact that Trump bragged to a rally crowd in June that he’d backed Biden into a corner and made it impossible to reverse his own poorly planned pullout?
The Afghan army collapsed—after we poured untold billions of dollars into training it to defend the jerry-rigged Afghanistan government—in an eye blink. Yet we’re supposed to accept that Donald Trump, in sticking to the May 1 deadline he negotiated, would have somehow prevented the outcome the Taliban had slowly and meticulously engineered since signing our erstwhile ocher overlord’s February 2020 surrender agreement—an agreement that Trump’s own former national security adviser H.R. McMaster ultimately blamed for the “collapse” of anti-Taliban forces? Was he gonna stop them with a tweet? Oh, yeah. The ferocious, battle-hardened Taliban doesn’t fear much, but they tremble in the face of unnecessary capitalization—that I’m fucking sure of. So maybe y’all are right. I guess we’ll never really know.
As for our modern mewling MAGA monkeys, I’m willing to bet at least 99.9% of you Trumpies who are lining up to crucify Biden were scarfing freedom fries and scraping the French flags off your Grey Goose bottles 18-plus years ago, so you can all STFU, too. You credulous, mouth-breathing lie sponges are so easily propagandized you’ll eat horse paste instead of taking a safe, effective, and lifesaving vaccine. This should go without saying, but horse-paste eaters don’t get to criticize other people’s judgment. I don’t know much, but I sure as shit know that.
Speaking of the virus, how many Americans have needlessly died in the past five minutes because Donald Trump didn’t want to smear his makeup with a mask and Ron DeSantis decided his glide path to the White House should be greased with the fresh, pestilent buttock tallow of Florida Man, Florida Woman, Florida Kid, and Florida Grandmama? I knew most of these assholes were pro-war, but I didn’t know they’d be so actively and eagerly pro-virus. Until these glad-handing ghouls can explain the hefty butcher’s bill they keep running up, maybe they should keep the names of these brave fallen soldiers out of their filthy, lying mouths.
So here’s a bit of friendly advice: Unless you spoke out against these wars 20 years ago—or, like Biden, lobbied to end our Afghanistan campaign 12 years ago—you can stick your conveniently timed tirades up your worthless ruddy assholes.
Thanks for coming to my FED (Up) Talk. And if you’re a warhawk Republican, be sure to fuck right off on your way out the door. I’m done listening to you.
First of all, I love being lectured and talked down to by the same feral fuckwits who eagerly promoted both of Peewee Bush’s Big Adventures. Twenty years ago, my fellow liberal dupes and I screamed to the rafters to anyone who would listen that invading and occupying two largely hostile countries for God knows what real reason (WMD was a lie, and Osama bin Laden escaped at Tora Bora two fucking decades ago) was a terrible idea, and yet we bumblefucked our way around Iraq and Afghanistan for so fucking long, Rupert Murdoch’s droopy-ass balls were still just halfway to the ground when all this nonsense started.
We’ve been kicking the Afghanistan can down the road ever since, and someone—in this case Joe Biden—finally said enough is enough. Fuck you for second-guessing how he did it. If the serrated knife you plunged into our soft, seamy underbelly hurts coming out, that’s nothing compared to how it felt going in. Remember that, Liz Cheney? What about you, Lindsey Graham, you semi-flaccid Jiminy Cricket-looking war chub? You want to impeach Joe Biden—your ex-best friend—for dragging all you starfucking, Pentagon-fluffing war worshippers out of your toddler sandbox and into the harsh klieg lights of reality? Do your worst, you feckless, fifth-string Pep Boy.
And, hey, Fox News, you gently used vomit trough of bad faith, bad ideas, and painfully chafed assholes. I seem to recall you chirping nonstop 20-odd years ago about the wars we simply needed to wage to protect our homeland and our “honor.” Where are those clips now? In the Smithsonian next to a George W. Bush painting of his Scots terrier earnestly humping a series of increasingly churlish barn cats? Did Geraldo lock all that footage in Al Capone’s vault? I seriously want to know.
George W. Bush. Remember that guy? Oh, of course not. He was only your conquering hero for, what, seven and a half fucking years? Did something happen to make him fall out of favor? I can’t imagine. Good God, you people. Your takes have aged worse than Mitch McConnell’s glowering meatloaf of a face. Nevertheless, you persist.
Of course, now you’re all trying to pretend that the always-super-competent Donald Trump would have gotten us out of Afghanistan with no muss and no fuss. Yeah, that’s likely. Mr. Art of the Squeal couldn’t negotiate his way out of a wet sack of hamster farts. What was all that North Korea shit? Kim Jong-un wrangled concessions out of us in exchange for a pouch of magic beans, and then Trump—risibly—tried to pretend Kim had been brought to heel. Well, if he’s a trained puppy, he’s a puppy with lots of shiny new missiles and nukes. Another yuuuuuge fail for Bone Spurious the Yellow.
But hey, the guy whose pandemic response looked like Grimace hate-fucking Mayor McCheese on an escalator; who for four years told us his fantastic health care plan was just two weeks away; and who couldn’t get an infrastructure bill off the launchpad in spite of a widespread bipartisan consensus that we needed more and better infrastructure was going to snap his fingers and shit a workable plan out of his yawning asshole of a maw sometime before May—even though there’s no evidence he had any evacuation plan in place or had even bothered to work on one. Yup. If only Donald Trump had been president instead of Biden. Right? Right?!
And I’m supposed to believe that the guy who abandoned our Kurdish allies after one salty phone call from a fellow dictator was going to move heaven and earth to get our Afghan allies to safety? Uh huh. So why did he all but shut down visa processing for those same Afghans? Seems counterproductive somehow.
As for our fellow citizens in Afghanistan (including the soldiers who tragically died in a terrorist suicide bombing while we were evacuating tens of thousands of friendlies), what was Trump’s plan for getting them home after the Taliban—puffed up and encouraged by the ultimately toothless peace agreement he signed, the 5,000 ferocious Taliban fighters he released, the swift drawdown of troops he initiated, and his clueless, self-serving tweets about getting all our soldiers home by Christmas—basically handed Biden a ticking time bomb? Americans in Afghanistan were told on May 15 to get out of the country ASAP and were urgently told to do so on Aug. 7. We’re to believe Donald Trump would have donned his all-seeing Cerebro helmet and uncovered actionable intelligence suggesting we needed to get our people out far sooner? Try again, poseurs.
Oh, and are we supposed to just ignore the fact that Trump bragged to a rally crowd in June that he’d backed Biden into a corner and made it impossible to reverse his own poorly planned pullout?
The Afghan army collapsed—after we poured untold billions of dollars into training it to defend the jerry-rigged Afghanistan government—in an eye blink. Yet we’re supposed to accept that Donald Trump, in sticking to the May 1 deadline he negotiated, would have somehow prevented the outcome the Taliban had slowly and meticulously engineered since signing our erstwhile ocher overlord’s February 2020 surrender agreement—an agreement that Trump’s own former national security adviser H.R. McMaster ultimately blamed for the “collapse” of anti-Taliban forces? Was he gonna stop them with a tweet? Oh, yeah. The ferocious, battle-hardened Taliban doesn’t fear much, but they tremble in the face of unnecessary capitalization—that I’m fucking sure of. So maybe y’all are right. I guess we’ll never really know.
As for our modern mewling MAGA monkeys, I’m willing to bet at least 99.9% of you Trumpies who are lining up to crucify Biden were scarfing freedom fries and scraping the French flags off your Grey Goose bottles 18-plus years ago, so you can all STFU, too. You credulous, mouth-breathing lie sponges are so easily propagandized you’ll eat horse paste instead of taking a safe, effective, and lifesaving vaccine. This should go without saying, but horse-paste eaters don’t get to criticize other people’s judgment. I don’t know much, but I sure as shit know that.
Speaking of the virus, how many Americans have needlessly died in the past five minutes because Donald Trump didn’t want to smear his makeup with a mask and Ron DeSantis decided his glide path to the White House should be greased with the fresh, pestilent buttock tallow of Florida Man, Florida Woman, Florida Kid, and Florida Grandmama? I knew most of these assholes were pro-war, but I didn’t know they’d be so actively and eagerly pro-virus. Until these glad-handing ghouls can explain the hefty butcher’s bill they keep running up, maybe they should keep the names of these brave fallen soldiers out of their filthy, lying mouths.
So here’s a bit of friendly advice: Unless you spoke out against these wars 20 years ago—or, like Biden, lobbied to end our Afghanistan campaign 12 years ago—you can stick your conveniently timed tirades up your worthless ruddy assholes.
Thanks for coming to my FED (Up) Talk. And if you’re a warhawk Republican, be sure to fuck right off on your way out the door. I’m done listening to you.
7 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
Excellent letter. Wouldn't it be nice if some of those war hawk Republicans actually read it.
Thanks for sharing this.
"Mitch McConnell’s glowering meatloaf of a face" was a nice turn of phrase, too! 
