I hereby give DU permission to baptize me when I'm dead.

[trumad]

You might have to wait 40 years, but I say go for it.

[Skittles]

1. I'll baptize trumad ass anytime I f***ing feel like it

yes INDEED

[11 Bravo]

5. I certainly hope you'll kick it before you baptize it.

[Skittles]

9. aw truman is a veteran of my ass kickings

we go way back!

[11 Bravo]

16. You kicked mine a couple of years ago. I still have the boot marks!

[Skittles]

29. OMG YOU ARE DUE FOR AN UPDATE

I WILL KICK OVERDUE 11 BRAVO ASS; yes INDEED!

[Whovian]

2. Best thread title of the week.

It made me laugh anyway. But I am easily entertained.

[Yavapai]

3. If Romney wins, everybody will be baptised!

At least that's what they will tell us it is, as they piss down our legs...

[loli phabay]

7. i figure as long as im dead then they can go ahead, you never know they might be right

[Coexist]

4. As a Pirate in league with the Flying Spaghetti Monster...

Will do!

You will be posthumously touched by His noodley appendage.

[Auggie]

6. Will do, just before I sell your body parts

[LeftofObama]

8. Maybe we can borrow

a basting brush from the Cooking and Baking group to spread Canola oil on your forehead?

[msanthrope]

13. Cooking and Baking ain't doin' an Ashcroft anointing....nt

[Gin]

10. Done.........did it telepathically.......why wait......you are now saved!

[msanthrope]

11. Baptize you with what? Because I'm not using water....nt

[HopeHoops]

12. Fuck that. Stick your head in the toilet and I WILL declare you "saved".

Or a sink, salad bowl full of water, bird bath, whatever. It's about as relevant as the Mormon shit.

On Edit: I forgot "pitcher of beer".

[msanthrope]

14. Don't disrespect beer that way. nt

[HopeHoops]

17. WHAT? You've never stuck your head in a pitcher of beer?

Dang.

[msanthrope]

20. My head is too big. Which will come as no surpise to most of DU. nt

[HopeHoops]

21. Yeah, mine too - but I needed that last drop. The cops and EMTs didn't understand.

[msanthrope]

22. They pretended like they didn't. nt

[HopeHoops]

23. No. I'm a "special" case. They know me by name. So do the cops. I'm not a "standard" case.

Fuck. They almost shot/tased me over a Dollar Tree calculator in my back pocket while I was getting a drink from a water fountain. They all know me now. Yeah, I'm a shithead. They still need to draw their guns against an unarmed hippie-headed white guy on prescription drugs.

I don't hold it against them.

[msanthrope]

24. I'm a criminal defense attorney. You should have me on retainer. nt

[HopeHoops]

25. Anything I've done is past statue of limitations. And DAMN am I glad about that!!!

[msanthrope]

26. Got a video for you---

[leveymg]

15. We'd rather you took a shower on your own before then. ;-)

[madinmaryland]

18. Baptize you as the Sports Group Douchebass??

BTW. You couldn't get Mussberger to STFU at the Miami game Saturday night??

[CrazyOrangeCat]

19. Heck with that, man!

Let's start our own religion. You do the preachin' and I'll play the pi-ano. Under the big tent.

We'll get richer than a Romney.

Now all we gotta do is figure out the secret handshake. They just love that shit.

[Ellipsis]

27. We''ll dunk you in beer, God's favorite naturally refined waters, seems appropriate and...

we'll sculpt your bust in cheese for the celebration-of new life after party.

[rateyes]

28. Shall we

embalm you first?

[treestar]

30. I baptize thee now!

Thou art saved!!!!!!!!

[Jim Lane]

31. We'll also have a thread announcing your baptism.

In that thread, someone's misunderstood remark will give rise to a heated argument. Uses of Ignore lists will be announced. At least one post will be alerted.

And THEN there'll be a thread on Meta denouncing the jury's decision on the alert (or maybe agreeing with it but denouncing the dissenters).

At that point, I hope, your soul can rest.