My Covidiot Anti-Vax BIL is ruining our Thanksgiving!!!!

[Coventina]

GODDAMN THEM ALL!!!!!

Gah!

I just got a phone call from my husband.

We were going to have a nice, low-key, fully vaxxed Thanksgiving, me, hubby , & his mom.

Now, his brother (who lives in a separate residence on the same property as hubby's & his mother, my MIL) says he is
SICK, but recovering, thinks it was COVID, but now is IMMUNE, refuses to get a test, and wants to attend Thanksgiving
on Thursday with the three of us.

His mother asked him to get a COVID test, just to confirm if it is or is not COVID. He threw a temper tantrum.

Now, we can forbid him to come, but he will take it out on my MIL, which worries my husband.

We're going to discuss it in more detail when I get home from work (oh joy)!

Now, as you may know, I have a surgery coming up (Dec. 20th, if it doesn't get canceled again) and testing positive for
COVID would throw a big monkey wrench into that plan.

I am fully vaxxed, including a booster. But I sure don't want to expose myself.

Fucking selfish ASSHOLES these people are!!!!!

[guillaumeb]

1. Can you invite just your mother-in-law to your house? eom

[Coventina]

5. That would be a good idea that would work under normal circumstances for most people.

Basically, the problem is that my BIL didn't want to participate in Thanksgiving dinner, but wanted to be able to wander
in and out of MIL's house at will. (Because he doesn't cook for himself and doesn't keep food in his house. Yes, she's enabling him and that's a whole thing).

When he was told that if he was sick he wouldn't be able to do that, is when he threw his temper tantrum.
So, I predict if we have Mom over without at least inviting him, a duplicate temper tantrum will be thrown.

Personally, I say let him rip, but I know he's going to take it out on his mom, not us.

*sigh*

[Liberty Belle]

32. Your MIL could be carrying COVID if he's been around her. You should cancel the whole thing,

cook just for your household or go out, and tell the BIL and MIL that you'll plan a belated celebration after your surgery and provided he's got a negative test by then. Even tests aren't 100% accurate and since you have surgery coming up, staying safe for that should be your priority.

[Scottie Mom]

47. I vote with this suggestion. 👍 EOM

[mahina]

58. +1000

Definitely.

[Dorian Gray]

56. If he wanders in and out like that

she could already be exposed. Please ask her to get a test.

I'm so sorry that this happened. The last thing families need right now... these last minute complications. So stressful fro everybody.

If they haven't had contact since he's been sick and/or he tests negative and you want to have her to yours, go for it. Otherwise, could you bow out and tell her that you'll have a big giant celebration after your surgery? May take some of the pressure off.

[hlthe2b]

2. I can count at least a dozen reasons why the idiot BIL needs to be excluded.

.. at a minimum.

Good luck.

[Coventina]

7. IKR? Argh. n/t

[wryter2000]

3. Do not let him near you

If he has COVID, he could still be contagious. How does his mother feel about him attending?

[Coventina]

9. She doesn't want him to, but she's the one who has to "live" with him and

deal with the consequences.

She'd prefer the path of least resistance.
And, it's her house.....

[vanlassie]

30. If she's worried about LIVING, she needs to

get a backbone. Everyone does. A bully is in charge.

[dem4decades]

4. Why is it so hard to tell people what the rules are and then enforce them?

I'm so sick of babying these assholes, he abides by the rules or doesn't come.

[Coventina]

10. He's already being babied 6 ways to Sunday, unfortunately.

So, he thinks he's entitled to whatever he wants.

[dem4decades]

13. I have a unvaccinated BIL too, he refused to get vaccinated and attend my sons wedding. So F him.

He's already been told he's not welcome at Christmas dinner without a vaccine. I won't miss him.

[Texaswitchy]

6. You have the right to say no.

It is your health..

Put a plate on the porch.

He can eat it at his place.

[Coventina]

11. Ha! I like that idea. I'll see if that one will fly.... n/t

[captain queeg]

8. Fuck him. Take your mother in law to a restaurant.

One that enforces mask mandate. If he shows up they won’t let him in.

[634-5789]

16. YEP!

[Doremus]

12. If you're hosting it, you call the shots.

My daughter, son in law and grandsons all came down with it last week. Their 10 days isn't up until Saturday. We and the rest of our family could go ahead without them, but I decided Thanksgiving at our household isn't until Sunday, and the rest of the fam agrees.

I'm sure your mother in law would understand the delay.

[Coventina]

17. MIL is hosting. Maybe she would be willing to delay.

Thanks for proposing that!

[The Wizard]

14. Allow him to attend

wearing a hazmat suit.

[634-5789]

15. Grow a pair and refuse that moran!

[Coventina]

19. I can refuse to attend. But, I don't want to be put in the position of being the

"bad guy" who won't let him attend an event at his mother's house.

I feel that's unfair to me.

[SMC22307]

21. If you refuse to attend how does that make you the "bad guy" who won't let him attend...

an event at his mother's house? He can still go. Just politely beg off. You can't put yourself at risk pre-surgery. Have a quiet, COVID-free meal at home. There's always Thanksgiving next year.

[634-5789]

23. Think again...

I have (HAD) a similar sitaution involving my SIL over a brthday parrty in July. I flatly told her...show up and be arrested for trespassing. To the chagrin of my brother, he thought this would tear the family apart. My vaxxed house, my vaxxed rules. She tayed home, pouted, got the shot in October beause she wanted to attend the Holidays with the rest of the family. Now, she's again welcome here.

[mrsadm]

29. You are not the bad guy, HE IS!!!

[MissMillie]

36. better to be the "bad guy" than

to risk getting sick.

While vaccinated people are less likely to die from COVID, the virus can still cause long-term (or permanent) damage to your organs (lungs, heart, kidneys, brain). That kind of damage is hazardous to both your health and your financial health. You don't want to be paying medical bills for years over something that could be avoided.

And no one should be putting you at any kind of risk when you have upcoming surgery.

Put your foot down.... or don't go.

[blueinredohio]

18. Tell your MIL if your BIL doesn't get tested you can't invite either of them.it's

You can't take the chance of getting infected. Have your husband take her some food when you're finished eating.

[Coventina]

20. Apologies, I should have put in my OP that MIL is hosting, not me. n/t

[blueinredohio]

22. Take her out that way neither one of you have to cook.

[Coventina]

24. I'll float that idea when I get home.

Stupid jerk. (not you, him!)

[femmedem]

28. The problem with going out is that there will be tons of ummasked people eating.

And you won't know how many are vaxxed. I love the idea of postponing, with the explanation that you don't want to put her in an uncomfortable position with your BIL. I imagine your MIL has probably already bought a ton of perishable food, but maybe you could offer to reimburse her? And then zoom on Thanksgiving so she doesn't feel alone.

I really feel for you. There's no perfect solution, but you can't risk catching covid and postponing the surgery.

[barbtries]

25. negative test or forget it.

tell him what you just told us. Warn him not to take it out on his mother as it is your decision.

ETA because it's not at your house. Next suggestion: you have your own at your house (invite MIL), and they have theirs. Under no circumstances should you be forced to risk being infected with COVID at this point in your life.

[Coventina]

26. Thanks, good advice. n/t

[Maru Kitteh]

35. Testing is a BAD idea, he's too late for an accurate test. He wouldn't get

a PCR back in time and an antigen test could well be out of the ideal window for accuracy, making it absolutely useless in this case. I test people for COVID for a living, btw.


The only solution is to tell BIL to shove it up his ass, as far as I can see. Unless you can think of some way for him to eat 10+ feet away from you with ventilation that will ensure none of you have to breathe any of his air.

Best of luck.

[beaglelover]

27. He needs to stay home. Someone can bring him a doggy bag full of the thanksgiving feast!

[traitorsgalore]

31. Disinvite him or risk dying, your choice

Plus, he could've been there right before you, separate residence or not.

I wouldn't risk dying face down suffocating to death in your own fluids after being intubated for weeks. I wouldn't go anywhere near either residence.

[Scrivener7]

33. What do his tantrums look like, and why do they worry you so? When you say

he will take it out on your MIL, what will that look like?

Narcissistic tantrums are disconcerting, but if you weather it, the next one will be smaller. You know, like dealing with a toddler.

I have narcissistic family members. I feel for you.

[TNNurse]

34. Tell him very clearly,

you will fix him some food. He has no business in your house or endangering your upcoming surgery.

It is probably too late in life to change his dysfunctional relationship with his mother or her with his.

Protect yourself.

[Raftergirl]

37. If you know your BIL

will not stay away, you cannot go there for T’giving. Maybe your MIL can put together a package of food for your H and you to have at home. Have her leave it on her front steps for your H to pick up.

[Demobrat]

38. It's her house

so she can invite anybody she wants. Doesn’t mean you can’t politely decline.

This is so not fair to you. Risk getting Covid right before a scheduled surgery, or your BIL will take it out on his mother? Oh hell no.

Tell her you’re (cough cough) not feeling great and send out for Chinese. It’s not a lie. You’re feeling pissed off and manipulated. Thanksgiving comes every year. It’s not worth risking your life over.

[MLAA]

39. coventina I am so sorry you have an asshole BIL

I like the suggestion of cancelling out entirely. It sounds like your vaxxed MIL spends a good bit of time with him, so she is actually at risk of getting covid and passing it you right before your surgery. Easiest solution to me is just cancel out entirely leaving BIL and frightened MIL to do what they please while you and hubby stay safe ❤️

[Texaswitchy]

46. They can cook their own turkey.

Do not put off the surgery.

My housemate went from needing minor surgery to major surgery because the virus.

Your health is more important.

If certain family members get mad tough.

[Ms. Toad]

40. Hugs.

Fortunately, the mother and sister of the COVIDiot Anti-Vax nephew in our family laid down the law: Only vaccinated people are welcome to Thanksgiving dinner.

(The unmasked COVIDiot got within inches of his aunt's face at the last gathering and deliberately blew in her face. His Aunt has lymphoma. A fist fight nearly broke out, at which point several of the aunts and uncles left. Mom has not cut off ties (although she is fully vaxxed and boostered), but her son is persona non grata at family events).

Hope your brother/MIL will insist he stay away unless he tests negative.

[paleotn]

41. Probably don't want to hear this, but with surgery coming up....

I'd politely decline and opt for Chinese Turkey this year. My family know I love them, but they also know I have well defined limits and boundaries. Risking my life to a dangerous disease is certainly one of those.

[Grumpy Old Guy]

42. He is an ignorant bully. Stick to your guns.

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

43. My SIL said she and her family had had COVID and recovered.

Our conversation:

Have you ever been tested for COVID?
-No. We had the symptoms and recovered, so there's no need to be tested.

Are you all vaccinated?
-No, we're immune now.

Have you ever considered that you might infect your young grandsons?
-No, because they're too young to get infected.

I politely ended the call, hung up, walked outside and screamed, "AUGH-H-H!"

[turbinetree]

44. Doesn't love anyone but himself....my answer take care....buy a frozen dinner meal.....

[LisaL]

45. Sick but recovering?

How long did he have symptoms for? He could still be infectious.

[Coventina]

48. ********* Update **********

My MIL is going to LOCK HIM OUT.

He will have no access to her domicile for Thanksgiving.

This is an important step for her! The first real stand I have seen her take.

However, my husband says if anything changes for any reason, we immediately leave.



I hope this means that she will be less enabling of his bad behaviors in the future......

[Monsieur_Grumpe]

51. Good for her.

Just remember that you can't choose your relatives. If you could...

[MustLoveBeagles]

54. That's good

I hope she sticks to it.

[Hav]

55. Good

He could have infected everybody there. You have to be a special kind of inconsiderate ahole to not only attend family events unvaxxed but also to insist on doing so untested while you are sick and assume you have Covid .

[GP6971]

52. Back again just to be banned? n/t

[johnp3907]

53. Lonely under the bridge?

[Trueblue Texan]

50. Just say no...

We have a similar situation in my family, only it's my 91-year old mother in law who refuses to get vaccinated and my husband is guilt tripping me about it. I told him hell no, I wasn't having his mom or anyone else over who isn't vaccinated and she can expect the same if she's not vaccinated by Christmas. My 5 & 8 year old grandkids have both had COVID TWICE. They have had one vaccine each because they couldn't get them sooner and their 2nd shot won't be coming for a couple weeks. No damn way am I going to let ANYONE put those kids at risk again. I'm ready to cancel Thanksgiving altogether if necessary.

[ChoppinBroccoli]

57. All I Did Was Sit At A Table With Someone Who Didn't Know They Had It

I'm fully vaxxed and still got a breakthrough case. You simply can't risk getting infected before your surgery. Even if, as was the case when I caught it, your symptoms are extremely mild, it's still likely to throw off your surgery timetable. And regardless of your MIL's health status, I'm sure her age alone puts her at increased risk.

Not worth the risk. Tell Trumpy McAntiVax to have his Thanksgiving dinner at his hero Trump's house. I'm sure he'll be welcome there, as Trump loves his followers and is a real man of the people. For your health, your MIL's health, and quite frankly, for all of your guests' MENTAL health, keep this guy away. I'm sure his sole goal of showing up is just to foist all his political views on everyone else, shout everyone else down, ruin Thanksgiving, and then go online and tell a bunch of Trumpers how much he "pwned" his lib relatives over dinner.

[liberal_mama]

59. OMG! No! He's probably still contagious. I wouldn't allow him into my home!

You need to be hard on this idiot and deny him. Doesn't he have any covidiot friends who are having holiday Covid spreading events?