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lostnfound

(16,113 posts)
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 08:03 AM Jan 2022

Dear people over 80...

Your life is precious. Every day that you remain with us, we are grateful.

I am lucky to have someone in my life who is 85. He has always tended toward a dark humor, and morbid talk from time to time. I used to brush it off, tell him not to talk that way, especially around the young.
Now I bluntly tell him, “you are CHERISHED.” There is nothing wrong with his hearing, but I speak up a little, to make sure he hears it. “You must stay with us. Please don’t abandon us in the middle of this journey.”

The life he has lived is so unique. The stories he can tell, and the wisdom contained in them, are a valuable source of experiences and insight. “Tell me more.” “Tell me again.”

I want him to live to be 99. Medical issues come and go. When he recovers from one, from near misses and health scares, it is such a happy feeling. “Ten more years,” I give silent prayers to the Great Being, to the Big Heart. Please give us ten more healthy years. Do not abandon us. Stay.

The bookends of life: precious little babies with their blank books of life and a soul’s pen in hand; and the old ones, with their books nearly complete, but full of precious stories, their life’s work.

Dear 80-somethings and 90-somethings, honor all the days of your life, all the way.. The singer sings it softly, “I’m 99 for a moment.” When you can sing those words in your heart, you’ll still be 15, 22, 33, 45, and 67…already possessing the lived life in your written book, a book not quite complete. Use those days to write the finishing touches — decide on the ending, write the acknowledgments, the dedication, the afterword; add details to an illustration, find the right shelf in the library, or give a copy to everyone in your life, before it is over.

This song “100 years” by Five for Fighting always fills my heart so much that tears coming pouring out. Lyrics by John Ondrasik, some of the most profound and poignant words ever sung.

100 Years
by Five for Fighting

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between ten and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
And she feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15
There's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
I'm still the man, but you see I'm a "they"
A kid on the way, babe
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself within a morning star
15, I'm alright with you
15
There's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live

Half time goes by, suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye, 67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on

I'm 99 for a moment
And dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15, there's still time for you
22, I feel her too
33, you're on your way
Every day's a new day
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo
Ooh-ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo

15, there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose, hey, 15
There's never a wish better than this
When you've only got a hundred years to live


38 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Dear people over 80... (Original Post) lostnfound Jan 2022 OP
I'm 80, next year. (Yeah, 79 now.) But 80 is hard coming on my mind. 3Hotdogs Jan 2022 #1
You are fortunate in your health but I suspect it's more than good genes Buckeyeblue Jan 2022 #19
Thank you. We will all be 80 someday if we live long enough. Tanuki Jan 2022 #2
I turned 80 today and still feel young. 40RatRod Jan 2022 #3
Happy birthday!! 🥳🎂 ecstatic Jan 2022 #4
A very happy birthday to you. niyad Jan 2022 #8
Happy birthday! colorado_ufo Jan 2022 #12
This message was self-deleted by its author Chin music Jan 2022 #14
Happy Birthday! BlueSky3 Jan 2022 #26
Happy Birthday! 🎉 electric_blue68 Jan 2022 #32
Beautiful post NJCher Jan 2022 #5
I'm so glad to know someone out there feels this way about the old. I don't know many who do. ancianita Jan 2022 #6
I'm over 80 and still above ground, which is a plus...I think. Frustratedlady Jan 2022 #7
Your doctor needs some serious work on her bedside manner. colorado_ufo Jan 2022 #16
++ appalachiablue Jan 2022 #23
She is actually a very compassionate doctor. Frustratedlady Jan 2022 #34
Wonderful post. American culture driven by youth advertising conceals what other nations know. Alexander Of Assyria Jan 2022 #9
From something I read, advertising is significantly more effective on younger people than old Victor_c3 Jan 2022 #29
Culture change as important as client change when it comes to American Elders. Alexander Of Assyria Jan 2022 #33
This message was self-deleted by its author secondwind Jan 2022 #10
very timely post as I just returned from visiting my 99 y/o stepdad and 90 y/o mom. They still live RamblingRose Jan 2022 #11
What a lovely post BlueSky3 Jan 2022 #13
Aw.. lostnfound Jan 2022 #36
Lost my dad of 85 last week. roamer65 Jan 2022 #15
I'm sorry, roamer65. LuckyCharms Jan 2022 #22
This line.... albacore Jan 2022 #17
This message was self-deleted by its author Chin music Jan 2022 #18
I thank you for posting this. jamesatemple Jan 2022 #20
You're a treasure too. lostnfound Feb 2022 #38
Great post! Thank you. n/t LuckyCharms Jan 2022 #21
Beautiful, touching and wise post. Thank you! appalachiablue Jan 2022 #24
I'm 72 and sometimes feel like I'm older than dirt. Emile Jan 2022 #25
Strongly disagree, age is an impossible predictor of anything or anyone. Jon King Jan 2022 #27
I remember my dad climbing in a tree with a chainsaw at 80. CaptainTruth Jan 2022 #28
My friends grandfather fell off the roof when was in his early 90s Victor_c3 Jan 2022 #30
That's amazing AmBlue Jan 2022 #31
This is beautiful.❤️ Thank you for sharing.❤️ lucca18 Jan 2022 #35
BEAUTIFUL post 🌹... Thank you! ♥️ 👍 nt Raine Jan 2022 #37

3Hotdogs

(12,026 posts)
1. I'm 80, next year. (Yeah, 79 now.) But 80 is hard coming on my mind.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 09:19 AM
Jan 2022

Last edited Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:27 AM - Edit history (1)

Its funny. Things have never been better for me in my life. Mortgage is paid off. I can pay the monthly bills with $ left over at the end of the month.

I don't have to set the alarm for anything except to make hikes with my club.

Health? On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best, I am a 9.363 -- a few aches and pains, Omacron with no symptoms and now, negative.



So, what's wrong? There are three dark clouds in back of me: Sooner or later, something will happen with my health. And, of course, the big cloud. The third one is the loss, sooner or later of loved ones and friends. The world will be lonelier.

But I come from good genes. I probably will live to 100+ but what will be the quality of life?

Yup. I recall the Gail Sheehy books. There are emotional stages of our lives. They come with good feelings and always with feelings of anxiety. Its good to know that most of us share all of these good feelings and anxieties.

Buckeyeblue

(5,478 posts)
19. You are fortunate in your health but I suspect it's more than good genes
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:32 AM
Jan 2022

You've probably managed your weight well, you've lived an active life, with probably some structured exercise. You've stayed curious about the world. You've empathized with people. You've laughed. You've cried. And from time to time You've cussed in anger.

The reality is that most 80 year olds are struggling. My FIL who is a good man is going to be 80 this year. He did not take care of himself. He didn't manage his weight. He scoughed at formal exercise. And now he cannot walk even short distances without a walker. A wheelchair is needed for anything out of the house. He is alive because he diligently takes the multitude of pills prescribed for him. It's really a pretty shitty life. He talks about dying and my wife gets upset. But as I tell her, what does he have to really look forward to.

So at 52 living to be old doesn't excite me. But I will continue to take care of myself in the event that I do make it into my 80's or beyond. I've always been curious to see what happens next.

Tanuki

(14,871 posts)
2. Thank you. We will all be 80 someday if we live long enough.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 09:23 AM
Jan 2022

It has been horrible over the past couple of years to hear the lives and humanity of seniors and people with health problems being discussed so dismissively in the context of covid mortality.
Over 80? Your life is indeed as precious as anyone else's.

Response to 40RatRod (Reply #3)

NJCher

(35,178 posts)
5. Beautiful post
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 09:56 AM
Jan 2022

I needed to read something like this.

Last week I learned an old and dear friend died at 92. He was really special: a socialist millionaire. He beat ‘em at their own game, singlehandedly with a genius level IQ.

I didn’t get to see him toward the end. How I would love to know where that mind went in the last years of his journey.

ancianita

(35,568 posts)
6. I'm so glad to know someone out there feels this way about the old. I don't know many who do.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 09:57 AM
Jan 2022

Thank you. I didn't know I needed this until you said it.

Frustratedlady

(16,254 posts)
7. I'm over 80 and still above ground, which is a plus...I think.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:04 AM
Jan 2022

For many years, I was stuck at 33 until my kids heard me say that and corrected me. I don't know where the 4 years went from 33 to my realization I was no longer at that threshold.

After a heart problem, I recently went to my family doctor's office for an appointment. When she walked in, she said, "I didn't expect to see you again." That wakes you up real quick-like. Fortunately, she ended it with, "You are amazing!" Now that I'm amazing, I plan on sticking around a while longer. Who knows what amazing entails?

Onward and upward.



colorado_ufo

(5,687 posts)
16. Your doctor needs some serious work on her bedside manner.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:25 AM
Jan 2022

There are things beyond medicine that contribute to healing. Words are important! A good doctor I once worked for told one of his colleagues, "if you smiled once in awhile, your patients might live longer."

Frustratedlady

(16,254 posts)
34. She is actually a very compassionate doctor.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 08:55 PM
Jan 2022

She meant well, but it surprised me when she said it. At that time, I had a cardiologist from another city who was taking care of me, and I had some serious problems. I can see where she was probably surprised I showed up...beat the odds, so to speak. She actually takes great care of me.



 

Alexander Of Assyria

(7,839 posts)
9. Wonderful post. American culture driven by youth advertising conceals what other nations know.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:12 AM
Jan 2022

Elders are a precious resource of knowledge and wisdom and grace and much else.

How democratic a nation really is is how it treats its most vulnerable and powerless, yes?, and on this front the $800 billion a year military is number one reason we are failing our Elders and us all, and democracy.

How fascist it is…look at Florida, trUmp…etc. and how they treat the vulnerable.

Victor_c3

(3,557 posts)
29. From something I read, advertising is significantly more effective on younger people than old
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 12:05 PM
Jan 2022

The older we get, the more set in our ways and habits we tend to become. Once people start buy a certain brand, they usually stick with it forever. That true all the way from toothpaste to shoes and automobiles.

What you’re saying makes a lot of sense regarding American society. We as a whole are so fixated on consumerism and making as much money as possible that we lose sight on the social impacts and what’s really important to us.

 

Alexander Of Assyria

(7,839 posts)
33. Culture change as important as client change when it comes to American Elders.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 08:00 PM
Jan 2022

Probably a lot easier to effect culture change than climate change, so let’s get at with both!

Response to lostnfound (Original post)

RamblingRose

(1,015 posts)
11. very timely post as I just returned from visiting my 99 y/o stepdad and 90 y/o mom. They still live
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:19 AM
Jan 2022

in their own home by themselves, however, it is time for them to find an independent/assisted living community.

They live 500 miles away and whenever I go visit them I never know if it will be the last so I treat it as such.

BlueSky3

(482 posts)
13. What a lovely post
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:21 AM
Jan 2022

I, too, treasure my friends over 80. I want them to live well and be happy and feel loved and appreciated. Thanks for writing this.

I am saving your post for myself and others.

albacore

(2,374 posts)
17. This line....
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:25 AM
Jan 2022

"The bookends of life: precious little babies with their blank books of life and a soul’s pen in hand; and the old ones, with their books nearly complete, but full of precious stories, their life’s work."

Wow....

Response to lostnfound (Original post)

jamesatemple

(342 posts)
20. I thank you for posting this.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 10:33 AM
Jan 2022

Last edited Thu Jan 13, 2022, 02:02 PM - Edit history (1)

At 81 and counting, counting down, that is, the lyrics reminded me, touched me, made me feel something again. Both of my parents and all of my aunts, uncles, and many cousins are gone. This past couple of years, I've seen many of my peers, childhood friends, favorite movie stars, writers, musicians, et al., leave this veil of tears.

I know that in the scheme of life that all this is natural. But it helps when someone is kind enough to help me recall that all my life experiences are still there, most in some sense of reality, colored by failing memory. And my smiles and tears fomented by memories of days past somehow comfort me.

Thank you, again.

lostnfound

(16,113 posts)
38. You're a treasure too.
Wed Feb 23, 2022, 11:38 PM
Feb 2022

I did not see this post until now. May these years of your life be sweet in their own way. Teach others or mentor someone or share your wisdom.

Jon King

(1,910 posts)
27. Strongly disagree, age is an impossible predictor of anything or anyone.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 11:12 AM
Jan 2022

Sorry, been around the block a bunch and in my experience its not better or worse to hang out with anyone based on age, or respect anyone based on age, or think someone is wise depending on their age. Or not.

I have spent time with so many ignorant and miserable 60-70-80-90 year olds, and some miserable 10-20-30-40 year olds. Unhappy 85 year olds and unhappy 23 year olds.

I have gotten words of wisdom from 8 year olds, and 80 year olds. I have talked to 80 year olds who are so unwise its like they have lived under a rock their entire lives.

There is no one size fits all. Some people are wise and amazing to discuss things with 10, some at 90. People can be pleasant or unpleasant, happy or miserable at any age.

You take it person by person. Using age as a guide to anything is not productive in my opinion.

CaptainTruth

(6,535 posts)
28. I remember my dad climbing in a tree with a chainsaw at 80.
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 11:26 AM
Jan 2022

I lived out of state but I flew in to surprise my dad for his 80th birthday. He had a rental property, a 2 story duplex, with a huge old tree in front. The tree needed trimming so we loaded his big extension ladder & a chainsaw in the truck & went over. I helped him set up the ladder, he tied the chainsaw around his waist, told me to hold the ladder, & up he went. Before I knew it he was off the ladder, climbing in the tree, 2 stories up, a running chainsaw hanging off his waist, cutting branches. At 80 years old!

I remember standing there thinking about how I was in my 30s & I was the one standing & holding the ladder... What's wrong with this picture??? LOL

That's just how my dad was, he grew up on a farm & if something needed doing you just did it.

He had good health to age 100 & we had a big 100th birthday party for him, he loved it. Then, he just went downhill fast & was gone 15 days later. After his birthday he told us he felt like he'd accomplished everything he wanted to & his work here was done, & then he just went within a week.

Victor_c3

(3,557 posts)
30. My friends grandfather fell off the roof when was in his early 90s
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 12:13 PM
Jan 2022

The same sort of thing. Work needed to get done, so he got up onto the roof to take care of it. On his way down to the ladder at the edge he slipped, fell 1.5 stories, and sprained his ankle and broke a rib or two.

Kudos to him and your dad. I hope when I’m that age that I’m able to do the same.

AmBlue

(3,046 posts)
31. That's amazing
Thu Jan 13, 2022, 12:18 PM
Jan 2022

Your dad reminds me of my dad. I grew up as a child thinking all men knew how to fix cars, refigerators, toys, air conditioners, build houses, do electrical, plumbing, carpentry, and on and on. In his 80s my dad was still climbing on top of houses and under cars, he was literally handyman to the neighborhood and many, many friends. Always ready with a steady, strong, and expert hand to help with projects big and little, and always a few jokes just for fun. Everyone wanted to "pick his brain" about some project they had going on. He was always generous with his time for his friends, but he was a family man through and through. Though we were far from rich, we never lacked for anything. He saw to that.

At 84 we learned he had profuse coronary artery disease (inherited from his father) and needed a pacemaker. Then, at 86 he was gone.

We are the lucky ones for sure.

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