Revelations and uncomfortable truths

[Tink41]

Over the past few months I've read dozens of accounts from the frontlines treating COVID patients. I've learned alot but not what you may think. It's put me in a grievous state, an unvarnished understanding of what happened to a close family member 15 years ago. I'm not sure anyone would really know the dance that goes on in ICU not even after having been thru it. It's so clear to me now what those professionals were trying to say, although I have no idea why they couldn't "say it" after me begging for the truth.
THE TRUTH!!!! When I read these accounts now, I'm horrified, and beg for forgiveness that "we" couldn't comprehend what the professionals were trying to convey.
They ask what you would like done, but secretly hope you don't choose to keep them artificially alive. Because it seems to make the recipients life a horror show til the end. Never again would I choose to fight for a loved one who most likely in the state they are in would choose to go.
I'm not sure how anyone lives with themselves after coming to this realization. Before anyone here jumps on me, I've recently discovered I'm on the spectrum, so what may be obvious to others, isn't to me. I deal in truth, facts. I can't read between the lines, didn't even know there were lines!

[MLAA]

1. I agree with you.

I don’t want to be kept alive under such conditions. My husband and I both have living wills. I will need my love for husband to overcome my selfish desire to keep him if the time ever comes when I need to make that decision on his behalf.

ThNk you for sharing your thoughts.

[Ferryboat]

2. The hardest decision to make is the right one.

Despite family pleas I made that decision for mom. She was very clear about her end of life journey.

Don't be hard on yourself.

[Scrivener7]

3. Totally agree. My mother and a beloved aunt died within a

month of each other. My mother wanted all possible measures, so we followed her wishes against my better judgment. She died horribly after a long and torturous ICU stay. My aunt accepted the inevitable and died peacefully in her home having a cocktail with a friend while they were waiting for other friends to come and watch a TV show with them.

I will not forget that lesson.