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Beatlelvr

(603 posts)
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 09:40 AM Feb 2022

We are bringing mom home today

We put mom (98) into a board and care home 5 weeks ago. I have been her live-in caregiver since 2011. Just in last 3 years or so has she needed alot of care. Got to the point I had to lift her all the time, so family decided something needed to change. She is cognizant, knew I would probably hurt myself if we continued on that path. I visit every day, and she is miserable! We found a live-in caregiver and are moving her back home tomorrow. Hospice is providing hospital bed. I had to buy a twin bed for the caregiver because she sleeps in same room as patient. I have loved my "freedom" but we don't want her to be unhappy.
Sorry this is so long. It has been a journey I can tell you.

39 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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We are bringing mom home today (Original Post) Beatlelvr Feb 2022 OP
I hope everything goes well. MineralMan Feb 2022 #1
Courage and strength to you as you continue your journey. Your mother is blessed to have you. NT enough Feb 2022 #2
Happy to read that you are ChazII Feb 2022 #3
This message was self-deleted by its author malaise Feb 2022 #4
Good for you malaise Feb 2022 #5
Good luck. MuseRider Feb 2022 #6
I had to fight with family to get and keep my father home for his last few months. He died in ... Botany Feb 2022 #7
Peaceful and with dignity. sarcasmo Feb 2022 #13
I am glad that you now have help giving your mom the best possible care 💖 MLAA Feb 2022 #8
That is certainly better than being in any nursing doc03 Feb 2022 #9
Best of luck to you. greatauntoftriplets Feb 2022 #10
Wishing all of you all the best in this next chapter. niyad Feb 2022 #11
May we all be lucky enough to have someone like you watching over us when Scrivener7 Feb 2022 #12
Glad you're able to do this with a caregiver, Beatlelvr. Hortensis Feb 2022 #14
Sending you good thoughts. gademocrat7 Feb 2022 #15
You are a good person. sheshe2 Feb 2022 #16
Your mom raised a good, caring child. Strength for your journey. LoisB Feb 2022 #17
I feel your pain... AmBlue Feb 2022 #18
Thank you so much for sharing Beatlelvr Feb 2022 #35
Wishing you all the best hamsterjill Feb 2022 #19
You are very lucky to be able to find and afford 24x7 care. lark Feb 2022 #20
Sounds like you found someone who is really on top of things, will help you and your Mom... SWBTATTReg Feb 2022 #21
Yes! Good advice. Thanks Beatlelvr Feb 2022 #34
How does one find live-in caregiver? LisaL Feb 2022 #22
We got a friend of a friend referral Beatlelvr Feb 2022 #33
Sending you hugs. We made same decision years ago for my grandma - they are happiest iluvtennis Feb 2022 #23
Your mama raised you right. calimary Feb 2022 #24
Not sure what Hospice is at your locality tiredtoo Feb 2022 #25
Thar is what we thought Beatlelvr Feb 2022 #32
Well, they do all that in Michigan also tiredtoo Feb 2022 #36
My heart goes out to you Beatlelvr HipChick Feb 2022 #26
My mother had dementia diagnosis at 85 kimbutgar Feb 2022 #27
Best gift to your mom pandr32 Feb 2022 #28
Hoyer Lift Desert_Leslie Feb 2022 #29
Yes, hospice is providing one Beatlelvr Feb 2022 #31
You are fortunate copperearth Feb 2022 #30
Please don't be sorry to share mahina Feb 2022 #37
Wishing you yet more strength and love GeoWilliam750 Feb 2022 #38
Glad you found a caregiver to help her. That way you can just be with her Beaverhausen Feb 2022 #39

MineralMan

(146,021 posts)
1. I hope everything goes well.
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 09:43 AM
Feb 2022

My parents, who passed at age 96 had live-in caregivers. They could afford it, and it was the best solution for them at the time.

Response to Beatlelvr (Original post)

MuseRider

(34,011 posts)
6. Good luck.
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 09:45 AM
Feb 2022

It sounds like you have it all set up to work for everyone. It IS a long journey you are on, she is so very lucky she has you. You will have your freedom back one of these days and will likely have more now with a caregiver to help you. I think you have found the best solution for all involved. Hugs to you.

Botany

(70,027 posts)
7. I had to fight with family to get and keep my father home for his last few months. He died in ...
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 09:47 AM
Feb 2022

... his bedroom and hospice was there.

doc03

(34,958 posts)
9. That is certainly better than being in any nursing
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 09:50 AM
Feb 2022

home I have seen. I hope it works out for you. I went through that for several years with my mom.

Scrivener7

(50,250 posts)
12. May we all be lucky enough to have someone like you watching over us when
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 10:04 AM
Feb 2022

we can't watch over ourselves.

It is such a hard thing to do. But don't forget what a kind and loving thing you are doing.

Hortensis

(58,785 posts)
14. Glad you're able to do this with a caregiver, Beatlelvr.
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 10:16 AM
Feb 2022

Together again, hard as it is.

More assistance to many people in this position is one of the things we lost with the 2016 tragedy, and now assistance in the big social infrastructure bill is still waiting to be passed after we gain more seats in the midterms.



Speaking of, the midterm elections are ON now! Elections in CT, FL and KY today.

https://ballotpedia.org/Elections_calendar

AmBlue

(3,043 posts)
18. I feel your pain...
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 10:34 AM
Feb 2022

..and the emotional struggle that goes with it. My 89yo mom lives with me and only eats and sleeps. She needs help with everything and her cognitive abilities are vanishing almost daily. I know there will come a day I have to bring in help but there is so much guilt that goes with it.

I so wish in this country we had meaningful support for family elder caregivers. We do the best we can but it never feels good enough.

Beatlelvr

(603 posts)
35. Thank you so much for sharing
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 12:42 PM
Feb 2022

Yes, there must be thousands of us across the country. Luckily my family is supportive. Unfortunatly, economics plays a huge roll. Mom has a decent pension. Otherwise....?

hamsterjill

(15,164 posts)
19. Wishing you all the best
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 10:34 AM
Feb 2022

It’s hard watching your parents decline. I love that you are so willing to make your mom as comfortable as possible. You will cherish these times - hard as they may seem.

Remember to rest when you can and laugh when you have the opportunity. This challenge won’t be forever, but the memories you make will be.

Hugs!

lark

(22,779 posts)
20. You are very lucky to be able to find and afford 24x7 care.
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 10:40 AM
Feb 2022

We wanted that for our mom so badly, even found 2 people who were going to share the job, then one of them decided she needed more money so took a better paying job and that plan died. Could not find anyone else, or even 2 people to share the job who would work for the amount we could pay. Mom missed her house so badly, it broke our hearts. Luckily she made some good friends there, so it got lots better.

SWBTATTReg

(21,553 posts)
21. Sounds like you found someone who is really on top of things, will help you and your Mom...
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 10:41 AM
Feb 2022

Just a short story here...we had a caretaker for my brother (my sister found them), who needed care, and then after the death of my brother, we found where the caretaker had stolen checks, etc. from my brother. My sister ended up having to file felony charges, and blames herself (she shouldn't of course, she was busy enough doing a heck of a lot of things as we all know that caring for someone entails. This is such a shame when in addition to the death of my brother, that we then have to deal w/ this nonsense.

Just spend a few seconds ever so often, making sure that things are on the up and up...my sister did have power of attorney, but still, crap happened still.

My best to you all and of course, your mom.

Beatlelvr

(603 posts)
33. We got a friend of a friend referral
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 12:36 PM
Feb 2022

This persin had just come off a gig taking care of an elderly man for a year and a half. They had good things to say about her.

tiredtoo

(2,949 posts)
25. Not sure what Hospice is at your locality
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 11:15 AM
Feb 2022

But where i live. Michigan Hospice is end of life care. Patient stops taking medications designed to cure what ails them and just takes pain relief medication.
Both my Mother-in-law and my wife spent their final days at our house under hospice care. And I plan on doing same.
Wishing for a peaceful transition for you and your family.

Beatlelvr

(603 posts)
32. Thar is what we thought
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 12:34 PM
Feb 2022

But here in Pasadena, CA anyway, they help out if the person cannot do basic life functions without assistance. Like toileting, bathing, etc. They have been great so far.

tiredtoo

(2,949 posts)
36. Well, they do all that in Michigan also
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 02:06 PM
Feb 2022

The probable difference is the family and patient have accepted the fact of imminent death. Just trying to make the remaining days as comfortable as possible for patient. Both my wife and my mother-in-law hung on for about 10 weeks. Twas not a happy time but, sadly it is what it is.

kimbutgar

(20,521 posts)
27. My mother had dementia diagnosis at 85
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 11:25 AM
Feb 2022

She fell and hit her head and got a subdermal hematoma. She never was the same Again. I out her in an assisted living place and she was miserable. I to,d her the only way I’d bring her home is if she had a live in caregiver. She agreed. It was bumpy at first but she grew accustomed to the lady and for 8 years she lived in home where she died peacefully. it ended up costing me less keeping her home instead of the assisted living place. I would ask her every time I saw her if she was ok and she said she was happy.

It’s good you found a live in caregiver.

Desert_Leslie

(131 posts)
29. Hoyer Lift
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 11:48 AM
Feb 2022

Just a suggestion ... look into renting her a Hoyer lift. Also, perhaps (???) Medicare might pay for it or help with it.

copperearth

(117 posts)
30. You are fortunate
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 12:19 PM
Feb 2022

It is hard to see your loved one in a nursing home and if your caregiver is able to care your mom at home thrn you cn be certain things go better.

mahina

(17,387 posts)
37. Please don't be sorry to share
Tue Feb 22, 2022, 02:50 PM
Feb 2022

It’s what’s ahead for the lucky ones among us who still have parents. We should help each other, and it’s not hard to be here to listen. Good luck all.

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