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Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:32 PM

A sad sign of the divisiveness of our times...

My wife and I have been trying to have children for a couple years now to no success, so we decided that rather than put our eggs in a single basket (no pun intended) we'd begin the process of adoption. Despite my frustration with the entire adoption process, including the ridiculous cost involved (this is one reason teachers and low-level government employees need pay raises!), we are excited and ready.

One of the last things we had to do was a DHEC home inspection which was scheduled for today. While in preparation for our inspection I realized that I have all our Obama paraphernalia in obvious sight. Rather than feeling proud at the support we have for our President, I was concerned. You see we live in Wing-Nut Central...also known as South Carolina. My immediate fear was that the DHEC inspector would see the campaign materials and would likely be a rabid teabagging RMoney supporter and fail our inspection out of shear political spitefulness.
Ultimately, I left our stuff up, but worried about it and made sure that everything else was spotless.

It is deeply saddening to me that such a concern should have even entered my mind. I have to even catch myself from making snap judgments of people based on their stated political alliances. I know that I would never allow it to color my work or make me treat someone different, but I can't honestly say the same for others. It scares me that we as a country have become so polarized and the lines between what is clearly right and wrong and fact and fiction have become so political. I just hope that when/if we ever do have a child that we can teach them to be stronger, smarter, and more confident than I.




By the way, we passed the inspection and should be having a sit down meeting with a caseworker soon to start narrowing down what child/children we can bring into our home and be the best parents for!

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Arrow 22 replies Author Time Post
Reply A sad sign of the divisiveness of our times... (Original post)
Versailles Nov 2012 OP
Angry Dragon Nov 2012 #1
gateley Nov 2012 #2
lindysalsagal Nov 2012 #3
Versailles Nov 2012 #6
marions ghost Nov 2012 #4
Sekhmets Daughter Nov 2012 #5
nichomachus Nov 2012 #7
get the red out Nov 2012 #8
Versailles Nov 2012 #11
defacto7 Nov 2012 #19
barbtries Nov 2012 #9
Versailles Nov 2012 #12
nolabear Nov 2012 #10
Versailles Nov 2012 #13
riderinthestorm Nov 2012 #17
loli phabay Nov 2012 #14
Versailles Nov 2012 #15
loli phabay Nov 2012 #16
LoisB Nov 2012 #18
Tennessee Gal Nov 2012 #20
Quantess Nov 2012 #21
Versailles Nov 2012 #22

Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:35 PM

1. Good Luck

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:40 PM

2. You're right -- a sign of the times.

I'm so excited for your impending parenthood!

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:41 PM

3. Congratulations. I don't know if you're religious, but IMHO, adoptees

are the true purveyors of Godly acts on this planet. You two are the real angels on earth, guardian, or otherwise.

And just like in teaching, you will never know the generations of people you just rescued from foster homes and possibly drug abuse or even criminal activity.

People most vulnerable to the bad events in life tend to have grown up absent proper parenting. You are preventing that for untold numbers of people.

Unlike alot of us, your children will know, with absolute certainty that the were desperately wanted.

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Response to lindysalsagal (Reply #3)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:51 PM

6. Thank you.

We aren't religious (another worry for us here in the deep south), but we are both spiritual in our own eclectic way and we appreciate the sentiment.

Your way of looking at adoptive parents only solidifies my conviction that we are meant to adopt. Our struggles (including a lost pregnancy) of having our own have brought us to this point. We have already discussed the possibility of what we will do if, like happens to so many couple who stop worrying about getting pregnant, we do get pregnant during this whole process. We are determined to provide a home to a child who otherwise might have been left in the foster system...despite the wife telling me I'd have to give up my man-cave if that happens!

Thank you again for reinforcing my convictions!

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:50 PM

4. I know what you mean

you have to be careful where you parade your political affiliations.

My sister signed up for a debate watch party--local (public) Dem website. Small, a few people showed up, no biggie. The next day she was talking to a neighbor who is a political flip-flopper (voted for Bush and Obama). Anyway this guy who she is friends with said, "I know you had a debate party"--she asked him how he knew. He said --"Oh all the right wingers in the neighborhood know...."

True, I promise.

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:50 PM

5. Happy for you,

you're children will always know they are wanted and loved.

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:52 PM

7. I haven't put a bumper sticker on my car since

I almost got run off the road when I had an anti-Bush one on. Right after that, I was driving in slow-moving traffic and a cop came off the sidewalk and stood right behind my car, stopping traffic, while he stared at the bumper sticker.

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:55 PM

8. Congratulations

I wish you great happiness in your family! The fact that these times concern you show that you will be terrific parents.

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Response to get the red out (Reply #8)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 05:24 PM

11. Thank you!

I worry that I'll make some horrible mistake and screw up some child forever, but I am determined to tell my kids that I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be. For every mistake I make, I will bend over backward to make sure that I fix the mistake and that I will learn from it.

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Response to Versailles (Reply #11)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 06:33 PM

19. You'll find kids are pretty resilient.

Love them, feed them, lead them, learn from them and turn them loose when the time comes. If you do that, they won't break.

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 03:59 PM

9. congratulations on your soon-to-be child!

and don't forget, after consideration you chose the brave option. you can hardly be blamed for your concern but you overcame the fear.

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Response to barbtries (Reply #9)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 05:27 PM

12. Really my biggest fear

was that something so ultimately silly would deny my wife the chance to be the mother that I know she is dying to be. That was more terrifying to me than any political belief being levied against me personally. I watch her with her kids at work when I go visit and I leave with tears in my eyes at how much she gives to kids that aren't her own...I know that our kids will have one of the all-time great moms and I would hate for my political hard-headedness to prevent that. Thankfully it didn't!

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 04:03 PM

10. Congratulations! You are just the right home for a little one.

You held to your convictions and what little one wouldn't benefit from that example? It is sad that you even had to have that thought but you persevered and I'm proud of you...in more ways than one!

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Response to nolabear (Reply #10)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 05:31 PM

13. Thanks so much!

Like I said, I hope that I despite my own questions of myself that I can teach my kid(s) to be confident in their beliefs. I question myself all the time and it makes life very difficult for someone who suffers from acute anxiety and depression...I don't want any kid to have to deal with such a difficult life, or at the very least I want to provide them with the proper tools to handle it.

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Response to nolabear (Reply #10)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 05:40 PM

17. +1! Your principled "stand" (heh), demonstrates how perfect you are going to as a parent!

 

You are going to make a lovely family!

Good luck. You are an angel to take in a little one who needs a family.

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 05:32 PM

14. tthe adoption process is nuts. we ended up helping our friends adopt from the balkans

 

My sister in law went to russia and we know some people who went to china. Though we have two kids we are looking to adopting at the moment and will probuably go to the balkans. Good luck.

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Response to loli phabay (Reply #14)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 05:37 PM

15. And good luck to you too!

We looked at the overseas adoption, but we just couldn't afford the time off from work to do it and the expense was just too much. We aren't doing an adoption through a private company either, due to the expense...I was SHOCKED to be told that it can cost around 30-40k to do a private adoption. We are working strictly with the Department of Social Services and see what we can accomplish through them.

Best of luck to you!

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Response to Versailles (Reply #15)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 05:40 PM

16. it can be expensive but for some people overseas is their only option

 

I hope some lucky kid finds your family.

The system here seems set up to just frustrate prospective parents.

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 06:30 PM

18. You and your wife are truly good people. So many children in need of parents like you.

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 06:33 PM

20. Congratulations!

From the mother of an adopted child who is now 27 years old and has given me three beautiful grandchildren.

Adoption is wonderful!

You will be blessed ............

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Response to Versailles (Original post)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 06:37 PM

21. Well,

considering that most Obama supporters plan to roast and eat the babies they adopt...
just kidding of, course. Good luck to you.

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Response to Quantess (Reply #21)

Fri Nov 2, 2012, 10:20 PM

22. I seriously almost needed a new keyboard...

Nice little spit take from that comment. Sad part is, I'm sure that some one out there actually believes that...

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