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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOne of life's great mysteries solved while shaving this morning.
(as background information, I will tell you I attained my three score and ten earlier this year.) My wife had been hounding me that I was several days late on getting my Fall shower. So, I stepped into the rain locker for a suds and scrubs. In for a penny, in for a pound, I decided to shave while I was at it.
Since I was seeing myself in the mirror for the first time in a while, I was reflecting on my reflection. It is much different from when I was a young man, and the changes aren't very positive. I was never a movie star type, but I ranked somewhere above homely; I was at least good looking enough to snag a beautiful and smart woman for a wife.
I noted several items related to my fall from beauty; a lot of it to do with hair. I once had a great mop of ash blonde hair, now I have a nice big round bald spot on top. Blonde has turned to white, but that is not a big change. My eyebrows stand out. What was once an orderly growth has turned into a chaotic entanglement. The thinning hair is now growing in all sorts of directions and at different rates, so that now and then I will find one that is a inch and a half long and growing straight up. Hair, that no longer grows on the top of my head, hasn't really gone away, but now grows in and on my ears and in my nose.
Now that you can get a general picture, I will get to the epiphany: I think that I know the root cause of these changes. Since I am much wiser than I was as a young man, I have far greater knowledge than I did when I was first married. I still think that I maintain a good sense of humor and some humble charm, and I have a lot more available money that I did when I was young. Had I regained my youthful beauty, I would be irresistible to women of child bearing age. The mechanism of aging assure that we will be so ugly that that no woman wants to come near us with loving on their minds. It makes sense, because if I was fathering children now, I would not be around to see them to adulthood. It is nature's way of protecting the two parent system of raising a family. I certainly don't imply that a single parent can't successfully raise a child, but four hands and two incomes are easier than two and one.
Now, will tell you that there are things in play here that support my theory, and it is mainly things that aren't in play any more. I am pretty sure I still have a Penis, although I can't see it over my gut, but half of its former function is gone. About the only thing it is good for is keeping me from peeing on my feet about 20 times a day.
I don't read much anthropology and I am not sure if this has come to the attention of writers before, but I thought that I needed to share it while I was still able.
Srkdqltr
(6,381 posts)Javaman
(62,534 posts)Getting old aint for the young, they couldnt take it. LOL
Response to Srkdqltr (Reply #1)
Javaman This message was self-deleted by its author.
stopdiggin
(11,412 posts)and I, of course, am just going to take your word for it - because none of what you relate has, or ever will, happened to me ....
(you in the back - "Stop it!" )
------ ------
magicarpet
(14,219 posts).... with all the odd hair growth sprouting out of unexpected areas,.. except the top of the head.
When hair starts growing out of the palms of your hand and the bottom of your feet - you know for sure you are in the old geezer phase of your life.
You have a delightfully humorous approach to your writings.
Walleye
(31,149 posts)Traildogbob
(8,893 posts)Had cataracts removed 2 years ago. 😱😱 DAMN where did all those crevices come from that week after.
RainCaster
(10,953 posts)from the top of my head to my back. Along the way, it's turning grey.
hydrolastic
(489 posts)jmbar2
(4,920 posts)Thank you.
Tadpole Raisin
(972 posts)need to express themselves as individuals it is plucking time!
Firm rule: avoid fluorescent or any artificial lights at all costs.
bluboid
(563 posts)& giving me something to smile about this morning.
snowybirdie
(5,251 posts)wives still see you guys as that handsome dude with the blonde hair and no tummy. Hang in there. Life is a joy!
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)KS Toronado
(17,461 posts)Outside might be chilly, plus we don't want you catching a cold.
That is unless you wanted to write about it.
Chainfire
(17,757 posts)So this may do it until May.
KS Toronado
(17,461 posts)Karadeniz
(22,607 posts)chowder66
(9,104 posts)packman
(16,296 posts)Pepsidog
(6,254 posts)70sEraVet
(3,535 posts)housecat
(3,121 posts)yonder
(9,686 posts)H2O Man
(73,694 posts)My grandfather was 70 years old when his 14th child was born. I always thought that this was related to his being born on the Old Sod, soon after the Great Starvation. But then, one of my uncles who was closing in on 80 married his third wife, who was 19. It had to be that they shared passions for music and/or literature, I suppose. That or his bank account.
One of the most pleasant aspects of being old and physically repulsive is that I can enjoy friendships -- primarily on the internet -- with women old and young, without any attempt at relationships beyond friendship.
Chainfire
(17,757 posts)He promptly farmed them out to someone else to raise. He claimed that he was just poking fun, and his mistress took it seriously.
BlueTexasMan
(165 posts)Making a change to OMAD every other day in order to drop three meds related to diabetes, I tore down the penis shed and recommend it to anyone who wants to eat less and be healthier. Old dogs can learn new tricks.
2naSalit
(86,943 posts)albacore
(2,408 posts)Genki Hikari
(1,766 posts)It's like we become invisible when the clock strikes 4-0. That or impossibly stupid.
I've been lucky in that I'm now 60, but you have to look close to see gray in my hair. My arm and hand skin give away my age, but my face doesn't. Before I had to get my girly bits taken out because cancer, the arm/hand skin still passed for young. Losing estrogen takes away the youth juice.
I was actually glad when I stopped being carded for alcohol. In my mid-40s. I even got carded at concerts I attended with my teenaged kid. One time, the guy at the door thought my ID was fake and marked me underage. I was 40, and sporting a big old Sharpie'd X on each arm to tell the concert hall I was underage.
By then, that nonsense wasn't flattering or funny anymore, but a major annoyance. I had become too old, too cantankerous and too dang tired to find it amusing to be scrubbing Sharpie off my arm before work the next day.
Having zero patience for nonsense was when I knew I was 40. Not that I had much before then, but the entire eradication of it was the real sign of being an oldster to me.
malaise
(269,292 posts)Truth is - if you dont have a sense of humor dont age
Rec