UPDATE: My Thanksgiving shock

[PA_jen]

original thread:

https://democraticunderground.com/100217411862

My Stepmother-in-law told me that she was getting my husband's childhood home instead of my Husband when his father pass (hopefully 30 years from now. I do not want to wish the man dead in any sense.)

My Husband was able to talk to his Dad and yes, the Stepmother in law is getting the home but in exchange Husband gets more money.

The father always intended his children-now that 2 have passed away- Husband would inherit the house as well and the estate (money and other assets) being divided equally between Husband and Stepmom. Stepmom wore him down and kept demanding the house so while he was updating the will since the last sibling's death, he gave in but in exchange she had to agree on less money.

We don't know how much the house or estate will be nor do we want to know. His Dad did tell husband that what he is leaving him Husband and I can get a nicer home than the family home. He can get a newer home have it paid off and still have the money for retirement and if he budgets wisely, we won't have to worry about finances. We can set it up like he has it set up as a supplement to our income thru our lives.

Husband wanted the house but is okay with this deal. Husband primarily is happy because someday we can get into a better home than what we are living in now. Someday we will more than likely donate our current house to Habitat for Humanity so they can fix it up properly and give it to a family in need.

I am the one who is being the bitch in a sense. Between the Stepmother speaking ill of the dead and her demand for this house I really want nothing to do with her. I think she knows she shouldn't have said anything until Father-in-Law talked to Husband and keeps trying to do things with me. I tell her I am busy. This gloat and demand of my husband's childhood home just turns my stomach. I know I need to be nice and keep the peace, but it is becoming harder and harder. Any suggestions?

Thank you all for the support and dealing with my whining.

[marybourg]

1. This is why, much as I loved my second

husband, I never would have married him if he had children.

[redwitch]

2. Have you gotten along with her until this? nt

[PA_jen]

3. Not really. I always saw her for a fake person. and when she wore white

to my wedding I never trusted her. I've always tried to get along to keep peace but never trusted.

[redwitch]

4. Is she much older than you and your husband? nt

[PA_jen]

7. She is 19 years older than me.

she is 6 years younger than my father in law.

[niyad]

5. I have nothing profound to offer, only a personal observation. Life i s too short

to waste time and energy on negative energy people. Do not feel at all bothered about not wishing to waste time, energy , or thought, on this woman.

My favourite benediction, "May all involved receive everything they deserve." Smile sweetly.

[PA_jen]

6. Thank you. I will keep that in mind.

[Ms. Toad]

8. Try to let it go.

The way I've always looked at it - my parents don't owe me anything. Both are still alive and will turn 91 within the next month. We regularly talk about what happens when they die - and I'm grateful we are able to have such conversations. My mother is very focused on leaving the estate to the children. But if my mother goes first there is a possibility my father would want to send a significant portion to a number of charities in which he has been involved over his lifetime. The way I look at it - it's their/his money. If it makes them/him happy to spend it in their lifetime or leave it to someone outside of the family (or to a new spouse, if the last to die remarries), so be it.

I know that's not always easy.

[Dorian Gray]

9. I think it's normal

that spouses get most assets when their partner dies, unless it's otherwise stated in a will. They're joint assets, so that's the norm. Your father in law can make a living trust (I think that's what it's called) so that while she is alive, she can live there but it ultimately belongs to your husband. Many families do that if the assets are significant enough.

But families are tricky and while that house may have sentimental value, it's not uncommon for homes and large assets to be given to the spouse upon death.

I'm sorry that this is painful for your husband, though.

[helpisontheway]

14. The living trust is a very good idea. Nt

[Vinca]

10. I sympathize. I had a horrible stepmother and while there was nothing much to inherit -

that I knew of anyway - I always thought she shortened my father's life by being such a miserable cow. When my stepsister called me from many states away to tell me she'd dropped dead of a stroke in a parking lot, my first instinct was to cheer. Just ignore her as best you can and hope dad comes to visit by himself.

[DenaliDemocrat]

11. Why do people think they have a right

To have an opinion on where other people’s money goes when they die? Unless it’s elderly abuse or something similar, if it’s not YOUR money - it’s not your business

[LudwigPastorius]

15. Yes.

This can't be stated enough.

I am taking care of my invalid, elderly mother right now. My brother is enjoying his retirement.

Whether my mom splits her estate between us, gives it all to my brother, or all to the SPCA is none of my business.

No one is owed anything in life. Make your choices, be a decent human being, and don't feel entitled to anything in return.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

12. I can almost guarantee your husband will end up getting less money than he expects.

[helpisontheway]

13. I think you should stay out of it. Your husband is okay with it.

Your father in law and step mom in law are okay with it. Life is short. Enjoy your family while they are here. Also, it is really nice of your father in law to set you up so y’all will have a good life in the future.