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Ima Pedant, communications director for the "Hope Hicks Institute of Serious Scatology",
---"HHISS"--- announced today in a press release that the Institute could now state with 100% certainty,after over six years of painstaking---and "odoriferous"--- research, that it is indeed impossible to pick up a turd by the "clean" end,
"We tried everything you could imagine---and then some!", Ima noted. "It is therefore our scientific opinion that if these lumps of excrement cannot be promptly flushed away one should go around them until they eventually decompose. Virtually ANY contact with one will leave a person with a stench that cannot be concealed or eliminated.
Those who doubt the above should speak to Hope."
