lol, Freeper gives wife crazy post-Obama instructions

[Enrique]

Last edited Thu Nov 8, 2012, 05:14 PM - Edit history (1)

it doesn't say how long he's giving Mrs. Akin to get this stuff done.

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/41164_Hilariously_Crazed_Wingnut_Rant_of_the_Day

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2957088/posts

Today, I instructed my wife to prepare for post Obama election by doing the following:

1. Close out our bank accounts, checking accounts, savings account.

2. Eliminate and exist from all medical service programs, insurance, and destroy all medical records and ID numbers.

3. Destroy and toss all cell phones.

4. Take out and smash all black boxes in our vehicles. Will put on the road my 69 mustaang.

5. Cut up all credit cards and call to stop all transactions.

6. Call and stop propane gas shipments, will now burn firewood. Already have more than 500 cord stacked as a backup.

7. Buy only the bare necessaities and pay all bills with a money order.

8. Plan all travel areas, use back roads to avoid TSA agents.

9. Do not use landline telephone only in an emergency.

10. Call and turn off Direct TV.

11. End all computer web services.

12. Build a gate at the end of our driveway and keep it locked. Inform all friends and relatives to call first prior to a visit so the gate can be unlocked.

13. Get involved more heavily with local Tea Party to establish a third party, no more money to the GOP under any circumstance!

The list may be updated to include other more secret actions that the government need not know about here!

[FSogol]

1. I posted his real list earlier. Here it is again:

1. Tell Mom, I'm out of Cheetos, Mountain Dew, and Hot Pockets.

2. Post racist and inflammatory messages on internet.

3. Masturbate furiously.

[Dem2TheCore]

15. Bwahahaha

Reminds me of te old joke:

Dr., why is my pecker orange?

What were you doing before it turned orange?

I was eating Cheetos and watching porn.

[txdemsftw]

2. The crazy is strong...

wtf?

[JustAnotherGen]

3. That guy

Is nucking futs!

He forgot - buy lots and lots and lots of tinfoil so my head gets proper reception!

[upaloopa]

4. Wait destroy all cell phones and don't use any land lines?

I guess they use the tin cans on a string phones.

[teach1st]

10. Maybe telepathy?

Oh, wait. Obama has the fascist Muslim mind-control machinery in place to pick up all telepathic messages. Dang.

12. Build a gate at the end of our driveway and keep it locked. Inform all friends and relatives to call first prior to a visit so the gate can be unlocked.

Bird call? Cat call? Call me stupid?

[Horse with no Name]

33. Smoke signals?

He has 500 cords of firewood!

[kentauros]

86. It'll rot before he can use it all.

Unless he's planning on building a bonfire. Might as well just set his house on fire

I couldn't remember the size of a single cord of wood and once I looked it up, calculated the dimensions of "just" 500 cords:

25.5' x 25.5' x 10'

It must be bigger than his house!

[Sheepshank]

41. Me think he didn't think this through..

not only will he lack the means to be called first...BUT....

A LOCKED GATE AT THE END OF THE DRIVEWAY, LOOKS REALLY STUPID WITHOUT A FENCE OR WALL TO ATTACH IT TO.

[muriel_volestrangler]

81. That's what the 500 cords of wood are for

Stack them 2 high for the outer wall, with one more inside for a firing step ...

[Science Geek]

93. It's going to be hard for them to call...

...since he destroyed his cell phones and unhooked the land-line...

Those are the ravings us an unhinged mind, they don't even contain internal consistency.

[calico1]

45. One of the other Freepers suggested

pigeons. I think that was tongue in cheek.

If you go to the Freeper link there are actually a lot of pretty good replies to the original post. Most of them seem to think he's nuts.

[siligut]

76. Probably because most of them know this guy is a poser

A wannabe survivalist, who is not married, not a land owner and certainly doesn't have that Mustang.

[Erose999]

55. Notice how one of his next items is to tell visitors to "call first". Call with what?

Those freepers are a few fries short of a happy meal.

Also, if he "ends all computer web services" how would he even post to Freep? Its also hilarious how he's parsed out all these tasks to his wife. I know a lot of old white men with that mindset. They don't do anything involving paperwork, they rely on women to do it. And a lot of times its because they're illiterate or bordeline illiterate.

[geomon666]

5. Instructed my wife

What a hero. How is this genius going to update his list if he's cutting off all web services? Ah fuck it.

[Ikonoklast]

69. Well, she doesn't actually 'live' with him, nor are they actually 'married'.

That guy's wife is Morgan Fairchikd, yeah, that's the ticket.

[Mike Nelson]

6. Good advice...

...and he should probably stop voting, too!

[Lefta Dissenter]

7. Can we convince them ALL to do this? (N/t)

[txdemsftw]

8. He forgot about his GUNZ!!!!!!!!!!!

[LynneSin]

9. If I were his wife I'd give him just one instruction

Next time you want a lil something something use your damn hand!

[OmahaBlueDog]

11. I love #8: Plan all travel areas, use back roads to avoid TSA agents.

Many is the time that I have been pulled over on I-29 or I-80, and had to have my bags X-rayed and go through a whole body scan. Never again. Take gravel roads in the black-box free '69 Mustaang.

As for Mr. Freeper's secret plans -- just a hunch; they involve stockping firearms and ammunition.

Please buy Hornady ammunition, as it is manufactured right here in Nebraska. (I had to throw that in).

[Horse with no Name]

35. I don't have a black box on my car

should I have one installed?

[OmahaBlueDog]

48. I think he means the computer that controls the engine...

...the one your technician uses to diagnose your vehicle's problems....and that secretly records your wherabouts, and reports them to TSA HQ.

[Erose999]

57. Well in addition to reporting your wherabouts to FEMA, it also controls your fuel injectors and

ignition timing. But go ahead and unplug it Freeper, your car will run just fine without it.

[Horse with no Name]

58. Ohhh...that is the one that I use to check in with.

Gotcha!

[appal_jack]

47. Good stuff, that Hornady. n/t

[TwilightGardener]

12. To be fair, the other Freeps are mostly laughing at him.

[Jennicut]

13. This post was so crazy even some of the Freepers were afraid.

One posted to this OP:

"Put down the drink and come in off the ledge. Besides, who packed your chute?"

[LadyHawkAZ]

14. Nice of him to offer to help...

what was he planning to be doing during this? Watching TV with a beer?

[Fumesucker]

16. 500 cords of wood stored?

This is a cord of firewood.

[FSogol]

22. 8 feet * 4 feet = 32 sq ft. 32 sq ft * 500 each = 16,000 sq ft.

With a single stack (4 feet high), 500 cords could fit on just over a 1/3rd acre.

However, that wood would (heh-heh) rot before he could burn it all for a large single family home.

[Fumesucker]

30. I thought of it as 4 ft high x 4 wide x 4000 ft long

That's going on a mile of stacked wood.

Or about five or six hundred thoroughly overloaded pickup trucks worth.

[FSogol]

40. Would he start the winter by taking the wood closest to the house or 4000 ft away?

Maybe he meant 500 Dura-Flame Logs?

[JBoy]

28. I'm surprised he didn't ask her to gather two of every species

Because that might be enough wood to build a Noah-sized ark.

[sufrommich]

42. That was my first thought too.

500 cords of wood,holy shit!

[Coyotl]

64. 8 hi x 20 w x 400 long = 20 garages full

She should go into the firewood business when he goes hunting, then SPLIT

[infidel dog]

17. I love #12...

Paranoid freakout. Ye gads. I think this guy will know exactly when his friends and relatives will be visiting. And he'll have no difficulty recognizing them. The brown shirts and/or pointed white hoods are very distinctive.

[Proles]

18. So get rid of landlines, cell phones, AND internet, but require

your friends to "call" to open the gate to your house?

Has to be a joke lol. Even most of their posters think it's insane.

[Fumesucker]

32. Children's Band radio

AKA CB...

[Erose999]

61. Yeah, lets get rid of our phones in favor of a system that will broadcast our convos to anyone who

buys a $25 reciever from Radio Shack. That'll show those damn commies!!

[shenmue]

19. Here's my list:

See if I have anything due back to the library.

Play with the dog.





Isn't it nice to be on the not-crazy side?

[rustydog]

20. If true, think about it....He had to instruct his wife to do all that because he has no clue...

except maybe how to pull the trigger of a GUNNNNN!
Black helicopters on the horizon!

[Renew Deal]

21. 14. Hire a divorce lawyer

[HappyMe]

23. That should be higher up

on the list.

[JBoy]

24. Friends should call first?

Would that be to the cell phone you destroyed, or to the landline you won't answer?



Imaginary instructions to his imaginary wife.

[lpbk2713]

27. The only other occupants of the basement he is typing from ...

are roaches.

[Fumesucker]

34. Nope, they all overdosed on Cheetohs crumbs

Now there's a basement full of dead orange cockroaches.

[Aerows]

25. If his wife had any sense

She'd be signing divorce papers.

[GoCubsGo]

26. Is this a promise?

Most of us would be thrilled that this whacko has isolated himself from the sane, civil society. Please. Lock yourself in your little hidey-hole, and leave the rest of us alone. The country and the world are better off without you crapping your toxic shit on us.

[WhoIsNumberNone]

29. Even the other Freepers are incredulous

Seriously- click the link and read the replies.

[Shankapotomus]

31. He forgot

Hoard incandescent light bulbs.

But I guess he probably shut off his electricity.

[Enrique]

38. and condom-free porn

before California's condom porn law takes effect.

[Sheepshank]

36. Fucker...and *THIS* is why women voted for Obama

what's he gonna do while the wman does all of this? Sit on the recliner eating cheetos while watching Glen Beckmeister?

[stevenleser]

37. If all the Conservatives stop using oil and gas, the prices of those things will go way down

and the economy will take off like a rocketship

[toddwv]

56. Actually no.

It's a global supply and demand economy.

That's why gas prices have went up even while supply has went up.

The US is now a net exporter of gasoline.

You don't hear about that much over the din of "Drill here drill now".

In fact, I saw one article that says the US will overtake Saudi Arabia within 8 years becoming the world's number one producer of oil.

[stevenleser]

66. No matter how you slice it, the price would be lower than what it would have been.

You can say the price would still rise because of global issues, but if you take approximately 90 million consumers of gasoline and oil out of the equation, its going to affect the price.

[toddwv]

78. Again, you're assuming localized supply and demand.

That's simply not the case. I don't know any other way to explain it to you.

Production is WAY up.

[img][/img]

Demand is WAY down.

[img][IMG][/IMG][/img]

Yet we still have high prices.

Please adjust your meme to coincide with facts.

[stevenleser]

83. No, I'm not, I'm doing the opposite, in fact. I dont think you are seeing it.

Prices can still rise, and thats fine. Your still taking 90 million consumers of a product out of an equation. You can say that instead of going up X amount, it will go up still but not as much, but you cannot say that 90 million less consumers will have no effect.

[calico1]

39. Where does one store 500 cords of wood?

The guy must have a lot of land.

[trailmonkee]

44. I got your 500 cords of wood right here!

sorry, couldn't help it

[calico1]

54. Funny..

Just wondered because we have almost 4 acres. One cord of wood is pretty big. 500?

[trailmonkee]

59. the crazies have issues with calculations some times... math really screws with their heads?

[HooptieWagon]

87. "Wanna buy some wood?" - W

[wordpix]

88. do you know how much wood that is? Takes years to burn it all & by that time, it's rotted into soil

The guy is totally

[coeur_de_lion]

43. Oh thanks for this. My best laugh of the day n/t

[myrna minx]

46. I'm so glad Obama have us these free iPads to track guys like him. Thank you tax payers!!

Someone PM me with the app - so we can dispatch the black helicopters.

Is the gun confiscation drive on the 15th or the 16th? Can someone confirm that with the New Black Panthers and Jane Fonda?

[brett_jv]

50. I really hope my newly-assigned same-sex partner ...

Looks like Johnny Depp ...

[myrna minx]

94. Indeed comrade!

Welcome to DU!

[stklurker]

49. even the freeps think he's nuts....

a reply in the freeper thread ->

If you’re destroying all cell phones and only using landlines in an emergency then how are your friends going to call you when they need the gate unlocked?

[NoPasaran]

77. The answer is simple

He has no friends.

[sufrommich]

51. He also claims he has "land mines and armored vehicles"

To: DCBryan1
You forgot to engage your brain before opening your mouth as well!
Think of this as a big joke and laugh at your own peril! Go back to living off the government and I will stay to myself with my land mines, armored vehicles and automatic rifles and we will see who survives this coming disaster!


73 posted on Thursday, November 08, 2012 2:46:25 PM by paratrooper82 (We have been deserted by this WH and left to fend for ourselves in Afghanistan! Both hands tied!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 70 | View Replies]

[yardwork]

52. Naturally he expects his wife to do all the work. Typical freeper.

[NNN0LHI]

53. Isn't that eerily similar to what the Jim Jones followers did?

[toddwv]

60. Don't forget food.

The gubmint inspects food and EVERYBODY who is a crackpot knows that they are using it as the opportunity to plant micro-RFID defices in order to track your eating habits.


Personally, I think the wife should have responded by putting "Call a divorce lawyer" and "Have doctor check husband's med" as priorities on this list.

[Motown_Johnny]

62. So, destroy all cell phones and have friends call prior to a visit so gate can be unlocked.

Makes sense to me!




Land Lines For The Win!

[Coyotl]

63. Good News. She and the children have crossed the border into a liberated state,

anywhere but freeperville

[LeftinOH]

65. We're still going to find him... he can't hide from us!!!

[dixiegrrrrl]

75. Just use Google Earth and look for 8 acres of stacked firewood.

[HooptieWagon]

89. +1000 !!! I fell out of my chair!

[wordpix]

90. lol!

[cherish44]

67. I'm sure he's living his wet dream at the thought of this

[NYC Liberal]

68. "End all computer web services" -- oh please let that be #1!

[Chorophyll]

70. I couldn't get past "Eliminate and exist from all medical service programs."

[madmom]

71. Wonder if he knows they can trace money orders?

[Dash87]

72. I feel sorry for the people around these nuts

This is the type of person, where, one day they pop out of the bushes and shoot some an innocent jogger in the head because they got too close to their lawn.

Also, who the heck posts info in public and says it should be secret? Troll alert?

[sufrommich]

73. Love his answer to how he's going to use the internet

without paying for it:

To: stuartcr
Have you ever heard of a Public L-I-B-R-A-R-Y?



98 posted on Thursday, November 08, 2012 3:28:36 PM by paratrooper82 (We have been deserted by this WH and left to fend for ourselves in Afghanistan! Both hands tied!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 97 | View Replies]



Lol, you mean the library funded with tax payer dollars and run by your local government ??

[lz1122]

74. "The list may be updated to include other more secret actions that the government need not know abou

Okay first the logic of this, I know it's a freeper so those two don't mix. You don't want the government to know about an update but you broadcast it like you are going to update.

I don't know where this person is from but this has signs of Waco, TX all over it. He is probably stockpiling illegal firearms as we speak along with a mass of freepers that have joined along. I really don't think that gate at the end of the driveway is going to keep the ATF out.

[treestar]

79. Why does she have to do these chores?

Do it yourself, Freeper!

[reggaehead]

80. Wife's response tweet

Sorry hunny. I'm at the clinic with my boyfriend. There's a pot pie thawed in the fridge. Cya

[lindysalsagal]

82. I'm afraid to think of what's got this wacko so busy that he instructs his wife

to do all of this.

[Raine]

84. LOL, oh goody, please go live in a cave too. Oh and can I have your "stuff" you know how all of us

covet your "stuff".

[FamilyMan]

85. One Question?

Does this smart individual know that the fee he pays on the money order goes to the "government." The Republican way would be to use the banks.

[wordpix]

91. "no more money to the GOP under any circumstance!" GREAT idea!

The guy's not a total lunatic, then

[Sheldon Cooper]

92. His plan fills me with fear and remorse.

Whatever will we do without him?

(I feel sorry for his wife, too. Sheesh.)