SpaceX Crew Member Realizes He Fired After Being Locked Out Of Capsule

[Zorro]

LOW EARTH ORBIT—Noting that he had a feeling something was off the second he left for a spacewalk, SpaceX Crew member Chris Jeffries told reporters Friday that he realized he had been fired after being locked out of the Dragon capsule.

“While no one has explicitly told me that my job has been eliminated, judging by the fact that I have no space shuttle access, everyone is ignoring me, and I’m floating endlessly in space, I think I can put two and two together,” said Jeffries, who after trying repeatedly to float past the shuttle’s windows to flag down the seven-person crew, told reporters that this was the most unprofessional way he had ever been dismissed from a mission.

“I could think of one million better ways to fire someone instead of locking them outside of the shuttle, cutting their tether, and then not responding to any of their SOSs. But hey that’s Elon in a nutshell! Hello? Is anyone in there? My space suit keeps telling me that my oxygen access is denied.”

At press time, Jeffries could not be reached for comment after desperately tweeting at Elon Musk that he was going to die, to which Elon simply replied with a sideways laughing emoji.

https://www.theonion.com/spacex-crew-member-realizes-he-fired-after-being-locked-1850213418

[LetMyPeopleVote]

1. I love good satire

[Demanchor]

9. Absolutely!

I honestly fell for it until I read the link.

This is masterful in my world. LOL.

[niyad]

2. I had to check the link.

[MrsCoffee]

12. Same, lol.

It took me a minute.

[Enter stage left]

3. Wow...I really didn't think it was the Onion...I thought that was Musk in all his glory!

I think humor is dying, it's hard to tell reality from satire nowadays.
...
...
...
...
...If you were reading "Mad Magazine", you would know it was satire and laughable, nowadays with Fux and Musk, how do you tell?

[rubbersole]

4. I guess the only tell is...

...faux is shit and musk is a piece of shit.

[keithbvadu2]

5. Let me in, Hal... I can't do that, Dave.

[burrowowl]

6. Kick!!!!

[dalton99a]

7. Kick

[TheBlackAdder]

8. Remember when Trump would fire people while away on a junket, forcing them to pay to get home?

.

He would lock them out of Air Force One at a remote location .

.

[tanyev]

11. Yeah, Trump was ticked off that Comey got a ride back on the FBI plane after news of his firing

broke while he was in L.A. to speak at an FBI recruiting event. This was May 2017 and I was still naive enough that my first assumption about the process of Comey's firing was created by the chaos, ignorance and incompetence of the Trump administration.

But no, they must have been waiting for him to leave D.C. for a publicized event to alert the media and deliver the letter firing him because Donald J. Trump is a childish, vindictive POS.

[brer cat]

10. K&R

Very well done.