My experience with the deeply rooted misogyny of men in general and medicine particularly
I am having a bit of a meltdown, after seeing JD Vance saying that helping care for grandchildren is the purpose of the post-menopausal female.
Just to relate a brief history of my PURPOSE (sarcasm) in life:
I had a son, who died very young of natural causes.
I then tried for a long time to have another child, but had a string of miscarriages.
I was eventually determined to have too many uterine fibroids to ever become pregnant, and they were getting so huge that they were a serious health problem. My uterus was removed, but not my ovaries, as I was still quite young at the time and it would have slammed me into menopause.
I have a number of chronic health problems, so I see a number of different doctors pretty regularly.
After I had my uterus removed, EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR I SAW AFTER THAT (excepting my gynecologist, who was a woman, and did the surgery) asked me, "Why do you still have your ovaries?"
All of them male.
It pissed me off so badly that I started asking them, "Why do you still have your balls?"
Men, even DOCTORS, have so much ignorance and thoughtlessness about what it is to be a woman.
JD Vance doesn't even seem to think there would be a reason for me to be alive, since I will never have grandchildren.
Never mind that I'm a college professor, mid-career.
Or that I have a number of interests and hobbies.
And that I spend the money I would have spent on children and grandchildren on charities.
FUCK THESE MEN!!
MY LIFE IS WORTH LIVING DESPITE NOT HAVING CHILDREN!!!!!
DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY! THE FUTURE IS FEMALE!!!!
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and want to insure the laws allow them to control those (worthless) lives.
Fuck em all!
Strength and support to you Coventina!!
but you are brave to tell your story. Some, even on this board, might have trouble understanding why Vance's comment is so cruel and disgusting. Your story helps us understand that it is part of an anti-female strategy designed to divide women among themselves, to cause others to dehumanize them, and to justify taking away their rights. 
We are not just incubators for a man's sperm! 
The pukes efforts to reduce us to mere vessels and servants is the same exact kind of tactics that are used to try and justify the oppression of any marginalized group.
We Are Not Going Back!
to you for what you have been through.
Our individual stories may be different, but as the #metoo movement shows, our overall experiences have too many similarities to be written off as coincidence.
I would've freaked out, too! For the life of me, I can't imagine what it was for. I'm 72, so I've been around a while, and I have never heard of this thing!
I think it was 40 years, or more ago, I've only chosen female doctors. Only on rare occasions I've had to settle with a male.
They may be highly educated physicians, but many either don't know how to talk to women, or they lack understanding of the female anatomy.
I'm certain there are plenty of well qualified male physicians, but I'd rather play it safe with a fellow woman.
why you still had your ovaries.
You are not childless. You are a bereaved mother and you have done exceedingly well in your life in spite of your loss. JD Vance is an opportunistic idiot who hasn't figured out that people hate what he's saying.
fuck the patriarchy.
for having me in the first place.
;
Last edited Thu Aug 15, 2024, 01:12 PM - Edit history (1)
First of all, I want to express my heartfelt condolences for your losses, Coventina, including the loss of your son and your multiple pregnancy losses. I feel your pain and I ache for you.
JD Vance would probably think I'm useless, too. I do have one child, but I'll never have grandchildren, so I guess I'm just a waste of space at this point, according to him. 
We "planned" to have at least two kids, but infertility had other ideas. It took us years and endless trips to multiple doctors to conceive our daughter, and once we had her, I just couldn't face going through all that stress all over again. So we said "all done" at one.
She's in her late 30s now and determinedly childfree. She has never wanted kids, never had any interest in them, wouldn't even play with baby dolls when she was little. Kids are simply not her thing.
When it gradually became clear that she was never going to be interested in motherhood, I accepted it. I wanted her to do what was best for her, not put her wishes aside to please me. I've always had a great dislike of parents (usually moms) who hassle their grown kids about giving them grandkids and an even greater dislike of people who push the idea that everybody has to have kids, and I was not about to be one of those people.
Instead, I chose to focus on developing a variety of thobbies and interests that give me satisfaction and joy. I feel that I have a very full life, and although I would have welcomed a grandchild or two, I do not need them to make my life worth living or to make me feel that I have worth as a human.
Furthermore, I know for a fact that all of our lives have worth and value. That goes for your life, Coventina, my childfree daughter's life, and my life as a non-grandmother. We all have our own special gifts and our own contributions to make, all of which are part of the rich tapestry of life.
People like JD Vance, who think having babies is the only thing that gives a young woman's life value and grandchildren are the only thing that can give worth to the life of an older woman, are full of crap and need to stfu about things of which they obviously know nothing. At this point, I'm already sicker of JD than I am of the Orange Hellbeast, sick of his condescension and his know it all attitude and his freaking 19th century views about women!
ALL women have value, whether we are mothers, grandmothers, both, or neither. Each of us has something special to contribute and we need to celebrate that and celebrate each other!
P.S. Fuck Shady Vance and the couch he rode in on!
The bleeding was horrendous. I did manage to have 2 kids, 10 years apart. After the 2nd, my female gynNP recommended a hysterectomy, saying you don’t need your uterus anymore.
I asked her if she’d tell a man to have his dick cut off because he didn’t want more children. I found another solution, doing my own research. She ended up recommending other women do the same.
Had my ovaries removed some years later, on my own terms. I am now a proud Nana of 2. Wasn’t easy, but I got there.
I also still run my own business.Fck Vance. What a weirdo.
...
as a very supportive husband and father of daughters, I am personally working for a better future for everyone with additional focus on evening the playing field. That said, there will be 'growing pains'. My daughters (univ. educated) think that we all can just snap our fingers and make it so. From my perspective this will take a generation or 3.
Keep working the long standing problem. You have my (and many others) support.
On Edit- The irony is not lost on me.
So many can't get past the abstract philosophical justification for this stance and appreciating the actual human response and how alienating lectures like that can be.
As a gay man, I have had my share of run-ins with the medical profession. I have a brother who is a doctor and he has strived to be open to listening to his patients and understanding their needs, especially geriatric (another group often dismissed out of hand) and the GLBT community, given he has a 'mo for an older brother. But sadly, what you describe is still the reality. Is it getting better? I don't know. My hair stylist was pregnant and started spotting. She called it in asking to be seen; she was dismissed and told to come in when she was 6 weeks along. Two days later, she miscarried. The person who shooed her away was a woman, but when a profession is dominated by a certain group, sometimes, even those "subjugated" fall into the bad habits they see.
I am sorry for your experience, but it did remind me of something. I hope you don't see this as trivializing your situation (is so, let me know and I will remove it). Did you ever watch "The Golden Girls"? If you did, you may remember this, if not...
Some things never seem to change or do so slowly as to be glacial.
