U.S. Releases Strategic Alcohol Reserve Before Election Night

[Jack Valentino]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Responding to “a situation of utmost urgency,” President Biden released the nation’s Strategic Alcohol Reserve just hours before Election Night.

Immediately following the announcement, the price of vodka dipped below three dollars a gallon and Biden’s approval rating surged to 94 percent.

But even as Americans cheered, experts warned that excessive liquor consumption could cause severe mental impairment akin to that exhibited by undecided voters.

Statistics show that the nation’s alcohol supply has been under acute pressure since November of 2016.


https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/us-releases-strategic-alcohol-reserve


THANKS, DARK BRANDON!!!!

[50 Shades Of Blue]

1. ROFL!!!

[nycbos]

2. "To alcohol the cause of and soulution to all of life's problems"

[da svenster]

3. and if you're not part of the solution...

you're part of the precipitate

[central scrutinizer]

4. I bought a bottle of bourbon today

Wearing my Harris/Walz shirt. The woman behind the counter said many of her friends are preparing to flee to Canada if TSF wins. My, response, “this is for celebrating, I don’t think I’ll have to drown my sorrows.” I got nothing but positive comments as I did my errands today.