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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsOnce again, The Onion nails it. Fuck it.
WASHINGTONFollowing the fatal shooting this morning at a Connecticut elementary school that left at least 27 dead, including 20 small children, sources across the nation shook their heads, stifled a sob in their voices, and reported fuck everything. Just fuck it all to hell.
All of it, sources added.
Im sorry, but fuck it, I cant handle thisI just cant handle it anymore, said Deborah McEllis, who added that no, no, no, no, no, this isnt happening, this cant be real. Seriously, what the hell is this? Whats even going on anymore? Why do things like this keep happening?
Continued McEllis, before covering her face with her hands, Why?
Despairing sources confirmed that the gunman, armed with a semiautomatic assault riflea fucking combat rifle, Jesuswalked into a classroom full of goddamned children where his mother was a teacher and, good God, if this is what the world is becoming, then how about we just pack it in and fucking give up, because this is no way to live.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/
LittlestStar
(224 posts)Why do only The Daily Show, Colbert, and The Onion ever get it???????
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)So at least we know which 4 sources to listen to.
LittlestStar
(224 posts)dballance
(5,756 posts)Why is it that the comedy shows report more real new now?
Absolutely NO alleged news network asked Christie the same hard questions Jon Stewart asked him and pissed Christie off on-air for it.
gateley
(62,683 posts)undeterred
(34,658 posts)and ask some devastated family member to tell us how they are feeling...
Skittles
(153,169 posts)oxymoron
(4,053 posts)underpants
(182,829 posts)well done The Onion. Seriously are they the actual credible news source now?
myrna minx
(22,772 posts)Posteritatis
(18,807 posts)csziggy
(34,136 posts)December 14, 2012
NEWTOWN, CTFollowing todays mass shooting that left 20 young children dead at a Connecticut elementary school, numerous sources across the country reported that their government-protected right to own a portable device that propels small masses of metal through the air at lethal rates of speed is completely worth any such consequences.
More: http://www.theonion.com/articles/right-to-own-handheld-device-that-shoots-deadly-me,30742/
tex-wyo-dem
(3,190 posts)It seems the normally tongue-in-cheek, light-hearted The Onion writers are as pissed as we are today.