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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsFrom The Onion...
Right To Own Handheld Device That Shoots Deadly Metal Pellets At High Speed Worth All Of This
http://www.theonion.com/articles/right-to-own-handheld-device-that-shoots-deadly-me,30742/
CTFollowing todays mass shooting that left 20 young children dead at a Connecticut elementary school, numerous sources across the country reported that their government-protected right to own a portable device that propels small masses of metal through the air at lethal rates of speed is completely worth any such consequences. Its my God-given right and a founding principle of this country that I be able to own a [piece of metal that launches other smaller pieces of metal great distances, one after the other], and if a few deaths here and there is the price we have to pay for that freedom, then so be it, said Lawrence Crane of nearby Danbury, CT, who is such a staunch advocate of the portable deadly-pellet-flinging apparatuses that he keeps multiple versions of such mechanisms in his home, often carries one with him, and is a member of a club whose sole purpose is to celebrate these assembled steel things and the small bits of metal they send flying. Sure, its sad that a few kids died, but its far better than the tyranny that would result if the government came and took away all our [mechanical contraptions that make a lot of little pointy chunks of metal go through the air fast]. Can you even imagine what kind of horrible world that would be? The man added that if the events that unfolded today led lawmakers to question his ability to possess any such items of steel and lead, authorities would have to pry the [wholly inanimate mechanical object,nothing more, nothing less] from [his] dead hands.
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From The Onion... (Original Post)
abelenkpe
Dec 2012
OP
It's just the price the rest of us have to pay. Over and over again, apparently.
Electric Monk
Dec 2012
#2
Stinky The Clown
(67,808 posts)1. I'm replying while not having read more than a few words of your post.
Not chastising you. I'm just not ready for school shooting humor, even from The Onion.
Electric Monk
(13,869 posts)2. It's just the price the rest of us have to pay. Over and over again, apparently.
rocktivity
(44,576 posts)3. I see what went wrong
You have to change the square brackets [ ] to parentheses ( ) when pasting into DU:
NEWTOWN, CTFollowing todays mass shooting that left 20 young children dead at a Connecticut elementary school, numerous sources across the country reported that their government-protected right to own a portable device that propels small masses of metal through the air at lethal rates of speed is completely worth any such consequences.
Its my God-given right and a founding principle of this country that I be able to own a (piece of metal that launches other smaller pieces of metal great distances, one after the other), and if a few deaths here and there is the price we have to pay for that freedom, then so be it, said Lawrence Crane of nearby Danbury, CT, who is such a staunch advocate of the portable deadly-pellet-flinging apparatuses that he keeps multiple versions of such mechanisms in his home, often carries one with him, and is a member of a club whose sole purpose is to celebrate these assembled steel things and the small bits of metal they send flying.
Sure, its sad that a few kids died, but its far better than the tyranny that would result if the government came and took away all our (mechanical contraptions that make a lot of little pointy chunks of metal go through the air fast). Can you even imagine what kind of horrible world that would be? The man added that if the events that unfolded today led lawmakers to question his ability to possess any such items of steel and lead, authorities would have to pry the (wholly inanimate mechanical object, nothing more, nothing less) from (his) dead hands.
You're welcome.
rocktivity