Anyone familiar with basic child support law?

[FirstLight]

I'm in CA... tell me, if the custodial parent has a child support case open and the non custodial parent is supposed to pay directly to the state...isn't it illegal for the custodial parent to try and get money DIRECTLY from the other parent?

I know visitation (family law) is separate from child support court...but my BF's ex is playing the game of "If you don't give ME some money, I am gonna not let you see your kid."

She already gets her $50 disregard when he makes a payment, she's just trying to squeeze more out of him.

I believe he can threaten to blow the whistle on her to the courts for this. whatcha think?

[southernyankeebelle]

1. Sounds like black mail to me. It would be a good idea if he goes to see a lawyer for

an hour and pay $50.00 to get the right information.

[LiberalFighter]

2. I'm not aware of it being illegal per se

But, if it isn't made directly to the court it likely won't get documented as payment. She can deny receiving payment unless it can be proven by the court standards. He best consult with an attorney. He would need to have witnesses if she tries to blackmail him. Don't know what CA has on recording w/o permission. But one way to get around the permission is try reduce amount of time actual talking live. So that she talks on the message machine. That way by leaving a message that is her consent if she says anything stupid.

[etherealtruth]

3. I am not a lawyer and I don't live in California

... I can't imagine that it is illegal anywhere in the US for a custodial parent to ask (maybe even demand) more money from a non-custodial parent.

I can't imagine anywhere in the US where it would be legal for a custodial parent to refuse to allow a non-custodial parent (with court ordered visitation) to see his/her children.

One thing to consider though ... child support is generally a starting point ... parents usually (acknowledging extenuating circumstances and/or significant wealth disparity) each pay portions of the extras in a child's life ... sports, camps, tutors and other activities and expenses.

Its not always financially comfortable ... but good parents sacrifice in an attempt to give their child the best life possible

[FirstLight]

5. valid points

but we are talking about people who have very little income on both sides of the equation. He is striving to keep the courts happy and stay out of trouble, and now she decides he 'should' be giving her more...and to make her point, she is saying no to his regular visits.

Personally I give it a week, two tops till she breaks down and lets the little one see his daddy, he's going to be freaking out I am sure, he's only 6....

[grasswire]

7. denial of visitation can bite that mom on the backside

But the dad will need documentation that the visits were denied.

Another problem is the fact that there too often is a court bias against non-custodial dads. It's a fact.

Interference in the relationship between either parent and the children is called "parental alienation" and it is considered child abuse.

[etherealtruth]

10. The harm it can do the child is the true "crime" in this

[aaaaaa5a]

11. Fathers have no rights in family court. Period. nt

[etherealtruth]

9. It is never OK to keep a child from a parent (except if the child would be endangered, of course)

The issue is probably really complicated if both parents are poor ... which means these folk are fighting to meet basic needs.

It is unconscionable that she is not letting this child be with his other parent ... but, it is not unconscionable that she would ask for additional money (especially if the custodial is trying to raise a child on very limited funds).

Hoping for the little one's sake that they work this out quickly ... because the child is the one truly suffering.

[elleng]

4. Certainly not in compliance with court's order for support.

Not specifically familiar with CA law, but logic tells me this.

He should NOT pay directly to her INSTEAD OF to the state. (He might want to make a separate and unrelated 'gift.')

[FirstLight]

6. ha!

well considering he is scraping to save enough money for a dentist visit this month, extra money is not an option.

She is the one with the full time job, who just bought a (used) car and thinks somehow it is HIS responsibility to help her keep it running and pay insurance. He was the main bread winner for 7 years while they were married, and some how she still thinks he has to take care of her...

[elleng]

8. If he's paying to the court what he was ordered,

he's done his duty. That's all there is to it, and if she threatens to not allow him to visit, she is in the wrong.

Best of luck to all.

[treestar]

12. Pay only through the state

There is a record of all payments. Direct payments will be treated as gifts.

If there is a court order with a wage attachment, then the state administers it. If the court order says pay the state, pay the state. Do as the court order says.

Is there a visitation order? If not, get one. If there is, she has to comply with it or go to court for contempt.

If he complies with the support order as it is written as a court order, then there is nothing she can do to stop visitation, indeed, she can't stop visitation even if he was not paying child support. The courts made them separate to stop this sort of thing.

He should stand up for himself and go to court and not give in to her threats. She is not in charge, the court is.

[treestar]

15. Most courts now recognize parental alienation

and punish it severely.

The problem with most NCP is they won't fight for themselves. Won't stand up for themselves when the law does support them.

NCP didn't sue them due to parental alienation? He should have gone to court.

You don't need lawyers in domestic relations court. The courts put tons of information on the web and have forms - it is the most common pro se (representing oneself) situation. Go to the court's site, get the petition for visitation, GET A VISITATION ORDER by filing that. And then if CP won't obey it, file a petition for contempt of court.

And when the recession causes a financial setback, go into family court with a petition to modify the child support order. Most NCPs just sit there, do nothing, and allow huge arrears to count up against themselves. They could instead file a petition to modify the child support order. If they got on and did that, they might not get these building up of arrears.

Any change in one's financial circumstances should result in immediate appeal to the court to lower the amount of the order. It won't be refused in honest cases. If you can't afford a lawyer, there are usually court forms to do it online.

It amazes me how people sit there and be victims when they could do something. The law usually provides for modifications for changes in circumstances. It is appalling how people prefer to be lazy and then be victims rather than making some effort to stand up for themselves. Family courts are the most friendly to those who don't have lawyers - and in the internet age, there is no excuse. You could find the forms and file asking the court to modify the order.

[The Straight Story]

14. My first X did something similar to me

And in the end, even going through the state, I over paid my child support by about 2k. When I called the state about it they said the only way to get back that money was to sue her directly in court.

If I didn't pay, I would go to jail. She lied to them, got more out of me, and they shrugged.

She also did the whole 'send me X more' or won't get time with the kids as well.

In the end she passed away so not much I could do about it at that point....