What say you...my boss' ex-wife just threw their daughter out of the car and drove off...

[joeybee12]

She just called bawling...he's going to pick her up. Yeah, it's the afternoon, but would consider this child abuse? I couldn't understand her when she called....she's 14. Well, I'd consider it abuse. I don't care how infuriating teens can be at times...this is pretty bad.

[provis99]

1. heck, my dad used to do that to me.

I imagine it`s pretty common.

[joeybee12]

5. In Vegas?

Not really a suburban area.

[provis99]

17. Vegas would have been a lot better.

No, when I got dropped off, it was in the uninhabited areas of heavily wooded north Mississippi.

[joeybee12]

19. Was this close to home?

Did your Dad yell, "You can walk home!" Was that feasible...I don't think it was feasible for this 14-year-old.

[provis99]

23. I have to admit, it was never more than 10 miles from home.

It was never cold at night, anyways.

[Lunacee2012]

48. This happened to me a few times too.

Hell, I even jumped out of the car a couple of times. It wasn't abuse, we all just really needed to cool off for a bit.

[WillowTree]

2. Insufficient information to form an opinion.

[MattBaggins]

40. What are you talking about... This is DU

[Broderick]

47. Just wait right?

[juajen]

109. I agree. We need more information.

[Brickbat]

3. It can be abuse, but isn't necessarily, IMO.

[librechik]

4. there was an incident almost exactly like this a year or so ago--made the news--mom arrested

http://abcnews.go.com/WhatWouldYouDo/mom-orders-bickering-kids-walk-home/story?id=10613665

[obamanut2012]

118. The charges were, rightly, dropped

[librechik]

121. thx for the update--

[DJ13]

6. I hope she stopped the car first

[slackmaster]

57. That was my thought as well

That would make a big difference.

[TheWraith]

7. Yes, that's definitely abuse.

I have a hard time imagining any scenario where it WOULDN'T be.

[blueamy66]

64. Really?

When a 15 year old backtalks his/her mother and calls her a fucking bitch.....you have a problem with Mom making the little brat walk home?

[Shankapotomus]

79. Kid could get picked up by a predator

so, yea, this is problematic.

[blueamy66]

86. Or kid could learn a valuable lesson.

Kids walk to school, to the local market, to the mall....they "could" get picked up by a predator then as well.

So, the answer is to keep little junior in a bubble and/or don't let them leave the house unattended.

What a lovely world you live in.

[Shankapotomus]

103. Not at all

it's one thing to allow your child to walk with friends to school or the convienance store. It's another to be the parent who regrets leaving them by the side of the road to let them walk, or worse, hitch a ride with the wrong person because you couldn't wait to blow off steam when you got home. I know parents who kick their children out of the house for arguing. This is a very dumb thing to do. When you abandon your kid in anger - which again, is different then lettjng them go to the mall alone - there's always a chance they may not come home, either willingly or against their will.

[stufl]

8. My son has a 10 month old daughter whom he loves desperately.

I have told him several times that they keep getting better and better until they are 14. Then they have learned all there is to know and you HATE them. I hated both of my sons at that age but I NEVER threw them out of the car.

[Maine-ah]

56. when it is my turn (my daughter is 5)

I'm probably going to use the line my Mother used on me.

"you know, Maine-ah, I love you. But right now, I don't really like you."

This is exactly when I knew my Mom was seriously fucking pissed.

[tawadi]

9. When you say 'threw their daughter out of the car' you mean the mother stopped first, right?

Happens a lot with teenagers. As long as she wasn't endangered, sometimes it is one of the few ways to get both parties to cool off. Arguing while driving can be even more dangerous.

Hope the 14 year old is alright. And hope they iron things out soon.

[joeybee12]

14. Figuratively threw...stopped the car I assumed...

Thing is, it wasn't close enough for her to walk home and this is Vegas.

[tawadi]

21. That could have ended badly

One would think she could have waited until it was close enough for her daughter to walk.

[joeybee12]

24. I don't think you want to leave a 14-year-old girl alone

anywhere...seriously, some real nuts out there...especially in vegas

[tawadi]

31. Yeah, maybe. But in the middle of the day, if just a few blocks from home..maybe

There are real nuts in any town. I see what you mean too. But we are only hearing one side of the story.

[bettyellen]

76. NYC kids walk around the city and or take public transportation all the time at 14! Geeze.

[obamanut2012]

99. Dr. Phil ( I know, I know)

Had a show on this last year. A suburban mom who almost literally imprisoned her 17-year-old daughter. Good kid, no troubles, but mom was afraid of rape and murder. The other Mom, lived in NYC, let her 13-year-old go to and from school alone, ride the subway, etc. The first mom freaked out and said the second mom was a child abuser and a bad mother.

[Codeine]

84. Please don't buy into that hysteria.

The developed world is, for the most part, an amazingly safe place in which to grow up. The probability of something happening to a kid on a walk home under normal circumstances is vanishingly small.

A really bad neighborhood can change that equation, of course, but without some facts pointing to that I'm going to assume the kid would be safe on a walk home.

[Dorian Gray]

89. Me too

even in vegas.

If it's during the day, I can't say that this is too shocking.

[Arkansas Granny]

119. I'd need to know a little more before I called it child abuse.

By the time they were 14, my sons and my daughter were walking more than a mile to school. Sometimes they were with friends, sometimes they were alone. I probably wouldn't have wanted them making that trip in the dark, but in broad daylight it was safe.

[treestar]

10. Depends where

Could the teen walk home from there?

[joeybee12]

11. Las Vegas, and no...

I think the location is the deal-breaker for me.

[enlightenment]

22. Where did the mom kick her out of the car?

Henderson? North Vegas? Summerlin? Down by the Stratosphere? In broad daylight, there is little chance that the kid was in any real danger unless she has some sort of cognitive impairment that impacts her decision-making ability. The fact that she called and asked to be picked up suggests she was perfectly capable of making a wise decision, even if she was upset.

I don't know what part of Vegas you live in, but aside from a few areas that are iffish even during the day, there aren't too many places a 14 year old who has the sense not to get in a car with a stranger would be in danger.

Were it after dark, I might agree with you but as it isn't dark here, I have to agree with the poster who said it was better to get her out of the car than risk having an accident because things had devolved into a screaming match. Fourteen year old girls are not babies and most of them are tough as nails (I was one - I had one). Just because they turn on the waterworks after they lose a match doesn't mean they're fragile flowers.

[riderinthestorm]

30. +1 nt

[obamanut2012]

101. Were there sidewalks, a library, a store, an Applebee's?

Or was it the desert?

What did the kid do? Maybe she deserved it. Fourteen-year-old girls can be monsters, and maybe this kid was caught with drugs or something. Or called her mom a cword. Not enough info.

I don't see the big deal if it was daylight in an area with people. Walking around a mall alone is probably less safe. She also has a cell phone.

Also, the "ex wife" label often colors any information concerning what said ex does.

[treestar]

115. The last sentence

So true. Everyone loves to rush to judgment without hearing both sides. Note the articles does not give both sides.

[obamanut2012]

117. Exactly, one-sided and filtered through two sources

[Quantess]

12. Second hand gossip.

[liberal N proud]

13. I would have been too afraid

Afraid that someone would grab her or that she would run off. Neither a good outcome.

[Tsiyu]

15. Maybe she saw it on TV last night

Saw a segment of a similar event on some show (I was at a friend's place) maybe Modern Family? The daughter was complaining that she didn't have anything worthwhile to put on her college esssay, that her mother had coddled her.

So the mother lied and dropped the daughter off miles from home to "give her some hardships."

It was a comedy - I think.

[joeybee12]

20. I saw that, too...Modern Family...

The daughter there was 18.

[Tsiyu]

36. Ah..that age does make a difference

I just thought it was funny that I saw that last night. I wondered then how many parents might try the approach....

Hope it all works out for the girl and her parents.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

16. Makes you wonder why she is his X wife?

[joeybee12]

18. Oh, the stories....

[notadmblnd]

25. it's abandonment and possibly child endangerment.

[MoonRiver]

26. Depends

Have you raised teenage daughters?

[Rex]

27. Did she 'throw her out of the car' while it was still moving

or ordered her to 'get out' and walk? Big dif imo.

[Cleita]

28. If not abuse, it's dangerous to the kid. n/t

[riderinthestorm]

29. I have a 15 year old daughter and we are going through a very, very difficult year

So you can flame me but here's some perspective....

1. You haven't given us nearly enough information about the situation. I did throw my 14 year old daughter out of the car several miles from home once because I found pot in her backpack as she was rummaging in it looking for something else. I saw it out of the corner of my eye and grabbed it at a stop light. She screamed bloody murder when I told her I was going to throw it out. Now mind you, I'm driving, she reaches across me and begins a wrestling match in the car for the pot. The light turns green and I'm forced to move off whereby she grabs the pot. She then proceeds to open her window and begins hollering to the people in the cars going by that I'm trying to make HER use pot. As a police officer drove past us, she actually laughed and waved the baggie out the window at him, I pulled over and yes, I threw her out of the car.

Flame away. She had to walk home, several miles that day and I drove to the nearest gas station and sat and shook with fear, rage, sobbing, for more than an hour. I almost killed both of us in the car over that episode. Moreover, I was completely enraged at her. I have no idea what I would have done if I hadn't put her out.

2. There are two sides to every story. My daughter's side, and mine. If you heard her side, it would not at all resemble the truth because the fact is most teens lie.

3. Before you judge anyone's family, take a step back. You are on the outside looking in. Honestly, you never know what the dynamics are and it's dangerous to make ASSumptions.


Edited to add, she did make it home just fine. Both of us were cooled off by then. This is just one of a string of terrible, terrible incidents with her I've had this past year (she started prostituting herself out for drugs, then selling) before she entered rehab at 14 years old.... We're only a couple months into a very, very fragile grace period but I repeat, nobody knows what's going on with the inside of family dynamics... Your boss presumably has an axe to grind with his ex-wife. I'd be very, very leery of ANYTHING you hear.

[tawadi]

34. All the best to you and your daughter

You did the right thing, at that time, it sounds like. Be strong!

[riderinthestorm]

35. There are no right answers and parenting does not come with a manual.

Its funny but from the outside, we/she/this family look fabulous! She's beautiful, straight A's, a nationally ranked athlete, in the school theater scene in a big way... but she's got an addiction problem. And it destroys a family. Unless you knew it from the inside, you'd never know it from the outside.

Thanks for your kind words (sniff!) I just hope it makes the OP step back for a moment....

[nobodyspecial]

41. Please do whatever it takes to stop her from going down this path

She will scream she hates you, but will thank you later. I wish my parents had stopped me. I continue to carry the baggage from those years and in the back of my mind, still think if they only had loved me more, they would have stopped me.

[riderinthestorm]

44. Oh my god, can I pm you? I would really love to talk if you are willing

The lockdown, drug testing, room searches, inquisitions about EVERY body who comes in contact with her.... I'm only a little over a year into this and nothing about the situation is normal. Daily, we repeat that we love her but her addictions and behaviors not so much. She agreed to go into rehab after she ran away (my 23 year old daughter found her) when one of my room searches turned up a stash of crack cocaine she was ready to deal.

She's in counseling, and virtually everyone agrees this isn't a sexual abuse case, she's just incredibly defiant, willful, and utterly fearless. She says she does all of this because she LOVES life, nothing scares her. Nothing. Its terrifying.

[elehhhhna]

54. Find an APG fast

We were in that sit. a year ago. She's 15 now and sober 11 months on Wednesday. This is common addict stuffand y'all will benefit from an APG

http://www.cornerstonerecovery.org/

[riderinthestorm]

55. I honestly didn't mean to thread derail, I just wanted the OP to understand he prob does not have

all of the facts, nor is he privy to the family's private situation, that teens lie, that there are two sides to every story, and add in a vengeful ex-spouse situation and there's no way an outsider has enough information to judge.

(we don't have enough info from the OP to judge)

That said, I simply have to respond to your question. By an APG, do you mean an outpatient support group of other teens? She's going twice/week to that (and weekly to a private counselor). She's been sober since December 11th so we're really in the fragile stage. I'm shocked and saddened that our kids are the same age - I really have a hug for you since you "know"... my older girl appears to have escaped the addictive gene (my dad and my husband's dad were both raging alcoholics) and channeled her prodigious intellect into being academically precocious. Not so my beautiful sweet youngster.

I'm so grateful to find others on DU! Honestly, one feels pretty alone in RL....

[seabeyond]

73. what a post. that is interesting

thank you for sharing that. i would still like you to change your name. it hurts me.... cause we are all special in our own right.

[TheWraith]

42. Not a flame, but frankly I'm not going to say you did the right thing.

If you get that enraged on your daughter over smoking pot, is it really that much wonder that she's not going to feel comfortable coming to you for help or support when she actually develops a substance abuse problem?

And by the way, I really don't care what the provocation is... dumping your 14 year old daughter along the side of the road and driving off is abusive.

[riderinthestorm]

45. Read post #44 and get back to me. She was dealing drugs, prostituting herself. Its way beyond pot

She has a substance problem. She's just out of rehab. thanks for the words of support.

[seabeyond]

72. my son is a cross country runner. he runs 11, 12 or more miles ALL over town. since 14.

are you guys for real? is that abuse? lol

[obamanut2012]

107. I know -- very weird replies to this to me, too

We rode bikes and also ran cross country all over town as teens.

I think a kid is just as or is even more unsafe walking around a mall by themselves.

Child abuse?!

[seabeyond]

113. any other thread about child, posters all over overprotecting "little darlins"

now, 14 yr old walking home during day

child abuse.

[mrs_p]

50. Peace to you and your family

It sounds horrible. We've had family friends go through similar situations. It's so hard to know what's the right thing to do in those situations.

[riderinthestorm]

58. Thks. I didn't mean to thread derail but the OP really prob does not have all the info to judge this

and I used my own story to try to shed some light on something that may look really "off" to an outsider....

I just do what the counselors advise right now. We're too "new' and raw from a wretched year of turmoil for me to feel safe at all in my decisions. As you know, the long term chances of my daughter beating this are pretty grim since her behavior and addiction went bad so fast. We had some counselors that advised letting her get arrested for prostitution and dealing because at 14 years old there'd be extensive intervention, but my heart just slams in my chest thinking about it. Our most terrible times were discovering multiple baggies in a room search, knowing that we'd just narrowly averted having other kids sucked in.

My awful episode in the car with my daughter, when I put her out, was because she had several bags of pot to sell in her backpack, not just the one I grabbed. She was prepared to deal at school! Heartbreaking.

[mrs_p]

74. Your story is a good reminder that it is easy

to judge from a keyboard. Thanks for the lesson in needing to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. I'm not a praying woman, but I am sending you all my positive energy tonight. It's obvious you deeply love your little girl. I'm so sorry for this painful time you are all going through.

[seabeyond]

52. anywhere in our town, i would be comfortable pulling over and telling either sons, 14 and 16, to get

out. walk home.

does not take much disrespect before they have crossed the line. i wont put up with it at all.

i dont have the situations you had. i would not put up with it for a minute. and i see no problem sith stopping, kicking kid out and walking home.

anywhere in our town.

and i am sorry you guys are having a rough time.

no flame here.

[riderinthestorm]

59. Thanks seabeyond. She had an hour walk home and was fine. Yeah, it does suck tho...nt

[tabasco]

61. Great example of maturity there.

Sometimes, people do this and never see their children alive again.

Reckless and stupid thing to do.

[blueamy66]

65. Do you have any statistics on this?

nt

[riderinthestorm]

70. That's fine. Nobody has walked in my shoes, I was simply pointing out to the OP, they may not have

all the details. They certainly don't know all the family dynamics no matter what he thinks he knows. Teens lie.

FWIW, we're rural. She was in no danger and everyone on the way home knows her and she knows them. If she wanted to she could have stopped anywhere along the way and been taken in. I wasn't rational for sure at the time but honestly, in hindsight, I'm not sure I'd have changed my actions. Easy to be a backseat driver, literally.

[seabeyond]

71. a 15 yr old? really? in a year she will have her own car. at what point is she off moms hip.

3 mile walk. i did a three miles walk regularly when i missed the school bus at 11 and 12, in middle school.

not really thinking that thru tabasco. cant be away from moms protection at 15?

[riderinthestorm]

75. I posted about the FIRST time we had a "car argument" and my 14 yr old daughter drove off on me!

She was 14 years old and I got out of the car to cool off. She's a farm kid though and has been driving ALL of our vehicles on our property since she was 10 years old. When I got out of the car and walked away, she simply shifted into the drivers seat and drove off for a couple of hours, leaving me stranded in nowheresville farmland USA....

My 23 yr older girl is a straight arrow, brilliant, and can't stand the taste or sensation of alcohol or drugs. She was afraid to drive. I count her as one of my best friends in life.

My younger girl is similarly brilliant but is fearless and can't wait to "get off mom's hip". Honestly, I have always LOVED her joie de vivre but lately she's taken that to new and dangerous levels.

Thanks for "getting it" seabeyond....

[seabeyond]

81. there, but for the grace of god go ..... all parents.

high iq, charmng, fearless..... maybe bi polar. she sounds like my middle brother. three of us and two did fine. one was hard.

[obamanut2012]

108. No it wasn't

[HappyMe]

80. I think you did the right thing at the time.

I don't have any words of wisdom.

I hope your daughter gets the help she needs, and takes it seriously.

[Shankapotomus]

82. In that case you were just weighing

one immediate dangerous option for another so I don't think you were wrong at all. Yes, there was risk in leaving your daughter by the side of the road but the multiple immediate risks were more pressing.

[seabeyond]

87. at 14 my son started running cross country. running 11, 12, or more miles all over town. 15 is a

year from getting her drivers license. sheeeeit, the girl could be a month or two from 16. she will be on her own with NO parental supervision.

how long is the parent to be around at all times protecting the child.....

seriously.

i dont get people saying 14, 15 endangering a kid being by themselves.

i dont think they are thinking it thru.

[Shankapotomus]

104. The difference here is

that of leaving your kid by the side of the road in anger. In effect, abandoning your kid. It's one thing to let your kid go to school or the mall alone while your relationship with them is fine. But this is different.

[seabeyond]

106. oh, bull. you were talking danger. no more so than other kids. kid KNOWING you are angry. good.

let them stew on that. YES, angry. really really mad. the behavior totally unacceptable. now walk and think about what the problems are, get home and talk and deal.

not a single thing wrong with kid knowing you are angry, disappointed in their behavior. and good for the parent that makes that clear.

[Shankapotomus]

123. I'm still talking danger

Minor's can sometimes be unpredictable. They can process strong emotions poorly and take impulsive actions base on immature judgement. They also mimic behavior. If an adult exhibits impulsive behavior as a response to a problem, that's how a child will learn to respond to things....impulsively

[seabeyond]

124. wow. lol. all kids and teen stay in parents view at all times cause they ALL display all this shit

ALL the time.

and then, there is reality.

the kid is LESS than a YEAR from a drivers license, independents and freedom.

but mom should worry about her walking home? i should be concerned about my son running miles all over town. and a kid actually has to stew about their behavior and parental reaction.

[Shankapotomus]

125. seabeyond

The OP concerned a situation where there was heated emotions and a mother leaving a minor off somewhere without anything being resolved. An impulsive and thoughtless act by the mother. That is very different from "all the time".

Now I know you are a feminist so I will submit to you that the mother's behavior was reflecting the archaic, patriarchal "problem solving" that dominants our culture, force, verbal violence and the suggestion of "disownment" a word that presupposes the age-old patriarchal claim ownership and property of off-spring, especially daughters. The threat of abandonment is an age-old patriarchal means of control from the early days of humankind when abandonment by the group, usually lead by a male figure, meant life or death alone at the hands of the elements. In other words, the dominant male of the family or tribe couldn't be bothered with compromising, patience or discussion when it came to "underlings". It was his way or the highway.

In short, it is an outdated, violent, anti-intellectual, patriarchal behavior. Even though it involves two females, the mother is displaying this outdated behavior rooted in oppressive patriarchal behavior.

[obamanut2012]

111. It wasn't "by the side of the road"

People keep acting like she was kicked out in the desert or on the shoulder of the interstate. How do you know it wasn't at a Barnes & Noble?

This is not "child abandonment," and we also only have second-hand gossip told about someone's EX SPOUSE.

[Shankapotomus]

126. But it is a behavior that employs

an archaic, patriarchcal control method by suggesting abandonment. To me, that is an out-dated, primitive problem solving tactic. I would rather have a disrespectful and unruly child than obtain obedience by coercive threats or fear. I know, I know "you don't have a child. You don't know what it's like. These kids won't listen for shit"...There's a way to do it. I'd be happy to provide over the phone consultation for a fee.

[Codeine]

85. You have my sympathies.

What a terribly rough situation for you. I wish you and your daughter well.

[Dorian Gray]

91. Oh Gosh

Strength to you! Wow. I hope your daughter kicks the habit and does well post rehab! Hugs!

[unapatriciated]

94. I want to give you a big hug.

I read your post and it sounded similar to problems I had with my daughter at that age. Her teen years were a roller coaster ride of emotions. My daughter is now 40 and we have a beautiful relationship. Unfortunately her son is 17 and giving her some of the same type of problems she gave me. Like I told my daughter it does get better, don't give up.

[obamanut2012]

105. No flames from me

Some of the replies in this thread are odd to me. I was raised by two very loving parents in a very respectful, abusive-free home, so my POV on things isn't skewed. However, I don't get the big deal on this, unless the Mom kicked her out of the car in the desert or the Crips' or Hell's Angels' neighborhoods.

You have no idea, either, because all you are getting is the ex husband's stories, and you stated you've heard him trashing his ex before. No way of getting an unedited version of events (including their marriage). If you don't know someone's ex, you can't trust what that person says about them.

[mrs_p]

32. Well, teenagers can be horrible, I'm sure

This could be abuse (depends on the situation and whether the daughter is telling the whole story). More than that, though, this is really poor parenting. The mother is bringing herself down to her daughter's maturity level. Mother could certainly use some parenting courses.

But, then again, my sweet baby is only 11 months, so I probably don't know what I am talking about.

[irisblue]

33. my mom did that

i deserved that. i was being a miserable whiny child bitch, and i walked almost 3 miles home, i never agitated her like that again.
joeybee has this kid been in trouble before or is this a first event? oes the father take an active part in his kids lives? more info would help.

[Nikia]

37. Probably not if she is 14

Especially if she had a cell phone on her. I don't know the area but most places aren't extremely dangerous during daylight hours particularly if there are legitimate businesses around.

[Jennicut]

38. My mother never ever through me out of a car. Or out of the house.

I was a pretty easy going teen but my parents even took my brother's friend in when he got kicked out of his house at 17. My parents had tons of patience. You need to with teenagers. My daughters are 6 and 7 and I am going to enjoy this time-they actually WANT to be with you at this age.

[nobodyspecial]

39. Bad parenting, yes

Abuse, no.

I think if the child was younger than 12, the authorities would get involved. And, judging by the horrible way teen girls treat their moms, this is a rather tame response.

[Marrah_G]

43. Not enough information to form a judgement

[Honeycombe8]

53. Same here. I wouldn't take what a teen said in an emotional state as gospel...

without more info or questions. It could've gone down differently, like they had an argument, Mom said to do this or that, teen refuses, Mom says it'll be that way or she can walk, teen says fine I'd rather walk than ride with you because I hate you, Mom stops car at curb in safe area and makes sure daughter has phone to call Dad, saying "Let your Dad deal with this!"

A wrong thing to do, but I've never had a teen. My Mom told me it was enough to drive her bat crazy at times, so.... But she never let me out of the car before getting home. My punishment would've been to ride in the car with her all the way home, having to listen to her yell at me!

[Codeine]

46. Sometimes teens need a lesson.

A bit of walking never killed anyone.

Well, there was that whole Bataan incident, but I'll assume conditions in suburban Vegas are a bit more amenable to survival than the mountains of the Philippines.

[Nevernose]

49. The weather was lovely today

And, in fact, made my daughter walk home instead of picking her up just yesterday. The school bus range here is 3 miles, btw, so any kid who lives within three miles of their school should be used to a little walking.

[tabasco]

63. A better lesson would be to act like a fucking adult

and teach by example.

[blueamy66]

66. and what would that "example" be?

lock her up for a few months?

Please, teenagers are not that fragile. Sometimes a parent has to follow through with punishments. And since when is walking for 2 miles that tough? No wonder kids these days are such wussies....."I'm going to call Child Protective Services.....I'm gonna call the cops...." Go for it kid....see what life is like on the other side. My parents would have dialed and handed me the phone.

[hunter]

51. I'd always find a safe place to stop...

... and then I'd get out of the car.

Spent a few quiet moments sitting on the curb watching the world go by.

Teenagers, they are a gift from God.

[riderinthestorm]

69. I did that the 1st time. I got out + forgot the keys in my agitation. She changed seats + drove off

leaving me standing at the edge of the road in the middle of miles of IL farmfields with no shelter, nearby town, cell phone, or purse! 14 years old (she's a farm kid so she's grown up driving every vehicle). She didn't come back for 2 hours. That was the time she was taunting me that she'd already slept with 18 guys and was going to meet up with another one within the hour to "score". She'd just turned 14 two months before. I was sobbing too hard to drive so I just stopped and got out. Made the mistake of walking away from the car to try to get my composure.

[mainer]

93. oh my god. How'd she turn out?

I hope better than she was as a teen.

[riderinthestorm]

114. This just happened last year. She's just 15 now. Your question was so poignant for me though

I have to say, it made me pause. I WISH I knew how she is going to turn out... her odds of getting a grip on her addictions and surviving are pretty grim when they start this young. But we're doing everything we can for her.

I hope for the best each day. She knows I love her and that she is surrounded by those who love her. I only hope its enough....

[mainer]

116. My sincere wishes that all turns out OK

I never had daughters, only sons. I can imagine how daughters would be much better at sticking the knife in deep.

[blueamy66]

60. Not abuse at all.

My Mom kicked me outta the car 2 times in my life and I deserved it both times.

A nice 2 mile walk knocked sense back into me.

[bhikkhu]

62. At 14, anything less than 4 or 5 miles and I'd rather walk than be driven

...and if riding in a car with an over-wrought parental-type was the option, I'd likely bump the distance up to 8 or 10 miles.

[SammyWinstonJack]

98. +1. We walked everywhere as kids. Not much chance of being thrown out

when the option of being driven wasn't there.

[Luciferous]

67. My mom threw me out of the house at 16... being thrown out of a car and being told to walk home is

nothing...

[Motown_Johnny]

68. define "threw"

If she physically pushed her out of the car I would have a problem with it,

If they were arguing and she told her to get out I have less of a problem with it. If this is the case then it might be better that she just got away from her before she did harm her physically. I would need more information before being able to form a opinion.

[Fumesucker]

77. If the girl got run over while walking home I suspect the ex-wife would end up in some trouble..

Given that our communities are seldom laid out to be safe for walking on the streets I can see how forcing a child to walk a long distance home could be construed as endangering them.

But then I've had the experience of seeing a family member run over and very nearly killed by a car right in front of me so I'm kind of sensitized to the issue of unsafe streets.

[HappyMe]

78. Really, there isn't enough info here to say.

Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Teens sometimes aren't easy to deal with. They know what buttons to push and when to do it.

My dad pulled over, told me to get the hell out of his car, I was 15. I walked home about a mile or so (Chicago). This was over a boy. In the end, I didn't see the guy again. My dad was right, he was no damn good. My parents loved me. They were pretty strict, and I'm glad they were.

I'm not going to judge this woman. She may well have been at the end of her rope.

[Are_grits_groceries]

83. I don't like it.

I understand the urge to 'throw' a teenager out of the car,. I taught school and just in an hour of class time, there were some days I wanted to throw all of them out. Usually the ones who had been acting out for a while were the ones I wanted to toss.

Teenagers know every possible button to push. They push them all the time. Parents know what buttons to push in return. It is an escalating cycle.

My problem with it is the very real possibility of something happening to them. That may seem to be a remote event, but you never know. Stranger Danger is an overblown problem. It is so scary and covered so extensively that it seems pervasive. However, it is real.

This is my opinion. I would hope that the kid would have gotten home safely, and the parent had gutted it out. That can be the hardest thing in the word to do.

[Dorian Gray]

88. It depends

At 14 I used to walk in my small town to school, to my friends houses, etc. I also used to ride my bike to the next town. So it depends on where she did it. If she was close enough to home for the child to easily walk (2 miles or so), then no. If she was in a strange area far from home... then yeah.

[seabeyond]

90. she could be a lousy parent. i dont know. i have no problem PULLING OVER and letting a kid

that age, walk home. (throwing kid out of car? really? while moving?)

a huge lesson for a teen is a boundary, line of being respectful. for their own SAFETY. many times they want to push the line, be disrespectful to have their way, and put themselves in danger not listening to parent. or fucking up their future.

if it takes walking home to get where that line is, not a single problem, and the kid gets exercise.

i hope the father supported the mother and was all over the girls ass for going too far. (if warranted, cause we dont know what happened). and he didnt use opportunity as a weapon against mom. that could be a huge problem creating this mess between parents and child....

again, we do not know.

[mainer]

92. Ah, I remember those days...

"Do you want me to kick you out of the car now? Do you? Stop hitting your brother! Both of you, stop. Stop! STOP!"

Usually, a screech on the brakes and a glare at the back seat will calm things down. Never had to actually kick them out, but I was tempted.

[Iggo]

96. That's how we got each of my nieces.

I'd call it a blessing.

(I'd also sue for child support, but that's beside the point.)

[Ms. Toad]

100. I'm replying to the OP rather than individual posts, because there are a couple of themes

that just make me incredibly sad: Most teens lie. Teenage girls treat their moms horribly.

I have to say, being just beyond being the mom of a teenaged girl (she's 21 now), neither matches my experience. Mine called me up yesterday morning just as I was starting a business meeting. I always have to take her calls since her health is fragile, and I never know whether she is calling with a health crisis. This time it was just a call to chatter - and even though she let me skip the conversation, she took the time to tell me she loved me and to give me an air kiss before letting me go. It has always been that way, and when we are physically in the same place, more often than not she is in physical contact with me. I would not have imagined going into parenting that I would have a snuggly 21 year old - after all, I had heard the same horror stories everyone is echoing here. She also talks to me about everything - sometimes more than I am comfortable knowing - but I listen because I want her to feel able to talk to me about anything. She knows that, whether I approve or disapprove, any decision she makes at this stage in her life is her own and she can confide in me without worrying that I will be crushed if she doesn't follow my advice.

I am grateful for how easy and filled with joy our path from infancy to adulthood has been, from a relationship standpoint.

That said, I know I got off really easy. When I was growing up, my siblings and I were occasionally put out of the car to walk home, or various other distances. The circumstances dictated my parents' behavior. If we were already off the highway on our the country roads where everyone knew us (no more than 2 miles from home), we'd be walking the rest of the way. If we were traveling down the highway, they would drop us off and drive a quarter mile or so ahead and wait for us to catch up to the car. If we were still not ready to ride like civilized people, they would drive ahead another quarter mile or so. In today's world, I expect the particulars of where they let us out and how closely they kept the car to us might be a bit different in order to be safe - but not in principle. And no, it was not child abuse. It was a far better "punishment" than what happened to friends in similar situations - in which civilized behavior was enforced using a belt, because my parents' solution addressed the problem (7 people cooped up in a station wagon) by letting us temporarily out to work off some of the excess energy that likely created the problem in the first place.

[WI_DEM]

102. depends on what you mean by 'threw their daughter out of the car'...

if she was driving and didn't stop and pushed her out of the door, then, yeah that is child abuse. If she stopped the car and the girl got out, then I doubt it is.

[obamanut2012]

112. The OP says upthread she wasn't "thrown" out of teh car

Mafia style. She was let out of the car, with a cell phone, and told to call her father. We have no idea where she was let out. It could have been at a police station. We only have some info filtered thrown a crazed (ie normal) teenaged girl and an ex spouse.

I really am surprised by some of the replies in this thread. The world is a dangerous place, but not as dangerous as some here think. If it is THAT dangerous, we should all stay locked up in our homes.

[Mira]

110. Not nearly enough information.

What's YOUR involvement in their private lives, for starters?

Was the car stopped, how far from home, did the kid have some money on her?
I have had to do this a number of times, and my son today tells me that my getting tough with him about his behavior as a teen saved his life.

[barbtries]

120. i'd have to know a lot more.

14-year-olds can be quite abusive to their parents. my oldest son was basically a nightmare from the ages of 13 to over 16.
somehow we made it through and now he's a wonderful father, good husband, great plumber with his own thriving business. but wow it could have gone either way. i know i pulled over and kicked him out of the car at least one time, and he deserved it.
the stories i could tell. but - here's the most important thing - we never lost our love and today, have a wonderful relationship.

[appleannie1]

122. Mine were much younger when I put them out of the car. I stayed close without them knowing.

After long enough to get my point across, I picked them back up. I only had to do it once and it ended back talk in the car when I was driving from then until they were grown and gone.