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Sat May 25, 2013, 03:45 PM

Michele B: "He touched the void inside her, pollinating her pink flower like a master bee"

This is awesome on so many levels, starting in the gutter and rapidly descending.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CXET2Y6?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creativeASIN=B00CXET2Y6&linkCode=xm2&tag=slatmaga-20

'Fires of Siberia' is an old-fashioned bodice ripper romance inspired by the life of Tea Party leader and Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. Presidential candidate Danielle Powers, full of firebrand pluck and red state sex appeal, has the country in a tizzy. But on an international tour to beef up her foreign policy experience, disaster ensues—her plane explodes over Siberia. Miraculously, Danielle survives, along with one other passenger—a mysterious stranger named Steadman Bass. Trapped in a wilderness of snow and ice, the two begin a journey that pushes Danielle to the brink. There she must confront her deepest self and choose between civilization and a wild, primitive ecstasy. All the while, Steadman harbors a terrible secret that threatens to destroy them both.


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Reply Michele B: "He touched the void inside her, pollinating her pink flower like a master bee" (Original post)
Fumesucker May 2013 OP
Frustratedlady May 2013 #1
intaglio May 2013 #2
LeftInTX May 2013 #3
mitchtv May 2013 #14
Buns_of_Fire May 2013 #4
MineralMan May 2013 #5
randome May 2013 #6
MineralMan May 2013 #7
Warpy May 2013 #8
MineralMan May 2013 #9
DevonRex May 2013 #10
Electric Monk May 2013 #11
SomethingFishy May 2013 #12
trumad May 2013 #13
derby378 May 2013 #16
janlyn May 2013 #15
Zorra May 2013 #17
SummerSnow May 2013 #18
nomorenomore08 May 2013 #20
sarge43 May 2013 #24
nomorenomore08 May 2013 #19
randome May 2013 #21
LuvNewcastle May 2013 #22
Arugula Latte May 2013 #23

Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 03:56 PM

1. Oh, gag! Sounds like the pages are covered with syrup.

Is this the one she was complaining about a couple days ago? I kind of skimmed over the article, but didn't know what all the fuss was about.

Actually, after seeing her husband and how he acts, I would imagine she has more than a couple fantasies in that head of hers, so the book may be closer to the truth than one would think.

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:02 PM

2. The Literary Review

has a bad sex in Fiction Award - this needs to to on the shortlist immediately

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:08 PM

3. Sounds like Bachmann with a touch of Sarah Palin

Especially the Siberia part

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Response to LeftInTX (Reply #3)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:53 PM

14. I thought that

title page looked like Monica L.

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:15 PM

4. Oh, my...

It sounds like their passion melted the permafrost itself while they were pollinating their brains out. Definitely made-for-TV-movie material. It needs a suggestive corndog-eating scene or two, though.

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:16 PM

5. Now, where DID I put that bottle of brain bleach?

My pink flower has wilted.

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #5)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:21 PM

6. Here ya go!

 



Use as directed.

[hr]
[font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font]
[hr]

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Response to randome (Reply #6)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:22 PM

7. Thanks. I needed that!

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Response to MineralMan (Reply #5)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:24 PM

8. Shit, I think mine up and died

just reading that stuff.

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Response to Warpy (Reply #8)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:26 PM

9. Yeah. I really hope it's not a terminal condition.

Somewhere, someone is reading that dreck and drooling.

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:31 PM

10. Um, the guy looks like Zach Galifianakis

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:32 PM

11. If you click through to the Look Inside, it has a really big font

 

eg.
[font size=+2]Danielle tweeted from the back of her SUV:
"Need some purple mountain majesty ASAP. Home
soon!

They were stuck in traffic, at least another hour
to the airport.[/font]

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:32 PM

12. Why is Monica Lewinski on the cover?

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Response to SomethingFishy (Reply #12)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:35 PM

13. Actually---Christine O'Donnell

 

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Response to trumad (Reply #13)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:59 PM

16. I call her "my little Ladybug"

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 04:58 PM

15. oh lord..

I just threw up a little in my mouth !!

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 05:55 PM

17. Bwahahaa! Like a master bee? Cool! The only bees that pollinate flowers are FEMALE worker bees!

Dude "pollinated her pink flower" like a female bee? Hmmm...

So, like, how does that work? Is that, like, some kind of early stage pre-op male to female transsexual lesbian thing?

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 05:58 PM

18. rofl.....here's a few lines from the book...

Shaking off the sleep,she settled back into her body in all its slender volatile elegance.Soft and tall,with supple shoulders,jutting breast,and a narrow waist that tapered into tantalizing long legs- regardless of her politics she was going to get votes.






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Response to SummerSnow (Reply #18)

Sat May 25, 2013, 08:04 PM

20. Maybe it is real - some lonely, middle-aged, right-wing nutjob with Bachmann/Palin fantasies.

And who's clearly never taken so much as a high school creative writing class.

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Response to SummerSnow (Reply #18)

Sat May 25, 2013, 08:59 PM

24. "she settled back into her body..."

She have a near death experience, drug overdose?

"a narrow waist that tapered into tantalizing long legs..."

She had no hips?

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 08:01 PM

19. This. Cannot. Be. Real.

Poe's Law is more valid than ever...

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 08:10 PM

21. Here's the 'master bee' the cover artist worked from. Artistic license, huh?

 



[hr]
[font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font]
[hr]

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 08:32 PM

22. I guess Steadman is a hairdresser who is

turned into a raging heterosexual by Michele's raw sexual energy. I'll bet she's had a fantasy or two about such a scenario.

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Response to Fumesucker (Original post)

Sat May 25, 2013, 08:34 PM

23. I'm sure it's inspired by all the hot hetero man-woman sex Michelle has with Marcus!

 

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