First they came for Ring Dings...

[OilemFirchen]

and I didn't speak out because Drake's Cakes taste like toad slime.

Then they came for King Dons and I didn't speak out because I ain't no fucking Canuck.

Then they came for King Ding Dong and I didn't speak out because I can't be cajoled into eating processed meal worms by some cartoon character who isn't even a real king.


Then the yutz who prompted this timely essay deleted his own thread, thereby locking it. And there was no one to come for me, because they had moved on to Tastykakes. Because they're Confectionatarians, that's why.

[Javaman]

1. oh come on! Twinkies are back July 15th!

[The Straight Story]

2. Ever notice "Ding Dongs" and "Ho ho's" are black?

Hostess was racist. Their Yellow snack was named Twinkies - and all three had white inside of them.

And in their ding dong commercial....white kids, and in both a blond girl:

[OilemFirchen]

3. You don't have to remind me.

They did make that teeny attempt at outreach with their cupcakes - all black with a white squiggly, white cream inside. Which, of course, was the point: The squiggly was only there to keep the black down and reaching the filling was the goal. Plus, it was a piece of cake to separate the black crown from its moist underbelly. The white signature was permanently attached.