"Agency Busy Spying on 300Million People Failed to Notice One Dude Working for It" (BOROWITZ)

[UTUSN]

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http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/06/agency-busy-spying-on-three-hundred-million-people-failed-to-notice-one-dude-working-for-them.html

[font size=5]Agency Busy Spying on Three Hundred Million People Failed to Notice One Dude Working for It[/font]

Posted by Andy Borowitz

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A U.S. intelligence agency was so busy spying on three hundred million Americans that it failed to notice one dude who was working for them, a spokesman for the agency acknowledged today.

“I guess we were so busy monitoring the everyday communications of every man, woman and child in the nation that we didn’t notice that a contractor working for us was downloading tons of classified documents,” the agency spokesman said. “It’s definitely embarrassing, for sure.”

Despite having an annual budget in the neighborhood of ten billion dollars, the agency had no idea that a dude who was working for them five days a week was getting ready to send those classified documents to a journalist who would then tell everybody in the world.

“Maybe if we hadn’t been so busy keeping our eye on those other three hundred million people, we would have noticed that this one guy who was working right under our noses was up to something totally fishy,” the spokesman said. “But you know what they say about hindsight.”

As for where that guy who leaked the documents was planning to go next, the spokesman admitted, “We don’t have a clue.”

“I know what you’re thinking—an intelligence agency probably should know that Hong Kong has an international airport and that its departures board lists flights to Moscow and whatnot,” the spokesman said. “I don’t know what to say. Maybe we need a bigger budget or something.”

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[bemildred]

1. the spokesman admitted, “We don’t have a clue.” nt

[think]

2. Brilliant! Absolutely briliant Mr. Borowitz

[Scuba]

3. "or something."

[think]

4. naw just a bigger budget....

[truth2power]

7. that phrase jumped right out at me..."bigger budget". Yeah, that's the ticket.

[snagglepuss]

5. Truly brilliant.

[iandhr]

6. Satire is a wonderful tool...

... when you want to make a very serious point.

[UTUSN]

8. Although opinions might vary on what the point is...

(No (contradicting myself), good satirists have a definite, unmistakable point.)

[dickthegrouch]

9. Since they have so much info on all of us

Why, exactly, are all those major drug kingpins not in jail?
Why, exactly, are the major fraudsters not in jail?
Why, exactly, are the gang kingpins not in jail?
And on and on
There are billions of dollars tied up in criminal hands and they can't track any of it? If so, they are monitoring the wrong things.

[Hydra]

15. Bingo!

You know when they have a net out there like this...if the fish are swimming outside it, they weren't the target.

A Criminal Empire, slowly being made legal. That's totally worthy of one of these:

[pomkrazy]

10. Agency Busy Spying on Three Hundred Million People Failed to Notice One Dude Working for It

What was the Agency listening to the day the Brothers, the Boston Bombers, were setting off Bombs in Boston causing Mass Hysteria,Death, Men Women ,And children left maimed for life??? Isn't that what the Agency is so called for protecting people against terrorism ? Or maybe they knew about it and did nothing about it, because because the bottom line is take the which i am totally against,What i am for is GET RID OF THE AGENCY!!!!! THIS IS AMERICA LAND OF THE FREE NOT A COMMUNIST COUNTRY... THE AGENCY NEED TO STOP SPYING ON PEOPLE, IF THEY WERE DOING A GOOD JOB BOSTON WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED AND THE AMERICAN WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND OUT WHAT THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT IS TO TO THEIR PEOPLE!!!

[Scuba]

11. Decaf.

[NoMoreWarNow]

12. he nails it-- the huge problem with these massive spying programs is that

they are so huge, that obvious things get lost, swamped out by all the junk. I really fear that our over-reliance on these programs for intelligence is causing traditional detective work to be replaced, even though old-fashioned police work probably is much more efficient.

[UTUSN]

13. "he nails it" - hmmm. Cf, #8. Some with opposite opinions might agree that he nailed it. n/t

[NoMoreWarNow]

14. okayyyy....I really have no idea what you are saying though

[UTUSN]

16. or, possibly, what borowitz might be saying nt