General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMan Posts Photo of Himself Parenting. Internet Outrage Ensues.
http://goodmenproject.com/families/i-have-a-dream-that-people-will-view-a-picture-life-this-and-not-think-its-a-big-deal-gmp/
I have a dream that insecure dads will spend less time hating on good dads and more time on getting their own shit together. Id say 95% of the dads who follow me are actively involved in their kids lives and view parenting as a 50/50 endeavor with their wives/girlfriends. They send me Thank You emails, theyll say its refreshing to see a guy (me) who embraces fatherhood as much as they do, and theyll refer other good dads to my blog because they know Ill celebrate them. Words cannot express how much I appreciate those men because they will play a huge role in making fatherhood cool again (granted, I always thought fatherhood was cool, but thats another story).
On the flip side, theres a small pocket of men out there that cant stand me. Heres a sampling of some of the private messages and comments I received from them after I posted this picture:
- He probably rented those kids. They dont even look like him.
As Ive said in previous blog posts, Im not immune to hate mailand some messages are racist in nature and some arent. It comes with the territory of doing what I do and I completely understand that. However, do you know whats funny? Oftentimes when a dude posts a public hateful comment on my FB page or Twitter feed, its followed up by his wife or girlfriend emailing me privately to apologize for his behavior. These women will tell me that their men are angry that Im making them look bad because they arent holding up their end of the bargain when it comes to parenting. Heres the thing: I dont make anyone look bad. These guys are doing a fine job on their own according to the women in their lives.
Memo to the small pocket of male haters I have: Why dont you put big boy shorts on and get in on the revolution of good fathers? Its not a good look to tear down dads for doing the work your wives wished you were man enough to do on your own. If you dont believe me, just ask your spouses. Theyll tell you.
But dont worry. Ill still be here whenever youre ready to step your game up and join #TeamGrownAssMan.
much more at the link
Stargazer09
(2,132 posts)I'm not a dad, but I like what he has to say.
Too bad he has to deal with such hateful readers, though.
roguevalley
(40,656 posts)William769
(55,146 posts)ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)part.
loudsue
(14,087 posts)What is wrong with being the dad part? How come a dad isn't supposed to be a dad? I promise you, the kids know who dad is... why don't you?
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)Would you say 'focusing on the parent part, not so much the MOM part'?
Anansi1171
(793 posts)Thanks for testifying to our experience as involved black fathers - they cant stand it!
defacto7
(13,485 posts)sheshe2
(83,751 posts)What a ignorant stereotyping comment. The ugly just gets uglier.
From your link~
For many of you, this is the first blog post youve ever read from me. Just so you know, Im usually the lighthearted guy online and Im rarely this angry but today I had to regulate a bit.
In time youll determine if you love me or hate me. If you love me, thats good news because Im going to continue doing the stuff you love. If you hate me, thats bad news because Im going to continue doing the stuff you hate. If you fall into the hate category, just send my blog to all of your enemies (thatll show em). For the rest of you, Im so humbled and happy to be a guy you follow and enjoy as we embark on this crazy road of parenthood together.
On a side note, I wrote this entire post while my baby girl was sleeping on me in the Ergo.
Its not a big deal. Thats just what a Daddy Doin Work is supposed to do.
Boom.
Thank you Matariki! What a excellent story.
Matariki
(18,775 posts)I love this paragraph especially:
sheshe2
(83,751 posts)That was a sweet paragraph. To the dads everyday that do this, kudos. Not because they have to but because they want too, that is the difference.
Thank you~
legcramp
(288 posts)Internet opinion polls, internet comment sections, internet blog post, internet special interest sites.
All fun and games but ultimately as worthless as tits on a boar.
*said while posting on the internet*
loudsue
(14,087 posts)allow people to get the psychological help they need, and quit being such assholes. The world needs people to get well.
Cha
(297,196 posts)cinnabonbon
(860 posts)but based on this rant of his, I gotta say I like him. And his kids are adorable.
Lucky Luciano
(11,254 posts)1) getting up early on the weekends fucking sucks.
2) extreme amounts of patience required.
3) adventurous world travel is done and that is my number one passion. (still trying to figure out how to negotiate a two week solo vacation where I can do a 250km footrace in Madagascar in August www.racingtheplanet.com - will just have to be a dream for now. Wife would kill me for even broaching the subject! She will never allow my son to be in a third world country without easy access to first class hospitals, hence it would have to be solo).
Much of parenting is comprised of awful mundane unpleasant tasks. It is the special moments that lie inbetween the less pleasant parts that make it all worth it...like when my 18 month old son finally relaxes and sits on my lap around 8:30 pm to just cuddle up. Absolutely melts my heart.
Matariki
(18,775 posts)Last edited Tue Jan 7, 2014, 04:13 AM - Edit history (1)
Including schlepping a 5 year on a week long hike through Amazon jungles. It's challenging, but doable. Especially challenging if your partner isn't supportive of the idea though.
(edited because of the dumbest spelling mistake ever)
Lucky Luciano
(11,254 posts)To be fair, 5 years old is a lot different from 18 months though. Either way, no chance my wife would consider anything like that. Maybe when he is closer to 10 and has a stronger immune system by then. Main issue is easy access to hospitals. We went to Mexico together when he was 7 months. I suggested Belize the next time and got the evil eye!
hunter
(38,311 posts)... especially when they are in diapers. Or if they are scared-of/fascinated-with airplane toilets. Or they are sick.
You can bring ten times the diapers you think you need and still run out.
My parents took us anywhere and everywhere as infants and young children. (Okay, maybe that wasn't a good thing, but we all survived.)
I knew a woman in college who was born in a scientific field camp in Africa. My wife and I know Doctors Without Borders sorts who have taken their young children to very remote places. We traveled quite a bit with our kids too.
When our children were infants and toddlers my wife and I were lucky. We could arrange our work schedules so we never needed daycare.
I remember the wonderful parts of parenting, I remember being very, very tired. And the most awful parts I've wrapped in thick layers of can-laugh-about-it-now.
Dads who avoid the hands-on sort of parenting are missing out on a lot. My kids are young adults now and I don't have any regrets about "opportunities" I may have missed because I was busy being a parent.
(Oh, and for everyone: Read to your kids as soon as they can sit in your lap. And litter your house with books!!!)
Thanks for dropping by DU, Lucky Luciano! I know you are busy.
rppper
(2,952 posts)Now adults.....this man has my complete respect! Keep on keeping on friend! They don't have a clue what a tough man really is!
Matariki
(18,775 posts)"They don't have a clue what a tough man really is!" right on!
shireen
(8,333 posts)he's just a dad doing dad stuff. why are people getting so worked up about it?
loudsue
(14,087 posts)is as special and as different as mom's love. They are both jewels in a world of hurt.
Matariki
(18,775 posts)Don't know if you read to the end of the article, but here are some quotes that address that very thing:
and:
Think of the Mommy blogs you like to follow (some of which have a larger following than I have). If they share their love for motherhood, you probably wouldnt think twice about it because thats what moms are supposed to do, right? But if a human being with a penis shares the same passion for being a parent, it somehow becomes strange and fishy? And that makes sense how, exactly?
redqueen
(115,103 posts)We have really been backsliding, and allowing gender role nonsense to continue for far too long. This should not be an issue anymore.
Blue_Tires
(55,445 posts)and he doesn't live up to the most common black male stereotypes in popular media, so the internet can't sit idly and allow THAT to happen...
Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)I never have understood moms and dads that wanted nothing to do with their kids, but it happens all too often. If you give them love, honesty and attention, odds are they will turn out ok and make you very proud in the process. Kids take time, your time, to do right, but you may just discover that the time you spent was some of the best time of your life!
Matariki
(18,775 posts)Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)sure there are many single moms who don't have their parents around. Young kids get told "this is Grand Pa or Uncle..." They just go with it. You can help be a role model they look up to and have a great time!
pipi_k
(21,020 posts)is cool!
We've lived here for 18 years and have seen two of the neighbor kids grow up. Their mom lost her father long ago, so they only have one grandpa.
Well, the boy, who just turned 21 last week, gradually sort of adopted Mr Pipi as a surrogate grandpa over the years. The kid loves (re)building old engines and jeeps and stuff, and will often come up to take Mr Pipi for a ride in the woods in his latest rebuilding project.
They do stuff for each other, and it makes me happy to see the relationship.
Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)Grey
(1,581 posts)liberal N proud
(60,334 posts)And I was the one who took my daughters to dance lessons and baton twirling competition. I sat there with all the mothers and no one ever said a word about me being the one taking them.
Now I am really close to my girls and they know they can tell me most anything.
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)BlueCaliDem
(15,438 posts)It's heartening to read that 95% of dads who follow him, agree and support him. I have hope for the future of our successors in this country.
LibertyLover
(4,788 posts)my husband stayed home with her as my job paid much better than his. He took care of her from the time we brought her home at aged 16 months to right this very moment when she is 11. Of course the agreement was that when she went to school full time he would go back to work, which he decided not to do and the ensuing financial problems that brought up caused me to have to declare bankruptcy and loose the house through foreclosure, but he is a stay-at-home dad. He even sometimes cleans and cooks.
Matariki
(18,775 posts)I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope things have gotten better for you and your family.
athena
(4,187 posts)I wish I'd had a dad like that.
I don't remember my dad *ever* combing my hair. That was "women's work" when I was growing up.
MissMillie
(38,554 posts)But society rarely rewards fathers taking an active role in parenting.
Employers frown upon parents (both men & women) who take time off to care for a sick child, or to attend a school event.
I get the sense that when I hear this "children need a father" stuff, what people really mean is that children need the income that a man brings into the home.