What is your opinion about Marx-isms?
I saw that thread and just couldn't resist. 
A likely story — and probably true. The Al Jolson Show repartee following a trite, scripted Al Jolson joke. (1949)
[specific citation needed]
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
From his autobiography Groucho and Me (1959)
I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".
Telegram to the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills to which he belonged, as recounted in Groucho and Me (1959), p. 321
[Variant:] "Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member". As quoted in The Groucho Letters (1967) by Arthur Sheekman. The sentiment predates Marx by 61 years, however; it likely originated with John Galsworthy in The Forsyte Saga. In Part I, Chapter II, "Old Jolyon Goes to the Opera", it's said of Old Jolyon that, "He naturally despised the Club that did take him." after another refused him because he was in a trade.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
From his book Groucho and Me
Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet![citation needed] (Variation on an old Royal Navy wardroom toast: "Wives and Sweethearts! May they never meet!"[citation needed])
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
To S J Perelman about his book Dawn Ginsbergh’s Revenge (1929), as quoted in LIFE (9 February 1962)
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Quote by Leo Rosten in The Many Worlds of Leo Rosten (1964)
I did a bond tour during the Second World War... We were raising money, and we played Boston and Philadelphia and most of the big cities. And we got to Minneapolis. There wasn't any big theater to play there, so we did our show in a railroad station. Then I told the audience that I knew a girl in Minneapolis. She was also known in St.Paul, she used to come over to visit me. She was known as "The Tail Of Two Cities." I didn't sell any more bonds, but eh... they didn't allow me to appear anymore.
Recounting a War Bonds tour in his Carnegie Hall appearance (6 May 1972)[specific citation needed]
My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
Liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) the recording of his appearance at Carnegie Hall.
I don't have a photograph. I'd give you my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks.
When asked for a photograph for identification
The Groucho Phile (1976)
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
As quoted in Halliwell’s Filmgoer’s Companion (1984) by Leslie Halliwell
To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
Just after completing his second autobiography, as quoted in The Marx Brothers: A Bio-bibliography (1987) by Wes D. Gehring, p. 137
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