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Sun Mar 9, 2014, 11:59 PM

 

My dumbest question ever... how do people shtup these days?

No, of course I know a variety of parts and places they can go, I mean the process leading up to the deed.

A friend of ours is getting divorced, a former fraternity brother. Nasty divorce after decades, I guess it happens but a head scratcher. He'll do fine, as will his ex, both lovely high-functioning people.

He's starting to date again which has me thinking back to our fraternity days (Carl Sagan's next-door neighbors, coincidentally). Back then, the process normally consisted of dancing, alcohol (and sometimes other state-enhancers), kissing, yadda yadda yadda... Then

No real discussions beforehand, and yes, no meant no.

(NB: As far as I know we were all nice guys, we had a great reputation with normal women although the high-end sororities were not fans. Our campus had 50 fraternities, half of men lived in frats, so it wasn't one of these situations where all the frat guys are jerks. Also, this was right before AIDS became a big issue so STDs were in a whole different place.)

In any case, my buddy's new situation has me thinking... how do people move from "nice to meet you!" to "um, I'm having trouble with this clip thing"?

I eventually married my college sweetie, so I never really lived the evolution of courtship and mating in modern times. I'd imagine that it's roughly the same as a few decades ago, but it seems like it would be more deliberative. Are there discussions that should/must be had? Papers to sign (I doubt it, but...?). Other? Or does nature still tend to do its thing rather effortlessly?

If this question is offensive I'll be happy to take it down, if it's inappropriate the hosts will save me that trouble.

178 replies, 20652 views

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Arrow 178 replies Author Time Post
Reply My dumbest question ever... how do people shtup these days? (Original post)
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 OP
Rex Mar 2014 #1
Autumn Mar 2014 #68
Rex Mar 2014 #104
Autumn Mar 2014 #110
Rex Mar 2014 #128
Autumn Mar 2014 #129
Rex Mar 2014 #138
Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #139
Rex Mar 2014 #141
Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #142
LineLineLineReply .
frwrfpos Mar 2014 #168
TeeYiYi Mar 2014 #174
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #2
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #3
Matariki Mar 2014 #6
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #8
Matariki Mar 2014 #16
msanthrope Mar 2014 #19
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #24
msanthrope Mar 2014 #25
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #28
BainsBane Mar 2014 #52
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #31
msanthrope Mar 2014 #69
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #145
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #15
Matariki Mar 2014 #17
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #21
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #18
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #26
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #29
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #30
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #33
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #38
bahrbearian Mar 2014 #84
Puglover Mar 2014 #107
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #115
Autumn Mar 2014 #120
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #121
Autumn Mar 2014 #122
BainsBane Mar 2014 #147
Violet_Crumble Mar 2014 #150
BainsBane Mar 2014 #164
Violet_Crumble Mar 2014 #165
R B Garr Mar 2014 #166
Violet_Crumble Mar 2014 #167
Autumn Mar 2014 #161
BainsBane Mar 2014 #162
Autumn Mar 2014 #163
bahrbearian Mar 2014 #124
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #125
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #143
BainsBane Mar 2014 #148
bahrbearian Mar 2014 #157
tkmorris Mar 2014 #35
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #45
Jim Lane Mar 2014 #111
Cali_Democrat Mar 2014 #47
11 Bravo Mar 2014 #91
GoneFishin Mar 2014 #101
Vattel Mar 2014 #81
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #132
Vattel Mar 2014 #134
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #136
Vattel Mar 2014 #137
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #144
Vattel Mar 2014 #154
Waiting For Everyman Mar 2014 #87
polly7 Mar 2014 #92
GoneFishin Mar 2014 #102
Puglover Mar 2014 #126
BainsBane Mar 2014 #53
msanthrope Mar 2014 #20
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #27
dionysus Mar 2014 #36
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #43
BainsBane Mar 2014 #54
dionysus Mar 2014 #55
BainsBane Mar 2014 #56
dionysus Mar 2014 #57
msanthrope Mar 2014 #70
treestar Mar 2014 #76
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #59
dionysus Mar 2014 #60
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #61
R B Garr Mar 2014 #100
treestar Mar 2014 #72
Jim Lane Mar 2014 #108
treestar Mar 2014 #71
sheshe2 Mar 2014 #146
DJ13 Mar 2014 #4
BlueStreak Mar 2014 #32
geek tragedy Mar 2014 #5
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #7
geek tragedy Mar 2014 #12
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #14
geek tragedy Mar 2014 #22
treestar Mar 2014 #78
geek tragedy Mar 2014 #79
msanthrope Mar 2014 #23
A HERETIC I AM Mar 2014 #9
adirondacker Mar 2014 #10
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #13
MindMover Mar 2014 #11
Warpy Mar 2014 #34
sabrina 1 Mar 2014 #41
Vattel Mar 2014 #83
polly7 Mar 2014 #93
7wo7rees Mar 2014 #37
Fumesucker Mar 2014 #39
Cleita Mar 2014 #40
JI7 Mar 2014 #42
Cleita Mar 2014 #46
JI7 Mar 2014 #50
Cleita Mar 2014 #86
JustAnotherGen Mar 2014 #152
blueamy66 Mar 2014 #62
giftedgirl77 Mar 2014 #89
Le Taz Hot Mar 2014 #105
JustAnotherGen Mar 2014 #151
dionysus Mar 2014 #44
Cleita Mar 2014 #48
dionysus Mar 2014 #49
R B Garr Mar 2014 #58
treestar Mar 2014 #75
edbermac Mar 2014 #51
Le Taz Hot Mar 2014 #106
Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #63
theHandpuppet Mar 2014 #64
ProfessorGAC Mar 2014 #65
theHandpuppet Mar 2014 #66
Autumn Mar 2014 #67
woo me with science Mar 2014 #85
Javaman Mar 2014 #73
In_The_Wind Mar 2014 #103
Javaman Mar 2014 #116
In_The_Wind Mar 2014 #117
Javaman Mar 2014 #118
In_The_Wind Mar 2014 #119
treestar Mar 2014 #74
MissMillie Mar 2014 #80
redqueen Mar 2014 #96
cui bono Mar 2014 #156
MineralMan Mar 2014 #97
Skittles Mar 2014 #140
Lex Mar 2014 #77
Berlum Mar 2014 #82
MineralMan Mar 2014 #88
snooper2 Mar 2014 #90
MineralMan Mar 2014 #94
Waiting For Everyman Mar 2014 #95
Laura PourMeADrink Mar 2014 #99
ScreamingMeemie Mar 2014 #113
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #131
undeterred Mar 2014 #112
polly7 Mar 2014 #98
Zorra Mar 2014 #109
LanternWaste Mar 2014 #114
Jim Lane Mar 2014 #123
MannyGoldstein Mar 2014 #130
hack89 Mar 2014 #158
Jim Lane Mar 2014 #159
hack89 Mar 2014 #160
Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #169
hack89 Mar 2014 #170
Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #171
hack89 Mar 2014 #172
Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #173
Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #127
Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #133
Name removed Mar 2014 #135
cherokeeprogressive Mar 2014 #149
sendero Mar 2014 #153
JustAnotherGen Mar 2014 #155
LittleBlue Mar 2014 #175
Vincardog Mar 2014 #176
WinkyDink Mar 2014 #177
Codeine Mar 2014 #178

Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:09 AM

1. Well we can go back to the very first days.

 

I'm sure at one time we peed and threw our own feces at each other to express gratitude and general attraction. Those things came from us, so we probably thought they were valuable.

Future dating one day will be done on machines...oh...nm...

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Response to Rex (Reply #1)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:29 AM

68. Rex I totally get what your saying, In fact I now see there are

some posters in this thread that want to shtup Manny basted on the amount of feces they throw at Manny to express their gratitude and general attraction.

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Response to Autumn (Reply #68)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:03 PM

104. I've always said you were smarter than the average bear!

 

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Response to Rex (Reply #104)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:34 PM

110. Hey I am so smart I think I am making peace with Windows 8.

And liking it. Makes me happy.

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Response to Autumn (Reply #110)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 06:21 PM

128. Wow you must have reached Nirvana!

 

To be THAT patient and understanding. I read that they already have a Windows 8.1.

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Response to Rex (Reply #128)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 06:29 PM

129. Yeah I had an automatic update to 8.1 a couple days l after I got my new laptop.

But it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I am enjoying all the apps and the tiles are so convenient. But in all truth I have cheated a bit, my 9 year old Grand Daughter has a tablet so she has been a little help there. How crazy is that.

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Response to Autumn (Reply #129)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 11:59 PM

138. Yeah the next generations are going to look at us like

 

we were all dinosaurs! They probably won't be able to visualize life before the internet.

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Response to Rex (Reply #1)

Tue Mar 11, 2014, 03:13 AM

139. "at one time we peed & threw our own feces at each other to express gratitude & general attraction"


Yeah, but meta got shut down, remember?

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Response to Warren DeMontague (Reply #139)

Tue Mar 11, 2014, 02:28 PM

141. You, sir, win the double plated golden derby award!

 

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Response to Rex (Reply #141)

Tue Mar 11, 2014, 05:22 PM

142. Sure, taunt me with reminders of my big-eared childhood.

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Response to Warren DeMontague (Reply #139)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 08:21 PM

168. .

 

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Response to Warren DeMontague (Reply #139)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 04:22 PM

174. I got nuthin'...

...but a hat tip.

TYY

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:14 AM

2. What exactly is a "normal" woman Manny?

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #2)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:18 AM

3. In this case, ones that weren't hubristic members of the 1%.

 

e.g., Ann Coulter was my classmate, she was in one of the non-normal-woman sororities - most of their members were similar to Coulter other than having better impulse control.

But I get your point, that's a tough thing to call.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #3)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:30 AM

6. For real????

Ann Coulter was your classmate? You mean this literally and not symbolically?

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Response to Matariki (Reply #6)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:32 AM

8. Literally. I didn't really know her, it was a big school.

 

She helped found our idiot Conservative paper and was a ringleader in destroying a shantytown erected in the Arts Quad to protest the school's investments in apartheid South Africa.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #8)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:39 AM

16. Well wow. And I always suspected she was a performance artist

and not really the over-the-top rightwing nutjob she pretends to be.

I guess either she's been performing since college or she really is a despicable as she seems

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #8)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:42 AM

19. Who didn't know Ann at Cornell? And by that, I mean carnally. Seriously...you never met her?

 

Hmmm...that puts you on the plus 50 side, older than I thought.

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #19)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:46 AM

24. Only barely plus.

 

As my friend Bill, another frat member (who actually might have known Ann a bit better) says... "Sure you're only young once, but you can be immature your whole life"

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #24)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:47 AM

25. What frat? nt

 

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #25)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:50 AM

28. Alpha Normal Women

 

You try to mess with me then want answers to your questions?

Feh.

Good night.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #28)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:45 AM

52. You seem a might touchy lately, Manny





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Response to msanthrope (Reply #25)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:00 AM

31. Wow.

I think you just got dismissed too!

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #31)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:29 AM

69. A rather touchy persona, no??? nt

 

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #69)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 01:34 AM

145. I would have to say yes to that. nt

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #3)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:39 AM

15. Well Ann Coulter is in a class all of her own.

A bigot and a zealot. A truly hateful hateful person. She is not even in my category a human being.

Yet...

So a "normal" woman that has self confidence in herself is hubristic? Self confidence is bad in a woman?

Wow Manny you have a boatload of respect of women, thanks for your powerful manly explanation of what a "normal" woman is. Good that you have classified us.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #15)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:40 AM

17. It seems like you are looking for a fight where none is merited.

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Response to Matariki (Reply #17)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:44 AM

21. How do you define "normal women"?

And no I am not, yet it is an insensitive statement.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #15)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:42 AM

18. That's not what I said. At all. Not even close.

 

You're just trying to cause a foodfight, and say hurtful things about me.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #18)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:48 AM

26. Categorizing women is offensive.

It is hurtful to women.

I did not post the OP Manny, you did and you are the one that said the words. I did not.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #26)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:51 AM

29. Have a good night

 

Seriously. I suspect you could use one.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #29)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:57 AM

30. Dismiss the silly woman?

Lawd, I feel a fainting spell coming on~

You defined "normal women". You brought it into your OP, Manny. I did not. Your words and now you are having trouble taking them back when someone finds them offensive.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #30)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:04 AM

33. A person with a *whit* of sense would have written something like "Gee, Manny,

 

you might want to rephrase what you said, some people find that hurtful."

You, on the other hand, just made #%^* up then followed with this pile of refuse:

Wow Manny you have a boatload of respect of women, thanks for your powerful manly explanation of what a "normal" woman is. Good that you have classified us.

This is the kind of garbage behavior that makes DU less than its former self.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #33)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:09 AM

38. So have you changed your OP yet?

Nope.

Aaaah, so now I am a person with no sense.

You are right about one thing...

This is the kind of garbage behavior that makes DU less than its former self.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #38)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:09 AM

84. You've been posting for just about 18 months.

and post
This is the kind of garbage behavior that makes DU less than its former self.
. You flood the place with almost 13,000 post. And you can't figure out how DU is less than its former self. Look in the mirror.

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Response to bahrbearian (Reply #84)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:19 PM

107. That would be a quality that many of our poster sadly do not possess.

+1000

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Response to bahrbearian (Reply #84)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:46 PM

115. Well...see post 33

That was a direct quote from Manny. I just copied and pasted that excerpt from his post. That's why I posted it with this



And what does my post count and time at DU have to do with anything?

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #115)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:14 PM

120. You, Bainesbane and msanthrope seem to want personal information from Manny

are you going to offer your personal information?

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Response to Autumn (Reply #120)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:24 PM

121. What personal information am I requesting?

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #121)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:26 PM

122. Reading is a skill, I didn't say you were "requesting' it.

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Response to Autumn (Reply #120)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 01:52 AM

147. I didn't solicit any personal information

What a ridiculous comment.

I will request that you quit talking about me period, whether it's to make nonsensical comments about this thread or gossiping in a group from which I am banned. It's petty.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/111413342#post10

I don't know what your problem is, and frankly I don't care. Keep it to yourself.

Why some people think DU exists for them to cultivate personal enmity out of complete strangers, I have no idea. Just leave me out of your junior-high cafeteria gossip.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #147)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 03:14 AM

150. How was that post you linked to gossiping about you?

You weren't even mentioned. Also, I remember you saying you'd trashed that group

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Response to Violet_Crumble (Reply #150)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 02:25 PM

164. She linked to it in the Lounge.

If you had followed the lounge thread, you would see it is gossip about me. Moreover, she doesn't deny it. Ask her.

Is your contention that if I had a group trashed, that makes it acceptable for members there to gossip about me? Or is my crime seeing it and disturbing the God given right to trash feminists? It is fascinating to see how determined you are to excuse others for what you lecture HOF and its members about.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #164)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 03:59 PM

165. There weren't any links to the Lounge in her post...

I guess you wouldn't be able to see that, seeing as how you said that you have the Men's Group trashed...

And I wouldn't call what I said a contention. I'd describe it as wondering out loud how someone who has a group on ignore can read that group. I thought the whole point of trashing a group was that it vanished totally. If there's a glitch in the system that makes the group visible to you, maybe you should alert the Admins to that? It kind of defeats the purpose of the trash function...

I've read the next few posts and I'm even more curious now. You said: 'Skinner saw what that Lounge thread was and supported the lock.' Where did Skinner say this?

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Response to Violet_Crumble (Reply #165)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 04:33 PM

166. I think I see your comprehension problem. You misunderstood what she wrote.

In your eagerness to discuss the Men's Group and then discuss whether or not someone has the Men's Group trashed and what significance that has to someone's credibility or possibly to some mysterious glitches in the system, you overlooked that all your dialogue and accusations were unnecessary because the link was from the Lounge to the thread in question. Look up post No. 16 in the Lounge thread. It was just that simple, and I am probably one of the least technical people here.

BTW, have you answered Manny's question he posed in this OP about how his friend can get laid by normal women? Or maybe this thread was really intended for posts such as yours that are basically a continuation of previous snipes. Hmmm.

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Response to R B Garr (Reply #166)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 08:16 PM

167. I don't have a comprehension problem

And I don't think wondering how someone who claims they've got a group trashed is still able to read it and comment on posts in the group is an eagerness to discuss a group. I'm just not seeing how if someone does have a group or forum trashed they'd be able to still read it, and I'm not sure why you've popped up with a rather nasty post like that

On edit - I haven't used trash so I just tested it out. I dug back and found the link in the lounge thread and it is viewable even when the group is trashed. Explaining that politely instead of going into nasty, accusatory mode would have been nice, btw. I am still curious to know where skinner said thAt he supported the lock. But will drop it as it's not worth being yelled at for daring to ask a question.

Have a nice day

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #147)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 11:19 AM

161. You seem touchy. Did I offend by posting in a protected group? Look in a mirror

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11875357 That's one there are others.

I don't care to look them up because I am bored with people who think that only they have a right to an opinion.

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Response to Autumn (Reply #161)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 02:22 PM

162. Naturally you see no difference between personal gossip and talking about racism

None of those comments were about you. Aside from MIRT, you never have entered my mind so I can hardly have talked about you.
So what exactly is your complaint? That anyone dare object to racism? That African Americans have a safe haven group? That anyone on this site has the audacity to consider the interests of anyone other than white people?

I don't think I'm the only person who has a right to an opinion. My opinions are about matters of substance. I assumed yours were about nothing but some random distaste for me, but now I see it's that you object to my raising issues of racism. It must be terribly upsetting to have to be confronted with the fact that someone besides white people matter on this earth. This, however, is a site for Democrats, and African Americans are the most loyal voting group. Despite that fact, we have few AA members left on DU. One thing is certain, I am not nearly as important as the issue of racism and that you think there is something comparable about petty gossip about an individual compared to a major social issue that affects America and the world at large speaks volumes.

Skinner saw what that Lounge thread was and supported the lock. He doesn't want this site to become a White Supremacist yuck fest anymore than I do. You object to the fact anyone cares. Too bad.

These past couple of days truly have been enlightening. Between that lounge thread, your carrying the controversy into the Men's Group, and your objection to the post linked above, I've learned a great deal about who you are.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #162)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 02:25 PM

163. It's easy to see you.

Very easy. Now I'm finished with what I had to say.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #115)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 04:51 PM

124. man, your dense,,

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Response to bahrbearian (Reply #124)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 04:54 PM

125. pot, kettle.

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Response to bahrbearian (Reply #124)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 01:13 AM

143. by the way;

it should read you are dense ....or You're dense~

Not and I quote you "man, your dense,,". By the way I am a woman not a man.

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Response to bahrbearian (Reply #84)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 01:56 AM

148. Because the point is not to post

Last edited Wed Mar 12, 2014, 05:34 AM - Edit history (1)

anything of interest but instead engage in personal sniping.

I've seen many excellent threads by Sheshe2. Also the fact is she was quoting Manny. Perhaps you should pay closer attention to the content of discussions rather than their post count or some random judgment about complete strangers?

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #148)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 08:10 AM

157. You two are a pair.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #26)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:06 AM

35. You are the one who interpreted the words

You did so poorly.

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Response to tkmorris (Reply #35)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:28 AM

45. Really? No, I did it well.

So, tkmorris, how do YOU define a "normal woman"?

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #26)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:36 PM

111. Is categorizing men offensive?

 

For example, suppose I were to say: "Some men act like real jerks when they can get away with it. They're rude to restaurant servers, store cashiers, and other people (of both sexes) who are working in similar capacities that bring them into contact with the general public."

I think my statement is true. Is it "hurtful" to men, to adapt your criticism?

I will concede that some true statements may also be hurtful in the sense of hurting some readers' feelings. Some men reading my example statement may be upset because they're uncomfortable when their behavior is criticized. To my mind, though, that's usually not a good reason to refrain from a truthful criticism.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #18)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:32 AM

47. LOL

 

Performance art.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #18)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:41 AM

91. I've said it before, Manny. You could post a fucking meat loaf recipe and someone ...

would mis-characterize your words and proceed directly into full-on, teeth-gnashing, garment-rending fits of outrage over something that you clearly were neither saying nor even implying.
Just another day in the good old Grievously Dysfunctional forum.

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Response to 11 Bravo (Reply #91)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:07 PM

101. +1.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #15)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:52 AM

81. Manny didn't say or imply or even suggest that a woman that has self-confidence is hubristic

 

nor did he say or imply or even suggest that self-confidence in a woman is bad. I hope you were joking.

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Response to Vattel (Reply #81)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:07 PM

132. Please. Spare us.

 

We know what he was thinking when he wrote it.

If we have to explain it to you, then it proves your hatred.

Regards,

Nobody-in-particular Manny

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #132)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:28 PM

134. Okay,you lost me. What proves my hatred?

 

I thought I was defending you against a ridiculous attack by sheshe.

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Response to Vattel (Reply #134)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:30 PM

136. I was being sarcastic, sorry.

 

I appreciate the defense. This place has gotten nuts.

Regards,

The Real Manny

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #136)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:54 PM

137. oh, sorry, usually I pick up on your sarcasm or facetiousness.

 

Long day.

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Response to Vattel (Reply #81)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 01:16 AM

144. definition!

hu·bris [hyoo-bris, hoo-] Show IPA
noun
excessive pride or self-confidence; arrogance.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #144)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 07:00 AM

154. Hubris is excessive self-confidence, not any sort of self-confidence

 

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #15)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:28 AM

87. Logic challenged.

Manny gives Coulter as an example of what normal is not.

You say Coulter isn't even human, and then go back to berating Manny for his statement.

You call Coulter not human, Manny refers to her as not normal, and HE is doing something so awful?

WTF?

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Response to Waiting For Everyman (Reply #87)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:48 AM

92. +1. nt.

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Response to Waiting For Everyman (Reply #87)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:08 PM

102. +1.

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Response to Waiting For Everyman (Reply #87)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 06:13 PM

126. Also take note of the subtle

Slut shaming upthread. Ann Coulter is disgusting. I don't think who she knew "cacarnally" has squat to do with that. " "Carnally"

Good God.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #3)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:48 AM

53. The thing about 1 percenters

Is they are only 1% of the population, so running into the other 99% isn't difficult.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #2)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:44 AM

20. Indeed...I await the explanation. nt

 

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #20)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:50 AM

27. Don't hold your breath...

I said hurtful things to Manny, according to Manny!

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #27)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:06 AM

36. out of his many personas, his "put upon victim" persona is the least professional...

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Response to dionysus (Reply #36)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:22 AM

43. He haz a sad :(

Thanks dionysus.

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Response to dionysus (Reply #36)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:49 AM

54. He pulled it last night with me

and I wasn't even in top form.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #54)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:51 AM

55. by trying to multitr,task, he's letting his work suffer.

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Response to dionysus (Reply #55)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:52 AM

56. I have noticed that

He's not been at his best lately.

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Response to BainsBane (Reply #56)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:55 AM

57. a poorly recycled mel brooks act.... "hey! where's a fella gotta go to shtup around here! oy!"

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Response to dionysus (Reply #55)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:32 AM

70. You Better Believe It!!!! nt

 

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Response to dionysus (Reply #55)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:42 AM

76. Spreading into gender issues

from dividing Democrats issues - interesting which side he falls on - he could have been a feminist and that would have been better believable for coming from the left and supporting Elizabeth Warren for President. Choosing the male side may be a bad decision.

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Response to dionysus (Reply #36)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:10 AM

59. Yes and~

AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Results of your Jury Service
> > > Mail Message
> > > On Sun Mar 9, 2014, 11:42 PM an alert was sent on the following post:
> > >
> > > He haz a sad
> > > http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4637610
> > >
> > > REASON FOR ALERT
> > >
> > > This post is disruptive, hurtful, rude, insensitive, over-the-top, or otherwise inappropriate.
> > >
> > > ALERTER'S COMMENTS
> > >
> > > This just seems like gratuitous flamebait. Not just this post but the person's entire contribution to this thread. If there were still moderators no doubt the person would be asked to behave themselves or get booted from the thread. It's up to you dear jurors...
> > >
> > > You served on a randomly-selected Jury of DU members which reviewed this post. The review was completed at Sun Mar 9, 2014, 11:54 PM, and the Jury voted 1-5 to LEAVE IT.
> > >
> > > Juror #1 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
> > > Explanation: No explanation given
> > > Juror #2 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
> > > Explanation: Sorry but not hide worthy.
> > > Juror #3 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
> > > Explanation: Nope. Leave it.
> > > Juror #4 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
> > > Explanation: I don't see nearly enough cause here, to hide.
> > > Juror #5 voted to LEAVE IT ALONE
> > > Explanation: No explanation given
> > > Juror #6 voted to HIDE IT
> > > Explanation: No explanation given
> > >
> > > Thank you very much for participating in our Jury system, and we hope you will be able to participate again in the future.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #59)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:11 AM

60. !!! he's in character even in his alerts!!

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Response to dionysus (Reply #60)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:13 AM

61. :)

to the jury~

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #59)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:19 PM

100. wow, just further proof this thread was nothing but flypaper to get posts hidden

Hilarious that the "alerter" describes the thread as if it has any significance -- i.e., how his friend can get laid. This was just low-hanging fruit. Even the alert is in a mocking format.

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Response to dionysus (Reply #36)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:35 AM

72. the put upon victim thing from the left

just feeds right into right winger stereotypes too. Just gives them something to jump on.

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Response to msanthrope (Reply #20)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:19 PM

108. You've been given the explanation.

 

See posts #81 and #87, with both of which I fully concur.

The chorus attacking Manny is apparently demanding an "explanation" for his statement that self-confidence in a woman is a bad thing. The reason there is no explanation that will satisfy his critics is that, back here in the real world, Manny made no such statement. He said that some women are hubristic while most of them are normal. Equating hubris with self-confidence was added by his critics so that they'd have something to be outraged about.

If you believe that no woman anywhere in the world is hubristic, go ahead and make that case. For my part, I believe that women run the gamut from neurotic levels of insecurity, through appropriate self-confidence, and on all the way to hubris and arrogance. Sort of like men do.

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Response to sheshe2 (Reply #2)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:33 AM

71. That stuck out for me too

Very subtle way of saying normal women follow react such that men are most comfortable.

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Response to treestar (Reply #71)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 01:49 AM

146. Notice the others that I asked...

what is a "normal woman". Yup crickets!

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:20 AM

4. how do people move from "nice to meet you!" to "um, I'm having trouble with this clip thing"?

I've found the $100 bill used as an introduction smooths over the rough spots.

(I'm kidding!)

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Response to DJ13 (Reply #4)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:02 AM

32. The smooth move these days is to pull out a virtual wallet and send across a couple of bitcoins

 

or so I've been told.

It says:

a) I am on the leading edge
b) I value this experience
c) I value your privacy

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:25 AM

5. Using something known as

 

"social skills."

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Response to geek tragedy (Reply #5)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:30 AM

7. What are these "social skills" you speak? nt

 

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #7)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:35 AM

12. Mostly specialties like

 

"listening" and "thinking before speaking."

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Response to geek tragedy (Reply #12)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:38 AM

14. "Thinking" and "listening", what are these things?

 

Where might they be purchased, and at what price?

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Reply #14)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:45 AM

22. You know, Mitt Romney had those exact questions. nt

 

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Response to geek tragedy (Reply #12)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:44 AM

78. Treating the women like other people rather than

a set of people with exactly the same reactions for whom there must be a formula for getting them to participate in sexual activities. If we just knew that formula, we could be in control and manipulate the opposite sex with it. There are tons of articles on alter net, etc. and every magazine on how to treat women - because you know they are all alike and will react according to a set formula.

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Response to treestar (Reply #78)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:48 AM

79. pick-up artists are misogynists, without exception in my experience nt

 

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Response to geek tragedy (Reply #5)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:45 AM

23. Social skills work on 'normal' women??? Who knew??? nt

 

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:32 AM

9. Fully clothed. n/t

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:33 AM

10. This post might give a partial explanation to your curiosity...

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 12:35 AM

11. Thankyou Jesus mother nature still does its thang with me ...

and I suppose that today looking at the tv that I don't have to worry about that later on...

Just don't understand why it is all aimed at an erection when it takes two to tango....

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:05 AM

34. First you need to negotiate dating unless you want to pay a call girl

and a lot of men find themselves doing just that because what was appropriate when they were 20 feels silly as hell when they are over 40. Call girls are a sure thing.

There's an online dating group for seniors if you're 55 plus and not set on finding 18 year old arm candy.

If your body is still hanging together, you can join various organizations from birdwatching to soup kitchens to political campaigns or churches to meet people.

I don't find your question a bit offensive. A lot of people out there are sharing your concern because there doesn't seem to be any graceful way to do what they just did without thinking when they were in their late teens and early 20s.

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Response to Warpy (Reply #34)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:20 AM

41. I don't find it offensive either, why would ANYONE find it offensive?

There ARE things I find offensive though. But they are so far removed from a Manny post.

Things like bombs dropping on children are extremely offensive to me.

Women being raped by invading armies.

Torture is extemely offensive to me.

Most offensive of all is if my taxes are being spent on these truly evil things.

And of course, war criminals being allowed to walk free, a double insult to the victims.

Manny's post? If that was all the victims of our wars had to worry about it would be a wonderful world.

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Response to sabrina 1 (Reply #41)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:02 AM

83. I'm glad someone around here has some perspective.

 

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Response to sabrina 1 (Reply #41)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:49 AM

93. +1. nt.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:07 AM

37. appropriate for the Lounge, Manny. nt

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:11 AM

39. I gave it up for Lent

It seemed like the least I could do..

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:14 AM

40. Internet dating seems to be the way these days for shtupping, for guys anyway.

They think it's the new singles bar. The women, well as usual, they are looking for relationships. The more things change, the more they remain the same.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #40)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:20 AM

42. no, there are plenty of women who enjoy meeting a guy and just having sex

 

without wanting any relationship.

and there are many guys who do want a relationship and not just one nighters.

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Response to JI7 (Reply #42)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:32 AM

46. I don't know any woman who just does sex unless she's in the business.

I'm a woman, have been one for 74 years, went to all girls schools and worked in all women workplaces and I never met one who just wanted sex. Sometimes they settled for sex, but didn't just want it. Sorry. Fail. Otherwise what I do agree with you about is that I worked with and do know a lot of guys who did want relationships. But they were not the guys who are today cruising the internet. They are no different than the guys who used to cruise single bars. Their main and initial intent is to get laid, not to get married. Oh, yeah, I used to be a bartender in one of the more frequented single bars in LA back in the day. I observed a lot.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #46)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:38 AM

50. most of the girls/women i have known have wanted just sex and nothing more

 

at some point in their life.

also even among women who would be interested in a long term relationship they still will go out and find guys just to have sex with.

one doesn't have to be in a relationship to have sex with someone.

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Response to JI7 (Reply #50)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:24 AM

86. Well, I stand corrected, but I have never known one. n/t

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Response to Cleita (Reply #86)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 05:45 AM

152. It's your age

A party University in the early 1990's was probably very different when you went to school or your circle of women. Because my Gramfeathers (maternal great grandmother) would be 109 if she was alive and thought my friends and I ad it made. They were doing (she and her friends) the same shit in the 1920's and then as she said in one of her numerous letters to - I"ll never forget this -

The moral majority decade happened and we had to have a sexual revolution all over again.

That decade was the 1950's.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #46)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 05:40 AM

62. Really?

 

Well, now you've met one. 😄

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Response to Cleita (Reply #46)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:34 AM

89. I went through most of my 20's without the intention

 

of wanting any type of a relationship but still wanted the sex. It was great being able to be picky. I also had my second son this way completely intentionally. I was ready to have another baby but didn't have any interest in a husband or coparent. His father was completely aware of the situation, it was just a lot cheaper & more fun than a sperm bank.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #46)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:12 PM

105. I did and I wasn't in "the business."

There have been many times in my life (when I was single) that I just wanted a lay. I didn't care what their names were and I didn't necessarily want to see them again (unless they were exceptionally good). And there were times that THEY wanted to pursue something else and I simply was not interested. I was young and a lusty little wench if I do say so myself. I just didn't want the ball and chain that are inherent in too many relationships. But then again, my motto back then was, "Play a man's game better than a man. It confounds the hell out of them."

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Response to Cleita (Reply #46)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 05:40 AM

151. It's called hooking up

. Lots of people do it.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #40)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:25 AM

44. yes Cleita, far be it from any man to actually want a relationship....

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Response to dionysus (Reply #44)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:36 AM

48. C'mon. I never said that. I said guys who are out looking for shtupping are not looking for

relationships. They used to go to single bars, now they cruise the internet. I have too many instances from friends to have decided otherwise. The old fashioned way of meeting partners, whether it be through friends, school, church or workplace is where guys go to look for relationships, or frankly the occasional hardware store. Ask me about that if you dare.

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Response to Cleita (Reply #48)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:37 AM

49. then i misunderstood you and i apologize.

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Response to dionysus (Reply #44)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:56 AM

58. I hear you, but what she really said is that men on the internet are liars

This was confirmed by her friends.

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Response to dionysus (Reply #44)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:39 AM

75. Note whoever wants less is in "control"

and this is why that role is assigned to men. And why the role of wanting more is assigned to women.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:43 AM

51. Ask Lily Von Shtupp

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Response to edbermac (Reply #51)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:14 PM

106. One of the greats!

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 05:46 AM

63. People are still having sex.



they've been told not to...
perhaps they are perplexed.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 05:54 AM

64. Since you asked... yes, it is inappropriate for a political forum.

But no, it probably won't get taken down. Just another crap thread that makes a mockery of the rules and DU as a place for political discussion.

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Response to theHandpuppet (Reply #64)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 06:05 AM

65. Your Forgot To Add "In Your Opinion"

As i don't agree with your interpretation of the rules, it means your post is an opinion not a fact. My opposite opinion is just that as well.
But, i'm stating mine as opinion. You're making a pronouncement as if you run the joint.

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Response to ProfessorGAC (Reply #65)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 06:19 AM

66. If you don't want opinions, don't pose questions.

Mine stands.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:09 AM

67. Gee Manny. Lately I read your threads and it's like falling into a kaleidescope

of groups that are pissed off at you. But before you accept that as too big a compliment just remember, it only takes a sneeze to piss them off. Sneeze is kind of a metaphor for just about anything. .

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Response to Autumn (Reply #67)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:17 AM

85. The corporate brigade is feeling a bit "bludgeoned."

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:36 AM

73. it's the same as it was then only the choice of beverage has changed. ;) lol nt

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Response to Javaman (Reply #73)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 01:29 PM

103. Less booze, more coffee.

So many people are in recovery from too much social drinking.

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Response to In_The_Wind (Reply #103)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:07 PM

116. on second thought...

I'm not sure what you are implying.

Cheers.

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Response to Javaman (Reply #116)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:10 PM

117. I'm actually agreeing with your first statement.

I have no problem with having a drink but many of my friends cannot.

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Response to In_The_Wind (Reply #117)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:11 PM

118. Okay...

I reread your post, edited my original because I wasn't sure if you were agreeing with a statement or implying something.

Nevermind, I can be very dense at times.

My apologies.

Cheers!

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Response to Javaman (Reply #118)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:13 PM

119. No problem

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:37 AM

74. Why do people insist there must be some set of rules to follow that

are similar to some type of ceremony?

Just get to know other people and don't have the goal of screwing somebody. Wait until it happens naturally. Just having the goal of getting them into bed is dehumanizing.

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Response to treestar (Reply #74)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:51 AM

80. "get to know"

I have yet to meet anyone willing to do that.

All the men I meet go from "nice to meet you" to "so, you like sex, right?"

Nevermind my last name or favorite color....

dehumanizing for sure

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Response to MissMillie (Reply #80)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:57 AM

96. That's sad.

I would tell them yes, I love sex, but only alone, or with people I've known for at least four or five years.

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Response to redqueen (Reply #96)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 07:29 AM

156. Well that's sad too.


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Response to MissMillie (Reply #80)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 10:01 AM

97. That's very sad.

Maybe a change of the situations where you meet people is in order. You seem to be meeting only men who are not likely to develop some sort of relationship before moving to sexual activity. Not all men are like that. Truly.

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Response to treestar (Reply #74)

Tue Mar 11, 2014, 04:32 AM

140. I never dated a guy I did not know first

and I knew them pretty well first - sorry, I had to KNOW who I was with

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:43 AM

77. It happens naturally or you're doing it wrong. nt

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 08:55 AM

82. Manny, Manny, Manny

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:34 AM

88. Individual people; individual experiences.

There is no real answer to your question.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:36 AM

90. Beats me, but I can't hear a single person here...

 

LOL

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:50 AM

94. Yes, a dumb question, but...

Tell your friend that if he just wants to "schtup," as you so ungracefully put it, he should skip all of the stages of relationship building, and just ask women, "Hey, you wanna schtup?" Why waste time? Get to the point right away. That will quickly identify the women who just want to "schtup" and avoid all of the rest of the getting to know someone and all of that boring stuff and move right into removing clothing.

Now, if your friend is actually interested in finding someone to have an actual relationship, he might want to consider some other approach. But he can probably find someone to "schtup" without all of that tedious foreplay. Not often, but once in a while, he'll find someone as bored with life as he is, and someone who just wants to "schtup."

Or, of course, he could just hire someone to "schtup" with him. I understand that such an arrangement is possible in most cities.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 09:56 AM

95. I thought that said "shutup".

I was going to say, "they don't".

Back to your question though. Since you asked, I have something that may be relevent to it... in later life after being widowed, three of my ex's came back. (Not all at once, one at a time, thank goodness.) So maybe that's a method, or maybe it's just a coincidence, dunno. None of them worked out the second time, but it was kind of interesting while it lasted anyway.

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Response to Waiting For Everyman (Reply #95)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 10:12 AM

99. what is it ?

I feel stupid...looks like I am the only one who has no idea what the question is. what is shtup?

DUH.....now that I write this, he meant shtoop.

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Response to ScreamingMeemie (Reply #113)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:05 PM

131. Well... I think that's not a settled issue

 

Looks like most references have it as "shtup", e.g.:

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/shtup

However, the character in Blazing Saddles is Lili von Shtupp.

So I should get half-credit, I think.

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Response to Waiting For Everyman (Reply #95)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:38 PM

112. I thought so to

And my answer was going to be "trash this thread"

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 10:07 AM

98. I would have to say it's a lot easier now.

Once you've experienced and decided what you don't want and won't put up with, you eliminate right off a lot of the chaff, and are free to just choose to enjoy time with people who make you think, laugh and who you just generally want to be around. Don't stress, be you, have fun ..... life is too short to worry so much. If something happens ...... it happens. Of course that's easy to say, being in an area where everyone knows mostly everyone in all the small towns around us. I imagine it's a bit more scary in the city.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:20 PM

109. Willingness to explore natural bisexual inclinations doubles your chances for a date.

However...



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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 02:45 PM

114. You underestimate yourself...

"My dumbest question ever..."

You underestimate yourself...

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 03:29 PM

123. You’re right, “roughly the same” but some differences

 

You ALWAYS have to have the STD conversation.
* Initially, you use a condom or, for cunnilingus, a dental dam.
* At some point, many couples agree to be mutually monogamous. If you’ve made that decision, and each of you reports having gone at least three months since any unprotected sex with anyone else, and each of you trusts the other, then you both get tested for HIV. If you both come back negative, then you don’t need barriers to protect against HIV.
* There are other STD’s, though. Annoyingly, there is no way to test men for HPV, so a woman who gets involved with your friend might still have a reasonable concern that he’s carrying HPV and might infect her.
* As an alternative to the three-months-of-monogamy route, some people might choose to gamble. What do you do if a partner says “I tested negative a year ago and all my sexual encounters since then have included condom use”? The partner might be lying or forgetting, or a condom may have failed. Your friend should think now about what he’ll do in that situation.

Your friend might also want to get tested now, just in case he happens to be carrying something even he doesn’t know about.

As to how you get to the point where all this is an issue, I don’t think things are very much different from what he experienced before his marriage. Usually, two people get together, there may or may not be a kiss at the end of the first date, and as they continue to see each other the physical intimacy progresses. For some people it’s not all that uncommon to have sex on the first date. (My guess is that this is more common among the younger set than among the women in your friend’s age group, but I don’t know.) For other people, sex on the third date would be considered much too fast.

There are no papers to sign. The progression toward physical intimacy still depends partly on conversation but mostly on reading nonverbal signals. Furthermore, the trend toward women’s equality and toward elimination of confining gender roles has made only limited progress in this area. In most instances (and, again, focusing on the women in your friend’s age group), women will still incline to expect the man to make the first move. This is often true even if the woman is, not merely willing to consent to, but actively hoping for, something more intense. If your friend waits for an absolutely unambiguous signal from her, he may be in a situation where he wants to do something, she wants him to do it, but it doesn’t happen. (I’ve been there, as I learned from later debriefings.) Just as in the old days, he’ll sometimes have to risk rejection.

As others have mentioned, the main difference since his premarital days is the internet. It increases the opportunities to meet someone of compatible personality and interests. It may well seem awkward and artificial to someone (like your friend and like me) whose dating habits were formed in pre-internet days, but he should overcome that feeling and at least give it a try.

One thing hasn’t changed: The whole process still presents abundant opportunities for insecurity, self-doubt, frustration, etc. He’ll probably have to push himself, especially at first.

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Response to Jim Lane (Reply #123)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 06:59 PM

130. Thank you! Finally an answer to the question I tried to ask!

 

Got all sorts of answers to other questions, also sorts of helpful hints on how not to be a horrible person...

Actually, the info's for my own edification, I'm just curious. My friend hasn't asked for my help so I expect he's got it under control.

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Response to Jim Lane (Reply #123)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 09:17 AM

158. Where the hell does one get a dental dam?

I have always wondered.

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Response to hack89 (Reply #158)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 10:42 AM

159. Sex shop or online

 

I got mine at Eve's Garden, a long-established sex shop in midtown Manhattan. If you can't conveniently reach a brick-and-mortar store that carries them, you can order them online. I just searched for "dental dam" on duckduckgo.com. (Screw you, Google, you track me online and cooperate with the NSA, our relationship is over.) The search results included some condom vendors that also sell dental dams, plus Amazon, plus links to articles about how to use them.

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Response to Jim Lane (Reply #159)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 10:47 AM

160. Thanks. n

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Response to hack89 (Reply #158)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 02:02 AM

169. Aswan?

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Response to Warren DeMontague (Reply #169)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 06:18 AM

170. Hoover. Has to be US made. Nt

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Response to hack89 (Reply #170)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 04:15 PM

171. You know, I considered that, and then i thought "but Hoover isn't actually a geographic location"

... I am WAY too literal with my jokes.

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Response to Warren DeMontague (Reply #171)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 04:17 PM

172. Loose minds and loose standards always make humor easier. nt

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Response to hack89 (Reply #172)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 04:18 PM

173. I got the last one down

So there's that.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 06:16 PM

127. Frat boys who don't know how to communicate with women... A shock...

oh wait...

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Mon Mar 10, 2014, 07:18 PM

133. At first glance, I thought he was

Wheeling a loaf of bread.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)


Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 01:56 AM

149. Missionary, with the lights out.

 

Sometimes female superior, but only after agreeing it doesn't mean what you might think.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 06:03 AM

153. Love..

.... will find a way.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Wed Mar 12, 2014, 07:22 AM

155. Just be glad you aren't out there



And no - it's not the least bit complicated. If your friend is putting that much thought into it - he's probably not even leaving the bench!

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 05:02 PM

175. With my wife, the shtuping was easy

 

Explaining to her dad why he no longer had to pay for campus housing, that was awkward.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 05:38 PM

176. IIRC it is the same as ever. If you are looking to bump uglies hit the bar and catch like minded eye

If you want a "connection" go do something you love to do and again be aware and open to the possibilities.

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 05:39 PM

177. I suspect the same way(s) as in Ye Olden Days.

 

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Response to MannyGoldstein (Original post)

Thu Mar 13, 2014, 05:43 PM

178. Naughty texting is unbelievably effective at setting the stage.

My fiancee and I undertook our entire mutual seduction via text message and picture trading. By the time we actually managed to meet physically it was smooth sailing -- no awkwardness, because everything had already been discussed and nervousness laid to rest. Five years later we are still happily together.

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