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Sun Mar 25, 2012, 11:29 AM

Thanks, American Motorists!

Dear American Motorist,

As a an oil speculator, I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know how much I appreciate the extra money. Your many contributions to my free enterprise success profits have "raised my boat." In fact, I just got a new one. It's called Sea Mitten. I named it after Mitt (heh heh, gotcha buddy!). But seriously, Mitt knows I respect him. His contributions to the world of finance are every bit as admirable as my contributions to the energy industry.

I was sorry to read that many of you are feeling the pinch at the gas pump, but I want you to know I am grateful for your courageous and willing sacrifice. It takes character to bow to the rights of others. Your respect for my right to make money without regard to how I do it...well (I'm choking up a little)...well, it's just swell. And look at it this way. That Big Mac, large fries, and large mocha Frappé weren't going to do your "bottom line" any favors anyway. Heh heh, burn!!

Some people would be angry at me, but not you. In some quarters I won't mention there are people who want to coat me with chum and throw me in the ocean. I'm glad you aren't like that, all bitter.

In closing, I just want to add a shout out to my true loyalists. You know who you are. You are the solid, salt-of-the-earth folks who stand shoulder-to-shoulder with me every time you fill up. You, my friends, put the blame on Obama. You get that inexplicable something about him. Well, it saves me boo-coo dollars in Republican SuperPAC contributions, and I just wanted you to know that it "works for me." I know I speak for Iran too.

Stay in touch "y'all". Heh heh.

Your Pal,

JSU IV

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