Willie Robertson better pack a LOT of suntan lotion in his coffin.

[riqster]

http://bluntandcranky.wordpress.com/2014/03/26/willie-robertson-better-pack-a-lot-of-suntan-lotion-in-his-coffin/

"Because, according to his “logic”, the Duck Dynasty star is Hellbound, just like the gays he and his daddy love to hate. Gonna be hot and bright down there, boyo, so you had best be prepared. And that goes regardless of whether the hating is based on “Christian” readings of the Old or New Testament.

Young Willie dittoed his daddy’s ignorant statements recently, saying that the Bible says certain people are going to Hell, and that is that. And his faux-redneck family fully supports the literal interpretation of Holy Scripture. If they are right, this guy and his clan are heading for some third-degree brimstone burns themselves:

The list of Levitican Perdition Pronouncements may be found here. A cursory reading reveals the Ducksters to be huge vi-o-lators of this code:
They eat crawdads and other forbidden seafood,
They wear clothing made from mixed fabrics ,
They lie about who they are,
And a number of other forbidden practices like touching snakes, and so on. So Willieboy is on the Swampway to Hell, according to his own standards and beliefs.

But, you say, what of the New Testament? Glad you asked. Here is the bit of Corinthians that Phil and Willie claim to reference:

Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, sodomites, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers, robbers—none of these will inherit the kingdom of God.

Since the Robertson “men” have chosen to pretend to be something they aren’t in order to make money, they are clearly prostituting themselves, are greedy, and robbing those poor gullible fools who give them money. So, they are likewise headed South, waaaaaaay down South. Hadesville kinda South. According to the very New Testament Scripture they themselves cite, and the Old Testament Scripture.

Gentle Reader, one of two things is true:

Willie and his Ducky Posse are all a-goin’ to Hell just like them icky-ucky LGBTQ peeps; and it’s gonna be Sunburn Central down there, from all reports, or

The gays aren’t actually going there, because the Bible really doesn’t say what he and his Daddy Phil says it does.

Either way, listening to Willie is probably a really bad idea, because it’s pretty obvious that his head is firmly lodged in his alimentary canal. But he himself had better be prepared, just in case he’s right. Coppertone, Mister Duck. Lots and lots of it.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

P.S. Count the number of times Homosexuality is mentioned in the entire Bible. Less than ten. Now look at how many times Adultery is mentioned. Dozens.
These Fundagelicals might want to adjust their priorities. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’."

Source material at the link.

[underpants]

1. Sales must have dipped

[riqster]

3. Yep. And since gay-bashing hurt their revenue stream already, these giant brains are...

Gay-bashing again. Geniuses, pure geniuses, like the repeated suicidal charges in Blackadder.

[longship]

2. "Thou shalt not bear false witness."

Yup! They're gonna need lots of sun tan lotion.

[jmowreader]

4. Prostitution and robbery don't count

They're not selling sex and the people who are giving them money are doing it willfully, so those two descriptions don't fit.

That they are greedy is without question. Also look at the "revilers" thing - it means people who talk a lot of shit about other people. I think that counts here.

It talks about drunkards; would having your own wine label (which they do - you can get Duck Commander wine at your finer discount grocery stores) put you in this category?