So a (conservative) friend of mine was asked to DJ a reception for a gay wedding.

[moriah]

I'm sure the rest of us Arkies know at least one or two people like him and might even call them friends. Very conservative Christians, actually seem to walk their talk when it comes to their own religion instead of being hypocritical. They volunteer their time to many groups, not just their church -- most recently, this guy did a fundraiser for the local Rape Crisis center, another time I know he made sure an event was to benefit a domestic violence shelter. Would give the shirt off his back to help anyone, gay or straight. As a matter of fact, this guy said that he feels all the people fighting what he called "inevitable" marriage equality were wasting time and energy, and making themselves look foolish.

But he said he's prayed about it, and he just cannot participate in the event. The first thing he said to me after telling me he was asked was "I don't want to offend this couple, I'm happy for them, they seem nice -- I just can't participate in an event I disagree with so much."

I suggested he take the time to contact another DJ in the area he knows that doesn't have his same views and find out if they're available, then make the referral without stating why he had to decline -- and get back to them as quickly as possible so their event planning isn't disrupted.

-----

So if you tried to give your hard-earned money over to a bigot (which he is on this one issue, as much as I do care about him as a friend) to do your wedding and they didn't want to do it... how would you want them to handle it?

I mean, I know as a Pagan planning a handfasting and reception, I'd far rather give my money to event workers who were just as excited about my day as I was, and not have to deal with people I'm paying who might have objections to what happens on my day. I've never found a lack of tolerant florists (or DJs) for events before, though now I know not to ask my friend to DJ my wedding whenever I have one.

[warrior1]

1. remind him that he said this

As a matter of fact, this guy said that he feels all the people fighting what he called "inevitable" marriage equality were wasting time and energy, and making themselves look foolish.

[yeoman6987]

22. Couldn't your friend just....

just simply say, "no" to the couple and be done. I don't believe anybody owes an explanation to why or why not they can DJ an event. Maybe he wants to wash his hair that night. Nobody has to do anything they don't want to in America, but to tell the couple why is not right in my book.

[moriah]

5. He calls himself homophobic.

He admits his bigotry on this one issue. I'm going with his own labels.

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. "Welcome" to DU... I think you missed something.

"As a matter of fact, this guy said that he feels all the people fighting what he called "inevitable" marriage equality were wasting time and energy, and making themselves look foolish." And yet, he perpetuates it with this decision.

Sorry, I think the shame is misplaced here, dear.

[Kali]

7. yes that's it!

people calling out bigotry are the intolerant ones

see ya!

[Agschmid]

8. Yup they are.

[FBaggins]

14. Never in your life have you seen something so intolerant?

Are you a mayfly?

[ScreamingMeemie]

16. DUzy...

...and with that, I'm off! Thanks for the giggle.

[LuvNewcastle]

3. There are straight DJs?

Just kidding. I feel the same way you do. In fact, I'd probably ask for a referral from someone at one of the local gay bars before I chose a DJ or a band. I wouldn't want anyone involved in the wedding who wasn't happy for my spouse and me.

[Bluenorthwest]

4. I get that he's your friend, but to say he'd 'give the shirt off his back' when in fact he won't

even do business with gay people is a service to him which I find troubling. He's a bigot. He'd not give the time of day nor the shirt off his back. Perhaps an old shirt he never liked, but his is a man who refuses to give of himself. And that is the 'witness' his faith offers. According to the Golden Rule, this is how he wants to be treated himself, people who don't like bigoted religions should refuse him service as he does to others.

[moriah]

9. He's DJed for many events with predominately LGBT audiences... just not a wedding.

Which is probably why he was asked in the first place, that he'd never seemed to care who listened to his music before.

Although I admit that's about the same type of distinction as Erick Erickson saying anyone who wouldn't bake a cake for a gay person was unChristlike, but that "a gay wedding was different".

[Agschmid]

11. It's doesn't work like that.

[ScreamingMeemie]

12. Interesting. I see a discussion. You see a "demonization!!111!!!" What gives?

[moriah]

13. So far he's yet to handle it to my knowledge, he just said he'd get back to them.

I hope he takes my suggestion, it seems like the polite thing to do. I don't know if I'd want my happy day trampled on by someone who said they had a problem with my faith, beliefs, or partner.

[snooper2]

15. right wing fundies can't be DJs LOL

unless you want this

[el_bryanto]

17. The other thing to consider is what can you do to help him reconsider his position

on this issue; it might be difficult, but certainly it would be pleasant if you could turn this person from this position.

Bryant

[Nye Bevan]

18. This bigot must have some great redeeming other qualities

for you to want to be his friend.

[catrose]

19. I'm not sure why the hand-wringing

I've had plenty of offers I didn't want to take because the people were jerks, I didn't think I'd get paid, or a million other reasons that had nothing to do with religion/sexual orientation. I just said I had a conflict, as in "I'm already booked," and gave a referral, if I could.

[catrose]

20. I meant his hand-wringing, not yours eom

[moriah]

21. He said he's worried about lawsuits/publicity.

Though Arkansas doesn't have the same laws as other states when it comes to discrimination.

But yeah, what you said. "I'm already booked" is the happy little white lie that I thought all DJs knew how to tell when they wanted to bow out gracefully from an engagement.

[dman85]

23. Are we not suppose to be tolerant of religious beliefs anymore?

Most of the conservatives I know and some liberals are fairly indifferent towards gay marriage because of their religion. That does not make them a bad person. You said it yourself....he's a nice guy.

Are we not suppose to be tolerant of religious beliefs anymore? I've turned away business because it would have kept me away from my television during a big college football game day. I've turned away business because I thought the client would be a jerk. His profession isn't a retail establishment with set hours and a public storefront. Should he have the right not to take on any client for any reason?

Just tell him to say no. If he's really nice, maybe he could recommend someone else. He does not need to share his religious beliefs or any details. He does not need to go out of his way to offend.

IMO, as his trusted friend, you've probably gone a little too far in sharing his personal beliefs on the internet. If there is a way you can delete this thread, I'd consider doing that if you think it could possibly cause a problem for him.

[ScreamingMeemie]

24. I think you are a bit too "concerned."

You have turned away business because of a college football game? One wonders what type of profitable business you run.
As his "trusted friend," this OP didn't post any identifying details. That's how we discuss things on the Internet. The only problems this man has had caused relate to his own inability to separate his professional life from his private beliefs.

I don't frequent businesses who wear their politics or their religion on their sleeves... whether I agree with their opinions or not.

You should try that.