"50 Shades": A feminist/BDSM Guide to Why it's Skeevy as Hell

[TygrBright]

Probably a NSFW link, BTW, not for imagery but because it features plenty of Banned in Boston topics and text:

Cliff Pervocracy Reads 50 Shades

Some quality excerpts:

On the creepy stalker thing:

Saturday at the store is a nightmare. We are besieged by do-it-yourselfers wanting to spruce up their homes. [...] I glance up… and find myself locked in the bold gray gaze of Roll FizzleBeef who’s standing at the counter, staring at me intently. Heart failure. “Miss Steele. What a pleasant surprise.” His gaze is unwavering and intense.

Gahhh! She lives a hundred and fifty miles away from him! And she never told him where she works! This is not okay!

On the nonconsensual assault thing:

“Have you applied to my company as I suggested?” I flush… of course not. “Um… no.” “And what’s wrong with my company?”

"The massive conflict of interest and sexual harassment situation this would create."

"I’m not going to touch you Anastasia - not until I have your written consent to do so.”

Well, except for when he took her pants off while she was unconscious.

On the rape-y aspects:

I think it's Ana's reactions that push this from "non-con fantasy" to "E.L. James what the FUCK are you doing?" Like, if Ana were secretly delighted to see him, that would be unrealistic and problematic, but not totally unexpected in a bodice-ripper. But no, she's panicky and scanning the room for exits, and it's fucking terrifying.

“So, it was nice knowing me?” Holy cow, is he offended? I stare down at my fingers. How am I going to dig myself out of this? If I tell him it was a joke, I don’t think he’ll be impressed.

I'm just putting this in to establish that Slam ThudBoom genuinely thinks she broke up with him. He's not punishing her for a bad joke (not that this would be okay either). He is, as far as he's concerned, raping his ex.

...But no worries, because it was a joke, so he's really just raping his girlfriend.

I think this is that point where I have to stop making jokes, except perhaps the saddest and bitterest kind of joke, like, "ha ha, and she's genuinely afraid of talking to him, sounds like the ideal romance, what a fuckin' kneeslapper."

And plenty more.

This is not a book about adult, consensual BDSM. This is a fantasy (and not a terribly well-written one) about how the author imagines BDSM works. And it's full of skeevy, creepy, misleading, he-dom-she-sub stereotypical patriarchal cliche's, to boot.

It's not "sexually liberated."

It's not about "freedom from stuffy traditional sex."

It's about as traditional as chastity belts and Donna Reed with buttplugs.

irritatedly,
Bright

[DonCoquixote]

1. Thank YOU!

Most BDSM practioners HATE this book, and will gladly tell you why it sucks, and does not represent anything more than the stupidity of the weak avergae American mind.

[TygrBright]

3. Most welcome. I don't think the average American mind is "weak," but...

...we have a long cultural history of incredibly creepy and (in my opinion) perverted attitudes and beliefs about sex, and this sad, tedious effusion of softcore idiocy perpetuates them.

dismissively,
Bright

[Louisiana1976]

53. True. It's due to the puritanical ethic.

[Laelth]

40. The author is English, I think. n/t

-Laelth

[DonCoquixote]

47. maybe but

she admitted it was based on a FAN FIC of Twilight, witten by American Stephanie Meyer, who even wove in Mormon attitudes about pro-life (Bella dies to save her baby) and treatement of women (the ladies enjoy having their monsters beat them) At least 50 was not marketed to children.7

[bravenak]

2. I put a link to the books online on the other thread.

It's a stupid date rapey book. And he climbs in her window. Ew!

[Scootaloo]

9. Well, that certainly is a shout-out to the origin of the work.

[bravenak]

15. I know, right?

I knew instantly which fanfic it was when it got big. I was irritated.

[ClarkeVII]

4. So what

It's not for me to judge if some people find this hot I say "power to them." Too many people are on a sexual high horse. Some people into different things.... Some people find this book hot. Who cares? Quit shaming them. This place is looking just as prudish version as the Tyra Banks show.

[TygrBright]

6. BDSM practitioners CAN be a bit doctrinaire...

...about correct procedure, safety, and ethics, but I don't really think it's fair to use the word "prudish" to describe their objections to this tacky maundering.

amusedly,
Bright

[ClarkeVII]

11. It's just another anti 50 Shades thread

All that does is shame people who like this stuff. People should be more open minded and accept others when is comes to sexual practice.

[TygrBright]

18. By "people who like this stuff," do you mean...

..."people who like BDSM?"

Or do you mean "People who like skeevy manipulative controlling cliche's about kink?"

Because I can assure you, the first group are not "shamed" by bad reviews of "50 Shades."

Of course, maybe you meant "People who like badly-written, immature, tedious, sloppily edited softcore fantasy porn?"

In which case, yeah, maybe it's a little shaming. My bad, sorry...

ironically,
Bright

[ClarkeVII]

20. "People who like skeevy manipulative controlling cliche's about kink?

Correct. Some people really enjoy it. Human sexual nature is complex. Let people who like it have their fun. Who am I to judge and place myself in a morally superior position?

[TygrBright]

21. A case can doubtless be made...

...that we should refrain from "shaming" people who get off on reading about rape, about domestic violence, about necrophilia, pedophilia, etc., presumably so long as they don't actually engage in any of those activities.

The point here is not that people in the book do kinky stuff.

Kink is great, no one should get "shamed" for enjoying kink, per se.

Kink used as a tool to manipulate, abuse, isolate, and skeeve on other people is another kettle of fish.

And by dressing up the skeevy shit as "just kink" the author serves neither the cause of sexual liberation nor of literature.

patiently,
Bright

[Louisiana1976]

54. Exactly.

[historylovr]

60. +1

[Scootaloo]

31. I think both versions of Cape Fear are good movies

I don't see any merchandising though. No "Future mrs. Cady" T-shirts, and no "what is it about houseboats?" coffee-mugs. This is becuase Cape Fear was not marketed as a steamy romance. that is because Cape Fear is a psychological horror about a rapist seeking brutal revenge.

"Fifty Shades" gets these wires crossed. it' a psychological horror about a rape victim trapped in an abusive relationship that is marketed as a steamy romance. And not in the bodice-ripper variety of "I know I shouldn't, but I must!" cheese... no, the perspective character, Ana, is completely aware of her own terror and discomfort, and is constantly harangued, threatened, and intimidated into a "relationship" she doesn't even want.

The abuse of a woman is presented as desirable in this work. Either that, or E. L. James very intentionally wrote a horror novel and is just trolling her way to the fucking bank on it in a way that Stephen King should be taking pointers from. I'm undecided at this point.

If you find that "hot," then sure, whatever gets you off. They're fictional characters, after all. But I'm completely entitled to look at you, someone getting off to a lurid and graphic depiction of an abusive relationship, and think that you're completely off your fucking rocker.

[nomorenomore08]

33. ...

[ClarkeVII]

42. It's not my business

To define what it is hot to other people. Instead maybe I should reflect that we are vastly different human beings raised in various environments. The book doesn't hurt anyone and obviously people enjoy. I'm not going to look down on anyone who does.

[Scootaloo]

46. Yes, one of us had to grow up watching a woman through fifteen years of physical and emotional abuse

And thus takes exception when that sort of thing is peddled as mainstream entertainment, via a book - and now movie - that presents such abuse as a desirable part of a relationship.

it SHOULD be your business to have a problem with messaging like that, but you know what, I got used to seeing people ignore it. So whatever.

[pnwmom]

50. So what? A book that promotes rape and sexual violence and you reaction is so what?

Did you read the post? Non-consensual means non-consensual. He rapes her AFTER they broke up. And there are many other times in the novel where he announces that he'll either beat her or rape her -- her choice.

[Luminous Animal]

5. Donna Read with buttplugs! Love it!

apropos of nothing, my husband, when he was little thought it was they were announcing the gonorrhea show.

[TygrBright]

7. Wow! Now I'm gonna have THAT in my head whenever I see a clip on YouTube... n/t

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. the gonorrhea show

and the main advertiser could be Donna Reed butt plugs.

[moriah]

10. As I've said, I hope to God/dess no one is using this as BDSM 101 material.

But until I read it, which I'm loathe to do, I don't know whether it's just trash (the most likely thing, and a waste of my time), possibly trash trying to make a point that such behavior in relationships is wrong and failing, or maybe even a well written satire of Twilight that actually ends with the heroine deciding to get her gumption up and LEAVE the motherfucker who wants to control her life..... which would be nice, but is unlikely.

What has irritated me are those here who have passed judgement on BDSM itself -- by making uneducated commentary about what they think drives people to seek submissive or dominant roles in the bedroom, by suggesting that females who are submissive in the bedroom are somehow betraying feminism, etc.

[TygrBright]

12. Check out Cliff's brilliant summaries and you'll never need to read it.

I have struggled through most of it (okay, I skimmed a lot...) and it's neither well-written nor does it have ANY redeeming enlightenment, character development, etc., in my opinion.

It's just a softcore pseudo-BDSM wankbook to make the author a bunch of money. In that respect, it's stunningly successful.

But neither helpful nor harmless, alas.

wearily,
Bright

[Hissyspit]

36. You missed the big message!

http://time.com/3030375/dave-barry-50-shades-of-grey/

This is why the immense popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey is actually great news for men. It’s a signal from the female gender—not unlike the one broadcast by Shawna—transmitting an exciting and encouraging message to men everywhere: "We are interested in sex! We’re just not interested in sex with you unless you’re a superhot billionaire.”

OK, so this is not a totally positive message for us men. But we can work with it! We can interpret it to mean that women would like their sex lives to be more interesting. Maybe they wish that we would be more obsessive and stalkerish. Maybe they even secretly fantasize about engaging in unconventional, even 'kinky,' sexual activities. There is only one way to find out, men: You need to have an honest, 'no holds barred' conversation about sex with the special woman in your life. I did this with my wife, and as difficult as this was for me, I’m glad I did because it was very revealing. Here’s the complete transcript:

Me: Hey, do you secretly want me to tie you up and flog you?

My wife: No.

Yes, communication is the key to a successful relationship. That, and not peeing in the shower."

[Tuesday Afternoon]

45. gotta love Dave Berry. and Yes, THE MONEY is the most attractive character in all this.

[TygrBright]

49. 'Strewf! Dave Barry hits it outta the park yet again. Enough money makes anything sexy. n/t

[Luminous Animal]

16. The feminist here OBJECT TO THE ABUSE. Not to the sex. (Which, by the way is terrifically boring.)

Near every single feminist has been saying this over and over and over again. And all of them have been ignored and replaced with a Rush Limbaugh characterization of feminists.

[moriah]

23. That's why I referred to those who had not confined their judgments....

.... to abuse, but had continued to make them about practitioners of BDSM, particularly in judging why someone might be submissive or masochistic.

Unless you ARE a sub or ARE a masochist, I don't think you have a place saying why people swing that way.

[TDale313]

27. Examples, please?

Cause I've seen no one saying anything about practitioners of BDSM. Most have stated the opinion that the particularly bad twilight fanfic in question has very little to do with that, and everything to do with an abusive relationship.

[moriah]

28. Uh, how about equating BDSM to fucking a couch cushion, claiming it takes away all intimacy?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=5292797

Then going on to preach against "unbounded sexual pleasure" and "rebellious exploration"....

(Edit, keep reading the thread for the judgments about female submissives, as well as male submissives.)

[TDale313]

30. Fair enough. Disagree with that take on BDSM.

Many comments I've seen have made the point that the relationship in the book was far from portraying safe, consensual BDSM.

[Kablooie]

13. I read the book.

or at least I tried to read it.
I got about half way through and found it too boring to continue.
I was mildly curious as to what would happen but it was so manipulative and silly that I lost all interest.

[Warpy]

14. It's badly written porn for women who have been married too long

usually to the first guy who asked them when they were too young to decide. They might be the most compatible couple in the universe, but everything goes through periods of staleness now and then and that's when they haul out "50 Shades" and start looking at the vegetable counter without culinary plans in mind.

BD/SM is just one of those things I really don't get, like religion and televised football. I do know otherwise reasonable human beings who get their freak on that way. As long as they don't insist I join the fun, we're cool. On all three.

I'm not in the demographic and would likely have treated this the same way I treated romance fiction: no matter how dull the shift was, it would get launched across the room by page 4, propelled on a barrage of foul language about the author's ancestry, anatomy, proclivities, and ultimate destination for having written formulaic crap at a fourth grade reading level.

I just hope the men who have read my other posts on this take my advice to heart: do NOT use this as a date movie. You will be lucky to get something spilled on you while your date hollers "Oh HELL no!" and stomps out of the theater. Unlucky and you will be stomped on first.

I find it amusing that the censorship fans want to protect women from seeing this thing. Most women have been through far worse, already, either personally or supporting friends and family. This movie will only shock men.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

22. "It's badly written porn for women who have been married too long"

So was Harold Robbins.

[Sherman A1]

24. Might be

or perhaps not, I didn't read it and have no intention of doing so, but it did sell like crazy. People want to read it or see the movie.... their money, their choice.

[BainsBane]

17. Here's a snynopsis of the book

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/FiftyShadesofGrey

[TygrBright]

19. Thanks. Another excellent summary. n/t

[Hissyspit]

37. Here's another one:

http://time.com/3030375/dave-barry-50-shades-of-grey/

As the book begins, Anastasia has somehow managed to complete four years of college, during which time she has had—despite being so physically attractive—no romantic involvement of any kind with anybody. In fact, she’s still a virgin. Also, she does not own a computer nor does she know how to operate one. She has no e-mail account, and seems to be only dimly aware of how the Internet works. At one point she says, quote: “Holy cow! I’m on Google!”

So anyway, Anastasia and Christian meet, and he is of course attracted to her, although because of her walnut brain she can’t believe this despite the fact that, as I have already noted, every freaking person she meets is attracted to her.

So the plot is: They have sex, she wants to smooch, he wants to flog, there’s a bunch of talking about this, they have sex again, she again wants to smooch, he again wants to flog, there’s a bunch more talking about this, and so on for several hundred word-filled pages.

Finally, Anastasia decides to let Christian flog her, to see what it would be like. So he takes a belt and flogs her on the butt. Then, in the dramatic climax to the story, the moment we have been building up to, Anastasia comes to a shocking, life-changing realization, which nobody could have foreseen in a million years: Getting flogged on the butt hurts. Yes! It’s painful! Anastasia does not like it! Double crap!!

So she breaks up with him.

And then . . .

And then the book is over.

I’m serious. That’s the plot.

[A Little Weird]

25. I can't imagine how this became a best seller

The passages I've read have been astoundingly awful. Anyway, I came across this blog - she does a chapter-by-chapter analysis that is pretty hilarious - http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com.au/p/jen-reads-50-shades-of-grey.html?zx=a39478f332c67339

[arcane1]

56. That might just be the funniest damn thing I've read all year

Actually, it's a tie for first place with this:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html



Thanks for the link, it's a hilarious new blog to read

[A Little Weird]

57. LOL

Thanks for the link. That's hilarious!

[TygrBright]

58. Thanks for that link! I love HyperboleAndAHalf! n/t

[historylovr]

59. Marketing.

The writer knew how to publicize. And of course a built in base of Twilight fans, along with giggly journalists hawking it.

[Hekate]

26. How I do love a good book review....

I think I'll skip the book and the movie. Ubiquity is not enough.

Bemusedly,
Hekate







Edit: was that typo a Freudian slip-knot?

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

29. Sometimes one picture can say everything there is to be said on a subject

I knew there some something wrong when a woman I used to work with put $100 on the table and said it was mine if I read an entire chapter out loud.

[Scootaloo]

32. Oh my god i'm dying

That's it, exactly.

[Aerows]

35. You could read that

book upside down and it would still make as much freaking sense as it does upright.

Oh god, I sound like I've read it and I am projecting sexual positions I'd like to have with an asshole.



Nope, still not inclined to have sex with assholes, regardless of gender. I met a chick that I thought was cool in New Orleans - violinist. She turned out creepy as fuck. Wanted to strap me to a ship's wheel or some shit and have her way with me.

Sorry, not the fuck interested. Ever.

[freshwest]

44. Yes, the kid gets it! So did your post here:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10025290830#post229

The kid is not a 'dur hurp-a-durp' knee jerker.

[Aerows]

34. Not my business

But not my business. Consent to something, have a consenting partner, not my business.

Write a lame book about your fantasies? Me giving it bad reviews is my business.

[TygrBright]

52. Exactly. Not only is it skeevy, the writing is ludicrously bad. n/t

[steve2470]

38. As I've been educated, it is not BDSM, it is not consensual

Excellent OP, Bright. I have zero intention of reading it or seeing it at the theater.

[In_The_Wind]

39. What the hell does Donna Reed even know about Buttplugs?

[Revanchist]

41. But can he give the reading true justice?

[MineralMan]

43. Best post ever on this lame subject! DUZY!

[Luminous Animal]

48. It is a book about abuse, not sex. From a study of the book at Ohio State.

http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/full/10.1089/jwh.2013.4344

Background: While intimate partner violence (IPV) affects 25% of women and impairs health, current societal conditions—including the normalization of abuse in popular culture such as novels, film, and music—create the context to support such violence. Fifty Shades of Grey, a best-selling novel, depicts a “romantic” and “erotic” relationship involving 28-year-old megamillionaire, Christian Grey, and a 22-year-old college student, Anastasia Steele. We argue that the relationship is characterized by IPV, which is harmful to Anastasia.


Intimate partner violence patterns
Our results distill the abuse patterns across Christian and Anastasia's 4-week relationship in the first novel, concentrating first on underlying emotional abuse patterns, and then on how the emotional abuse affects Anastasia, and culminating with a description of example sexual encounters that meet the CDC's sexual violence definition.63 We begin by discussing emotional abuse, because this type of abuse permeates all chronically violent partnerships, including nearly every interaction of Christian and Anastasia's relationship; the underlying emotional abuse in Christian and Anastasia's relationship also sets the stage for sexual violence to occur. To remain consistent with literary convention, we describe events in the present tense; “actual dialogue” between Christian and Anastasia is represented using italics and quotations, and Anastasia's “inner dialogue” is in quotations only.

Emotional/psychological abuse
Christian controls all aspects of the couple's relationship using the emotional abuse tactics of stalking, isolation, intimidation/threats, and humiliation.63 Emotional abuse begins immediately after the couple's first meeting when Anastasia interviews Christian for her college's newspaper, and continues through the couple's last interaction in the novel. Below we review three emotional abuse scenes; in each scene, the various types of emotional abuse co-occur and overlap, as is typically seen in abusive relationships.1,2 As an important caveat before describing the emotional abuse scenes, while BDSM can include power and pain exchanges outside of the bedroom (such as ordering a partner to eat or threatening to punish/harm), typically such exchanges involve consenting parties (those who have agreed to the power exchange) and those who have worked out an egalitarian process for negotiating such power exchanges.46–48 Within Christian and Anastasia's relationship, consent and egalitarian negotiation processes are not formally decided, and Christian uses a range of coercive strategies to control multiple aspects of Anastasia's behavior; as we will document, Christian's coercive control significantly erodes Anastasia's identity.

Emotional abuse example 1
Within a week after Christian and Anastasia's introduction during an interview Anastasia conducts with Christian for her college's newspaper, and without any additional form of communication, Christian stalks Anastasia, by “appearing” at Anastasia's place of employment, an independent hardware store located in Portland—173 miles from their original encounter in Seattle. As Christian asks Anastasia to help him locate various “odd items,” such as cable ties, masking tape, and rope, his “confusing double talk” (p. 29) and questions about “what else he might need” for his “do-it-yourselfer” home improvement project (p. 28) creates feelings of embarrassment and humiliation in Anastasia. Christian does not stop his innuendo after Anastasia's body shows physiological signs of embarrassment, including a “recurring blush” and cheeks the color of the “Communist Manifesto” (p. 27–28). During this interaction, Anastasia even has the “uncanny feeling [Christian] is laughing at [her]” (p. 27). Midway through the hardware store encounter, Christian's mood changes suddenly from “friendly” to “cold and distant” when Anastasia says hello to a male colleague; Christian “watches [Anastasia] like a hawk, his eyes hooded, his mouth a hard impassive line…his tone becomes clipped and cool…” (p. 30–31). In response to Christian's abrupt mood change, Anastasia worries “Damn…have I offended him” and attempts to “diffuse the antagonism” by introducing Christian to her male colleague (p. 30–31). Christian's anger and withdrawal during the hardware store interaction set the stage for future isolation of Anastasia from friends and family—specifically, his anger/withdrawal over Anastasia talking to a male colleague is an intimidation/threat intended to induce her withdrawal from connections with others. Later in the novel, after returning home from a night out with her friends, Anastasia finds an e-mail, five missed calls, and a voice message, in which Christian warns that she needs “to learn to manage [his] expectations” and he is not a “patient man” (p. 304). Anastasia panics in response and calls him immediately to express herself: “Double crap. Will he ever give me a break… He is suffocating me. With a deep dread uncurling in my stomach, I scroll down to his number and press ‘call’…He'd probably like to beat seven shades of shit out of me. The thought is depressing.” p. 304–305). As will be documented later, Anastasia begins to withhold information about her social whereabouts and her travel plans to visit her mother to avoid Christian's anger and ensuing consequences—a behavioral pattern that is pervasive in victims involved abusive relationships.60–62

[archaic56]

51. the last post was the only right one

anyone who thinks it's entertainent watching folks beat on someone, or that relationship was sexy.. needs to volunteer at a Battered womens shelter.. too close to home for me to comment

[Louisiana1976]

55. I agree--volumteering at a battered women's shelter would be a good idea for them.

[archaic56]

61. we have lost our humanity

20 years of activism and I am quite disgusted with human behavior.. the elft will share a picture of a tree but ignore CSA and battered women.. the right perpetuate the bs..but the left ignores it..I am disgusted by both sides

[marions ghost]

62. Totally agree

well said.

Anybody who thinks this book depicts "freedom from stuffy traditional sex" --better think again. Abuse of women is all too traditional.