General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsLong days, long nights
This is the 4th in a series on the shootings in Bainbridge, NY, that seriously wounded my cousin, and killed his son. The gunman was a retired NYC cop, recently hired as a part-time deputy-guard at the county jail. It was an extreme case of road rage -- this chap was enraged because a 26-year old slowed to 51 mph to round a curve -- that has left our communities reeling.
On Friday, there was a hearing in town court, to determine if the District Attorney had enough evidence to hold the suspect in jail, until a grand jury meets in late November to decide if he is to be charged with felony counts. The hearing, which lasted about an hour, was attended by a large crowd. Besides police and lawyers, there were family and friends of the victims, as well as concerned community members.
I had arranged a meeting between the DA and our family before the hearing. My aunt and uncle are in their mid-80s; they do not need the added stress of worrying about a potential injustice at this time. I think the meeting with the DA, along with conversations with state police after the hearing, has eased their minds. And the same goes with their three daughters.
After attempting to dispose of his handgun and other material, the thug had gone to the NYS Police and attempted to file charges on his victims. Police reports show that he reeked of alcohol. After the police read him his rights, and placed him under arrest, he asked to be allowed to go on his way. When they made it clear he was not free to go, he became hostile.
The local justice of the peace, of course, ruled that there is sufficient reason to hold him in jail, pending the grand jury hearing.
A BCI investigator told me that the gunmans family has had a series of harassing and threatening phone calls. Thus, when I spoke with the assembled media, I made it clear that we hold no feelings of ill will towards them. He devastated their lives, too. (His three children are young adults. Should they have children, grandpa will be a figure held in a distant prison, playing no meaningful role in their lives.)
I had coffee with my family afterwards. The outpouring of support from people, in the diner and on the street, was impressive. One of the nice things in these small communities is that most people know everyone else. Might not be friends, but people are friendly. Good people.. And there really are a heck of a lot of good people.
Saturday was the funeral and burial. Both my aunt and uncle were pleased to see so many young adults there -- people who had known their grandson from school and the local towns. They were particularly happy to see a group of youth who had their hair dyed in bright colors, dressed like their generations gypsies. I like people who make statements about their beliefs and values, my aunt told me. My uncle recalled when his son was among the first, in the mid-1960s, to grow long hair and dress like a hippie.
Our extended family ended up at my aunt and uncles house. Three of my four children were there (the oldest daughter is studying abroad). My sons spent time near the wood stove with my uncle. He mentions how cutting and splitting his firewood tires him out these days; hes only two years ahead. I doubt that many 43-year olds could keep up with this 86-year old man.
Neighbors and towns folks continue to deliver generous amounts of the best foods. You could easily have fed 300 people. And you could tell that the people who had prepared the food had taken the time and effort to make something special. For that is the way Good People are.
I was aware that, somewhere in the next town, another family was grieving. I understand that people try to make sense out of the senseless; hence, some of his family and friends are saying that theres more to the story, that the victims were attempting to rob the gunman, that they had weapons, that they stabbed him several times, and on and on. Next theyll say that Faye Resnick holds the key to this mystery.
It is human nature to try to make sense of these things, in the context of our experiences and level of understanding. I do not begrudge them for believing falsehoods, for the truth is too painful right now. I will speculate that at least some family members have know the murderer to have a terrible temper, and to have engaged in violent behaviors in the past. I have heard that he was very controlling, with his wife and kids.
As a human being, I am also attempting to make sense of this. And, of course, that is in the context of my life experiences, and my limited level of understanding. In terms of this forum, some of you may remember that Ive always tried to advocate non-violence. Ive used quotes from my two mentors -- Onondaga Chief Paul Waterman and Rubin Hurricane Carter -- and others -- Gandhi and King -- to express the view that theres too much fear, anger, and hatred in our culture. That we must counter these negative forces with compassion, understanding, and love. Those are the markers along the pathways to Higher Ground. These are the same guidelines I use when things are tough.
Later this week, Ill post more on why I think this tragic event took place, and on what meaning I believe it has for me, and the community. Until then, you can be sure that old H2O Man will be busy, taking care of some business on this end.
Peace,
H2O Man
n2doc
(47,953 posts)Phentex
(16,334 posts)I look forward to hearing your views on the "why" because there's very little I can think of that justify ANYONE being sent to their grave over something like this.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
elleng
(130,895 posts)bullwinkle428
(20,629 posts)DU community informed with everything that's been happening with this tragedy. I know you have many higher-priority things to deal with at this time, so we appreicate it deeply.
K&R.
1StrongBlackMan
(31,849 posts)Roy Rolling
(6,917 posts)Peace to you and your family. Such a tragic event, I hope you find healing and comfort for everyone involved.
panader0
(25,816 posts)"we must counter these negative forces with compassion, understanding, and love." Still, as you say, it's so hard to understand the senseless rage. Thanks for the update.
greatlaurel
(2,004 posts)My family has just lost a young member about the same age as your family member to cancer. I was feeling very angry about this due to the cutting of funds to medical research that would help in discovering treatments and the lack of medical care for young people. This young person had to wait months to get approved for medicaid before the hospital would start the treatments. We will never know if that delay led to his untimely death. This particular cancer is very treatable if caught early, so funding of robust screening could save the thousands of victims of this disease.
Thank you for words of wisdom and peace, this has helped me more than I can express.
Peace and healing to you and your family.
deurbano
(2,895 posts)Having to wait months to get approved is just criminal.
Peace and healing to you and your family, too.
greatlaurel
(2,004 posts)sabrina 1
(62,325 posts)greatlaurel
(2,004 posts)handmade34
(22,756 posts)Samantha
(9,314 posts)It is so difficult to find words of comfort for a family that has experienced the tragedy yours has. The only thing I can share from my personal experience when devasted by a personal loss is this: over time it becomes clear that the only thing that gets us through life's tragedys is to continually take stock in what we have left. It is clear that you and your members have the love and support of many in your community, and perhaps that is the thought to hold onto. May you find comfort in the wonderful memories you have and the knowledge you have a core of support from those who care.
Sam
Live and Learn
(12,769 posts)deurbano
(2,895 posts)sabrina 1
(62,325 posts)ReRe
(10,597 posts)annabanana
(52,791 posts)tested to near it's limit now. Your compassion for the other hurting family and your steadfastness to your principles clearly show you for the man you are.
I have tremendous respect for you and can only wish that I would be as sturdy in my convictions, in your situation.
God bless,
Ann
flamin lib
(14,559 posts)Lochloosa
(16,063 posts)chervilant
(8,267 posts)As a human being, I am also attempting to make sense of this. And, of course, that is in the context of my life experiences, and my limited level of understanding. In terms of this forum, some of you may remember that Ive always tried to advocate non-violence. Ive used quotes from my two mentors -- Onondaga Chief Paul Waterman and Rubin Hurricane Carter -- and others -- Gandhi and King -- to express the view that theres too much fear, anger, and hatred in our culture. That we must counter these negative forces with compassion, understanding, and love. Those are the markers along the pathways to Higher Ground. These are the same guidelines I use when things are tough.
I always read your posts; you are one of the few on this forum who eloquently advocates for compassion, understanding and love in the face of hate-mongering and fear-mongering. I am so very sorry that you've had to deal with the fallout of that pathetic man's anger.
Dustlawyer
(10,495 posts)lebkuchen
(10,716 posts)denvine
(800 posts)I hope peace comes to you and your family soon.
Voice for Peace
(13,141 posts)A killer is off the road; there is a gift to the community.
Thank you for sharing this difficult story with us.
Good wishes to all the broken ones, all the sorry and
sad, may everyone heal and find peace.
geardaddy
(24,926 posts)BlueJazz
(25,348 posts)ms liberty
(8,573 posts)Taking a tragedy and turning it into a teachable moment on the values we share... It is a trait that makes you my favorite, most respected member of DU and someone I think of as a dear friend, even tho we've never met IRL. Your strength and character shines thru your every post.
I am so glad he wasn't released on bond; there is no one more dangerous to your community than this very sick man. It sounds like your family might see justice done this time, and I am hopeful for that. Thanks for the update, and know that we are here, ready to help, ready to listen, and ready to support you however we can.
Le Taz Hot
(22,271 posts)joanbarnes
(1,722 posts)daleanime
(17,796 posts)zeemike
(18,998 posts)Because inequities abound the love of many will wax cold.
But that is of little comfort for the victums...and there are many in this tragedy.
Thanks for keeping us updated.
Hekate
(90,674 posts)I'm sorry, but I just have no words to express, and you are so eloquent.
MissDeeds
(7,499 posts)I have thought often about you, your family, and the horrible ordeal you are going through. It seems there is so much pain and suffering, it's inconceivable that some among us are hell bent on bringing hurt and mayhem to others. I don't know what to say...we search for reason and answers when there are none.
Take care, and know that others are thinking of you and sending healing vibes your way.
MissDeeds
Oldtimeralso
(1,937 posts)Your attitude is fantastic!
Peace be with you and your family
May Justice prevail
In the past my wife and I had a problem with a now ex officer and he tried to hide behind the "coat of blue" but the truth came out after an investigation by another police department.
FourScore
(9,704 posts)Thank you for sharing all of this with us H2O Man. I wish you and your family peace and strength during this difficult time.
You are simply amazing.
immoderate
(20,885 posts)I am sorry for your loss, old friend.
--imm
beemer27
(460 posts)You are a peaceful and gentle person. Your wisdom will help guide your family thru this time of sorrow. Hopefully the legal system will work as it should , and your family will have some measure of closure. This man should never have been involved in any law enforcement field, and it is surprising that he made it this far without ending up where he is.
onethatcares
(16,167 posts)except you are in my thoughts and I hope you have strength.
freshwest
(53,661 posts)840high
(17,196 posts)Scuba
(53,475 posts)democrank
(11,094 posts)~PEACE~
scarletwoman
(31,893 posts)And, against the darkness that has wreaked such cruelty upon your family, your light shines brighter still.
It is no surprise, of course.
Love and Peace to you and yours.
sadoldgirl
(3,431 posts)to the point that violence from all different sides has been tolerated, even in some ways encouraged.
I don't know whether this is just due to poverty, inequality or an ever growing feeling of entitlement.
I hope that this can change.
In the meantime stay strong and calm so that your family can partially lean on you.
All the best.
Iwillnevergiveup
(9,298 posts)have inspired so much compassion for all your family is going through. And most (if not all) of us have never even met you! It's because of how you're getting your thoughts down - we can greatly empathize with you. I hope you hang onto all you've written which can be chronicles for the family and friends you're closest to. It could turn into a beautiful remembrance and tribute to your cousin.
Maybe you'd want to take it one step farther and get it all published. Too many families have experienced senseless, tragic losses as yours has, and your poignant, powerful words could undoubtedly bring a lot of comfort and peace to them. Thank you for being the peacemaker that you are.
mountain grammy
(26,620 posts)I know, reading your posts and following your struggle are making me a better person.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)But this seems to be the best guidance to hold close...
_/\_
GregD
(2,263 posts)I caught your thread the first day this awful event happened, and it made me so sad. I'm looking forward to your next entry. Good luck with all of this - we don't know each other, and I don't post here often as I did in the past, but I wish you well. Breathe. Heal.
sabrina 1
(62,325 posts)I continue to come back to DU. A reminder of what DU used to be, a place where compassion and strength of character, real commitment to justice and Civil Liberties, made this a special place and you were and remain one if the shining lights that drew me and so many others to this place. Sadly you are one of only a few left who made DU what it was and the reason some of us still come here.
I can only imagine the sadness your family must be feeling, and am not surprised, knowing you as we do, that even under these terrible circumstances you follow your beliefs at a time when they surely are being tested.
I understand your feelings of compassion for the family of the perpetrator of this awful crime. In many ways, the families of those who commit these terrible acts suffer, perhaps even more sometimes, than the families of their victims, as they do not generally receive the support victims' families receive.
Thank for not letting go of your commitment to peace, love and compassion at this terrible time.
berni_mccoy
(23,018 posts)That you and your family and community have had this happen. Thoughts and spirit with you H2O Man.
shireen
(8,333 posts)for taking the time to talk to us. I cannot imagine the depth of grief you and your family are suffering. My heart goes out to you.
madfloridian
(88,117 posts)Tweeting them. Best to your family H20 Man.
https://twitter.com/madfloridian
Granny M
(1,395 posts)My thoughts are with you and your family. I am glad for the great support they are receiving from their community.
Feral Child
(2,086 posts)MineralMan
(146,288 posts)I hope justice is served in time.