Your Cat Doesn't Really Want To Kill You

[MerryBlooms]

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For people in the 43 million U.S. households with domestic cats, there's good news: Your cat doesn't really want to kill you.

Recent media headlines like "Your cat may want to kill you, study finds" and "Bad news, your cat probably wants to kill you" suggest that our feline companions have aggressive thoughts toward us. That, like big cats, our mini-cats are predators that want to kill us, too.

It's not the first time cats have garnered a bad rap in the media. Cats do kill birds and small mammals, but the exaggeration of the numbers has been a problem, as Vox Felina blogger Peter J. Wolf notes. And the sensationalist "cats may want to kill you" meme is even worse.

This whole thing started when researchers Marieke Cassia Gartner, David M. Powell and Alexander Wess published an article in the Journal of Comparative Psychology in 2014 called "Personality structure in the Domestic Cat (Felis silvestris catus), Scottish Wildcat (Felis silvestris grampia), Clouded Leopard (Neofelis nebulosa), Snow Leopard (Panthera uncia), and African Lion (Panthera leo): A Comparative Study."

Somehow, a whole year later, the murderous headlines went viral — based on a misunderstanding of what the paper actually reports.

http://www.npr.org/sections/13.7/2015/11/12/455725899/your-cat-doesn-t-really-want-to-kill-you?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=2038

[shenmue]

1. Whew

[hifiguy]

2. No demestic cat will ever kill its provider of food,

ear scratches and litter box cleanings. They are way too smart to even consider dispatching their servants.

[MerryBlooms]

3. Well, there's that, but there's more...

Head boops, resting a paw in my hand, touching noses, making biscuits when they are near or on me, purring and/or chatting back when I talk to them, howling for me when they can't find me... I have no doubt I'm considered 'mom' and they have a genuine affection for me.

[hifiguy]

7. The head boops and nose bumps are the tell.

They love us as much as we love them.

[MerryBlooms]

9. Yes, indeed.

I really like the animation.

[hifiguy]

12. I googled "happy cat gif" and it turned up

on the results page.

[MerryBlooms]

14. With such an open search, I'm surprised you didn't get furries and a few other 'happy cats'.

[hifiguy]

16. Furries don't bug me.

Not my thing at all, but live and let live, at least until they spill my drink. A very old friend of mine, a fine cartoonist, is a "moderate" furry. Goes to the cons, but I don't think he's a "hardcore" furry. He did introduce me to My Little Pony - Friendship is Magic, though.

I became a serious, convention-going, save every episode, participating member of the brony fandom because of him. And for that I am gonna come back in my next life as a squirrel and run up his pants leg.

[MerryBlooms]

17. !

[VanillaRhapsody]

4. No...its waiting for you to die

that is why they stare at you in the morning....they are checking to see if you are still breathing....because they are hungry!

[bunnies]

31. That explains why mine sleeps right on top of my head.

She wants to get at me while Im still fresh.

[COLGATE4]

5. There's a wonderful line in one of Joseph Wambaugh's

cop novels where 2 patrolmen are discussing an elderly lady who insists that they stop by and check on the dog every day, in case she has died in the meantime. The first officer suggests that it's 'probably because she's afraid it hasn't been fed', to which the second responds 'or because she's afraid it has been'.

[MerryBlooms]

10. Sounds like a series my husband and I would enjoy.

[Romulox]

30. Nick Lowe: Marie Provost

Marie Provost did not look her best
The day the cops bust into her lonely nest
In the cheap hotel up on Hollywood West
July 29

She'd been lyin' there for two or three weeks
The neighbors said they never heard a squeak
For hungry eyes that could not speak
Said even little doggie's have got to eat

She was the winner
That became the doggie's dinner
She never meant that much to me
Woe, poor Marie

Marie Provost was a movie queen
Mysterious angel of the silent screen
And run like the wind the nation's young men steam
When Marie crossed the silent screen

Oh she came out west from New York
But when the talkies came Marie just couldn't cope
Her public said Marie take a walk
All the way back to New York

She was the winner
That became the doggie's dinner
She never meant that much to me
But now I see, poor Marie

Those twin balms didn't help her sleep
As her nights grew long and her days grew bleak
It's all downhill once you've passed your peak
Mary got ready for that last big sleep

The cops came in and they looked around
Throwing up everywhere over what they found
The handywork of Marie's little dachshund
That hungry little dachshund

She was the winner
That became the doggie's dinner
She never meant that much to me
Woe, poor Marie

Poor Marie, poor Marie, poor poor Marie
Poor Marie, poor Marie, poor Marie

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

6. Suuuure.....

[MerryBlooms]

11. Hmm... mine are definitely into #'s 1 & 4, but the remaining list is a nope. I think I'm safe.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

18. 1,2, 4 and 5 for mine. 6 every now and again. But I'm guessing that's because they know I'm on

to them.

[MerryBlooms]

19. heehee

[phantom power]

8. It doesn't "want" or "not want", It's just that your atoms could be used to manufacture more cats...

The AI does not hate you, nor does it love you, but you are made out of atoms which it can use for something else.
—Eliezer Yudkowsky

[MerryBlooms]

13. Now that you mention it, they do seem

unnaturally interested on recycling day...

[hifiguy]

15. Futurama had a whole episode exploring

this profound question

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1630897/

[bvar22]

20. My cat doesn't want to kill me,

just make me bleed a little.

[MerryBlooms]

21. Wow, spectacular tabby!

I think he'll grow out of it. Our two felines only catch me on accident these days, and when I complain, they actually seem a bit remorseful.

[Tipperary]

22. I have had cats my whole life.

I love them and they love me back.

[MerryBlooms]

25. I'm a late in life cat fancier, but I couldn't love our two more if I tried.

And, you're absolutely right in that they love you back. No doubt in my mind.

I'd be lost without them.

[Kennah]

23. Several years ago, a friend of mine was almost assassinated by his cat

Cat climbed up on a high shelf, which cats are prone to do, then got stuck and would not come down. Cat was whining and crying for hours, so my friend Dave figured the cat wasn't going to come down on his own.

Dave is about 6'2", but the apartment had 10' ceilings. Even standing on a step stool, he could not reach the cat. So here he stood on a step stool, calling the cat, attempting to lure it to him. Didn't work. Then the cat spooked, ran, and knocked a heavy box off the shelf. Where did the box go? Straight down on Dave. Hit him right in the face as he looked up, knocked him off the step stool, and literally knocked him unconscious for a few moments.

It's OK. You can laugh out loud. I am. I about died the first time he told me the story.

[MerryBlooms]

26. I would have just put my step ladder in front of the shelf and let nature take its course...

I'm glad your friend and his cat ended up okay.

[hifiguy]

32. No one has ever found a cat skeleton in a tree

or on top of a bookcase.

[Vinca]

24. One of my kitties might want to kill me at the moment.

He's been sick all week and I've been keeping him hydrated and fed as much as possible with a feeding syringe. Poor thing. He's improving though and will be back to his lover boy self in a few days.

[MerryBlooms]

27. I'd be in a panic and flooding our vet with calls. Neither of my cats have ever been sick...

the occasional fur ball hack, but that's it.

Big for you and your little sweetie. I hope he's back on his paws soon. Poor baby.

[Vinca]

29. He got sick AFTER a trip to the vets - an adverse reaction to a vaccination.

The older cat had a slight reaction, too, but was still eating and drinking. I'm sure they'll both be fine soon.

[MerryBlooms]

34. Oh man, that's terrible. :(

Poor little sweethearts, and you too. There's nothing worse than the stress of a sick loved one. Let us know how things are going tomorrow and over the weekend.

[tularetom]

28. Well, the ones we have now are pretty much wusses but there was one cat I wouldn't trust

He was one of the barn cats and he probably weighed about 25 lbs and had a head the size of a softball, and one ear half chewed off.

He was a hunter beyond compare, he used to leave headless pigeon squirrel and gopher carcasses on our deck or in the driveway and once he dragged a dead rattlesnake up onto the deck. Our grandson was 3 or 4 at the time and the cat hated his guts, probably because the child was so erratic and jerky in his movements. He finally succumbed to injuries he sustained in a fight, probably with a raccoon, after living here about 12 years.

I really loved that mean ol cat but it would not surprise me one bit if he would eat a small human given the chance.

[hifiguy]

33. That was one

BAD ASS CAT.

[MerryBlooms]

36. Would have made a good brewery cat.

for a wicked top cat.

[cwydro]

35. I had a rooster who truly wanted to kill me.

But my cats, dogs, chickens, ducks, and geese seem to feel quite kindly toward me.

Though the gander can be persnickety at times.

[MerryBlooms]

37. Roosters can get real ugly in a hurry. I wouldn't turn my back on one.

Stay strong!

[cwydro]

38. He was a beautiful creature,

but mean as a snake.

Here he is with his bride of Frankenstein, a Guinea hen that was equally mean:

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[MerryBlooms]

40. Oh, he's gorgeous!

I didn't know Guinea hens were ornery... maybe she didn't like the cut of his jib. lol

[cwydro]

41. Nah, she loved him.

She was his wingman. Cornered the chickens so he could, um, "have his way" with them. Lol.

I gave them away together and can only hope they still live on this earth.

But I doubt it.

No meaner rooster ever lived. I kept him for five years, and he only got meaner. He even chased the dogs and cats. I still have scars on my legs from him.

He was supposed to be a hen, but oops. I bought him with a bunch of other chicks and he was called Snowflake lol. We loved him and he was a cuddle bunny.

One day, however, we heard that morning crow. And then his personality changed. Almost overnight.

But he was a pretty. pretty boy.

[MisterP]

39. I'm a little parakeet--why did I buy a cat? *panickedly flaps against cage bars*

[madinmaryland]

42. WTF??? Why would cats want to kill the owner of the THUMB that feeds them??