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Wed Jan 6, 2016, 08:49 PM

 

Meanwhile, on Yelp... (Y'allQaida/Malheur)

The refuge is wonderful and the flora is representative of the region but there appears to be an influx of invasive wildlife.

The species is slow witted and easy to avoid but none the less caution is advised. Even when a bark is worse than a bite remember... there's still a bite. In the event one of these lower primates sees you and approaches there are ways to escape the interaction unscathed.

The easiest way is the dumb down your language and start spouting far right political nonsense. Phrases like "gold standard" and "sovereign citizen" should be used amid random one syllable connectors. But use caution. A broad vocabulary or use of "snotty, big-city words" could indicate higher education or as they say "too much time with the teachin lady". They don't seem to like this.

If exposed in this way you can throw a tin of chewing tobacco to lure them away or just point and yell "Obama!". Either should buy you enough time to flee. If they see a library card prepare to defend yourself. Their attack is reflexive and to the death.

One upside of their unwanted presence is park hours. Malheur is now open 24/7... for white people wearing camo.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/malheur-national-wildlife-refuge-princeton

And oh, so much more! Priceless, I tells ya.

12 replies, 2200 views

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Reply Meanwhile, on Yelp... (Y'allQaida/Malheur) (Original post)
opiate69 Jan 2016 OP
The Velveteen Ocelot Jan 2016 #1
OxQQme Jan 2016 #2
niyad Jan 2016 #3
opiate69 Jan 2016 #4
niyad Jan 2016 #5
opiate69 Jan 2016 #6
niyad Jan 2016 #7
Glamrock Jan 2016 #8
NightWatcher Jan 2016 #9
RiffRandell Jan 2016 #10
opiate69 Jan 2016 #12
Liberal_in_LA Jan 2016 #11

Response to opiate69 (Original post)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 09:00 PM

1. It's essential to keep invasive species out of wildlife refuges.

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Response to opiate69 (Original post)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 09:21 PM

2. "How did the Paiute survive in this place?

I'm leaving with that hairy chick from PETA."

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Response to opiate69 (Original post)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 09:58 PM

3. you nearly owed me a keyboard. those comments are hilarious!!

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Response to niyad (Reply #3)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 10:09 PM

4. lol.. I know, right?

 

I could spend hours reading that!

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Response to opiate69 (Reply #4)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 10:10 PM

5. sharing it with friends. too good to keep to oneself!

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Response to niyad (Reply #3)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 10:12 PM

6. I want to buy this guy a beer lol

 

The family and I drove out to Malheur on the Monday after New Years, but it was closed due to an infestation of Bald-Headed White Nationalist Nutcases that had migrated from Nevada during the winter. The nutcases were easy to spot from the parking lot, in their camo, bald heads and crazed eyes. I heard their mating call, "Daddy Swore An Oath!", which, oddly, seemed to only attract other male Bald-Headed White Nationalist Nutcases. I've read in National Geographic that they have a special Derp gene which allows them to claim to love and protect their communal native habitat, yet perpetually steal its resources for personal use.

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Response to opiate69 (Reply #6)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 10:13 PM

7. that was most excellent

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Response to opiate69 (Reply #6)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 10:48 PM

8. How bout it

I sprayed mountain dew all over the place with that one.

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Response to Glamrock (Reply #8)

Wed Jan 6, 2016, 11:46 PM

9. And now the machines out of diet dew. Thank Obama.

That was so good.

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Response to opiate69 (Original post)

Thu Jan 7, 2016, 01:35 AM

10. K&R!

Hysterical!

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Response to RiffRandell (Reply #10)

Thu Jan 7, 2016, 10:47 AM

12. Hey Chica!

 

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Response to opiate69 (Original post)

Thu Jan 7, 2016, 04:18 AM

11. Hee. Great find

 

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