Carnival Cruz Stockpiles Chunky Soup After Honeymoon. No it's not an Onion Article

[kairos12]

http://crooksandliars.com/2016/04/cruz-stockpiling-cans-chunky-soup
snip:
Here is the story Heidi shared with the audience, a story which I guess she thought would humanize him, but instead grossed many people out.

"When I married Ted, we got back from our honeymoon, and he went off to the store and came home by himself. And I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell’s Chunky soup. I never bought 100 of anything.

This was shocking to me, so we had a tough conversation about it. I said, “You don’t buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can’t do this. I’ll be making things.” He said, “No, I know you. you won’t be making things.”

So the next morning, it was a weekend morning, I loaded up our car before he woke up and returned every single can. And when I got home, I called my mother just to make sure I’d done the right thing as a newlywed. And she emphatically disagreed with me. And so when Ted opened the pantry, I had to quickly tell him that I would go back and buy those cans again."

Alrighty then, I will not even attempt to explain this. Be my guest.

[flying rabbit]

1. Just leaving it there without an explanation

is the best way to go I think. Says quite a lot all by itself.

[jberryhill]

2. How'd you like to be their grocer?

[Rhiannon12866]

22. ...

[valerief]

3. Some people ride the crazy train every day, all day.

[DawgHouse]

4. Sounds like one of those short introduction things Trebek does on Jeopardy.

"So, Heidi. Your husband once went to the store and bought one hundred cans of chunky soup. Tell us about that."

[kairos12]

5. What is batshit crazy.

[DawgHouse]

6. LOL, that's funny!

[Volaris]

21. Haha 'you'll rue the day, Trebeck!'..

And I'll take le tits now for 500.

[MowCowWhoHow III]

7. They both seem a bit odd

[eShirl]

8. how many heavy grocery bags was that?

she must have been exhausted

[spin]

9. Chunky soup used to be chunky but now it's more like regular soup. ...

Obviously the bean counters have been at work.

Since I am a bachelor I often take a can of chunky soup and put it on rice or potatoes and add sausage, chicken or beef and a bunch of frozen vegetables. When I'm done microwaving the combination I have a fairly tasty meal that takes only a few minutes to make and will last me for at least two days.

Still buying a hundred cans of chunky soup sounds a bit excessive to me unless you are a survivalist.

[Freddie]

12. Chunky Beef was delicious when I was a kid

Mom would make a couple cans for dinner and no one would complain. It was one of our better weeknight meals.
Had it recently - yuck - they really changed it. Probably to lower the sodium but it's definitely not the same.

[spin]

15. It sure has changed and not for the better. ...

I used to enjoy it just as it came out of the can. Now I have to add stuff to it so it is merely a base to start with.

Damn bean counters.

[pipoman]

10. They are truly odd.....damn, image the cambells soup man as president...

"Literally" is what makes it so odd...."about 100" could have been 20 cans...no room for interpretation on literally...

[mercuryblues]

11. You know

I used to feel bad for her, being married to Ted and all. Then she opened her mouth and that went away. They are a perfect for each other.

[Brother Buzz]

17. Word!

[2naSalit]

29. The down side is

that they have already reproduced.

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

13. "...he went off to the store and came home by himself."

wtf does that mean?

[Rex]

19. Their android upgraded brains are still trying to cope with the extra memory.

Seriously she called her mom to see if she did the right thing? Babies babble more cohesive stuff then Carnival Cruz's wife.

[Stallion]

14. Preparing for the Apocolypse-Don't Be Without your Chunky Soup

nm

[ohnoyoudidnt]

16. Do they not have people in their campaign that they run stuff like this by

before opening their mouths in front of cameras?

[Rex]

18. Neither one of them could pass the Turing test.

I'm now convinced they are both crappy androids. Corporate robots, now shilling for Campbell's soup.

[Oneironaut]

26. Cruz slipped into the uncanny valley and rolled all of the way down

[Rex]

35. So did his wife, she almost creeps me out as much as he does.

Almost.

[bluedigger]

30. I don't thenk even Campbell's wants this publicity.

[Rex]

34. Good point, who would want it?

He probably meant to go out and get 100s of cans of oil, but his programming messed up and he ended up with soup.

[BainsBane]

20. Did Cruz grow up in a poor family?

My grandmother lived through the Great Depression. She kept a stocked pantry in the basement.
When people have been without food, they want to ensure they never go hungry again.

I don't know anything about his family's economic background, however.

[whistler162]

23. Odd but cute newlywed story.

[Maru Kitteh]

36. As a survivor of abuse it sets off all kinds of alarm bells for me. 100 cans of soup is a very

difficult message to miss.

He let her know, on the dawn of her marriage, that he expected her to fail to meet his needs, and he did it in grand fashion. That's a very LARGE gesture.

+ Why did she feel like she had to wait until he was asleep to return the soup?
+ Why did she need to promise him she would go back to the store and get the soup again "right away?"

Just confirms every terrible suspicion I've had about the guy from the first time I saw his oily little used-car-selling rat-fink face. He's an abusive control freak.

[winter is coming]

37. +1,000,000. The large number of cans, by itself, tells me that he intended it

to be a test/demonstration of his power. You don't buy that much soup even to stock up for bad weather for a family of six.

[AxionExcel]

24. The Obedient Wife (R-Style)

This is Cruz-Think. The Threat to America is not from some form of Sharia Law, but rather from a XtioFascist Purity Cruzade (R), Inc.

A Christian Wife is to Obey Her Husband in EVERY THING!

by David J. Stewart

"And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not." —John 8:45

"Some people just can't stand to be told the truth. A woman wrote me this week, upset over my article A Woman's Role In Marriage. She just couldn't stand to hear the truth that a wife is to be subject unto her husband in EVERYTHING. In the article, I quote Pastor Curtis Hutson (1935-1995, faithful pastor and longtime editor of the Sword of the Lord) as saying...

The Holy Spirit says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ. so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

She says, "In every thing?"

"Yes, every thing."

http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Evils%20in%20America/Feminism/everything.htm

[Javaman]

25. I could have gone with the easy bathroom joke but instead, I will just say...

cruz is one really fucked up dude.

[Turbineguy]

27. This guy is

off the rails. But then again, when you have no policy, what are you going to talk about?

[Calista241]

28. Maybe he smoked a lot of weed in those days??

[CoffeeCat]

31. Was the soup on sale? Is Cruz a closet "extreme couponer"?

Ok, I could quasi-understand this, if the soup had been on sale. People who coupon "stockpile" items that they get for free or cheap. Expiration dates on soup are usually a couple of years away.

So, I could possibly, maybe forgive this--if he got a good deal. But then...this would mean that Cruz may be an extreme couponer. LOL!

[2naSalit]

32. It would appear

that lyin' Ted has never wanted in his life so wherever this comes from is not from his having been hungry, ever. He's just one screwed up dude. But his dad and mom got divorced when he was kind of young so maybe he likes the soup because that's all he and dad had the imagination to think of for dinner.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rafael_Bienvenido_Cruz


ETA: After reading the wiki on Rafael, it has occurred to me that these two self-aggrandizing, misogynist zealots probably only listen to themselves and those voices in their heads.

My dad was a messed up psychopath, and his only son is just like him... some ills are hereditary and some are learned from messed up parents.

[procon]

33. Obviously, he's just getting prepared for the coming Zombie Apocalypse. nt