Poll: Unconscious Clinton More Fit to Be President Than Conscious Trump
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report **SATIRE**)—In a positive development for the Democratic nominee for President, a new poll released on Sunday reveals that likely voters find an unconscious Hillary Clinton “substantially more fit” to be President than a conscious Donald Trump.
In a hypothetical matchup between a Clinton who has been rendered completely unconscious and a fully sentient Trump, voters chose an inert Clinton over an ambulatory Trump by a margin of nine percentage points...
The same poll revealed that a broad majority of voters found an unconscious Donald Trump more fit to be President than a conscious one.
Finally, when asked about the Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson, a significant number of voters were undecided as to whether Johnson was conscious or unconscious.
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