Donald Trump to be sworn in on book of carpet samples

[progressoid]

Donald Trump won’t be laying his hand on the Bible for his Presidential inauguration.

The melting fat candle made the decision after having a bit of a practise with God’s book and being unable to find an edition that didn’t cause the skin of his tiny hands to sizzle.

“I’m going with the book of carpet samples. I love carpet samples. They’re great. These are great carpet samples.



“The material feels wonderful and soothes my tiny hands while reminding me of the greatest hair on earth – namely mine.

...

Trump spokesperson, Simon Williams, said, “Donald is really proud of his idea. “I say his idea although I’m pretty sure he nicked the concept from a Simpsons joke, but good luck in telling him that. He’s too busy rubbing his face against bits of carpet.”



...http://newsthump.com/2017/01/03/donald-trump-to-be-sworn-in-on-book-of-carpet-samples/?utm_campaign=shareaholic&utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=socialnetwork

[pkdu]

1. Laugh out loud funny!....thanks for that. nt

[True Dough]

2. God is an overrated deity anyway

So shalleth proclaim Drumpf's Twitter account, no doubt.

[malchickiwick]

5. He likes Gods that don't get crucified.

[True Dough]

6. Bahahaha!

Good one, malchickiwick. I burst out laughing when I read that.

May Lord Donny bless your soul! Or not. Whatever you prefer.

[malchickiwick]

9. Hilarious! But now I need some eye bleach...

That massive head and such tiny hands. That's why he makes such a lousy Messiah: His hands are smaller than the nails.

[IADEMO2004]

3. Thank You. Much needed laugh.

[TubbersUK]

4. So funny :)) n/t

[malaise]

7. Too good

Cloth samples for his gaudy furniture would also have worked

[liberal N proud]

8. Everyone is afraid to use an actual bible

A bible might bust into flames if trump touches one.

[eleny]

10. from The Wall To Wall Church of Plush

[HassleCat]

11. No Persians, I hope!

[pipi_k]

12. Persians too classy for him...more like

ugly 1970s orange shag

[louis-t]

13. Haaaa!!