In honor of Kellyanne Conway let's make our own alternative facts

[DemocratSinceBirth]

Jill Biden
?@JillBidenVeep

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I'm the ghostwriter on all of @Beyonce's songs. #AlternativeFacts

I actually wrote the lyrics to Bye Bye American Pie.

[greatauntoftriplets]

1. I'm 29 years old.

Love that Jill Biden wrote one.

[Generator]

2. America is a democracy and all the people that want to vote can

That's some alternate fact right there. Yesterday was great. Today we are just pissing in the wind. Every week in the streets or there will be no more America. Yesterday was great-today I am back to needing to get the fuck off the internet. Zero hope.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

3. I have the looks of Brad Pitt and the I Q of Stephen Hawking.

[Hugin]

4. Yeah, I was going to suggest having an Alternate Day.

Similar to Backwards Day.

Have I mentioned I invented Chewing Gum?

[shraby]

5. I wrote the great American novel.

[Maraya1969]

6. I discovered Jupiter

[ret5hd]

13. Hmmm...I thought it was Uranus.

(on edit: was that too easy?)

[Orrex]

19. This calls for further probing

[Maraya1969]

32. No. You discovered Uranus

[OKNancy]

7. In case anyone doesn't know, that is not the real Jill Biden's account.

It's a parody account

[smirkymonkey]

8. I am Queen Fucking Elizabeth.

[mwooldri]

9. Since I own my own home, English law applies here.

NC and US laws are irrelevant. #alternativefacts #notmypresident

[strongermessage]

10. I went out on a date with Kellyanne Conway once and found ...

her to be charming, sensitive and bigly truthful.

[FraDon]

11. and I invented and perfected the diagonal

n/t

[Buckeye_Democrat]

12. I can bend space-time to my will.

Creating wormholes to instantly reach faraway places in the cosmos.

Flying through space like a ship with an Alcubierre drive.

I could create a singularity inside Trump to pull him into a quickly evaporating black hole, but I'm just too nice.

[Pacifist Patriot]

14. I weigh 125, wear a size 6, and am 35 years old.

and I'm the goalkeeper for the U.S. Women's National Soccer team.

[Hekate]

22. Ooo, ooo, me too. Though I'd settle for being 40 again...

(Tells you something about how old I am now. I was that size, though, healthy and optimistic.)

#alternative facts

[JHan]

15. Remember Trump's "I have a Dream" Speech? #alternativefacts #alternativefuckeries

[GreenEyedLefty]

16. I'm a size 2.

[JHB]

17. My other car is the batmobile

[JHan]

18. lol..

[alterfurz]

20. "The ideal subject of totalitarian rule is not the convinced Nazi or the dedicated Communist...

...but people for whom the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists." — Hannah Arendt, “The Origins of Totalitarianism” (1951)

[JHan]

28. +++++++++++

And you got me all hot and bothered with the Hannah quote. Hannah's wisdom will become increasingly necessary in this world.

[boston bean]

21. I am hillary clinton.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

25. I knew it!!

[boston bean]

27. tee hee! or har har har har har

[wildeyed]

23. I can fly and bend steel with my bare hands!

My kids are super-obedient and always ready for school on time.

My house is perfectly clean and tidy at all times.

People on the interwebs always remember the Golden Rule while having political discussions.

Gravity is optional.

I will qualify for the Olympics and write the great American novel some day.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

24. I am #Spartacus

Or is it "@Spartacus"?

I'm so #illiterate and #confused and @befuddled.

[struggle4progress]

26. Don't say "alternative facts" -- say "alternative reality"

[Vinca]

29. I used to play drums for the Beatles.

[Dream Girl]

30. Before Ringo??? I thought you were dead or something.

[Vinca]

33. I'm reincarnated Pete. Bigly. It's huuuuuuuuuuuuuge.

[treestar]

31. I am the granddaughter of the Grand Duchess Anastasia

[kairos12]

34. The Titanic didn't sink. It's on display in the lobby of the Drumpt Tower.

[erpowers]

35. Richest Person in the World

I am the richest person in the world and just purchased a $250,000 million home.

[logosoco]

36. I am so tall I can reach my top kitchen cabinets with ease.

When I am in the store i am always stopping to help other reach things from upper shelves.

[erpowers]

37. Sexiest Man Alive

Donald Trump is the sexiest man to ever walk the face of the Earth. President Obama only wishes he was as sexy as Donald Trump.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

38. I'm actually Popeye.

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

39. I can run a marathon in under 3 hours

[D_Master81]

40. elections

when a candidate gets 3 million more votes they win the election #alternativefacts

[dembotoz]

41. Trump ha proclaimed April 1st alternative fact day

[Initech]

42. Steelers beat Patriots 44 - 7 #alternativefact

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

43. I really am Great Caesar's Ghost!

[JHan]

44. Amazing scenes were witnessed on Inauguration day .............

.........when Richard Spencer shoved his head against a guy's fist.

#AlternativeFacts

[John Lee Pettimore]

45. I just posted my number 25,000 post

O.K. I have to confess. I just used this post to make number 10. Now I can start a thread of my own.

[NastyRiffraff]

46. Darwin's Dangerous Idea

was really mine. You read it here first. #AlternativeFacts

[kentuck]

47. I put two of each of them on the Ark...

but one of the doves ate one of them.

[meadowlander]

48. I only have to pay taxes for policies I actually support.

Bank fees and insurance are suggested donations.

The more time off I take from work, the more productive I am.

Anything that ever was free (TV, music, public land, water) should still be free today.

#alternativefacts

[kentuck]

49. "Anything that ever was free (TV, music, public land, water) should still be free today."