Millennial women are 'worried,' 'ashamed' of out-earning boyfriends and husbands

[ansible]

It's no longer rare for women in relationships to out-earn their husbands or boyfriends — in 2015, for example, 38 percent of American wives made more money than their husbands — but many women remain ambivalent about being breadwinners, reports Ashley C. Ford for Refinery29.

Ford, who is herself unbothered about making 70 percent more than her own male partner, tries to understand why so many of the millennials she speaks to report feeling concerned, or even ashamed, about the repercussions of their success.

The feedback they receive from the culture is clear: Men should be earning more so that they can provide for their families, and if they don't, it's symptomatic of a problem. These messages produce an "almost unavoidable emotional and psychological consequence," Ford writes. Women feel guilty. Men feel emasculated.

http://www.cnbc.com/2017/04/18/millennial-women-worry-about-out-earning-boyfriends-and-husbands.html

[phylny]

1. YMMV.

Our daughter makes more than her husband, and it appears that neither of them really care.

[still_one]

2. What bullshit, and no surprise that the right wing CNBS would be spewing garbage. CNBC, where

Aisles used to head:

"In August 1993, Ailes made his biggest foray into television since his days as a producer for Mike Douglas: He became the head of CNBC, America’s top business network. In his three years as boss, he more than quintupled profits and minted stars like Chris Matthews and Maria Bartiromo. "

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/how-roger-ailes-built-the-fox-news-fear-factory-20110525

[Egnever]

3. Says who?

My Wife makes more than me. Could not care less.

[JTFrog]

4. Oh please.

[Doreen]

5. It is a double edged sword.

Millennial's I have noticed believe that the household should be a two income household and being a housewife is not acceptable but at the same time the woman is not supposed to make as much as the man. This may be one of the reasons women do not get paid as much. If they are not paid as much it keeps them from being the official bread winner of the family ( just a thought. )

[pnwmom]

6. Yes, the culture has always taught women that they should be "marrying up."

And that means having husbands who are financially doing better than they are.

This isn't right, of course -- but many women still feel this way.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

10. That is an opportunity inconsequentially few women living today have

Although I guess Bill O'Reilly is available.

[JHan]

7. lol who are these women. I don't feel that way at all.

oh well. *clicks link*

[Lotusflower70]

8. Hmmm

Interesting how the pendulum swings. I have also read that some millenials feel that the wife should stay home with the kids while the husband works. It is a generational of set beliefs that get passed on and the future generations will take what they can use and leave the rest behind. There has been so much conditioning about gender roles and female success, change is hard for some. Personally, I say do what works for you and makes you happy. As a single mom, my happiness was threatening to some but I don't care. It's my life and I am living it my way.

[irisblue]

9. More $ could go into your retirement account

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

11. I travel these waters, it is more about appearances than money

I work in finance for an international legal and accounting firm.

If the man in question has a respectable enough job title, it isn't an issue. If it looks like the professional woman in question is sleeping with her yoga instructor, then the optics are pretty bad.

[Warren DeMontague]

14. Eh, It probably depends on where you live.

Having lived all over this country, I decided long ago I couldn't live anywhere where people were pretentious, superficial, and full of shit enough to care about gibberish like whether "a professional woman is sleeping with her yoga instructor".

(Why not? The yoga instructor is probably a far better lay.)

Nixes both large chunks of Southern California (but not where the cool people still live) and Manhattan, but that's fine by me.

[Kablooie]

12. My 29 yo daughter makes much more than her fianc.

Though he's taking a chance on a long term plan that might bring in big bucks in the future.

[JI7]

13. i clicked on the link and quicky read the article but the conclusion looks like the opposite of the

title .

they don't really give much info other than maybe a few people they may have talked to. and they discuss other things like women who take care of the house and work. well , yeah, if that is the case and the guy isn't doing any of the house work either then of course there will be issues. but i know many families where the guys equally or even do more taking care of the house if the women is working outside the house more. in those cases there wont be any problem.

i'm sure there would be issues if the guy was the only one earning money and also taking care of the home.

the last paragraph of the article :

Ford writes that "the overwhelming majority of millennial women breadwinners don't believe the men in their lives should feel emasculated by the gap in their income." Now they're waiting for the overwhelming majority of Americans in general to catch up.

[lindysalsagal]

15. I'm gonna go against the grain here

Because I have always made more than the men I date and I have to always wonder how much of a hit their egos take and if it had something to do with the fact that the relationship didn't last.

I believe that the men really don't like it. Sorry. That's what I really think. I'm always the one with the disposible income and they can't keep up. They want to get the check, but they really can't afford it. I want to travel but....

This has real implications. Sorry, but it does.

[leftyladyfrommo]

16. I kind of agree with you.

I think it is a problem for at least some men. Our society puts so much pressure on people to be successful. And the definition of that success is a big house and two expensive cars and blah blah blah. And an important title. Getting beat by a woman is still an issue.

[Sen. Walter Sobchak]

20. That depends a lot on the personalities involved

My current girlfriend and my ex, both very long-term relationships, are both in the top 10% of their respective fields and compensated accordingly.

Money wasn't an issue with my ex until I suffered a career setback. I didn't leave because it was hurting my ego, I left because she became increasingly controlling and was using money as a weapon. Her attitude became oh we're traveling alright and you now owe me. Everything she did for me came at a cost of greater and greater obligation and that is what I had to get away from.

[Iggo]

24. Yeah, but does it make you feel ashamed?

[Barack_America]

17. Ladies, don't feel "ashamed"...

If he had the same job as you, he would be paid more. Now THAT is a shame.

But, he clearly chose a less-lucrative career. That's entirely on him. Your generation had the benefit of growing up knowing which careers were declining and where on the rise. Don't blame yourself if he didn't pay attention.

[OldHippieChick]

19. Wow! Status matters to you I guess eh?

Not everyone puts the same emphasis on making money as you. He may have chosen a career that is not as lucrative (teaching) because he likes it. If that's the case, he shouldn't be resentful and she shouldn't feel guilty.

If, on the other hand, he chose a less lucrative career and didn't know it was less lucrative - as your post implies - then he is too stupid to care and she should be ashamed to date a moron.

[Barack_America]

25. Um, no. I just don't think a woman needs to be "ashamed" of her accomplishments...

....relative to her partner's.

If a woman is passionate about finance, she shouldn't be ashamed she's paid more than her partner, who is passionate about teaching.

[OldHippieChick]

28. I truly don't want to have a pissing contest, but I just thought you were implying that if

a guy made less he was "not paying attention". That, to me, said you valued money above career satisfaction. And you continue to compare "accomplishments" based upon remunerative value. Perhaps it is subconscious.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

22. I don't think any generation gets a heads up on which careers are on the rise/decline. n/t

[Iggo]

18. Bullshit.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

21. I've been making making more money than my husband for a while now.

Not a whole lot more... maybe $12,000 a year more. Anyhow, it doesn't bother us. The money is for the family and both of our jobs are needed. One day he could make more than me. It wouldn't matter either way. You aren't competing with your husband. You're supposed to be supporting each other and your kids, if you have any.

[haele]

23. I'm not.

Of course, I'm not a millennial and my parents taught me that married people are supposed to be a partnership, not a power struggle.

We pool our incomes to pay all the monthly bills, purchase essentials, and if there's any money left after that, we've got the household emergency/annual expenses account that we try to put in $100 a month to cover emergencies, the registration on the vehicle, and the home insurance. Each of us also has equal but separate "fun money" accounts, in the off chance that we'll have extra money at the end of the month and we can save up for a special treat.
Which comes out to about $10 a month for each of us about four/five times a year. Covers the Anniversary dinner, if nothing else.

I make more than my disabled spouse on SSDI. But we wouldn't have a halfway comfortable life if we didn't both have income; even if he was working a regular halfway decent job it would still be more detrimental to our joint household budget if I were making less than him rather than more than him.

Methinks these "millennials" who are in relationships where there's concern about out-earning are spending too much time thinking about a self-enforced consumer power imbalance, and aren't really willing to put their personal interests equal to the household/relationship interests.

More money made is more money in the household pot. If you're a team, if you're a partnership, if you equally benefit, who cares who is making more money?

Haele

[David__77]

26. So much bullshit, for both men and women.

I'm glad I'm gay - not that that removes me from a society in which sex and gender are real to people.

[JenniferJuniper]

27. No, I agree it doesn't but

at the same time I think we are very slowly moving toward a more gender neutral society.

Let's not forget the millennials are getting up there...the oldest in their late 30's now. I think Gen Z is gonna be interesting.