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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsBrown guy at a mall
"Why are you here?" he asked. Naturally I was caught off guard so I replied "uhmm I'm here shopping".
"No why are you here" he exclaimed. "Why are YOU here in THIS country?"
At first I wasn't sure if I had heard correctly. My mind's gears turned as I was trying to figure out what to say. My whole life my parents had told me to always avoid confrontation. And yet here this guy was yelling at me about what I was doing in my own country.
I tried to walk away and yet he kept shouting. Finally I snapped and yelled back "this is my country. I was born here you fool".
"No you're the fool" he retorted back. "Go back to your country".
Tears began streaming down my face as I walked away. My whole life we had been told work hard, respect others, and no one will bother you. And yet in this new age of Trump people like me are targets. As a non-white I guess I don't have the right to be an American in their eyes. It doesn't matter that I'm an educated person from an educated immigrant family. It doesn't matter that my parents came here and worked their asses off and then earned PhDs. All that matters to these people is our skin color.
Worst part of all was that there were other people standing around and yet not one of them stood up for me. They gave cursory glances and some had sympathetic faces, yet not a single person stepped up to support me.
All I was trying to do yesterday morning was buy my father a gift for Father's Day at our local mall. Little did I know that I would have my identity questioned. But I guess in the age of Trump this will be the new norm.
redwitch
(14,946 posts)I don't know what else to say. There are too many deplorables and they are stupid and mean. If it is any consolation please know that there are more of us than them.
Shanti Mama
(1,288 posts)My children are brown (adopted) and we've been talking a lot lately about the possibility of this happening to them. I'm afraid my daughter will get REALLY pissed off and end up in some kind of fight.
I'm glad you're safe and respectfully asserted your right to be here, even to someone who did not deserve your respect. The high road...
ExciteBike66
(2,369 posts)Akamai
(1,779 posts)(Absent his brain come of course) and maybe they can work on his vocal cords next.
Of thousand million times, what an arrogant asshole!
Blue_Adept
(6,399 posts)it's hard to imagine a lot of people will step into a confrontation like that. Myself included. I'd like to think I would step in, but that background wariness is in the minds of many.
True Dough
(17,314 posts)but I fear that such anti-immigrant sentiment is unfortunately more commonplace than any of us would like. Thankfully most don't act on their bigotry, but you encountered a "fool" (appropriate choice of words) who was emboldened enough to harass you.
I don't know what to say, Cane4Dems, other than to assure you that immigrants also have many supporters, such as most of the folks here at the DU. I wish someone at the mall had the fortitude to stand by your side, but either some of them agreed with the man who accosted you or they feared he may turn physically violent and didn't want to intervene for that reason.
It's truly despicable that people act that way. Despite it, keep your chin up. Don't let the bastards get you down! You do have the same rights as everyone else. Ideally that would include the right not to be persecuted, but we can't always control the behaviors of wingnuts!
Take care!
dalton99a
(81,565 posts)No, they're not racist at all
treestar
(82,383 posts)as a white illegal alien!
I read an article in the Latin Times about there being something like 90000 Canadians in the US without permission! It was amusing that only the Latin Times wanted to publish that information! Fox News won't.
IronLionZion
(45,494 posts)as if they would know if they saw one.
iluvtennis
(19,868 posts)So sorry this happened to you.
IronLionZion
(45,494 posts)since his birth certificate is obviously fake
iluvtennis
(19,868 posts)Rorey
(8,445 posts)I read that they spend six months a year here. Are they here legally? And her sister? I'm curious.
MrPurple
(985 posts)That was a year ago, so her press conference should be coming any day now.
sdfernando
(4,937 posts)Back during Reagan's amnesty I used to take a friend to the INS office for his interviews and paperwork and such. We'd walk in and everyone's eyes were on me expecting me to get in line with all my fellow Mexicans....But I just sat down and my white Canadian friend would get in line.
Lucky Luciano
(11,258 posts)progressoid
(49,992 posts)And she has two "anchor babies" as well. But they're white, so they don't count.
Initech
(100,097 posts)Dem2
(8,168 posts)These bigots are racists and yet they try to deny it. I never believe them and nobody else should either.
MsBeckee75
(21 posts)And the fact that no bystander spoke up for you is even more sad, in my opinion. Their silence created a room full of bigots, instead of it just being one idiot. Peace
Orsino
(37,428 posts)...but Trump is their excuse for getting loud/threatening/violent again.
Your story could have been told anywhere in America over the past few decades, but it's getting harder to dismiss these as isolated incidents.
narnian60
(3,510 posts)Initech
(100,097 posts)If you're not a white male Trump supporter it's truly frightening what they're doing. I mean the Germans are alarmed at our white supremacy and increasing anti-globalism stance. You know it's a problem when that happens.
athena
(4,187 posts)The guy who attacked you is just your standard loser. Trump has given these people a way to feel superior to others (by virtue of their skin color and ethnicity), so naturally, they embrace their newfound superiority. They're still losers, though, and deep down, they know it. At the end of the day, you're a highly educated American, and he's a loser. Don't let him win. This is just a phase the United States is going through. It won't last long. I'm sure of it.
dalton99a
(81,565 posts)BSdetect
(8,998 posts)We have to help those unwilling ones with some training
DemocratSinceBirth
(99,710 posts)cannabis_flower
(3,764 posts)Houston is the most culturally diverse city in the United State but we still have some crazy racist fun nuts here too.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)there who are so filled with hate and anger and it is so unfair that you had to be the target of his impotent rage. Know that people like this are miserable and weak. It doesn't justify his behavior, but he is in his own private hell. I wish someone would have come to your aid, in fact I think law enforcement officials need to be trained how to deal with these people and remove them from the premises. This behavior is unacceptable and society needs to send a message that it will not be tolerated.
Freedomofspeech
(4,227 posts)These horrible, horrible, ugly people have been emboldened by their horrible, horrible ugly president.
angstlessk
(11,862 posts)Maybe a little skin off a knuckle or two, but that just gets you in trouble...so, never mind that suggestion.
I think they would get more pissed if you ignore them, and maybe look around, with a confused look on your face, as if looking for who in the hell they are talking about, cause it SURE AS HELL AIN'T YOU!
secondwind
(16,903 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)IronLionZion
(45,494 posts)it happens to me every day, and my line of work has a lot of government projects that require US citizenship, and I have had managers refuse to believe I could be a citizen of my own country in spite of my documents and accent indicating I was born here.
It's easily the biggest issue I face here in DC.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)where diversity is pretty much the norm, and even minority coworkers, whose jobs took them all over, didn't report anything approaching that frequency. Of course, this big rock hadn't been kicked over back then either.
IronLionZion
(45,494 posts)Some people don't want to see any difference between people on visas and US Citizens. And some have built their careers on not seeing it.
That's where it is most pronounced. I can imagine there is some similar stuff between Latino-Americans and Latino immigrants and with other types.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)some in this field have become beyond indecent on the subject, using that as an excuse for expression of rampant bigotry, so I guess I can imagine well enough. It doesn't help their attitudes that some have far better English skills than are commonly taught here.
Of course those who prefer to imagine all Hispanics as somehow illegitimate and not belonging here, citizenship invalid and irrelevant, have always been well represented in LA also. Over 30 years ago now our friend Maria, born American, mother of Americans, and owner of 2 businesses was stopped for no particular reason on the street by immigration officers who demanded to see proof she was here legally. An illegal stop in those days and those circumstances, and she told those bullies to back off or she'd take action. Scares me to think of now.
IronLionZion
(45,494 posts)whose families lived there before it became a state. They didn't cross the border, the border crossed them. But deplorables wouldn't know the difference.
They have the immigration checkpoints here in the DC suburbs. Supposedly they don't actually have any authority to request ID or detain someone so people have told them F off. But I wouldn't feel too confident with Trump's people in charge.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)I'm afraid if Maria gave the same response these days she'd disappear, and her family might finally, eventually learn she was being held in some distant for-profit prison camp. I don't believe for a minute that those 200 people (such a nice, round number) arrested in California were all criminals, even for minor crimes.
Well, we'll get through this eventually, after a great deal of pain and damage. Someone on another thread said more and more houses in his Southern California neighborhood are empty, even boarded up. Not all those leaving have to. Many are choosing to.
raccoon
(31,112 posts)mwooldri
(10,303 posts)What Plymouth Rock did he fall off of?
I'm sorry you have to tolerate jerks like that man.
Catherine Vincent
(34,491 posts)I think if I would have been there, I would be as shocked as you that someone would have the nerve to approach you like that. I'm a bit timid and would have wanted to say something like "Leave the guy alone or Stfu, ahole" but as I said, I'm not nervy enough.
Anyways, so sorry.
lark
(23,138 posts)That was awful and so unnecessary, what a fucking repug asshole that guy is. We are truly in the age of hate, thanks drumpfy. It is up to people of good will to try and combat this craziness.
#RESIST
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)heaven05
(18,124 posts)is persona non grata in the deplorables' ameriKKKa. Welcome to the club and how my whole life has been defined in this country. First by legal segregation, open racism and for the last 50+ years, defacto segregation and now open racism, again. And that NO ONE stepped up to have your back, indefensible and sickening.
New norm for you, old hat to me.
underthematrix
(5,811 posts)summary of post
We need to name it and call it out
grantcart
(53,061 posts)I immediately seek out nationals of foreign countries, looking especially for people that appear from countries with Islamic majorities.
I ask what country they are from and I always respond with a cheerful country appropriate response and a "I am glad you are here may I apologize on behalf of the American people for the stupid things President Trump has said".
I always get the biggest grins and always "no that is not necessary" and so on.
Yesterday I was at Target and a man who appeared to be from Africa was holding his son. "Angola" he answered. "So I am guessing that you were paroled into the US as a refugee?
"Yes" he said. I described the final steps of processing, the plastic bag and the logo and he answered "Yes IOM gave that to me".
I told him that I spent a decade working for IOM and he called his whole family from through out the store and the men hugged me and the women gave me two handed handshakes. We talked about the refugee camp. He has two jobs now and wants to finish college so he can go into law enforcement. He loves the country.
My wife was sitting in the subway shop next to us pointing to her watch. We were late for an appointment. I felt human again.
I wish I was there so I could have stepped in on your behalf.
I have a suggestion, next time you are at the Mall look out for some folks who appear to be immigrants or refugees an engage them and tell them how happy you are they are here. I cannot express the feeling I have gotten over and over again when they realize that, for the first time, the random stranger is not there to accuse but to support. It will take away all of the sting that you felt on the day you have written so eloquently about.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)helped work that angry, shouting man into a better frame of mind. Ten years with IOM. Wow.
grantcart
(53,061 posts)mass resettlement. Silly me.
Hortensis
(58,785 posts)We failed that last (but did slow it), and mass migrations and mass deaths are now inevitable. I'm afraid global warming may be too big a negativising, conservatizing influence to overcome, But I still believe that, if that doesn't defeat us, we will continue to advance, maybe 4 steps back for every 5 forward, but still... Humanity overall now knows we can do better.
cwydro
(51,308 posts)Do you approach anyone with brown skin? Asian features?
If you do, you surely must be getting some indignant responses from those who may "look" foreign to you, but are actually born right here in the good old USA.
grantcart
(53,061 posts)of national dress but if in doubt I have a good ear for non English languages. I have gotten many invitations for dinner but not a single indignant response.
cwydro
(51,308 posts)National dress?
I've traveled extensively, and generally men and even women dress pretty much like Americans. Or the English, or the Germans, or Canadians, Irish, Scots...etc. Jeans and sweats are universal now. Unless they're wearing the head scarf. But I work with a woman who wears one, and she was born in South Carolina.
What was the "African" you approached wearing? You know that's a continent and not a nation, right?
Basically, you are profiling in your quest to do good. Sounds odd to me.
Bernardo de La Paz
(49,027 posts)B Stieg
(2,410 posts)titaniumsalute
(4,742 posts)Millions of us are not like that and I would have sure as shit stood up for you.
Marthe48
(17,005 posts)Mine had fallen off and I felt so bad when I saw it on the floor of my car. I put it back on, reminding myself that it is more than a pin. And since the onlookers did not step up to support you, we must keep trying to raise awareness that if we don't speak up for you, then we might not have someone speak up for us.
The thug was a thug. When these things happen, report it to the mall security, the mall administration, the local police, the news. Someone is going to listen, especially if there is a threat not just to people in the mall, but a threat to business in the mall. If he'd had a gun instead of a big mouth, things might have been worse and we'd all be poorer for it.
Don't let this guy diminish your personal accomplishments. No one can take those away from you. When your soul is weighed, it will be the accepted with joy.
barbtries
(28,810 posts)that if i come across a scene such as this i will not be silent.
so sorry this country has gone so sick and hateful.
Lucky Luciano
(11,258 posts)Deplorables really get my blood flowing and my adrenaline pumping.
What I am always unsure of though is if my stepping in can make the victim feel uncomfortable because it looks like they needed a privileged white male to come to the "rescue." I wonder if that can be emasculating. If not, then I will never hesitate to step in against these assholes.
Never had to step in though in such a situation....I have been fortunate enough not to witness such brazen unfiltered evil.
GallopingGhost
(2,404 posts)I get mad. These fucking people are a waste of oxygen. Sorry that happened to you. Like Lewis said to the bully in Revenge of the Nerds, there are more of us than there are of you. They won't win.
Try not to let it get you down. You are dealing with individuals who think PhD means a better quality way of streaming their urine.
Le Gaucher
(1,547 posts)You dont have to say a single word ..( apart from maybe " Sir , can you please repeat what you just said" ... The act of recording reverses the psyschology of the situation where you are now in control and he is now forced to react.
Most of these guys are cowards and will run away with the tails between their legs at this point.
If he does not -- calmly tell him ( all while recording) that he back off else you are calling the cops..
If you do have to call the cops - you will have video proof . If you dont have to - you still have the footage to circulate in social media and destroy the asshole AND if warranted sue him.
KT2000
(20,586 posts)the person who questioned you is an ignorant ass. He showed everyone what a loser he is.
The people who just stood by were horrible.
A friend from China has had things like this happen to her. She knows these people are not very bright and they are trying to blame their failures in life on others.
Trump has made it worse for sure.
Sorry this happened to you - it is an ugly side of this country.
byronius
(7,398 posts)I'm a white guy that gets taken for One Of Them all the time. These days I'm itching for a confrontation with these Orcs. Had I been there the Voice would have emerged, and that man would have been traumatized for life.
Sacramento is toooooo diverse for such behavior. They would find themselves in grave danger, so they're silent. That you live in a community where people would not immediately shame and shun such primitive attitudes is disturbing.
Aieee. We have to go through all this again? Really? Do another hundred million have to die in agony for us to relearn basic citizenship?
Demsrule86
(68,632 posts)The stores need to step up and ban these folks...they have cameras...try reporting the incident...and if nothing is done than maybe a boycott...also when I was screamed at when getting gas in 12 by a rethug, I whipped out my phone and began taping him...put it on the internet later that night...many of them lose their jobs and take heat if they get caught. There are more of us than those rat bastards...you are an American...don't let those folks define you...they are scumbuckets.
ProfessorGAC
(65,134 posts). . .did a sensational stand-up monologue on SNL earlier this year.
Since he was born in SC, he did a bit where when someone said to him "Why don't you go back to where you came from", he just said "You mean South Carolina?" When they asked him when his parents moved, he said "a few years ago. They went from South Carolina to North Carolina!" In his bit he did say it really shut them up.
MFM008
(19,818 posts)Ill bet that HIS ancestors did not come from America .....
steve2470
(37,457 posts)I would like to think I would be brave enough to defend you, but there are so many idiots with guns these days. We here at DU are in solidarity with you. Just take comfort from knowing he is far more miserable than you ever will be, to engage in conduct like that.
Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)The fact is, unless the guy was a Native American, he isn't from this country!
VOX
(22,976 posts)There's been enough loudmouthing and accusations hurled at innocent Americans. I will not be silent in the face of such hatred. You have my word.
- - - - - -
"Then it don matter. Then Ill be all aroun in the dark. Ill be everwhere wherever you look. Wherever theys a fight so hungry people can eat, Ill be there. Wherever theys a cop beatin up a guy, Ill be there... Ill be in the way kids laugh when theyre hungry an they know suppers ready. An when our folks eat the stuff they raise an live in the houses they build why, Ill be there." Tom Joad, "Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck
Bonx
(2,065 posts)keithbvadu2
(36,869 posts)That's just the conservative political side... When we become a conservative theocracy, we will have to wear outward religious symbols.
Just so we/they can tell us all apart.
Skin color and gender are pretty much evident.
Although Sean Spicer does a pretty fair job of 'passing' on the gender issue.
SNL got that one figured out.
raven mad
(4,940 posts)"Worst part of all was that there were other people standing around and yet not one of them stood up for me. They gave cursory glances and some had sympathetic faces, yet not a single person stepped up to support me."
WE would have.
sinkingfeeling
(51,469 posts)been there. And I'm a 68 yr.-old, little grandma!
Tikki
(14,559 posts)Maybe not with that crowd at those moments..but elsewhere at another time you would be protected.
I truly believe this...I have seen it happen.
Tikki
PatrickforO
(14,586 posts)We're all immigrants. Sorry that happened.
argyl
(3,064 posts)You come here and run rings around them. Your children excel in academics and their kids are half assing it, cutting classes, smoking dope.
When our newspapers print the valedictorians and salutorians an inordinate amount of the kids have last names of Latino, Indian, Chinese, Arabic, Iranian, Vietnamese, and other ethnic groups.
Of all the immigrant waves this country has had over over our history, this present one may be the best yet.
I'm a white 60+y.o. man from Texas and I embrace all of our newest citizens.
pansypoo53219
(20,987 posts)TNNurse
(6,929 posts)I wish I could have been there beside you (a 67yo short white woman) and take your hand and tell that jerk what I thought. I might now have been polite and my voice might have shook but I would have said something.
I am sorry there were no other real Americans to stand with you.
yuiyoshida
(41,835 posts)Its amazing how much hate is on the internet if you are a person of color. I been called all the usual slurs and told to go back to my country. I tell them my country is probably the Kingdom of Hawaii which is now a State in this fucking Country! Its something I have lived with since being on the internet and expect that the haters are always going to hate, no matter what you say or do.
steve2470
(37,457 posts)zentrum
(9,865 posts)It's outrageous.
onetexan
(13,056 posts)i sympathize with you and if it helps to make you feel any better, if i were there i'd scream my head off at that ignorant SOB. I've only encountered subtle discrimination, nothing so blatant. Still it just makes my blood pressure rise when i hear of cases like this.
That said, remember this: you are the better person for walking away from such a situation - better than this crazy fool, better than the silent bystanders who stood by and didn't defend you, better than anyone who discriminates against anyone else for any reason. You proved to him and those bystanders you are the better person, and nothing you could have done would change his ignorant mindset so you did the best thing you could have done by walking away from him. Hold your head up high and remember the old adage "sticks and stones...". I'm sure your father will be proud of you!
Warpy
(111,319 posts)but generally speaking, they're the ones who are confronted and get razzed out of the store in tears.
I'm sorry no one overheard this blowhard and helped you confront him. They need to be confronted with their stupidity, rudeness, and anti American set of bad values.
lunasun
(21,646 posts)if it happens to them. I assume the aggressors think I didn't hear it. Don't care and who has time for that crap. Yeah not too many people going to step forward I found . Will stick around for the show but not in solidarity. Just the way it is and yes I would say getting worse . Heard some crazy stories about crazies
weissmam
(905 posts)malaise
(269,144 posts)I feel it for my nieces and nephews and their kids.
Unlike you I would have told him to go Cheney himself.
Fritz Walter
(4,291 posts)Sorry this happened, Cane4Dem, but I have to wonder, where was mall security while this was happening?
I don't visit many malls, but most of the ones in this area have rules of conduct posted just inside the entrance. I'm pretty sure this behavior violates at least one of these rules. And in between busting shoplifters, I think mall cops are expected to enforce these rules.
Here's what I'd recommend we all be prepared to do if/when we witness this kind of verbal abuse:
1. Immediately go into the closest store, and shout to the closest clerk, "CALL SECURITY!!"
2. Until the mall cop arrives, form a barrier between the abuser and the target of the abuse. Even if it's a one-person barrier. Don't get into her/his face (for heat-packing reasons stated above), but stand up in silent defense.
3. If the abuser confronts you, use your best judgement:
decide whether to remain silent (and firm in resistance) until the Calvary arrives; or
in a calm, quiet tone, tell the asshole that security is on the way and s/he should cool it.
Do NOT get dragged down to returning insults and abuse.
Hopefully, others who are likewise willing and able to stand up will do so.
4. Use your smart phone to record video of the incident, focusing on the perpetrator, not the recipient. Be prepared to offer this video to security, but if that's not an option, there's always social media. (Be sure to include the mall name, location and parent company (e.g. Simon) in your post. That'll get the attention of those who have a financial interest in a customer's positive shopping experience.
In closing, keep in heart the pseudo-Latin phrase: "Illigitimi non carborundum" (don't let the bastards grind you down).
Martin Eden
(12,874 posts)... that some day that poor excuse for a human being will be the recipient of cosmic justice.
But, in the long run, lust for vengeance cuts both ways. The rational side of my brain wants that person to learn and become a better human being.
I've never walked a mile or even a few feet in your shoes, but please try to prepare yourself with the knowledge that such people exist and can't always be avoided. The shame is all theirs, not yours. There is no need for you to come up with a great put-down or win a war of words. Just be calm, secure in your own value, and do not let this kind of person get under your skin because it only gives them pleasure and reinforces their deplorable behavior.
Easier said than done, because deep down this 59 year old white man really doesn't know what it's like to be confronted in that manner.
liberalmuse
(18,672 posts)We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. He had a lot of other things to say about apathy or indifference. We all need to stand up to this shit.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You didn't deserve it and deserved to have someone stand against this with you.
underpants
(182,861 posts)This reminds me of an incident at a mall 20+ years ago.
I'd just gotten out of the Army and returned to the States after 3 years in Germany.
I was standing in line to pay for some clothes.
The cashier was a middle aged white woman.
The two women in front of me were also middle aged white women. Behind me was a young black guy in slacks shirt and tie. He looked pretty sharp. I basically looked like a surfer or a deadhead. I'd grow my hair out as much as possible - never went for the buzzcut look.
So for the two ladies and myself the cashier rang things up and said, "cash credit or check?"
After I paid in cash I step to the side, she rings up his items and says, "this will be cash, right?"
I shot her a look out of instinct. She gave me a "What, did I say something wrong?" look.
I looked at him and said, "Damn!" He gave me a nod and a bit of a shrug as if to say "I'm used to it". I looked back at the cashier and said "Damn!" To her too.
Never get used to it. I know this isn't on par with what you went through but it reminded me of that. They're ignorant and empowered. We'll get through this. I think/hope it just a last fit before they grow up. They'll always be here unfortunately.
Amaryllis
(9,525 posts)A Bystanders Guide to Standing up Against Islamophobic Harassment (and Other Types of Harassment, Too)
(See link for the illustrated guide.)
A Paris-based illustrator and filmmaker who goes by the handle Maeril on Tumblr has posted a short and helpful illustrated how-to guide for bystanders who want to step in and help someone experiencing Islamophobic harassment in a public place. She also made a version with a French translation as well, since she specifically hopes that her guide will help bystanders combatting the growing problem of Islamophobia in France.
In her post about the guide, Maeril elaborated on that: Some could say: yes but you can use that technique for instances of harassment other than Islamophobic attacks!, and my reply is: Sure! Please do so, it also works for other types of harassment of a lone person in a public space!! However Im focusing on protecting Muslims here, as they have been very specific targets lately, and as a French Middle Eastern woman, I wanted to try and do something to raise awareness on how to help when such things happen before our eyesthat way one cannot say they didnt know what to do!
The guide certainly will aid bystanders who do not know what to do, since its very straightforward. For those using screen-readers, here are the steps outlined in Maerils illustration:
1.) Engage conversation [with the person experiencing harassment, not their attacker]. Go to them, sit beside them and say hello. Try to appear calm, collected and welcoming. IGNORE THE ATTACKER.
2.) Pick a random subject and start discussing it. It can be anything: a movie you liked, the weather, saying you like something they wear and asking where they got it
3.) Keep building the safe space. Keep eye contact with them and dont acknowledge the attackers presence: the absence of response from you two will push them to leave the area shortly.
4.) Continue the conversation until the attacker leaves and escort them to a safe place if necessary. Bring them to a neutral area where they can recollect themselves; respect their wishes if they tell you theyre ok and just want to go.
Maeril told Buzzfeed that the comic is inspired by a psychological concept called non-complementary behavior, which involves responding to an aggressor with a warm demeanor, rather than responding with further aggression that could escalate the conflict. In Maerils example, the guide also relies on specifically caring for the person being attacked and centering their comfort, as well as their ability to leave the situation safely. Its a great set of tips for defusing a horrible situation, and it could end up ensuring the safety of someone else with only a few minutes of emotional effort on your part.
mcar
(42,366 posts)Dem2
(8,168 posts)I'm a white guy from the inner city who has anger issues when it comes to these white trash people. I'm going to stop there.
blueinredohio
(6,797 posts)live somewhere other than here
radicalliberal
(907 posts)My father-in-law is a Palestinian Arab who immigrated to this country in 1948. He is a brilliant man and is one of the finest individuals I've ever known or met. I'm proud of my in-laws, his children -- all of whom have been more successful than I. Many immigrants to this country are far more conscientious as citizens than many of us natives. They certainly are far more intelligent than the white bigots, many of whom are as dumb as stumps.
Thank you, Cane4Dems, for writing about this. All of us need to be aware that this is going on, and each one of us needs to be prepared to not remain silent in such a situation.
Please don't let it get you down. You're a far better person than that low-life waste of protoplasm.
proud patriot
(100,713 posts)c-rational
(2,595 posts)you do not accept it what happens to the 'gift'...let him keep his ugliness.
Response to Cane4Dems (Original post)
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cntrfthrs
(252 posts)I'm a member of the Mandan,, Hidatsa, Arikara Nation and am 6'2", 190#'s...if ANY m-fing trump asshole EVER said anything to me...I wouldn't walk away with tears in MY eyes...I'd knock them on their ass...non-violent...I ain't...
Enoki33
(1,587 posts)after - the bewilderment, the uncertainty, the anger and disgust. The feeling of walking on eggshells. It is the inner strength, reaching back to what our parents taught us that takes us through it all - proud and unbending. It is difficult for them to argue with success. There are still many good people out there.
True Dough
(17,314 posts)I gave a longer reply upthread, but have since stumbled upon this story which illustrates how bad things can get.
Man Hurling Hate Speech Kills 2, Injures 1 on Oregon Train
http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/Portland-Train-Stabbing-424705143.html
RKP5637
(67,112 posts)jrthin
(4,836 posts)experienced this painful, ugly scene.