Just found out my relatives voted for Trump

[fallout87]

What do I do? I had not really engaged them before on politics, so I had no idea. I never would have guessed that they voted for the bafoon. They were democrats before and were complaining about Hillary and her email server, blah blah blah...Were angry about the supposed 33k deleted emails.... Also said that their main focus was the economy and jobs and they think Trump was the person to fix that..... What do i do? I'm seriously considering cutting them off. They are my cousins but I seriously don't know if I can be around them anymore....

[physioex]

1. Don't engage in politics.....

It's not worth it, just do your 'family things', and work to change things in the public sphere....

[fallout87]

12. Thanks for the replies

You all have given me good food for thought. I suppose I will let some time pass and see how things go. I won't engage them unless I can point them in the right direction without being confrontational. Time will tell

[physioex]

18. Enjoy the 4th....

Don't worry about the 'politics' society shifts left they can only slow it down. Be positive!

[politicaljunkie41910]

84. "I won't engage them unless I can point them in the right direction without being confrontational."

Trust me you won't be able to point them in the right direction without being confrontational.
I ran into this problem right after the election when my son's GOP in-laws went on Facebook and congratulated the new president, after 8 years of Obama bashing, both Barack and Michelle. I called Trump out for his constant lying about things that were easily provable, and his pride in his know-nothingness since the campaigning began and unwillingness to learn that which he didn't know, rather than trying to bluff his way through everything or his belittling of other candidates with the name calling promoting a sense of political discourse I had never seen in the forty plus years I've been engaged in politics. And they all turned on me.

I have been to many activities with these people over many years and everything has always been cordial since I purposely avoided their GOP leanings. But when you say something challenging Mr. MAGA they all stick together. It's hard not judging their hypocrisy since they are all Christians, as am I, demand more of their children than they do of their president, but if you want to have a relationship with them for the sake of your adult children, (and I do) you just can't go near the politics.

So don't think you can point them in the right direction without being confrontational. The man said that he could shoot someone in public in front of a crowd and his crowd will have his back and they will. These people think that their America has been stolen from them by minorities and foreigners and bad trade deals, and if they aren't at the place where they want to be in life, it's through no fault of their own, and Trump reinforces that ideology.

[Missn-Hitch]

89. Hey fallout87. How's it going?

I have avoided my family for the last 4 years and find myself needing to go back for a birthday. I don't want to go but I will keep my head down and power through.

How's your situation 4 years later?

Cheers!

[still_one]

83. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

[Chasstev365]

2. You don't have to dramatically cut them off

Lay low and tell them you don't want to talk politics. They may sour on Trump very soon if they have not already.

[NRaleighLiberal]

3. my brother and his wife, my younger daughter's husband and parents

we simply don't talk politics.

[elleng]

4. Say and do nothing, ignore it.

If their history is as you've said, they'll return and feel embarrassed (at least.)

[Throck]

5. Take them out of your will too.

[Hieronymus]

6. I have family that I'm sure

voted for Trump. I just don't bring up politics with them.

[physioex]

7. Correct...

Agree to disagree and leave it well enough alone!

[Foamfollower]

8. Cut them off completely.

No person who vote for Trump is worth sepnding even ten seconds dealing with.

Cut them off completely.

[physioex]

13. That is not practical (and this is very poor advice)!

It is somewhat easier with 'friends' and 'acquaintances', or co-workers but very difficult if not impossible with immediate family. Agree to disagree is pretty much the only way to go!

[Foamfollower]

16. I cut off every family member who voted for Trump completely

I refuse to see, speak with, or have any sort of contact with all members of my family who voted for Trump.

It is as if they are dead to me.

[AmandaRuth]

29. I'm with you

No way do i want to deal with relatives who voted with Bannon Pence and the alt right. There is nothing wrong with you.

[kerry-is-my-prez]

73. Anyone who voted for Trump - I let them know they made a big mistake. No getting off the hook,

as far as I'm concerned. I don't get into a heated argument but just calmly explain how he (and the Republicans) are screwing up this country and the world. Whatever might strike at their heart - climate change, the rich getting tax breaks and the rest of us paying for it, healthcare being cut, wildlife extinction. There's gotta be something that they give a damn about. If nothing gets at them, I just scoff at them or act as if I'm bemused by them. I might piss people off sometimes but as a social worker, it is my duty to fight for the unempowered. That is one of our tenets.

[KingCharlemagne]

52. Bullshit! - nt

[enid602]

78. Be nice

Be nice to them! Hopefully they'll send you a care package after opposition has been sent to camps.

[Baconator]

14. What is wrong with you?

[Foamfollower]

17. Giving them the same advice I took

I have family members who voted Trump.

They are all dead to me.

[Baconator]

22. That's just petty...

... If that's your only criteria for cutting anyone out of your life.

[Foamfollower]

23. Life is too short to waste any of it on morons.

Family or not.

[Baconator]

25. It sounds incredibly tedious and homogenous...

... To avoid contact with anyone who is different.

[Foamfollower]

30. You live life how you want to and I'll live mine how I want to.

Trump supporters are not a part of my life and never will be.

[LOL Lib]

38. I totally respect your response.

My cousin and I are close, like sister close. I couldn't believe she voted for Trump. I know my cousins deepest secrets, desires, etc...I was bowled over to learn she voted Trump. We never really discussed politics. I assumed she found him as repulsive as I do. I know that we joked about his hair in the past, but nothing in depth.

I feel like there is a part of my cuz that I don't know now, but I can't throw away the fact that we grew up together. She is a kind soul, loving, nurturing, volunteers at animal shelters....I just refuse to let this separate us.

Can you see how it's not as simple for some of us to just cut a life long friend from our lives? I can certainly see your point of view if this was a family member I rarely interacted with.

[Foamfollower]

39. I cut off close friends of over 3 decades over Trump

I simply cannot see how anybody can ever remain friends with a Trump supporter, regardless.

[KingCharlemagne]

67. +Infinity. I dumped a romantic interest of long stabding for exactly the same, bur nir before

telling her she was like a Jew for Hitler. I mean, how could I ever love or respect such a one?

[MLAA]

36. Different?

No...they are not 'different'...they are racist, lacking empathy, tax cuts above decency dudes, homophobic, misogynistic, climate deniers....see my longer post below for more detail on how I handled this type of situation.

[NCTraveler]

60. Different?

Not saying I agree with the poster but that's one heck of a deceptive way to describe people who were instrumental in everything Trump is doing.

[Baconator]

61. I need more before I refuse to associate with someone...

I see a difference between someone who hated both candidates and voted independent, or disliked Hillary so much they held their nose and voted for Trump as opposed to a red hat wearing, rally attending 'I love Trump so much I tattooed him on my face' type...

Also, what have their actions been like since November 2016?

In short, the vote itself is not enough and more data is required.

[NCTraveler]

63. "I need more before I refuse to associate with someone..."

I never argued to the contrary.

"What have their actions been like since..."

Hopefully regret. They are enablers of trickle down economics on crack, racism, bigotry, sexism, greed, gluttony, and violence. Simply calling them "different" whitewashes what they have done.

If voting to take food off people's plates, take health insurance away from millions, and the promotion of hatred towards minorities isn't enough; nothing will be.

[jrthin]

79. Different is fine. Dangerous is not; and they are dangerous. n/t

[KingCharlemagne]

54. You are just fine consorting with racists and sexists, I take it? - nt

[Baconator]

58. Absolutely...

I travel in wide circles... It's the only way to influence them.

Also, it gets pretty tedious singing to the choir all day.

[KingCharlemagne]

66. Why, I bet you would have been right at home in the antebellum South or

1930s Gernany, come to think of it. No telling how many slaveocrats or Nazis you could "influence" . . . before they shot you in the face.

[Baconator]

87. How's the whole circle jerk purity thing working so far?

White House? Governorships? House? Senate?

Not so well I suspect...

You either engage or get written off and the other guy wins by default. I swear that some people have learned absolutely nothing in the last 24 months.

[femmedem]

77. Sorry you're being attacked. Life isn't black and white.

And yes, the more we self-segregate the easier it is for us to demonize each other, and the harder it is to influence each other.

(That said, I'm lucky to have zero relatives who voted for Trump and to live in a community which votes overwhelmingly for Democrats, so this isn't a choice I've had to make.)

[AmandaRuth]

34. Really uncool response

There is nothing wrong with someone who stands up and calls out racism and sexism

[Ilsa]

9. I think it depends on whether they still defend him.

You may be able to plant seeds of reality, gently, if trump is doing crap they don't like. Don't make it about HRC and redoing the 2016 election. Make it about his dreadful temperament, his unwillingness to take advice from experienced people, his nonchalant attitude towards destroying the social safety net he promised to protect. And of course, his treasonous behavior with the Russians once it is laid bare.

If they don't know you supported HRC, let them think you voted for trump. It might be easier to guide them to see it fresh if the information is coming from someone they think was on their team in 2016.

[Laffy Kat]

10. It's difficult.

I have a close girlfriend who is now dating a Trumpster. She was a pagan the entire time I knew her but is now going to a "Christian" church that is against marriage equality (I have a bi-sexual son who is dating a transitioning young man). She says she doesn't agree with her BF on many issues, but I still feel betrayed by her. I have all but cut her out of my life. I told her I could never have her BF in my house, but now I'm feeling the same about her. It's so painful.

[3catwoman3]

24. If she doesn't agree with her BF...

...on enough issues, maybe he won't be her BF much longer.

[Laffy Kat]

26. I keep thinking that but it's been a while now.

They just got back from a month in Australia.

[CrispyQ]

48. A close friend of mine changed drastically after she connected with her fundy bf,

now husband. It was so sad to see. She was Christian, but the loving, kind type. I'm atheist & we had some great conversations! She was a big Guns & Roses fan, which is how we first started talking in the first place. I overheard her say something to someone else about a GNR concert & I was like, "This girl went to a Gunners concert?" We were really close for four years. I was married, she was single. I'm 10 years older than she is. Then she met her husband & he didn't like me from the get-go. I think her husband deleted my emails to her. Within a year, we hardly spoke. She had a difficult time conceiving & when I mentioned adoption she said, "Oh no, we might get a homosexual child." That was the last time we talked. I looked her up on FB a few months ago & her banner pic is of her with a Trump tee shirt on.

I hope your friend ditches the Trumpster.

[Laffy Kat]

51. Thanks!

I was going to say that I hope your friend gives birth to a gay kid but I was afraid it would be taken out of context.

[kimbutgar]

56. I lost a good friend like that because she got involved with this strange evangelical

Group. She started watching fox and then became a thumper. I knew her over 30 years but she is too far gone now for us to ever come together again,

[Laffy Kat]

75. Yep. I think it's just something we have to accept and move through it. nt

[KingCharlemagne]

69. Her BF would have no problem whatsoever seeing you forcibly interned or

exterminated. What does that tell you about her and the value and respect she places on your opinions and feelings?

[Laffy Kat]

74. I do realize that and her decision has shocked me.

Obviously her loneliness or fear of loneliness is far greater than her fear of losing this friend. So be it.

[BainsBane]

11. Family is family

They were conned. Just carry on with them without discussing politics.

[lunatica]

15. Just wait long enough and they'll change their minds

They won't be able to deny what he really is much longer.

But, on the other hand, if they still think he's next to god in a year then why do you want to talk politics with them anyway?

[Warpy]

19. So they got fooled. So did a lot of people.

What I'd suggest is going Emily Post on them for the duration. No talk of sex, politics or religion when you're around because there are a few things you really don't want to know about them.

Don't forget the media were all pushing the Orange Disaster while talking over Clinton's speeches with Benghazi emails blah blah blah. I will never forgive broadcast media for what they did to us.

[JI7]

20. make fun of them for supporting Trump

make jokes about trump being putin's poodle.

[Books_Tea_Alone]

21. My entire family...

Voted for T. Rump. It makes going to gatherings difficult and I dread them. I have a strict policy of not talking politics after a few heated discussions. The worst offender is my brother who made violent gestures and attempted to throw a glass at me after the election. I avoid him at all costs.
My parents are elderly so it's hard. My mother voted for the Apprentice star and my father is a stubborn Repuke. Both are hardcore racists and have Fox News on all day. Oh yes- and they are very wealthy and live in a posh suburb of NYC. It is possible that each time I see them may be the last so I try to focus on that but it takes every ounce of patience. So far the no discussion policy has led to forced civility. It is difficult to get past it.
Luckily I have my husband, kids, and coworkers who are counting the days till this orange plague is gone.

[KingCharlemagne]

71. Speaking to a grief coubsellor may help. I found my counsellir really helped me

understand ny situation. I can't speak highly enough about it!

[Kimchijeon]

82. Thank you for suggesting this.

I hadn't even thought of this myself. It wouldn't have occurred to me to even consider a grief counselor for situations like this, but maybe could really help in this case.

[WhiteTara]

27. I wrote a great post

to you with lots of philosophical thoughts, but somehow it got deleted. So, this time... Shed them like dirty socks. Life is too short to play with racists and sexists. You'll find a whole new group that will support you in life affirming ways. Those people will only bring you down.

Welcome to DU

[lovemydogs]

28. I am lucky. My family and I pretty much agree on politics.

When we get together there really is not arguments over politics.
My brothers and sisters were Bernie supporters, as well as my daughter and me and my husband.
But, after the primaries, we all got behind Hillary.
And we all despise Trump

[MLAA]

31. Here's how I'm dealing with it....

I cut 4 friends of over 30 years completely out of my life. LIfe is too short to spend precious time with anyone who supported an ass who assaulted/threatened to assault women, was racist, was ignorant of politics and world history, was not a good business man, said "one things' about his daughter, screwed subcontractors, defrauded students at his fake university ...I can't go on it's making me sick.

Family is a bit more difficult. Mine are racist evangelicals and live a 6 hour flight away. Even before Trump I found visits very difficul. Now I will cut my visits to my Dad and brother dramatically. I did not fly back for the last family reunion as I am sure every aunt, uncle and cousin that would be there voted for him. Sadly, I won't attend another one.

My dad is losing his short term memory ..so on my next visit to him I will just avoid all political discussions and just reminisce. I am going to confront my brother and tell him that in addition to all the tRump craziness/disgusting awfulness/destruction that I am at very high risk of losing my healthcare because of his vote. You see I chose to have a pre-existing condition some years ago by giving our mom a kidney that extended her life by quite a few years and I live in a Red state. After Dad is gone, I don't think I will see my brother again.

Long way of saying foamfollower, I am with you.

[KingCharlemagne]

72. You should make this an OP - nt

[jaysunb]

32. The economy and jobs ? ok sure. n/t

[AmandaRuth]

33. Personally, I am sick of people telling me

I have to play nice with trumpettes. It's pretty clear at this point they were played, but they did vote for racism and sexism. I just wish people would understand if they did it once, they will do it again. I am done with them, thankfully, there are more of us them there are of them. We don't need them.

[MLAA]

37. Right on! n/t

[Aristus]

35. Cut them off. You don't owe them anything.

And don't let their vicious, aggressive form of political cancer into your life...

[InAbLuEsTaTe]

40. Yup, time to expunge racists from their lives... yes, even if they're family.

[Jack-o-Lantern]

41. You can't fix stupid...

Just grin and nod at them whatever they say.

[DFW]

42. I have a cousin like that.

I haven't had any contact with him since I found out he WAS like that.

[Willie Pep]

43. I usually don't debate politics with my Republican relatives.

I have family members and friends who hold extremely right-wing views and I rarely challenge them because it is impossible to win arguments. I tried it before in the past and things got nasty and personal really quickly so I decided to avoid political discussions as much as I can. It is hard to do because they talk politics constantly and often do so loudly and belligerently. My liberal aunt and I usually just sit together and roll our eyes while they spout right-wing talking points. I often feel cowardly for not speaking up but my family is already dysfunctional enough. Outside of their political views I like my relatives and don't want to alienate them.

If your family members are former Democrats and voted for Trump based on economic issues then they might be more reasonable so maybe you can try to debate them with facts like how Trump is really not helping working people. They sound like they might be the people who went for Obama in 2008 and 2012 but went over to Trump in 2016. That seems better than my relatives who are really hardcore right-wing on everything.

[lunasun]

44. Ugh .yuck my sympathy. I can't imagine Trump fixing much . Maybe I'm wrong

[Phoenix61]

45. Since you didn't engage them about politics before

it seems the simplest thing would be to carry on as usual. Why start talking politics with them now?

[airplaneman]

46. In the very beginning I was excited about facebook because I could get in contact with relatives.

Way too many of them are the Trump type conservatives and I have been so turned off by their disrespect for facts and lack of empathy that I simply only occasionally look at photos but never communicate anymore with anybody for that matter but especially relatives on facebook. They don't seem that interested in me anyhow so no loss. I have a few casual friends that are also Trump types and I no longer say anything about my views and they don't seem to care or ask. I have a personal belief and it is find yourself a couple of good friends and call yourself lucky (spend your spare time with them). Nobody I would call a good friend would vote for Trump.
-Airplane

[CrispyQ]

59. "If you have a thousand friends on Facebook, how many friends do you really have?"

A friend's kid asked that once when we were talking about FB.

[CrispyQ]

47. I feel your pain.

I have one rwnj cousin that I know about, but I discovered two other cousins voted for the Con & I'm stunned! They are college educated! They are retired & enjoying social security checks! One has three granddaughters that he adores! How could he possibly have voted for the Con after the Access Hollywood tape? As the Con takes a wreaking ball to our government, all three of them are still harping on HRC, Benghazi, the Clinton foundation & email. Fortunately I don't live anywhere close to these men & can block their FB posts. And it isn't lost on me that they are all white men.

If you live close to them & are in touch regularly, I'd say that your calendar has just gotten very busy lately!

[Nevernose]

49. Understand that this is EXACTLY what the Russians were doing

They weren't hacking the election, they were hacking people's minds.

After that? I don't know. Be the best example of Democratic values you can be, and begin educating them NOW for the 2018 election.

[NobodyHere]

50. I think you're suppose hit them on the nose with a rolled up newspaper

Otherwise live life as normal.

[mvd]

53. Wow I feel for you

Fortunately I have no close relatives who are Trump supporters. If they cause stress and won't drop the subject, I think you will have to go your separate ways.

[ileus]

55. Something tells me they won't mind, then hold a grudge forever.

Cut them off and hold that grudge forever...you don't need them, one day they'll show up begging for money or a place to stay because of their deplorable actions.


My Father did just that to 4 or his 6 sisters. Cut them off back in 70 or 71 and didn't speak again to 4 ever, they died then he passed away about 5 years after the last of the 4, only one is living still.

[AngryAmish]

57. They are not human beings, they are malignancies.

You must cut them out of your life and make sure they are shunned.

[Baconator]

62. That....

... is not healthy.

No more media for you today.

Go outside....

[GulfCoast66]

64. Business as normal just do not talk politics

Lots of political junkies make the mistake of thinking everyone follows the news as close as we do and evaluates things as deeply.

I have friends and family that voted for Trump. They live busy lives and don't think things through very well. I know many here to think that all Trump voters are evil, I strongly disagree.

That said, I do not associate with the crazy FR types who spout racism and misogyny. And a whole lot of his followers fall into this bucket. But not all.

[MiddleClass]

65. Accept their opinion, pick your battles, and always respect their opinion

Be accepting of their opinion, work hard at angling your responses to sow seeds of regret, without looking like you are doing just that. Like when you tell a daughter, I don't like your boyfriend, he is bad for you, they're basically driving her into his arms.

One may say things like "you must admit that this great president is going to straighten out healthcare in America." Quietly say, that may be so, but I'm concerned about……… (Use your answer to stimulate their emotional empathy, as you say they were Democrats. Before this) leaves the door open for them to see the light, all by themselves, so they think. And when they finally voice that they are tired of politics and can't be bothered with politics anymore, just agree, and give them a little bit more time until they admit they screwed up. DO NOT TELL THEM THAT, let them tell you, be welcoming. The non-combative, avoid showing your liberal compassion or whatever turned them off in the first place.

This where you don't lose good family, good friends, good acquaintances, and you have something to laugh about in 10 years.

[treestar]

68. I would see them as little as possible

but not cut them off, unless they pushed their views all the time. Right-wingers are often quite impolite about believing everyone they like must have the same views and start defending Donald or putting down libruls, etc. If they insist on subjecting someone to that, they are not polite or considerate and it is natural not to want to be around such people.

[TheBlackAdder]

70. If they start shit, hand them a printout of a Russian flag and call them a traitor to even Reagan.

[The Polack MSgt]

76. I don't speak to any Trumpster if I can avoid it

But I can't always steer clear of them - I have to work for one thing.

Insist that they treat you with respect if you don't cut them off completely. If they can't be respectful and polite then shut 'em out.

My opinion only. Good luck

[Lil Missy]

80. Seriously? The answer is to avoid discussing politics at all with relatives.

"How to engage them?" Honestly, what good would that do? I'd prefer to spend my time with something more productive. Discussing the merits of non-supporters vs. supporters of the orange jackass is a waste of time.

[sharedvalues]

81. Don't talk politics. Tell them to stop Fox and Limbaugh

There is a 90% chance their incorrect ideas come from the disinformation of Fox and right wing radio.

If it's radio corrupting them, give them Charlie Sykes articles (right wing radio host who said what his bosses and their GOP donor management told him to, and now regrets it).
If it's Fox corrupting them, send them Tobin Smith's articles (former Fox News host, article titled "How Ailes and Murdoch got rich scamming Fox News viewers&quot


This is the tack I took with my family. It's like cult deprogramming - you have to give them new information showing how they've been lied to. It works, slowly. Don't expect results in less than a few visits.

[Raine]

85. So did mine I'm sure but

we don't discuss politics and even if we did I would never allow politics to come between me and family. IMO they really win when you let them come between you and your family.

[Duppers]

86. I don't respect anyone who voted for Trump and

I do not care if they're related or not. Why should relatives get a pass on this? There are usually other signs these folks lack the ability to make objective decisions.

After my 92yo mother dies, I'll never see my brother and his dumbass wife again. They have stretched my tolerance in so many ways.

[mercuryblues]

88. I say bullshit that their focus

was the economy. They expect trump to make sound decisions on the economy when he has at least 6 bankruptcies, with 2 of them for casinos. How in the hell do you bankrupt a casino? Lies on his tax obligations and cheats people out of money.

This was all known before the election. They over looked the grab them by the *, his racism and xenophobia.

Clinton had a thoroughly researched and proven economic plan and trump said "trust me it will be great"

I have found people who say it was about the economy used that to justify their vote against Clinton.