BREAKING: Trump to replace ObamaCare with McDonald's gift card redeemable for one Egg McMuffin

[Miles Archer]

No link yet...breaking news.

BEDMINSTER, NJ - President Donald Trump announced that, in a teleconference held earlier today, Mitch McConnell had secured the required Republican votes needed to replace and repeal ObamaCare. Previous hold-outs like Rand Paul were now "eagerly" on board with the new plan, which is scheduled for a Senate vote this week.

"We are going to give every man and woman in America a free Egg McMuffin. They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, and while that may be true. every American over the age of 18 is going to enjoy breakfast on my administration. For a nominal additional fee, they can also enjoy some delicious McDonald's hash browns and a beverage, such as coffee or orange juice. It's their decision, since they are paying for it, and the cornerstone of my administration. Our new health care program will not tell people what to do, or punish them if they fail to do it. The choice is theirs, and theirs alone."

Senator Rand Paul told reporters of his initial reluctance: "At first, it seemed like just another entitlement program. After all, the United States government is subsidizing the cost of a free Egg McMuffin. But after giving it careful consideration, I realized that this would fully repeal ObamaCare, and after people enjoy their breakfast, we will be out of the healthcare business once and for all."

Trump voter Holden Caulfield asked our reporters "How soon can I get my Egg McMuffin? I like to take the top off and eat it with some jelly. Is the jelly included in President Trump's replace and repeal of ObamaCare? I sure hope so. Some of my friends say that they regret voting for President Trump. Not me. I see this as proof that he is a man who keeps his campaign promises."

[Not Ruth]

1. No KFC.....WTH

[ProudLib72]

2. McDonalds is a place for kids right?

Holden makes me want to graffiti the word "Fuck" on the front of every McDonalds in the country.

[Not Ruth]

3. McDonalds is a place for relatively low income people

If you go on the first of the month, when checks come in, you will often find families going out to celebrate. Other than that time, it can attract a harder crowd than Starbucks.

[ProudLib72]

4. It was a reference to Catcher in the Rye. nt

[Gothmog]

5. I love good satire