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Semi-fictitious official transcript of Trump's call to Bob Corker regarding his position on Russia
No link yet...breaking news AND semi-fictitious.
(Telephone Rings)
Female Voice: Good afternoon, Senator Corker's Office. How may I direct your call?
Trump: Hey, honey, how are you today? Boy, you have a sexy voice. What are you, 24, maybe 25?
Female Voice: Who is calling, please, and how may I direct your call?
Trump: You know, 24 is a good age. A very, very good age. Once a woman hits...oh, let's just say, for example, "47," I'm thinkin' more like "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"...you hear what I'm sayin', sweetheart?
Female Voice: Is this President Trump?
Trump: That's right, honey, and in case you didn't know it, I won the election by the largest margin in the history of the United States.
Female Voice: Hillary got 3,000,000 more popular votes than you.
Trump: Lies! Fake news! The media hates me, but every American loves me!
Female Voice: I saw this morning that your approval rate is around 35%.
Trump: Fake news polls! FAKE! My campaign ran a poll that proves I have 99% approval!
Female Voice: But 99% of your 35% base means that 1% of your base has walked away from you.
Trump: LIES! Did you SEE my rally in Arizona? It was BEAUTIFUL! It was standing room only! The only TWO people in Phoenix who didn't show up were that rat-prick mayor and Jeff the Flake Flake!
Female Voice: I saw some photos of your rally. It looked like the first 1/4 of the auditorium was full, and the back 3/4 looked like a Foghat concert before the roadies showed up.
Trump: You like Foghat, honey? You know, I can get tickets. I know the band. They all voted for me.
Female Voice: That's OK, Mr. President. No thank you.
Trump: Oh come on, honey. Don't tease me. Or you can tease me if you want. Sometimes I like that.
Female Voice: You're a married man, sir.
Trump: Now, what is "married," exactly. Does that mean because I am with one woman, I'm only supposed to be with her, and that I can't date a fine, patriotic woman like you?
Female Voice: Pretty much. And I'm happily married.
Trump: Well, that hardly seems fair. Plus, I'm the president, AND a celebrity. When I was a celebrity I could get away with it because I was famous. Now that I'm a celebrity AND the president, what do you think I can get away with?
Female Voice: With me? Nothing.
Trump: OK, honey, hold that thought. Listen, is Bob in?
Female Voice: No, Senator Corker is holding a town hall meeting with his constituents.
Trump: Town Hall? Ha! Town Halls are for losers, baby! He needs to start holding rallies like me. Did you SEE my rally in Arizona? It was BEAUTIFUL! It was standing room only!
Female Voice: Yes, Mr. president, I saw your rally.
Trump: Did it turn you on?
Female Voice: No, Mr. President, it didn't turn me on.
Trump: Why not?
Female Voice: Will there be anything else, Mr. President?
Trump: No, but give some thought to that Foghat thing.
Female Voice: Have a good evening, Mr. President. (hangs up)
(Stephen Miller enters Oval Office)
Miller: Good evening, Mr. President.
Trump: Stevie! How you doing?
Miller: You seem a little down, sir.
Trump: Ah...I had this chick on the phone, and I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married.
Miller: There's always tomorrow, sir.
Trump: You're right about that, Stevie. There's always tomorrow. Now fetch me a Big Mac.
Miller: Yes sir!
Trump: And don't touch any of my fries!
4 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
well done!
