If every woman publicly called out every person who violated their sexual boundaries,

[MineralMan]

both past and present, we might begin to get the significance of all of this. Maybe that's exactly what is needed. Maybe it would force men to reconsider their approach to sexuality in general and in the way they behave with women.

I think it would be refreshingly confrontational and might begin a conversation that would be more useful than most of us realize. I suspect that many people would reject the idea, of course. It would have the potential for being very painful for some. But, perhaps brutal honestly is needed.

Maybe some serious upheaval is needed to reset things. Perhaps the only way the patriarchy can be removed as the source of power will be for women to revolt in an overwhelmingly massive way.

I don't know. I think it would be interesting and potentially revolutionary.

[NCTraveler]

1. Yes. nt.

[MineralMan]

3. I've been casting my mind back in time, looking at all of

my sexual relationships, since I was a teenager. I'm trying to figure out if and when I did things I shouldn't have done and potentially violated someone's personal boundaries. It's a personal exercise. I'm not going to detail my life here.

I'm remembering some borderline situations, frankly. Mostly in my teens and early 20s. I changed my entire approach to sexuality in my 20s, and am confident I didn't violate anyone's boundaries after that. Before that, I can think of a couple of times when I might have, though. I still know the people involved. I'll ask them what they think of what happened. With very few exceptions, I am still in contact with the people in question, and we are on good terms. In a few cases, the sexual contacts were brief and fleeting. I don't know those people any longer.

[Matthew28]

5. I agree Mineral man

Humans are sexual creatures. Not everything is something to destroy peoples lives over.

[MineralMan]

6. Learning isn't destructive of life.

It's not.

[MaryMagdaline]

12. This sounds like normal growing up

After Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton, if any man didn't get the whole boundaries thing ... that's another story.

[MineralMan]

15. Yes, I suppose so.

Any violations of someone else's boundaries in my teens and early 20s would have been fairly minor. I spent about four years in my very late teens and early 20s in a pretty celibate way. Not by choice, but I was in the Air Force and had few opportunities to form relationships during that period. In my teens, I had one serious girlfriend for two years. I already know that she doesn't think anything that happened between us was exploitative. We chatted about that a couple of years ago in emails. I had some other girlfriends, but those relationships didn't involve a lot of sexual activity, really. Those, however, are the ones I'm questioning now. As I said, I'm still in touch with all of them, so I'll ask.

I got married at 25 years old, and that relationship was based on equality in everything, so I doubt there were issues there, either. Since then, I've been serially monogamous for the rest of my life so far. At age 72, it's not much of an issue any longer, frankly.

[lagomorph777]

13. My story is similar.

Nothing remotely approaching what we've been hearing about with all the powerful jerks, but I can't help but wonder in a couple of cases whether I crossed any lines. And similarly, during my 20s I became much more careful about crossing lines. I expect millions of us are doing the same soul search.

[cwydro]

24. Im a woman. I think this person is full of it.

I had some uncomfortable things happen to me along the way.

I handled those events myself.

[SoCalDem]

39. not full of it...just male

Someone once told me that women often agree to (sort of) consensual sex in hopes of finding love...and men often feign love to get sex..

Sometimes both win...most times not.

Many women of a "certain age" know this too.. probably most of us were led down the path way before WE would have initiated it.

Waaaay back when I was young, girls/young women who had sex with someone "casually" often regretted it and, had they been litigious, could have made things difficult for the guys, but they just chalked it up to too much alcohol...a smooth "line"...

It probably all comes down to a brain thing...Post puberty guys fantasize about sex...girls fantasize about relationships/love..( the ones I know/knew)

Humans are probably the only creatures with rules..most creatures copulate with force/coercion of some sort..

we all know how rules can get misinterpreted..

[Matthew28]

2. LIke I said earlier

85% of men would be in trouble. Do realize that 30-40% of women would also be in a lot of trouble because a lot of them also do the same thing and say things that are sexual in nature.

This probably isn't a good thing for our society to make every sexual thing life ending.

We probably should just start acting like robots.

[MineralMan]

4. "We probably should just start acting like robots."

No. Perhaps we should start acting like equals when it comes to sex. I think that would be refreshing.

[BigmanPigman]

7. Patriarchy has ruled the world in every society

and culture for over 2,000 years. Things could be a lot different so why don't we give matriarchy a chance at it....couldn't be much worse than it has been with wars, killing the planet, greed over humanity, etc.

[Matthew28]

8. I do see some benefits

The point should be is equaliness and working together for this better future. No more greed, no more war and more fairness.

[MineralMan]

10. I don't think flipping things is the goal.

What I'd like to see is a recognition of equality across the board. No "-archies" at all based on sex or gender. That would be my ideal.

[BigmanPigman]

14. Well we won't get a chance to test any new, different, or non existant "archy"

for 2,000 years since the earth will be a little charcoal briquette long before then.

[homegirl]

29. How true

Let's start by electing more women to political power positions. the USA just slipped from 85th to 91st in female representation in elected political positions.

[DeminPennswoods]

9. As a woman, let me say

that we all aren't saints.

[MineralMan]

11. All humans are, of course, human.

That's a start.

[Grammy23]

16. Mineral Man, I was talking to an old friend (female) a few days ago.

She and I were discussing the situation with Roy Moore and the whole issue of women dealing with men acting inappropriately. She mentioned marching in a parade locally in support of the ladies who came to DC the day after Inauguration Day. She wore a pussy hat and said it was one of the best days of her life.

If every woman able to get out and march, in their hometown or DC, to come forward as a woman impacted by inappropriate behavior by men, I am convinced it would surprise and shock everyone. I would march in such a parade, wear a pussy hat and show my face. The things that happened to me happened a long time ago in multiple places but I’ve never forgotten them. We ladies need to stand up and be counted. The number will not be believed. There are many of us. Many, many of us.

[MineralMan]

19. I am all for it, truly.

I'm encouraged by the number of women who are speaking out right now, and hope the trend continues. #MeToo has been very informative, and I find myself reading women's accounts there almost daily.

[DeminPennswoods]

17. Men and women are different

In general, men are usually physically stronger than women and can impose their will any time. In general, women have evolved to use their brains to outsmart and manipulate men to offset the man's physical advantage.

I believe that women who fail to understand the former or depend on the latter to keep themselves safe, get themselves in situations that they then can't control.

Just my .02 cents.

[MineralMan]

20. That's true, and may be the basic source of all of the problems.

Men, too, have economic strength that has enabled them to dominate women for centuries. Overall, they have had an advantage that has let them be the controllers of much of society. I would welcome that advantage disappearing. I know I won't live to see it, but I do hope to see progress along those lines during my lifetime.

As I related a few days ago, I had a conversation with my maternal grandmother when I was about 10 years old. She was born in the 1890s. I asked her about a lot of things over a period of some years, but one time I asked her about women's right to vote. She remembered clearly her first opportunity to do that, and told me that she and a number of her friends marched down to the polling place and cast their votes in the first election where they could. Her sense of accomplishment in that was striking.

There has been progress, both in social and economic terms. More needs to be accomplished, though, and perhaps the next field of battle will be a sexual one.

[DeminPennswoods]

22. Well, as it's been said, the long arc of history

is always toward progress. And, culture is different today. One need only compare the TV shows of the 1950s and '60s to today to see how the roles and ideals of men and women have changed over the decades.

But, I also think that it shouldn't be a given that women are always innocent victims.

[homegirl]

30. Great point

Women should learn martial arts, carry mace, knives and in some locales guns.

[MountCleaners]

38. Absolutely. Thanks.

Lately I've been coping with an incident that happened to me more than twenty years ago, when a female friend grabbed my boobs and demanded that I show them to her. She also used to sneak into the showers when we were dormitory roommates and spy on the women while they were showering. She said she did it because "bodies are so interesting". She was angry at me for "judging" her. She was quite mean to me about my horror at her behavior, and kept implying that I was a prude.

These incidents are only just now coming back to me, I guess because of #metoo and the stories. I realize that I was traumatized by living with someone who had such a disregard for women's privacy. I never undressed in front of her, and she used to give me shit about it. I've been feeling like I should say something on Twitter because this person is a local success now, has been in the media, etc. I wouldn't name her, but it would be nice if she finally learned how I really felt about it. I wonder if she looks back on that and feels ashamed, seeing how successful she is now. Now I realized why I never studied drama or music in college - I wanted to be as far from the public eye as possible, I was so scarred at seeing someone so awful getting rewarded for predatory behavior.

Some of the cruelest stuff that has been done to me has been done by a woman. Women can be cruel, and they often think what they do is harmless.

It's only a matter of time before a high-profile woman is outed as a harasser or molester. I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet.

[loyalsister]

18. Anita Hill said it very well last month

Anita Hill on Harvey Weinstein Scandal: Sexual Harassment Knows No Politics (Guest Column)

People have already reached the conclusion that Harvey Weinstein behaved in ways that are entirely inappropriate and, in some cases, illegal. What will be the consequences to him? We shouldn’t just be concerned with whether or not Weinstein will be able to make more movies and continue to have an impact in Hollywood. I would like to have as much attention paid to the consequences to the women he has abused. We should look at how this has impacted their lives and careers.
http://variety.com/2017/biz/news/anita-hill-sexual-harassment-harvey-weinstein-guest-column-1202585236/

"Forget the perpetrators - what has happened to the victims" is a solid starting point for what you suggest. We know Clarence Thomas doesn't have the class or dignity for it. But I wonder what direction this would take if Bill Clinton offered a public apology to Monica Lewinsky?

[homegirl]

31. WHY?

Miss Lewinsky was a willing consenting adult. She stalked Clinton just as she had previously stalked a college professor.

[loyalsister]

37. Because she was scapegoated

Her consent did not include FBI interrogation and public shaming. All of which could have been avoided if he had told the truth from the start.

[mythology]

21. One reason I'm thankful that I'm emotionally allergic to contact

I can say with a fair degree of certainty that I have never physically sexually harassed a woman. I'm certain that I've said things that have offended, but even with that I tend to be restrained around people who haven't shown they are okay with that sort of banter.

Being deeply introverted and generally disappointed with people makes me more or less a loner. In this context, that turns out to be a benefit.

[blueinredohio]

23. My thing is why wait? If Uncle Joe grabs your knee under the table at Thanksgiving

you should ask what the hell do you think you're doing grabbing my knee? Make sure the whole family hears it

[BigmanPigman]

35. That would be my natural, immediate reaction.

Forget having time to think...my mind stops and my face and mouth go into automatic reaction. I make a face of horror and disgust, jerk back and say, "Eeeewww, what the FUCK was that?!". My face, foul mouth and body language are out of my control when I am pissed off. I think I get it from my Italian mom and grandmom. They are like that too...we do not take shit from men.

[EllieBC]

40. Because we are trained to not say anything.

Not directly. No one (well almost no one) tells young girls to hush up if a man harasses or assaults her. But you get that feeling when you hear, "boys will be boys" to brush off crude behaviour. Or you're told you're being puritanical and that sometimes jokes are tasteless and you should lighten up. Or that it's just a boy showing he likes you when he tries to grab you. And you're clearly not a believable witness because if you report a crime committed against you, your entire sexual life must be scrutinized.

It's constant conditioning.

[Initech]

25. There's something fundamentally wrong with society if this many allegations keep coming.

And we may spend decades, centuries even, trying to figure out what's causing this problem and how to correct it. What we are learning is that it doesn't matter who does it - gay, straight, male, female, young, old, liberal, conservative, anyone can do this type of abuse. And while powerful people are being called out for this, and rightfully so, think about the crimes we don't hear about from people who aren't as famous as Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey. The thing is it's going to take some serious undoing and redoing of society for things to get better, and that may take decades and centuries to do.

[bagelsforbreakfast]

26. Joe Orton - " "There are two sexes. The unpalatable truth must be faced."

By and large, women don't approach men. As long as that imbalance exists there will be conflict and misunderstandings.

[MineralMan]

27. Not true, actually.

[bagelsforbreakfast]

28. Docs?

[bathroommonkey76]

36. Women approached and groped me on multiple occasions in my 20s

Am I going to hold a news conference to out all of them for sexually harassing me? Ummm no.

[Mr.Bill]

32. Actually I think

there would be the risk of it being trivialized. Too many people would just say "Everyone does it. So what?"

[kydo]

33. Yep

But that's not happening right now. Too much defending one's camp is going on for any conversation to be heard over the battle noise. Sigh....

[Soph0571]

34. For this to happen women have to feel powerful

And so many women have had the power beaten or sucked out of them. It is a splendid ideal and one we should all strive for, but first we need to empower women with real and concrete changes to patriarchy that gives them the power to stand up and say no. I am not thinking about women in positions of privilege, but those who work in low skilled low paid occupations that have no voice.