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This message was self-deleted by its author (Pacifist Patriot) on Mon Feb 5, 2018, 01:58 PM. When the original post in a discussion thread is self-deleted, the entire discussion thread is automatically locked so new replies cannot be posted.
UpInArms
(51,287 posts)Thank you for so succinctly putting it all in words
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)I had more to say, but figured it was a long enough rant. LOL!
dalton99a
(81,663 posts)Rocky888
(297 posts)Lonestarblue
(10,134 posts)Im so sorry that youve endured so much, but I really appreciate your speaking out about it. As a woman who worked in corporate America my whole career, I experienced too many pats, wandering hands, and outright requests for sex. But like you, when confronted with their inappropriate behavior, the men backed down. I worry that we are so overblowing the Franken incident that we will achieve the exact opposite of more opportunity for women without workplace harrassment. Anyone who has worked in business knows that it's quite easy to write job descriptions and manipulate interviews in such a way that only while male applicants are hired. Even good men who would not think of harrassing a woman will have second thoughts about hiring a female if there is an equally qualified male in the picture. And, oddly enough, that might actually help minority men, because we also know that HR departments tally the number of minorities hired, and minority men will be preferred over women in the future.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)There are some actions that are best remedied with education, while others cross a line that requires more serious action. Our reluctance to distinguish between them is going to have far-reaching consequences in the work force.
sinkingfeeling
(51,487 posts)it was awful that I didn't report harassment.
I said if I'd reported every guy who had tried to kiss me during my career with a very large male dominated corporation, it would have been over 100 reports. In the 60s and 70s, it was the way things worked and I wouldn't have had a job.
Things have changed. Sexual harassment was named in the 80s and some people haven't changed their way of thinking about hitting on people. But not all of it is criminal.
If Franken is forced out, I'm done with the Democrats.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)I'd have spent half my career sitting in an HR department. Okay, hyperbole yes, but I bet you know what I mean.
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)A superior at work, someone I've already said "no" to. But if some guy at some function likes me and gives it a shot...to steal a kiss...that isn't harassment. Men are usually the assertive ones in making a pass. It's better to ask first, but I wouldn't say a guy on an even power stage as I am, trying to steal a kiss is necessarily assault or molestation or harassment. If I say no, and he persists...then it may be considered harassment.
But I've been groped outside of work...a definite groping by an old man. I've been raped. I've had a few close calls, but they let me go, once they realized what they were doing. I have a good grasp on what's over the line, I think.
peggysue2
(10,847 posts)Thank you for that.
Farmer-Rick
(10,225 posts)Wish I had known her when she went through some horrible sexual harassment experiences.
But she says exactly what you wrote. She says Al may be clumsy or sometimes inappropriate but he is no sexual predator like Moore and Trump.
She went so far to say that accusing someone of sexual harassment then demanding that you remain anonymous is cowardly and turns accusations into nothing more than revenge.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)I can understand anonymity when beginning a complaint in the work place. But at a certain point and at this level, anonymity has to be shed.
raccoon
(31,130 posts)You said that right. They shouldn't be able to remain anonymous at this level.
I wouldn't be surprised if it comes out one day that somebody (wonder who?) Is paying them.
RobinA
(9,903 posts)I am very uncomfortable current turns of event as well. Very.
greymattermom
(5,754 posts)I married a Jewish man. It took me years to get used to how touchy my husband's family is. Hugging, kissing, and lots of touching happen all the time in his family. In my Presbyterian family, only very close relatives would ever touch each other. This is just an observation, but I haven't seen it in any of the Franken discussions.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)I used to teach marriage preparation classes. One of the issues I covered was the differences in family of origin. Sometimes the communication styles and natural boundaries can vary substantially. I remember one couple where the bride was Japanese and the groom was Italian. Talk about worlds apart in this respect!
Motownman78
(491 posts)One culture is very reserved with an extreme level of etiquette. The other, there is a lot of kissing on the cheek to greet people, hugging, ect.
delisen
(6,046 posts)NewJeffCT
(56,829 posts)and also one of the most talkative and outgoing people I've ever met (I used to joke that we didn't talk the entire month before we got married - because I didn't want to interrupt her while she was talking...) She also was very liberal about sex and sexual issues - on our first date, she initiated sex with me.
While my immediate family is not religious, we are all of descended from some ethnic group that is primarily Catholic - Italian, Sicilian and Polish - and generally we don't talk about sex in any sort of family gathering. Not that many in my family weren't Democrats, it was just something not spoken about.
So, there were certainly cultural differences there - we had 2 wedding showers for my ex since she lived outside of CT when we met - one for her family and one for my family in Connecticut. As she was talking about the two of us at the Connecticut wedding shower thrown by my family, it came up that we had seen the movie "Saving Private Ryan" the night before. She then said something about having a bad dream and then something like, "I woke up and reached over to make sure that Jeff still had his leg..." - so, basically admitting that we were sleeping together before marriage to a bunch of older Italian and Sicilian women who went to church every Sunday. I heard it was one of those moments where you could have heard a pin drop.
But, I also wonder if there are cultural differences at play here as well because the women from SNL and his Senate office all had great things to say about Al as a boss or a co-worker. It seems strange to me that he would intentionally grope women while their husbands, boyfriends or other family members are in plain view, but never had a problem behind closed doors or in situations where he could easily have taken advantage.
LakeArenal
(28,863 posts)mountain grammy
(26,663 posts)I can relate to this and agree.
Duppers
(28,130 posts)I'm truly sorry for your panic attacks.
I've lost count of the many dastardly inappropriate things men have done and said to me. Not reported one thru official channels. I'm a bit like Hillary brushing lint off her shoulder during the congressional hearings. This is not the stuff that's really hurt this old cootess. It's not being believed when I am deeply hurt.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)Madam Mossfern
(2,340 posts)I've had similar experiences to yours - was raped at knifepoint when I was 23 years old.
Funny, I too am triggered when anyone touches my neck. My husband know to be careful about this,
and he knows to be careful if he touches me from behind, my kids too, but they don't know why.
As far as the other stuff - yeah. No big deal, and if some guy is pushing the envelope, I let him know immediately
and usually get an apology. Franken is being railroaded and this makes me furious.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)best not come up on me from behind unawares. My boys are older now and know why, but they too knew from a young age to never sneak up on mommy. The difference between what we know of Franken and what we know of others certainly presents as railroading.
YessirAtsaFact
(2,064 posts)!
TNNurse
(6,931 posts)I was once patted on the butt by Bill Monroe (the father of bluegrass music). I was not traumatized.
Early in my career as a nurse a doctor tried to play with my knee while charting at a desk. He and the people surrounding the area knew of my objection and threat if it ever recurred. Again, I was not traumatized.
There are levels and degrees of such behavior. Some are annoying or irritating but do little harm. Some are of course horrific and perhaps life changing (pregnancy after rape and repeated abuse by a family member).
I am pretty sure that if someone who had violent and traumatic assaults can release their name, these people who say they were touched or brushed or "groped" should be able to go public.
I am completely suspicious of the Franken allegations. Why do we not know their names?????????????????
Stuart G
(38,454 posts)Irish_Dem
(47,658 posts)Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)Irish_Dem
(47,658 posts)We should be informed what they are doing and why.
rainin
(3,011 posts)Democrats are being played. This is a witch hunt. We are framing this absolutely wrong and R's are laughing at us. They've found our weakness. They will never stop exploiting our weaknesses.
ollie10
(2,091 posts)The Wizard
(12,552 posts)who makes Republicans cower in fear. Of course they want him gone. It started with a political hack from Pox News and a suggestive photo signifying horseplay. Roger Stone engineered a coordinated and orchestrated assault on Franken so as to weaken him, and by extension, the Democratic Party.
Unfortunately Democrats curl up in the corner the minute any controversy comes up, fearing the Republican media smear machine will say mean things about them. Democrats always want to get out in front of the situation and in so doing sacrifice their best and brightest without a fair hearing, without challenging allegations made by a Nihilist hostile adversary.
Shirley Sherrod and Van Jones come to mind as victims of the Republican jihad against normal people, both wrongfully discharged under a cloud of doubt created by vile cretins dedicated to bring back the bad old days of a two tiered system of lords and serfs.
Wake up Democrats, Republicans will accuse you of killing jobs in health care if you come up with a cancer cure. With a soulless demagogue at the helm, and a propaganda operation the would make Goebbels blush, the Republicans must be confronted at all turns lest we lose our souls along with them.
We're better than this. If we are to survive as a viable alternative to tyranny we must stand for something. Cowering in the corner is no defense against a toxic, well coordinated death cult bent on bringing back the bad times we thought were behind us.
So now they got Al Franken to quit, and Republicans stand almost unanimously with an alleged child molester and a self professed pussy grabber.
We are an ignorant culture that prefers wrong and strong over weak and right. Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything.
appal_jack
(3,813 posts)The Wizard
(12,552 posts)Including Al Franken who is Jewish. So which Party is more closely aligned with the Klan?
mainstreetonce
(4,178 posts)of Franken actually having forced sexual contact.
Not one.
If we set that bar at casual touching ,let every woman who has been in an elevator or a photo op with an R candidate start publicly screaming.
crazycatlady
(4,492 posts)I used to have a friend who would post racist stuff on my FB page and claim it was a causal joke. Except for it was not. Casual is in the eye of the beholder. I've witnessed people saying offensive things to people and they claimed it was casual. It is only casual ANYTHING if there's a mutual agreement.
AS far as touching--- in the workplace it should be nothing beyond a handshake.
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)Mme. Defarge
(8,058 posts)Let us not trivialize abuse and infantilize women.
Sunsky
(1,737 posts)But I'm right there with you. I have been dealing with sexual assault since childhood. I am still dealing with the negative effects to this day. I too have been groped by men and women and lead to believe that something I did, wore or my physical features were at fault. This is a huge factor in my social anxiety.
However, I too believe the degree of the act is very important. I have met people who are very inappropriate, the "touchy feely" people. Yes they make me very uncomfortable, yes I've had to get rough with a few, yes I had to draw the line or cut off certain friendships due to the level of discomfort BUT I would never think these people should be fired because of these acts, disciplined yes and given sexual harassment training. I could never compare those people to the man who took advantage of me when I was a child. I am so freaking mad to hear people doing this, especially those who have never been there!
I have been in tears almost daily since these women broke their silence because it is forcing me to deal with my own painful history. It also infuriates me to see the false equivalency. The comparison of Franken to Moore is ludicrous.
CountAllVotes
(20,878 posts)It never stops IMO.
The other night I was out and a man I do not know approached me and wanted me to have dinner w/him. I told him NO. He pressed me further and said, "Awww, come on. Not even a hamburger?". I said NO, I am NOT hungry.
He then pressed me further again and wanted to know if I wanted something to drink and I said NO. He wanted to know why. I told him I was not thirsty, that is why.
He asked me again why not, why not. I told him to leave me alone!
I'd hope that incidents such as these would be history at my age but my gawd, does it ever stop? I couldn't be that great looking for a woman in her 60s that is married and wears a wedding ring.
Was this horrific harassment? No not horrific, just annoying as all hell. Did he assault me? No he did not he was trying to pick me up.
I wish he'd taken a clue after the first NO but he persisted, that was the annoying part which worried me. I then become scared worrying that maybe he is following me and has other ideas for me.
You just don't know in this world today and I too have been raped, etc. in my younger years. What I see happening today is something that should have happened years ago when ALL women were considered nothing much more that sex objects and the role women have is to breed breed breed and bear children that they may or may not want!
I was raised being told I'd never be anything in life and to get used to being groped and pawed at by men. I never accepted this idea and never opted to bear children I did not want!
Because I am a female, I was always a "less than" throughout life. On family outings, I'd be given $.50 to spend at an amusement park whereas my brother (worth far more than I) would be given $1.00 because he was a boy.
Needless to say I have little respect for men that harass and grope woman that do not seem to know what the word NO means! I may be worth only $.50 to some in this world but some day I may become worth a full $1.00 I can only hope!
I appreciate your post! Thank you so much!
Cassidy
(202 posts)I have also been assaulted and harassed. I just left a message to my fool of a senator (D), telling him he is wrong to tell Franken to resign. Franken deserves to tell his side and I just don't believe this whisper campaign against him.
When will Democratic officials learn that they shouldn't just fold and attack each other!
hurple
(1,307 posts)"I've read the accounts of Franken's alleged sexual improprieties and want to scream, 'Are you fucking kidding me, that's it? What is all the damn fuss about?'
...
I'm pissed. I'm furious. If he's a sexual predator, then he should go. If he's a stupid flawed human being, then he should stay. Because glass houses and all that. But the way this came down will never sit well with me."
Perfect.
mountain grammy
(26,663 posts)and one more time, thank you!
Ilsa
(61,710 posts)degrees of offense. Our legal for punishment is based, in some degree, on this. We treat child molestors more harshly than someone who gropes on the subway. We incarcerate rapists but settle with harassers at work.
videohead5
(2,185 posts)Of slut shaming on dailykos because I was just pointing out how outrageous they were all acting on that USO tour. Leeann Tweeden was getting her butt grabbed onstage and grabbing the guitar players butt.on another one of the tours she put one of her leg around Robin Williams and Al Franken put his hands in front of her breast and she claims he was groping her.
moriah
(8,311 posts)Yes, that is slut-shaming.
It doesn't matter a good goddamn whatever she did onstage with consent. A stripper doesn't give up her right to not have clothes ripped off her without her consent just because she does it with consent on stage. Raping a prostitute is not just theft of services simply because they've consensually sold sex.
There's 99 ways to deal with these accusations, but attacking Tweeden for putting on a raunchy show for troops that haven't seen family in months ain't one. No way in hell do we come out looking good going that direction.
videohead5
(2,185 posts)Groping her.his hands never touched her.I don't think she is a slut.this is pathetic!
moriah
(8,311 posts)And she dialed down the language fast.
I'm just saying, attack those angles. How fast she dialed back her rhetoric in the Jake Tapped interview, etc.
Not the fact she was willing to be eyecandy for troops. That just makes us look bad, in more ways than seemingly slut-shaming (remember, "the troops" are rightly a sacred cow in our culture)....
moriah
(8,311 posts)Though if you were around in '88-'94, you know about the infamous Bill McCuen.
My sister was offered a job because she happened to be present at White Water Tavern (for non-Arkies, we have a lot of rivers here and floating the Buffalo is just one way people might think of "white water" in rapids, no relation to scandal with the same name) when Bill was much-taken with her friend. So much taken that apparently she got a trip in a helicopter on state dollars to get properly impressed by his power.
Now, yeah, using state dollars for consensual things is probably partially why he landed himself in jail.
But my sister, who'd been waiting tables but had a great eye for numbers, was totally thrilled about the job offer. She figured there was nothing wrong with taking it if there was an opening and she'd actually be working. After a week of throwing herself at the job, though...other employees apparently explained that there were many people like her officially on payroll... and not showing up.
He was buying silence far beyond just offering entry-level state jobs to people who he thought would appreciate the opportunity enough to keep their mouths shut.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)Clinton was in Virginia delivering a speech at my university.
I've not heard of Bill McCuen, but certainly heard of other politicians who acted similarly in the late 80s. The more things change the more they seem to stay the same.
SweetieD
(1,660 posts)Like what? Every story I've read sounds either bogus or an extreme overreaction. Some folks are touchy feely men and women. I'm sure I have been touched during a group photo on my waist but it is never memorable.
I hate that franken is thrown in a category of extreme perverts, and serial sexual assaulters.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)Wanted to jump through my computer monitor and shake some sense into the woman.
Wounded Bear
(58,762 posts)All it ever seems to do is punish minor offenses maximally while maximum offenses get minimized.
As you point out, minor incedences can be teaching moments. Turning all minor occurances into capitol punishment doesn't teach anybody anything other than to deny, deny, deny.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)You pointed out the fatal flaw. "punish minor offenses maximally while maximum offeses get minimized"
It's killed off common sense and critical thinking skills.
58Sunliner
(4,424 posts)Call!!!!! Schumer's phone is busy, but I also called my senators to apply pressure. Call Franken's office and leave a message of support! This is dangerous on so many levels.
CountAllVotes
(20,878 posts)If they had any REAL guts they'd go after Dump, the groper in chief but they are too spineless to do that aren't they?
Instead they go after Franken, aka their sacrificial lamb! !!
58Sunliner
(4,424 posts)idahoblue
(378 posts)I just posted something similar but your story is much better.
Using the standard being set by the Democratic leadership, there will be no qualified candidates unless they have spent their entire life in some place with no interaction with any other people. If we are going to throw our best under the bus, we will have no strong candidates. Who wants to put their life through this without backup?
Maybe we are the party of snowflakes and whiners. We certainly dont have backbone or balls.
LAS14
(13,790 posts)flamingdem
(39,335 posts)Price and sometimes pleasure of being female.
I'm so disgusted by the group calling for Franken's scalp because as Stabenow just said oh it's just too much.
Incredibly GULLIBLE and CARELESS
These short term thinker are thinking only of themselves. They find it distasteful yet they cannot take the
time to sift through the lies and recognize that it's a hit job.
Even when they're told by someone well known like Tom Arnold that it originated with Roger Stone:
"Im disappointed with my friend Leeann Tweedon [sic]," he said. "Her partner at KABC John Phillips is a Roger Stone pal & they coached her for weeks to bring Al Franken down. Id hoped shed use her voice to speak out for all women again predators like Roy Moore & Donald Trump but shes a birther."
John Phillips is a CNN political commentator and right-leaning radio talk show host at the same station, KABC, as Tweeden.
Phillips denied that he was involved with Tweeden's decision to come out public with her accusations in November.
"Hey Arnie, first of all your friends name is spelled 'Leeann Tweeden,'" he replied to Arnold. "Second, we never talked about it before she went public. Third, I think ur a great comic and were fantastic on #Roseanne, but @therealroseanne was the genius on that show."
PatSeg
(47,699 posts)Thank you so much!
At the rate we are going, pretty much everyone will be categorized as a sexual predator. Meanwhile, we will all be afraid to come in contact with anyone for any reason.
niyad
(113,731 posts)Chemisse
(30,820 posts)There is are many many degrees of 'misbehavior' and I am furious that they are all being treated the same.
A man who cops a feel is obnoxious and disrespectful. It could very well ruin my day - not because I am a helpless victim, but because the violation makes me so angry. Should he be in jail? Should he be ousted from his career? Not in my opinion. He should be exposed to lots of social pressure to change his ways. After all, the goal is to stop the behavior society-wide, not fill up jails or jack up the unemployment rate.
A man who rapes someone has very often ruined some part of his victim's life. He should be behind bars - period.
Then there are lots of increments in between.
Part of my problem with this recent homogeneous attitude toward sexually deviant behaviors is that when you treat them all the same, women are always victims. There is no woman who has never been on the receiving end of an ass grab or a cat call, and most have experienced worse. Women are tough and adaptive. As adults, we learn how to cope with these relatively minor incidents. I am not saying we should be complacent about them, but neither should we be sobbing and calling for jail time over a cupped breast.
To lump all acts together is to dilute the true horror of rape and the horrific plight of the rape victim. Some are suggesting that it may translate into a step backwards for women's rights.
RandomAccess
(5,210 posts)pansypoo53219
(21,005 posts)cynical_idealist
(362 posts)dems are getting played again
Doreen
(11,686 posts)I was sexually abused throughout my life by many men ( including my father for years ) but I Still know all are not bad.
I am lucky that I do not suffer from panic attacks or have issues being touched. Well, the only area I dislike being touched are my ears but that is because I had so many ear infections while a child and having the damn doctor stick that damn thing in my ear and asking if that hurt.
I realize that there may be truth in this case with Franken and others ( including both Democrats and Republicans ) and there are also wrong accusations ( also on both sides. )
There are those who do it not realizing they are doing it, those who do it on purpose, those who will stop when asked despite it was intended or not, and those who will not stop who do it unintended or not.
You just need to use common sense and realize the difference and be able to know which type is a big problem and could put you or other women and men in danger and need to actually be reported.
Humans get caught up in the moment sometimes and do not think and that also needs to be taken into consideration.
Thank you for bringing this up because I have been scared to state it myself because I actually sometimes feel I am the only one who feels this way.
MrModerate
(9,753 posts)Response to MrModerate (Reply #65)
Pacifist Patriot This message was self-deleted by its author.
Nitram
(22,940 posts)kimbutgar
(21,237 posts)I have experienced the same thing. The accusations against Franken are mild compared to what I experienced and I am really angry the Democrats did not support Franken. Who is a real public servant and cares about the people.
Im now truly afraid these are end times for us in this country.
USALiberal
(10,877 posts)Lunabell
(6,133 posts)We ARE better than the GOP.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)You owe me an apology.
If not, I have no idea what you are implying. Please explain.
Lunabell
(6,133 posts)Just stating an opinion.
KrazyinKS
(291 posts)There are degrees of harassment, some people do not realize they went too far and some people do. There are all sorts of people out there in the world and they can not all be put into one bucket.
Collimator
(1,639 posts)Fervently stated--personal without being self-indulgent. You need to write speeches for the politicos who have forgotten what really matters to us.
I admire your strength and resiliency in the face of trauma. When women like Tweeden use words like "violated", I feel as if there are minimalizing experiences like yours.
It angers me when behavior like Franken's is likened to "sexual impropriety" or particularly "harassment". His behavior barely enters into the realm of "sexual". His actions are social improprieties more than anything else. They took place in populated settings and he did not threaten anyone's livelyhood or reputation. He wasn't attempting to make anyone feel demeaned or uncomfortable.
This is not to suggest that any person's claim to such feelings in those circumstances is not valid. But nothing happened that could not be settled with clear communication and a sincere attempt at empathy.
Any one of Franken's accusers could have championed the rights and position of women by approaching the situation and speaking their piece with dignity, then following their statements with a challenge to Franken. How do you respond, Senator? Can you listen with respect and show a desire to learn? That is how democracy and civilized social convention work.
However, that is not how political hit jobs work.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,654 posts)I think you said it better than I.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)the tack by our own side to nudge him clearly is agenda driven and I think it's aimed at the left wing, the vocal part, the ones calling for Trump to be impeached, held accountable and all who enabled and covered for him because don't believe for a minute all our Dem leadership thinks the same way, they may pay lip service to it but they found a way to make out in the Trump tyranny and may just prefer the status quo. Just my sense of things.
stuffmatters
(2,574 posts)to every woman who has ever experienced the reality of sexual assault and harassment.
It's like our lifelong trauma is being weaponized by ambitious Democrats to establish their own moral/political superiority and by the Republicans to legitimize their own predator President,pedophile Alabama Senator, and obscene in word and action SCOTUS Justice.
The incidents Al Franken is accused of are not sexual harassment or assault. They just are not. This is really painful to go through not only because Franken was denied due process but because our own very real traumas have been exploited, degraded by these
professional politicians to establish their own opportunistic moral "purity."
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Everything about her makes her claim highly suspicious.
Democrats falling all over themselves to what? be PC? Finally believing women, after all these centuries? Trying to make up for it now by allowing the most flimsy of cases xxx strike that, its not even a case yet, just anonymous complaints xxx to destroy the wrong man?
GTFO
zentrum
(9,866 posts)
..and all the women cast members at SNL who stand with him.
Mad as hell at the Democrats.
Thanks for the op.
FailureToCommunicate
(14,027 posts)Leighbythesea
(92 posts)The one who said "he touched by butt". So many years of deliberate or accidental touching of my behind in crowded public places. Does it give one pause? Sure. If it could be called out I did. But traumatized was not the emotion I felt.
Degree IS the critical distinction. Everyone is different. But for me trauma got reserved for being drugged in a glass of wine, at a concert, and dragged back to the offenders house. I made it out. All transgressions are not equal.
pbmus
(12,422 posts)And to everyone who answered.....
The issue has become ZERO TOLERANCE....whether that is beneficial is the question.?
Humanity has other zero tolerance issues....some work others not so much...